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Being a little b***ch

So I'm having a girls weekend coming up in August to go look at venues and dress shopping. One of my brothers is getting married in December and I want to invite my future sister in law for the weekend, but do no want to include my two other brothers girlfriends. Maybe I'm being slightly bitching about it, but I don't care for my youngest brothers girlfriend and I have yet to meet my older brothers girlfriend. 

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Re: Being a little b***ch

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    So I'm having a girls weekend coming up in August to go look at venues and dress shopping. One of my brothers is getting married in December and I want to invite my future sister in law for the weekend, but do no want to include my two other brothers girlfriends. Maybe I'm being slightly bitching about it, but I don't care for my youngest brothers girlfriend and I have yet to meet my older brothers girlfriend. 

    Okay?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    Maybe this is one of those thoughts that you should have just written down?

    Where are you going with this? Are you asking for advice, or.....?
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    I would be miserable if I had to attend a weekend like that. Why don't you take the guy you're marrying?



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    Is this something they offered to do? I know one of my BMs would LOVE to do, but the rest would want to shoot themselves.


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    I'm not looking at your wedding venues unless you feed me and booze me up afterward. I got tired of looking at venues for my own wedding.

    Also, dude, this is 6 months away. Stop stressing. You're going to drive yourself and everyone else batty.

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    Okay, so firstly, this "girls weekend" that you're planning is in August. I just looked at the calendar to make sure, and yep, it's still only February. Cool your jets, you've got time.

    Secondly, you do not need to take an entourage with you to look at venues - just you and your SO, and maybe parents (if they're contributing financially). The more people you take with you, the more voices you have to hear. That can make it really difficult to find a venue, because you'll be stuck trying to please everyone, which really, no one ever does.

    Same goes for looking at dresses. If you're looking at bridesmaid dresses, obviously you want all your maids to be there. If you're looking at wedding dresses, you really only want those whose opinions are most important eg. mom/s, MOH, SO (if you/he don't mind it not being a surprise). The more people you take with you, the more opinions you have to hear, the harder it can be to find what you're looking for. Seriously, just watch any episode of SYTTD ever.

    That said, if you're dead set on making a big deal of the weekend, invite your FSIL if you want to, don't invite the other brothers' girlfriends if you don't want to. Just be prepared for any fallout that may come from including people who aren't in your BP, or from excluding people who may be in your life for a long time to come from something that is apparently not BP-limited.
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    Just invite your FSIL. How would the others even know about it if you don't mention it to them?
                       
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    larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    I don't have patience for the knot lately.
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    seriously dont make a big deal out of it. no need for all those people. it should be just you and FI looking at venues.
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    Why would you be visiting venues with your friends and not your FI? This makes no sense to me. 
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    Why are you concerned with this now? You seem to love to find whatever you possibly can to give you anxiety.

    I need a mimosa.

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    I'm not sure why you would have your friends go with you to a venue and not your FI.

    And I can understand planning a vacation that far in advance, but a girls weekend?  Girls weekends can be planned in no time.
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    My MOH only went to one venue with me.  It was a country club that Donald Trump just bought and totally re-designed.  She wanted to see what it looked like since it was now a private club.  

    Don't make these girls do this with you.  I'm sure they are acting excited on the outside and rolling their eyes on the inside.  Take your FI, not your BMs.
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    flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015

    I think this OP is the one whose FI is recovering from something like a stroke? Correct me if I'm wrong. If he's too infirm to do any planning, I'm not sure why they're full steam ahead in planning a wedding, but that would explain why he's out of the venue-visiting picture.

    OP, not everyone has to go with you to visit venues. It's not a wedding event. Only take those whose opinions you'd care to hear. We only ever went with my parents, since they were paying for a lot of it.

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    Yes FI is still recovering from a stroke, as is getting better each day.

    Planning the girls weekend this far an advance is needed, as each person is flying in from different areas, and it's also the weekend here in Vegas that the Bridal Show is here. So we needed to work together to make sure that they get deals on flights and hotels.

    Plus with FSIL being that she's planning her wedding too, I figured that she would be a great person for input.

    I won't just be shopping for my dress, but also the maiden of honors, and the two bridesmaid, so I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone.

    My FI doesn't want to be all that involved in the planning. I am trying to get him to go with me but it does get to be to much for him.

    I don't think this is one of those comments I should of kept to myself. I wanted to see if maybe I was being a little bitch by not wanting my two other brothers girlfriends there. Sometimes when I was thinking about it, I felt like it was petty, but then there were those times where I was just saying oh well I'm going to be a bitch about it.

    Ok, since I understand that there is this consensus that I'm generally overthinking everything, and technically have plenty of time to plan everything, if you schedule included working 10 hour days, school two nights a week, two online courses, raising a teenager and a preteen, and then also taking care of your FI (medically and personally), keeping up the house, running errands (normally and out of the blue), how long would you give yourself? Keep in mind I signed up for school prior to being engaged.

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    I don't think this is one of those comments I should of kept to myself. I wanted to see if maybe I was being a little bitch by not wanting my two other brothers girlfriends there. Sometimes when I was thinking about it, I felt like it was petty, but then there were those times where I was just saying oh well I'm going to be a bitch about it.

    Everything else aside, I think you'd have more luck if you solicited advice in a question format. 

    The title "Being a little bitch" is a statement. Your post is all statements, as well. 

    Point is, you make it sound like you've already come to a conclusion about everything and you're just announcing it. Hence the "cool story bro" responses. 


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    Why are you planning this big wedding then? Go down to the courthouse and marry your FI. If he's not well enough to check out venues, how is he going to be well enough to travel to the venue? 
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    Yes FI is still recovering from a stroke, as is getting better each day.

    Planning the girls weekend this far an advance is needed, as each person is flying in from different areas, and it's also the weekend here in Vegas that the Bridal Show is here. So we needed to work together to make sure that they get deals on flights and hotels.

    Plus with FSIL being that she's planning her wedding too, I figured that she would be a great person for input.

    I won't just be shopping for my dress, but also the maiden of honors, and the two bridesmaid, so I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone.

    My FI doesn't want to be all that involved in the planning. I am trying to get him to go with me but it does get to be to much for him.

    I don't think this is one of those comments I should of kept to myself. I wanted to see if maybe I was being a little bitch by not wanting my two other brothers girlfriends there. Sometimes when I was thinking about it, I felt like it was petty, but then there were those times where I was just saying oh well I'm going to be a bitch about it.

    Ok, since I understand that there is this consensus that I'm generally overthinking everything, and technically have plenty of time to plan everything, if you schedule included working 10 hour days, school two nights a week, two online courses, raising a teenager and a preteen, and then also taking care of your FI (medically and personally), keeping up the house, running errands (normally and out of the blue), how long would you give yourself? Keep in mind I signed up for school prior to being engaged.

    You are kidding me with this, right? Like we don't have anything else to do than plan a wedding? It's QUITE clear most of us make time for TK message boards. But lemme give you a rundown:
    - I work 1 full time job, 1 part time job
    - I maintain a household (cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. - my choice, not because FI doesn't help out.) 
    - I've been working out once a day for an hour (So help me God.)
    - Meal planning sucks.
    - Errands? Lawdy. Last night it was run to the printers for the invites, swing by the grocery store, drop off something at UPS and pick up the special cat food for the special one in the house.)
    - I have two cats. They might as well be teenagers. The little one won't stop pulling EVERYTHING out of the guest room and scattering it around the house and the big one won't stop beating her up. 


    Woe. Is. Me.

    If wedding planning is too much: elope. But don't come on here saying that your battle is different than anybody elses. Different fight, but the battle is the same. We're all f'n busy.
    Wait. Aren't you supposed to drop everything and put 110% of your time and energy and focus into wedding planning? I was going to quit my job and put all of my focus into it. I thought that is what everyone did.
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     It's not that he's not well enough to visit venues, with a stroke survivor who suffers from apraxia aphasia, sometimes the stress of having a simple conversation mentally tires him out. He has finally been feeling better enough to start working on his cars, which he hadn't for the last 7 months, and it was tiring for him. He also has to get his body feeling better to.

    If I currently put us in a group setting like at a restaurant he gets distracted easily. He has a hard time tuning other things out right now. His brain is still healing, and will probably still be healing for years to come, and I understand all that. If he and I were to just tour the venues, I would need to make sure that the person who showed us kept things minimal.

    I'm also currently working on cutting our list down to between 50-70 people. And then even then it might be less.

    I eloped the first time, and wanted this time to be different, otherwise yes I would go down to the little white chapel on the strip and be done with it. My family is willing to be where we need them if and when things happen.

     

    There are those days, especially when he has a stressful day right now, where I would be glad to just get a simple dress, call those in town close to us, my parents, and his sisters and their families, and be like ok, here is the plan..but then I wonder if I would be upset with myself that I didn't do the wedding like as a little girl you dream about.

     

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    It seems like you're dealing with a ton of shit right now. All of the things you mention are real issues, which can take a toll on a person. But more importantly, you seem really stressed out about it all. That's fine; I would be too in your situation.

    But...then I wouldn't add extra stress in the form of a big wedding on top of it. It seems to me that you want a big (ish) wedding, but the timing is totally wrong. So...why can't you wait a year and see if your life and your FI's health are more stable?

    Alternatively, you could get married more simply, with less stress. 

    But why you need to do All The Things Right Now This Minute is beyond me. You're one person. At a certain point, you can't do everything. But it's not like this wedding has been foisted upon you--it's a choice you're  making, and it's stressing you the fuck out. Why not postpone and spend time with your FI and focus on the thing that wasn't your choice (his stroke) and make your lives easier?
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    Yes FI is still recovering from a stroke, as is getting better each day.

    Planning the girls weekend this far an advance is needed, as each person is flying in from different areas, and it's also the weekend here in Vegas that the Bridal Show is here. So we needed to work together to make sure that they get deals on flights and hotels.

    Plus with FSIL being that she's planning her wedding too, I figured that she would be a great person for input.

    I won't just be shopping for my dress, but also the maiden of honors, and the two bridesmaid, so I'm trying to kill two birds with one stone.

    My FI doesn't want to be all that involved in the planning. I am trying to get him to go with me but it does get to be to much for him.

    I don't think this is one of those comments I should of kept to myself. I wanted to see if maybe I was being a little bitch by not wanting my two other brothers girlfriends there. Sometimes when I was thinking about it, I felt like it was petty, but then there were those times where I was just saying oh well I'm going to be a bitch about it.

    Ok, since I understand that there is this consensus that I'm generally overthinking everything, and technically have plenty of time to plan everything, if you schedule included working 10 hour days, school two nights a week, two online courses, raising a teenager and a preteen, and then also taking care of your FI (medically and personally), keeping up the house, running errands (normally and out of the blue), how long would you give yourself? Keep in mind I signed up for school prior to being engaged.

    The "well I am busier then you" argument is so not going to go over well.

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     It's not that he's not well enough to visit venues, with a stroke survivor who suffers from apraxia aphasia, sometimes the stress of having a simple conversation mentally tires him out. He has finally been feeling better enough to start working on his cars, which he hadn't for the last 7 months, and it was tiring for him. He also has to get his body feeling better to.

    If I currently put us in a group setting like at a restaurant he gets distracted easily. He has a hard time tuning other things out right now. His brain is still healing, and will probably still be healing for years to come, and I understand all that. If he and I were to just tour the venues, I would need to make sure that the person who showed us kept things minimal.

    I'm also currently working on cutting our list down to between 50-70 people. And then even then it might be less.

    I eloped the first time, and wanted this time to be different, otherwise yes I would go down to the little white chapel on the strip and be done with it. My family is willing to be where we need them if and when things happen.

     

    There are those days, especially when he has a stressful day right now, where I would be glad to just get a simple dress, call those in town close to us, my parents, and his sisters and their families, and be like ok, here is the plan..but then I wonder if I would be upset with myself that I didn't do the wedding like as a little girl you dream about.

     

    I'm sorry, but IMO you're putting this "dream wedding" ahead of your FI's needs. And sister, that ain't fucking cool. If he can't handle sitting in a restaurant, how is he going to do with a ceremony and a reception?? 
    I agree with this.  Wouldn't it be a better idea to focus on letting your FI heal and recover and once he is in a much better place with his recovering then work on your wedding plans?  I mean, what if you make all these plans and then your FI still hasn't recovered enough to really be able to handle a full wedding day?

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    Everything Climbing and Katie said. YOU are the one making this selfish decision to give YOURSELF the big pretty princess wedding YOU dreamed of and YOU felt like you missed out on the first time. YOU are the one creating a headache for yourself to fulfill this desire and putting your FI's health and happiness on the line to create it. That disgusts me and you get no sympathy from me.

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    It was the suggestion of his speech therapist to put him a group setting to get him to work his brain in a group setting. To put him in situations since that's what it will be like when he gets back to work. I try to keep in a simple setting as best I can, but with the guidance of his doctors and speech therapist.

    He does let me know when it's too much and we do leave. We work for the same company and they have been nothing but awesome when it comes to making sure that he gets to all his appointments when I need to be there.

    I'm still coming to terms with understanding how this all happened to him. Hearing his doctors tell us that he shouldn't have survived the burst anyersum, or the strokes. Then to find out he had a second anyserusm that didn't burst, to survive that. And to be where he is now, is what the doctors have told us nothing short of a miracle.

    We are very lucky that he didn't lose any mobility physically, that he still has his personality, that what we are contending with his brain healing from what damage the strokes did. We do focus on that a lot. It's a celebration that he made it, that we made it.

    We are waiting until next year to get married.

    I do have to say Thank You to everyone because you do put me in my place and make me realize that there are days where I'm stressing myself out and don't need to. That I need to remember where my priorities are, I have those days where I forget it, and do need to be reminded about it.

    I have been keeping my random thoughts to myself by writing them down in a notebook, then looking back and them and going yeah that was better on paper then anywhere else.

    And then there are times when I need this cause yes sometimes I think I do need it.

     

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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015

    It was the suggestion of his speech therapist to put him a group setting to get him to work his brain in a group setting. To put him in situations since that's what it will be like when he gets back to work. I try to keep in a simple setting as best I can, but with the guidance of his doctors and speech therapist.

    He does let me know when it's too much and we do leave. We work for the same company and they have been nothing but awesome when it comes to making sure that he gets to all his appointments when I need to be there.

    I'm still coming to terms with understanding how this all happened to him. Hearing his doctors tell us that he shouldn't have survived the burst anyersum, or the strokes. Then to find out he had a second anyserusm that didn't burst, to survive that. And to be where he is now, is what the doctors have told us nothing short of a miracle.

    We are very lucky that he didn't lose any mobility physically, that he still has his personality, that what we are contending with his brain healing from what damage the strokes did. We do focus on that a lot. It's a celebration that he made it, that we made it.

    We are waiting until next year to get married.

    I do have to say Thank You to everyone because you do put me in my place and make me realize that there are days where I'm stressing myself out and don't need to. That I need to remember where my priorities are, I have those days where I forget it, and do need to be reminded about it.

    I have been keeping my random thoughts to myself by writing them down in a notebook, then looking back and them and going yeah that was better on paper then anywhere else.

    And then there are times when I need this cause yes sometimes I think I do need it.

     

    The bolded seems wise, but I think you need to officially give yourself permission to just not think about it for a while. No planning, no stressing. If one day 6 months from now you wake up and think, Huh, wouldn't that park by the river be a nice place for a ceremony? and it doesn't stress you out, then you'll know you're ready. But it just seems like you aren't, and you're making yourself miserable trying to plan something (even something far away) you aren't ready to plan.

    Focus on your family. Give yourself a break--being a caregiver is really hard, so I'm giving you a lot of the benefit of the doubt here knowing that your thoughts are likely to be a bit disorganized due to the stress you're under. But I am glad you're taking people's advice to heart.
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