Catfishing your SO

cupcait927 · February 2015

All of my exes before H cheated on me (I made very poor relationship choices) but never felt the need to try and catfish them. Mainly because I knew they were cheating on me with ex-girlfriends and not random strangers. Not gonna lie, I snooped on two of the three once I had proof that they cheated - not my proudest moment but I knew that the relationship was over even without snooping. I've never once felt the urge to snoop or catfish H - he's just not the kind of guy that would cheat and I trust him inherently (which is huge since I've never been able to trust anyone I dated).

lyndausvi · February 2015

melbenso said:

I know H's phone password, but I would never look through his calls or messages. I have looked at our/his cell phone bill though. But that was because we were getting notifications that we had used almost all our data very early in the month, it was almost all billed to his phone and I was trying to figure out why. I was curious about one of the numbers he was texting a lot, so I asked him who it was (A friend I didn't know who was going through some hard times with her husband. He was being supportive.)

I don't know if H knows my password, but I would tell him if he asked. I have no concerns about him going through my calls or messages. He has my computer password and his computer isn't password protected.

Neither of us has any online accounts or anything that the other doesn't know about - we've discussed it.

OT - I'm always getting on DH for not using WIFI with some apps. They play Pandora at work on his phone. 12 hours a day of pandora is a lot of data. Grrr.

novella1186 · February 2015

There was a guy I dated in college who I saw some red flags with. He kept meeting up with one particular girl and they'd go out, just the two of them, and spend A LOT of time together. Even though he was excited for me to meet all his friends, he would not let me meet this one girl and did not want me to come along when they'd go hang out.

He started acting so weird about it that I just said, "If you want her, go get her." When he got confused I elaborated, "If there's something going on between you two or you have feelings for her, don't waste any more of my time. Go be with her. You are not worth fighting over, and I will not fight for you."

No need to snoop. I just, very bluntly, laid out the facts. You like her? Cool. You can have her! I was no where near wanting to get married anytime soon and was still kind of figuring myself out, so I wasn't about to waste time on a college boyfriend who didn't seem clear on wanting to be with me and ONLY me. Nope. No time for that nonsense. Move along.

I guess I could have looked through his phone to see their texts but it didn't even occur to me to do that because to me it was all very simple.

If my FI was showing me red flags, it would not be so simple because obviously I intend to spend my whole life with him and I know he's the guy for me, but I still would be just as straight-forward, and I still wouldn't even try to fuck around with snooping. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

VulgarGirl · February 2015

The issue of trust is bigger then the issue of cheating. So if I felt like I had to catfish my SO, I already don't trust them and either need to get the fuck out of the relationship, or confront them directly. Fucking someone else isn't going to be my main issue. The fact that my SO couldn't come to me and say "Look I'm fucking someone/thinking of fucking someone/talk to someone in a deep meaningful way" is my problem.

And in case no one has noticed...I'm sort of direct. I don't have time to pussyfoot around creating fake accounts and getting her to respond and collecting evidence. I'm just gonna straight up say "Look I think you're fucking another girl or trying to fuck another girl, what's going down with that?", cause it's easier.

Also, my relationship is not a court case. I don't need to gather and collect evidence to prove my case.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

levioosa · February 2015

I catfished once when I was like sixteen but it was more of a prank on my friend (actually my ex before we went out). It wasn't meant to "catch him in the act" or anything like that. It was just stupid teenager stuff and it was actually his girlfriend's idea at the time. We thought we were so cool *eye roll*

I agree that if you feel like you truly have to catfish your SO, the relationship is probably already over.

melbenso · February 2015

levioosa said:

I catfished once when I was like sixteen but it was more of a prank on my friend (actually my ex before we went out). It wasn't meant to "catch him in the act" or anything like that. It was just stupid teenager stuff and it was actually his girlfriend's idea at the time. We thought we were so cool *eye roll* I agree that if you feel like you truly have to catfish your SO, the relationship is probably already over.

This reminds me of a sleepover I had in junior high. My friends and I called the "cool" radio station and requested a song to be dedicated to a boy at our school from some random girl we made up, who we said met him at a multi-school dance we had been at. It was a New Kids on the Block song, which we knew he hated. He made fun of us for liking them (12 year olds don't have the best taste in music, so we were really offended.) The radio station played our call and the song. The sleepover was over the summer and the other kids at school were still talking about it and teasing him when school started again. We thought it was hysterical.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

penguin44 · February 2015

Inkdancer said:

I have never felt the need to do anything like that with H. He is just... not that kind of guy. Hell, he feels guilty when other ladies hit on him and he turns them down. He tells me about it like he's sorry anyone even sees him as hot anymore.

So no, no catfishing. If I felt I couldn't trust him completely, that would be a bad sign.

My H does this too. I have never felt like I need to look at his phone or computer.

I had an ex in college that had a password on his phone, and wouldn't let me use his phone. Drove me crazy. That should have been a sign for the future...

Cookie Pusher · February 2015

I don't have the time, energy, or inclination to catfish anyone, let alone an SO. If I'm so convinced they're doing shit behind my back, I'd be too busy packing my shit and getting the fuck out to bother "catching them in the act".

wandajune6 · February 2015

I've never catfished nor would I. If I think it's necessary, it's time to leave.

We have an interesting situation with privacy. DH does internet security and has a lab in our spare bedroom. He keeps things tightly locked down for all of us- it's annoying but how he shows love. The kid (15 year old boy) has seriously locked down internet access because he needs it. He can get into all of my stuff (except my work computer) if he wants to and he makes sure that I have access to all of his stuff (he uses his personal computer for work and school). We're very open and find our biggest issue to be knowing how to restrict access appropriately. That said, we pretty much never look at each other's devices or data.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

I'm too trusting to catfish.

I'm also too distrusting of technology and think that if I ever tried something shady I would get caught.

I do actually have a "fake" e-mail address which I use to comment on news sites (not troll, I swear, just comment) because so many news sites hook comments to your Facebook. I hate that. I hate that my "activity" leaves an internet footprint. So I created a fake Facebook page too just to follow news. I also created a Twitter account under my fake name so that I could follow and comment on news and celebs without having "me" as an internet presence.

In theory, I could totally catfish, but once my stupid Twitter somehow linked to my phone number, now my phone contacts on Twitter would be all, "Who's this? I don't know this person." And that's how I'd get caught catfishing.

jdluvr06 · February 2015

I've never catfished anyone before. I've neve felt the need to. Before my sister met her husband though, she was dating this complete douche she was sure was cheating on her so we borrowed a friend's car and followed him around one night to try and catch him.

afox007 · February 2015

Never with FI or even a current SO, but I did create a full FB profile to talk to an ex. He had a history of cheating and almost exclusively with underage girls. His girlfriend after me became friends with me and I warned her about him. She didn't believe me, but said she wanted any proof I could get. I set up a fake profile with pics of my BFF when she was sixteen. He took the bait and she dodged a huge bullet.

Inkdancer · February 2015

pinkrevenge said:

melbenso said:

levioosa said:

I catfished once when I was like sixteen but it was more of a prank on my friend (actually my ex before we went out). It wasn't meant to "catch him in the act" or anything like that. It was just stupid teenager stuff and it was actually his girlfriend's idea at the time. We thought we were so cool *eye roll* I agree that if you feel like you truly have to catfish your SO, the relationship is probably already over.

This reminds me of a sleepover I had in junior high. My friends and I called the "cool" radio station and requested a song to be dedicated to a boy at our school from some random girl we made up, who we said met him at a multi-school dance we had been at. It was a New Kids on the Block song, which we knew he hated. He made fun of us for liking them (12 year olds don't have the best taste in music, so we were really offended.) The radio station played our call and the song. The sleepover was over the summer and the other kids at school were still talking about it and teasing him when school started again. We thought it was hysterical.

Man, you guys put effort into shit. All my friends ever did to prank a boy was to put cheetos in his sweater hood when he wasn't looking.

Cheetos are not a prank. Cheetos are a gift.

FiancB · February 2015

I think it kinda depends. In the poster's case with such an odd situation and it being so easy (doesn't need to plan some elaborate meetup with a friend, she can simply send him a message), I'd probably do it. I think I'd need that final step for my own piece of mind and to know for sure I'm not just being crazy.

I can be kind of paranoid. I come up with elaborate stories in my head, then push them out of my mind because I know I'm just being a daydreaming wackadoodle. Like when I was a kid I'd sort of convince myself that my parents wanted to kill me. Not really, but kind of. Likewise if H is late home it might cross my mind very briefly that he could be doing something he shouldn't, but then I push it away because I know that isn't the case.

But if the sorts of things popped up that did for the poster, yeah I'd probably look into it deeper, full stop. Of course by that point there are a lot of other problems going on and it's really just more for knowing for sure that I'm right than being AHA! Caught you!

That said we know each other's phone passcodes and have all our passwords saved on this computer and I swear I'm not crazy. Or maybe my thoughts are but my actions aren't.

If you feel the need to catfish because you are so jealous that you are convinced someone's cheating when you have no reasonable reason to, yeah that's a big problem.

ashley8918 · February 2015

Meh, I have no super strong opinions on this. If someone has reasonable suspicion (like the OP in the other post), and knows they wont get the truth, I might do it. I would never go as far as to meet up with someone, though.

sophhabobopha · February 2015

No, I haven't.

I can't see FI ever cheating. He can't even buy me a birthday present secretly.

lyndausvi · February 2015

sophhabobopha said:

No, I haven't.
I can't see FI ever cheating. He can't even buy me a birthday present secretly.

ha. Neither can my DH.

ashley8918 · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

sophhabobopha said:

No, I haven't.
I can't see FI ever cheating. He can't even buy me a birthday present secretly.

ha. Neither can my DH.

This is me. I tell him and ruin the surprise EVERY FUCKING TIME.

sophhabobopha · February 2015

ashley8918 said:

lyndausvi said:

sophhabobopha said:

No, I haven't.
I can't see FI ever cheating. He can't even buy me a birthday present secretly.

ha. Neither can my DH.

This is me. I tell him and ruin the surprise EVERY FUCKING TIME.

Haha yeah I'm no better.

He already got his V-day gift.

WinstonsGirl · February 2015

I haven't but I grew up in that long ago time before Internet. And I dumped every guy I dated before sit got very far anyway.

I would totally catfish though, if I had suspicions. I'm someone who is pretty trusting and if I had suspicions, I'd want hard evidence before going in to confront someone. I'd be doing it under the impression that it was happening, and I was just getting to proof to show them and walk away. I couldn't consider staying I don't think, cos I'd still never trust them again.

DH is amazing. I trust him completely and I've told him he could get away with anything cos I'd believe whatever he says. Cheating isn't in his nature though and we've very open about everything.

dcbride86 · February 2015

I've never catfished (except for the 3-way call thing in the 7th grade), but I did snoop through my ex-boyfriend's phone. We had been dating since we were 18, and I was basically just looking for a reason to break up with him. Somewhere along the way, we stopped being right for him, but I didn't realize it until we were out of college, and I was so unhappy being with him when I was 23. Finally, I just put my big girl panties on and broke up with him. It wasn't fair to him for me to wait for a big fight, because that fight wouldn't be the real reason for the breakup. So I just did it. Thank god.

falsara · February 2015

I never have. But I also never really dated very seriously before FI and I decided to go from friends to dating. I can never see cat fishing FI. And he just doesn't have it in him to cheat.

He can't keep my Christmas presents secret or anything.

badbnagdway · February 2015

I have never been in the situation where I thought I needed to do something like this. The few times that I have dated a guy who seemed like he might be a dirt bag the relationship hasn't lasted long. I did briefly date a guy who is a liar. He just cannot tell the truth. To be honest I think he believes his own lies to an extent. He is actually how I met FI because they are friends, and we still know this guy and are friends with him and his current gf.

Anyway, I have known people who have dated really bad liars. And I think if you get far enough down the road with a liar, you start to feel like you are the crazy one, because really manipulative people make you feel that way. I do not think it is right to catfish your SO, but ultimately, if that is what a girl needs to do to know that the guy is really that bad and get a glimpse of her sanity back, I think it is not right for me to judge. I agree with others who have said that if you get to where you are catfishing someone you are in a relationship that is effectively over, but I think you also don't know everyone's situation and there are times when you need to just know that you are not crazy.

Edit for words.

danamw · February 2015

I've been married near 22 years, and if I had any suspicions about DH, we wouldn't have lasted this long.

In my dating days, if the 'net had existed, or if there were some other way, hell yes, I would have tested it out! But those boyfriends didn't last anyway. Personal ads in newspapers did exist, but I wasn't going to spend money on it.

KytchynWitche · February 2015

I have never tried to catfish anyone, nor do I think I ever would. I'm more the direct "Are you fucking around on me?" type. Besides, I harbour no delusions of being Veronica Mars...

Catfishing your SO

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