separate ceremony and reception theme ideas- need opinions

Knottie81593347 · February 2015

I'm getting married in Hawaii next year(just got engaged 3 days ago) and only inviting about 10-15 close friends and family. My mom wants to throw us a Reception when we get back(we'll be in hawaii for 14 days). My question is, Should I have the reception themed like the wedding, or do you think it would be weird to have a completely different theme? I originally planned for a fall wedding with FALL theme, like pies, apple cider, bon fire, pot roast, everything that makes you think of Fall. But I'm wondering if I should have it be like.. beach or Hawaiian themed since I would have been married in Hawaii prior to the reception. We're still getting married in the fall but we'll just be in Hawaii.

**EDIT**
Oh boy you guys are funny, Apparently I'm rude for just wanting people to not comment on the fact that I'm having a separate reception. Just wanted to know if it would be a good idea to have the reception themed.

Anyway, to answer some questions:

The reason we're getting married in hawaii and only inviting 10-15 people because its what we want to do. We wanted it to be with our family and closets friends and its a vacation for them as well. My family has never been to Hawaii and I wanted them to go and enjoy it. I don't think our friends have been to Hawaii neither so its just an awesome experience for all. And I would be helping with the cost for my quest as well so its not too much for them. They do have 21 months to save up. We would have a small reception afterwards and Yes We will be paying for it. We will also be paying for activities to do all together like Going to a Luau and a Tour or something.

I wasn't planning on having a reception when we got back home but its what my Mom wants so I'm doing this for Her. Which is why I asked the question because I wasn't even planning on doing that. But I do agree that it should just be called a party and not a reception, that makes sense!

I've thought about it a bit today and I was going to ask if the wedding party should wear their wedding attire but as Ive said, I agree it should just be a party, Not a reception.

So I guess My question has been answered

Thank You CMGragian and Lauderdale Pink for the advice

I have found a Board for Destination weddings, So My Questions will go there from now on.

Can this thread be deleted?

JoanE2012 · February 2015

Knottie81593347 said:

I'm getting married in Hawaii next year(just got engaged 3 days ago) and only inviting about 10-15 close friends and family. My mom wants to throw us a Reception when we get back(we'll be in hawaii for 14 days). My question is, Should I have the reception themed like the wedding, or do you think it would be weird to have a completely different theme? I originally planned for a fall wedding with FALL theme, like pies, apple cider, bon fire, pot roast, everything that makes you think of Fall. But I'm wondering if I should have it be like.. beach or Hawaiian themed since I would have been married in Hawaii prior to the reception. We're still getting married in the fall but we'll just be in Hawaii.

Just FYI- I've read past posts with people question to the etiquette of having a separate ceremony and reception, I honestly DO NOT want your opinion on that. I've seen nothing but rude comments to people who plan to have a tiered wedding, I do not care for your opinions on that thanks. Just want to know your opinion on the theme. I'm on the fence here.

Thanks in advance!!!!

It's quite rude of you to dictate how people can respond to your post. This is a public forum, you don't get to tell people how to respond.

That said, the reception is a thank you for attending the ceremony. Your reception is in Hawaii for the guests attending the ceremony. What you are planning is a party. Perfectly acceptable. What is not acceptable is trying to recreate your wedding for this party. I think a fall themed party is perfect.

wrigleyville · February 2015

So you call us rude but want our advice?

Okay. No. That's not going to fly around here. You could have ended up with some great ideas for a party, but now you've basically told us we're rude and killed any desire I had to help you.

esstee33 · February 2015

Heyyyyy, that's because tiered weddings are rude. Sorry, but telling people that you don't want to hear about how tiered weddings are rude doesn't make them not rude.

Also, just for reference, you probably shouldn't insult people you want advice from. You're the rude one now.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

Knottie81593347 said:

I'm getting married in Hawaii next year(just got engaged 3 days ago) and only inviting about 10-15 close friends and family. My mom wants to throw us a Reception when we get back(we'll be in hawaii for 14 days). My question is, Should I have the reception themed like the wedding, or do you think it would be weird to have a completely different theme? I originally planned for a fall wedding with FALL theme, like pies, apple cider, bon fire, pot roast, everything that makes you think of Fall. But I'm wondering if I should have it be like.. beach or Hawaiian themed since I would have been married in Hawaii prior to the reception. We're still getting married in the fall but we'll just be in Hawaii.

Just FYI- I've read past posts with people question to the etiquette of having a separate ceremony and reception, I honestly DO NOT want your opinion on that. I've seen nothing but rude comments to people who plan to have a tiered wedding, I do not care for your opinions on that thanks. Just want to know your opinion on the theme. I'm on the fence here.

Thanks in advance!!!!

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

Oh this thread will be a joy!

"I want ideas on a theme for something I already know most of you find rude, but don't you meanies dare tell me my idea is rude, thanks!"

I think your theme should be unicorns.

MobKaz · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

Oh this thread will be a joy! "I want ideas on a theme for something I already know most of you find rude, but don't you meanies dare tell me my idea is rude, thanks!" I think your theme should be unicorns.

You give us "regs" a bad name with that rude attitude of yours. The OP asked for specific theme ideas, as she seems to be vacillating between her fall and Hawaiian themes. The least you can do is be specific with your suggestion.

OP, building on PGL's suggestion, I would stick with a Hawaiian unicorn theme......

mlg78 · February 2015

I don't know, MobKaz...that last one kind of looks like a pirate hawaiian unicorn with that eyepatch looking thingy..and you don't want to get too complicated when it comes to themes, you know.

CMGragain · February 2015

You get ONE day for your wedding and reception. That will be in Hawaii. Lucky you!

Any other parties that happen after your wedding day are not a part of your wedding. You can have all the celebration parties you want, but you only get ONE wedding reception. Enjoy your wedding day, and enjoy your party (not part of your wedding) at a later date..

Nobody on this board is going to lie to you. Tiered weddings ARE rude. That is not an opinion. It i s fact backed up by wedding etiquette experts. You are not planning a tiered reception, though, so you needn't worry.

Lauderdale Pink · February 2015

I just adore all of the finger wagging that goes on these boards! People who live in glass houses....

To the OP, you should have whatever theme makes you happy. If you like the romance and elegance of white flowers, candles, and a tiered cake, then go for it. Life is super, super short and you should have ZERO regrets when it comes to the festivities of your marriage. Share the joy and celebrate in any way that makes you and hubby happiest. To address your original question Fall themes are super pretty, especially in regions where a "true fall" is a season, as opposed to say Hawaii or FL. I don't love the Hawaii theme in the Fall.

MobKaz · February 2015

Lauderdale Pink said:

I just adore all of the finger wagging that goes on these boards! People who live in glass houses....
To the OP, you should have whatever theme makes you happy. If you like the romance and elegance of white flowers, candles, and a tiered cake, then go for it. Life is super, super short and you should have ZERO regrets when it comes to the festivities of your marriage. Share the joy and celebrate in any way that makes you and hubby happiest. To address your original question Fall themes are super pretty, especially in regions where a "true fall" is a season, as opposed to say Hawaii or FL. I don't love the Hawaii theme in the Fall.

The OP's question goes beyond theme. She is inviting 10-15 people to her WEDDING. The reception is that event that occurs IMMEDIATELY following her wedding. The OP acknowledges she plans to have a tiered event. It is ill mannered to include non invited people to an additional, after party. The OP knows it and yet doesn't want to "hear about it". So sad; too bad.

ETA......a tiered cake WOULD go well with her theme of tiered reception.

artbyallie · February 2015

When one invites other people, it goes beyond making oneself happy. Plus, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR WEDDING (general 'you' here of course) enough to make it a good idea to put on a freaking play about it. And quite frankly, even if someone cared that desperately about attending your wedding, dressing up like a bride after the fact and faking it is not only NOT an acceptable substitute, it is flat out insulting.

It is insulting to every couple who had their wedding at the courthouse because you insinuate that that was not good enough and/or somehow not real enough.

It is insulting to the millions of people who still cannot have a fully legally (in all states and federally) recognized marriage.

It is insulting to every couple who planned their DW appropriately and hosted the guests who attended and didn't throw some crappy consolation prize party

I could go on, but I hope at least someone gets the picture here.

climbingsingle · February 2015

I'm sorry, but I just can't give advice on something so rude. Oh well!

maeday2 · February 2015

This fits the "fall" theme.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

I just don't get this. At all. If you want to celebrate with a bunch of people then why in the world would you decide to get married in Hawaii and only invite 10-15 people? Why not just get married in a location where it would be easy for the large number of people you want to celebrate with could attend?

This whole idea of "but I want a small, intimate wedding, but I also want to celebrate with everyone" is such a spoiled and entitled thought. You are an adult and you need to accept that certain decisions you make means that you don't get everything that you want.

AuroraRose41 · February 2015

Knottie81593347 said:

I'm getting married in Hawaii next year(just got engaged 3 days ago) and only inviting about 10-15 close friends and family. My mom wants to throw us a Reception when we get back(we'll be in hawaii for 14 days). My question is, Should I have the reception themed like the wedding, or do you think it would be weird to have a completely different theme? I originally planned for a fall wedding with FALL theme, like pies, apple cider, bon fire, pot roast, everything that makes you think of Fall. But I'm wondering if I should have it be like.. beach or Hawaiian themed since I would have been married in Hawaii prior to the reception. We're still getting married in the fall but we'll just be in Hawaii.

Just FYI- I've read past posts with people question to the etiquette of having a separate ceremony and reception, I honestly DO NOT want your opinion on that. I've seen nothing but rude comments to people who plan to have a tiered wedding, I do not care for your opinions on that thanks. Just want to know your opinion on the theme. I'm on the fence here.

Thanks in advance!!!!

Despite the fact that you were extremely rude to the people you were asking advice from, I will try to help.

1) Are you having a reception in Hawaii? No where in your post do you mention this, and if you invite anyone else to witness your ceremony, you must host them immediately afterwards. Non-negotiable. You do not have to serve a full meal (as long as it is not during a meal time), but you must have some refreshments at least. And your guests shouldn't pay for any part of the reception. These guests are presumably spending a lot of money and vacation time to watch you get married; the least you can do is host a thank you for them after witnessing your ceremony.

2) While I also don't understand having an AHR (why not invite all of your guests to Hawaii?), make it a party to celebrate your marriage. This should be in addition to properly hosting your wedding guests immediately following your ceremony, and not a substitute for it. Don't have a "first" anything or a cake cutting, but having a fun party with food, cake, and music is perfectly acceptable.

ETA: To answer the theme question: there is nothing wrong with having a more beachy theme for the actual reception immediately following your ceremony and then having a fall themed party to celebrate your marriage at home.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

Maggie0829 said:

I just don't get this. At all. If you want to celebrate with a bunch of people then why in the world would you decide to get married in Hawaii and only invite 10-15 people? Why not just get married in a location where it would be easy for the large number of people you want to celebrate with could attend?

This whole idea of "but I want a small, intimate wedding, but I also want to celebrate with everyone" is such a spoiled and entitled thought. You are an adult and you need to accept that certain decisions you make means that you don't get everything that you want.

Take your honeymoon in Hawaii, OP.

flantastic · February 2015

If you are having a separate party at home, make it whatever theme you want. Have a great party. Don't have a fake ceremony or have a "first dance", bridal party, etc. No one cares at that point. You're married, and those ships have sailed.

Be sure that you also host your 10-15 guests immediately after the ceremony in Hawaii. Have whatever theme you want for that.

slothiegal · February 2015

Oh boy, I totally want to help you now!

What you're doing is rude. And I wouldn't have even wasted my time on this post to tell you that, except for the fact that you decided you could try and tell others how to post. So, kudos.

Knottie81593347 · February 2015

Oh boy you guys are funny

CMGragain · February 2015

In defense of the OP, she is not planning a tiered wedding. She is having a small ceremony and reception in Hawaii. Nothing wrong with this.
She also wants an additional party at a later date back home to celebrate her marriage. There is nothing wrong with this, either. Trying to turn the celebration party into a second wedding reception is wrong, though. No wedding dress, no wedding traditions. It is perfectly OK to have a big party to celebrate your marriage.. It is also OK to show off pictures and videos of your wedding and honeymoon.

Knottie81593347 · February 2015

Thank You CMGragain

I guess the reception in Hawaii would just be a dinner. There will be no band or anything like that. Is that still considered a Reception? I wasn't trying to have 2. That's why I said I agree and just say its a party(I edited my original post). This is why I'm asking for help, I have no idea. Was going to post another question about that but you saw the comments lol. Anyway, Thanks

mrscomposer · February 2015

Knottie81593347 said:

Thank You CMGragain

I guess the reception in Hawaii would just be a dinner. There will be no band or anything like that. Is that still considered a Reception? I wasn't trying to have 2. That's why I said I agree and just say its a party(I edited my original post). This is why I'm asking for help, I have no idea. Was going to post another question about that but you saw the comments lol. Anyway, Thanks

As long as you're receiving your guests after they witness your wedding (aka - spending time with them and providing some sort of refreshment appropriate for the time of day that THEY DON'T pay for), that's your reception. You don't have to have a band, or dancing, or toasts, or anything like that. A dinner sounds lovely, as long as it happens right after the wedding and you don't have an unhosted gap.

Knottie81593347 · February 2015

mrscomposer said:

As long as you're receiving your guests after they witness your wedding (aka - spending time with them and providing some sort of refreshment appropriate for the time of day that THEY DON'T pay for), that's your reception. You don't have to have a band, or dancing, or toasts, or anything like that. A dinner sounds lovely, as long as it happens right after the wedding and you don't have an unhosted gap.

Ok Thank You. Yeah I planned to pay for it and have it right after the ceremony. I also planned to pay for some type of activity for everyone like a Luau or Snorkeling or something like that we can all do together before most people leave due to kids/jobs/etc. And I also planned on hosting a Day after Brunch. And Im also giving them gifts as they arrive to Hawaii.

Thank You for your comment!

flantastic · February 2015

OP, your plan sounds fine. I think the second party is unnecessary and kind of attention-whorish, but I understand why you're having it for your mom's sake, and there's nothing technically wrong with it.

However, you could easily have gone about your original post with a little more respect. You don't get to tell grown-ups how to respond to you, for one. You also implied that you're having a tiered wedding (which you're not, but from the level of detail you gave no one could tell) but then saying "IDGAF if it's rude so don't tell me that"... why would people put in the effort to respond?

CMGragain · February 2015

Reception = the hosts and honorees (wedding couple) greet their guests, offer refreshment and food, and thank them for coming to the wedding. That is all that is necessary. Technically, cake and punch in the afternoon is adequate, but for an expensive destination wedding, you should pay for dinner.
Your plans are OK.

Knottie81593347 · February 2015

flantastic said:

OP, your plan sounds fine. I think the second party is unnecessary and kind of attention-whorish, but I understand why you're having it for your mom's sake, and there's nothing technically wrong with it.

However, you could easily have gone about your original post with a little more respect. You don't get to tell grown-ups how to respond to you, for one. You also implied that you're having a tiered wedding (which you're not, but from the level of detail you gave no one could tell) but then saying "IDGAF if it's rude so don't tell me that"... why would people put in the effort to respond?

I wasn't saying "IDGAF if its rude so don't tell me that" I was just trying to ask that people didn't leave mean comments saying that it was a tiered wedding and how horrible it would be. I didn't say mine would be a tiered wedding, I didn't even know what that was til I read all those comments on someone else post. thats why i put that, because I didnt want people to say the same mean things to me. Its really no big deal, But I guess I could have left it out. If people think I'm being rude through text then i guess that's their problem? Didn't mean for it to be rude tho.

Thanks

artbyallie · February 2015

*deleted quotes b/c boxes effed up again* Tiered weddings are bad, and that's what yours would be if you were trying to recreate your wedding at the second party. Choosing a destination wedding typically means a smaller guest list and fewer of the invited people will actually make it to the wedding. It's not right to throw another party as a consolation prize. A normal party that is not at all wedding-related just to hang out is perfectly acceptable and not a tiered wedding.

JoanE2012 · February 2015

Knottie81593347 said:

I'm getting married in Hawaii next year(just got engaged 3 days ago) and only inviting about 10-15 close friends and family. My mom wants to throw us a Reception when we get back(we'll be in hawaii for 14 days). My question is, Should I have the reception themed like the wedding, or do you think it would be weird to have a completely different theme? I originally planned for a fall wedding with FALL theme, like pies, apple cider, bon fire, pot roast, everything that makes you think of Fall. But I'm wondering if I should have it be like.. beach or Hawaiian themed since I would have been married in Hawaii prior to the reception. We're still getting married in the fall but we'll just be in Hawaii.

**EDIT**
Oh boy you guys are funny, Apparently I'm rude for just wanting people to not comment on the fact that I'm having a separate reception. Just wanted to know if it would be a good idea to have the reception themed.

Anyway, to answer some questions:

The reason we're getting married in hawaii and only inviting 10-15 people because its what we want to do. We wanted it to be with our family and closets friends and its a vacation for them as well. My family has never been to Hawaii and I wanted them to go and enjoy it. I don't think our friends have been to Hawaii neither so its just an awesome experience for all. And I would be helping with the cost for my quest as well so its not too much for them. They do have 21 months to save up. We would have a small reception afterwards and Yes We will be paying for it. We will also be paying for activities to do all together like Going to a Luau and a Tour or something.

I wasn't planning on having a reception when we got back home but its what my Mom wants so I'm doing this for Her. Which is why I asked the question because I wasn't even planning on doing that. But I do agree that it should just be called a party and not a reception, that makes sense!

I've thought about it a bit today and I was going to ask if the wedding party should wear their wedding attire but as Ive said, I agree it should just be a party, Not a reception.

So I guess My question has been answered Thank You CMGragian and Lauderdale Pink for the advice

I have found a Board for Destination weddings, So My Questions will go there from now on.

Can this thread be deleted?

I hope you really vetted your destination wedding with those guests and they're not just being too kind to tell you no. I presume the ones invited are the ones nearest and dearest to you and I find it rather rude to throw around the comment that they have 21 months to save. As if your wedding is their #1 thing for the next 2 years. I hope your contribution to their costs is substantial.

I also find it presumptuous to say how much they'll enjoy it, it's a vacation for them, yada yada. I love vacations, but we plan them on OUR own time on OUR own dime. I despise having to use up my vacation days and money for a vacation I didn't choose. And as much as I love my family, I'd prefer to travel with just my DH.

I think you should marry at home, invite everyone that you planned for this 2nd party and honeymoon in Hawaii! Problem solved, and it eases any burden on your guests (unless you're paying for EVERYTHING).

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

JoanE2012 said:

Knottie81593347 said:

I'm getting married in Hawaii next year(just got engaged 3 days ago) and only inviting about 10-15 close friends and family. My mom wants to throw us a Reception when we get back(we'll be in hawaii for 14 days). My question is, Should I have the reception themed like the wedding, or do you think it would be weird to have a completely different theme? I originally planned for a fall wedding with FALL theme, like pies, apple cider, bon fire, pot roast, everything that makes you think of Fall. But I'm wondering if I should have it be like.. beach or Hawaiian themed since I would have been married in Hawaii prior to the reception. We're still getting married in the fall but we'll just be in Hawaii.

**EDIT**
Oh boy you guys are funny, Apparently I'm rude for just wanting people to not comment on the fact that I'm having a separate reception. Just wanted to know if it would be a good idea to have the reception themed.

Anyway, to answer some questions:

The reason we're getting married in hawaii and only inviting 10-15 people because its what we want to do. We wanted it to be with our family and closets friends and its a vacation for them as well. My family has never been to Hawaii and I wanted them to go and enjoy it. I don't think our friends have been to Hawaii neither so its just an awesome experience for all. And I would be helping with the cost for my quest as well so its not too much for them. They do have 21 months to save up. We would have a small reception afterwards and Yes We will be paying for it. We will also be paying for activities to do all together like Going to a Luau and a Tour or something.

I wasn't planning on having a reception when we got back home but its what my Mom wants so I'm doing this for Her. Which is why I asked the question because I wasn't even planning on doing that. But I do agree that it should just be called a party and not a reception, that makes sense!

I've thought about it a bit today and I was going to ask if the wedding party should wear their wedding attire but as Ive said, I agree it should just be a party, Not a reception.

So I guess My question has been answered Thank You CMGragian and Lauderdale Pink for the advice

I have found a Board for Destination weddings, So My Questions will go there from now on.

Can this thread be deleted?

I hope you really vetted your destination wedding with those guests and they're not just being too kind to tell you no. I presume the ones invited are the ones nearest and dearest to you and I find it rather rude to throw around the comment that they have 21 months to save. As if your wedding is their #1 thing for the next 2 years. I hope your contribution to their costs is substantial.

I also find it presumptuous to say how much they'll enjoy it, it's a vacation for them, yada yada. I love vacations, but we plan them on OUR own time on OUR own dime. I despise having to use up my vacation days and money for a vacation I didn't choose. And as much as I love my family, I'd prefer to travel with just my DH.

I think you should marry at home, invite everyone that you planned for this 2nd party and honeymoon in Hawaii! Problem solved, and it eases any burden on your guests (unless you're paying for EVERYTHING).

I suggested the same thing.

And I LOVE Hawaii. But, it's expensive as fuck. Airfare alone is pricey enough that I wouldn't just fly out to Hawaii for just a few days to attend a wedding, unless I lived in Cali.

AddieCake · February 2015

Waffles. Your theme should be waffles.

separate ceremony and reception theme ideas- need opinions

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