Babies, pregnancy

MGP · January 2015

MGP said:

Knottie9783874 said:
Remember girls, this is a place to discuss and get advice from other brides that are going through or went through this. Do not attack someone for having concerns. Weddings are STRESSFUL! And when you ask people to be in your party and then they say "I'm pregnant" or will be, there is some stress on my part! With just cause!

Not going to touch on the replacements or even sides, because it's redundant. But you want to hear from someone who went through this? Here's my Cliff's Notes version:

I had a three month old at the time of my BFF's wedding. There were several girls involved in the wedding that had babies as well. The bride did not want children at the wedding. Needing extra help and a babysitter, I had to bring family members on three separate trips to help since it was out of town for me. I co-hosted her shower and bachelorette.

The actual wedding weekend was a nightmare. I had to go back to the hotel every 2 - 3 hours to nurse, including during the reception and ended up with blisters on my feet from walking back and forth from hotel to venue. I almost missed dinner because there was no seating left by the time I got back from a nursing session and the bride's father kindly gave his seat to me so I didn't have to eat standing up at the bar. ** ETA - hope this stresses the importance of plenty of open seating, or assigned seating. ** Honestly I felt like a prop and not a guest. Even something as small as my husband being able to sit in the back of the church with the baby or coming to the reception dinner for an hour would have made all the difference in the world.

Although her decision was certainly her choice and within etiquette, it was extremely costly and inconvenient for me. My grand total was $2600 to participate in this, actually more if you add in travel costs for my "entourage". I respected her decision and did it because I loved her, but if I had to do it all over again I would respectfully decline or at least opt out of the "non necessary" things like showers because it was just too stressful for me. The bride now has a baby of her own and has said "I don't believe I made you girls keep your babies at home. They should have been welcome, there is no way they would have ruined my day". We have moved past it a long time ago and are still best of friends, but this experience totally sealed my decision to not be in a wedding party again.

So take that for what it's worth.

Reading my response again I didn't mean to come across like I was complaining. I take full responsibility taking on what I did and never expected special treatment because I was MOH. Just wanted to show that even etiquette approved decisions can snowball into something bigger sometimes.

All I am saying is that if I had to do it over again I would have not overcommitted myself, and the bride would have allowed the babies. Actions on both of our parts would have made things easier and more enjoyable for everyone.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

Knottie9783874 said:
I can totally sympathize. And I initially was going to have kids/babies at the wedding. Especially since there would be some bringing infants regardless of any rule. Ultimately this is my fiance's decision-also there is a $35 per kid, very expensive to have 20 kids. I had to fight him on allowing 2 of my favorite kids, 13 and 11, whom I nannied and feel extremely close with. I couldn't imagine this day without them. And I understand for my friends as well.

My initial post was spewed out while completely stressing about making sure everything is done in time and adding more "problems" to the pile. all I could think is that I'd be running around or stressing trying to find her right before the ceremony. So some of it came out incorrectly.

I was a nanny, so I get how much goes into taking care of an infant. Unless I was the MOH, I would say no if asked when pregnant.

I plan to find a babysitter (a friend lives in the area who has one to recommend) and offer her for older kids to stay at the hotel.

But the venue isn't going to charge you for the 3 month old. So if you guys wanna invite the inneat of your BM, it won add to your budget.

haleyk620 · February 2015

flantastic said:

I will have a 1-month-old at the wedding of a friend this fall. I accepted her before I knew I was pregnant, and if she had waited and asked now I would still accept, assuming the baby gets to come to the wedding. Travel might be a bitch, fitting the dress might be a bitch, but I will work that out. I would also expect my friend to be accommodating as much as she can - meaning, if I say I'll meet up with you midway through getting ready, that's gotta be okay.
She knows I want to be there for her, because I'm willing to do all that stuff, and in return she's willing to be accommodating where she can.
If your friends are BMs, and they can't help you with your stuff (which is not her responsibility in any case), how is that any different than if they are not BMs and therefore don't help you with your stuff?

My FSIL is a bridesmaid and will have a one month old at the time of the wedding (I also asked her to be one of my bridesmaid prior to her becoming pregnant). She has been AWESOME so far, she's planning a bridal shower for me and also has helped me with several wedding tasks in addition to all of her preparations for the baby's arrival.

Needless to say, I don't think you need to worry about any of this as your friends will want to be there for you and will be honored you want to include them in your special day!

mrscomposer · February 2015

Knottie9783874 said:

I don't think anyone would want to leave their 3 month old at home, wedding is 2 hours out of town. I'm doing DIY with a lot of things for my wedding. And although I don't want to rely on any of my girls, it would be nice to be able to ask for help. But I just don't think these 2 will be up for any bridal party help. And having to nurse etc the day of and days before.

Should I just come clean with both and tell them my concerns? I don't want to sound selfish, but I want to make sure we won't have crazy changes last minute. And that I have a bit of support. DIY will be stressful and I would like everyone to calm me down when necessary.

All of my bridesmaids were two provinces away from me, so I didn't see them until they arrived for the wedding. We (meaning my FI and I - you know, the ones who got married) DIY'd a huge portion of our wedding. We didn't ask or receive (or need) help from anyone else - it was our wedding, and we got it done. It also wasn't stressful, and I didn't need to be calmed down at any point.

One of my bridesmaids had a one month old baby at the wedding. He was super chill, which was good (one of her daughters was super fussy at that age, so for my friend's sake, I'm glad he didn't take after big sister!). He was with us while we were getting ready, she fed him before pictures, we made sure there was someone with him in the car the whole time we were taking pictures, she fed him again before the ceremony, and he was handed off to my sister's BFF until she was done. Bottom line - babies are a part of life. He was part of my wedding day. No biggie.

climbingsingle · February 2015

Holy crap. I missed this post last month. The OP said one of her BMs isn't even pregnant yet. She just DECIDED they're going to start trying. OP, if you're still reading this, you understand that just because someone starts trying to get pregnant doesn't actually mean they get pregnant right away, right? You need to chill out with some alcohol. Start with a margarita.

ohannabelle · February 2015

climbingwife said:

Holy crap. I missed this post last month. The OP said one of her BMs isn't even pregnant yet. She just DECIDED they're going to start trying. OP, if you're still reading this, you understand that just because someone starts trying to get pregnant doesn't actually mean they get pregnant right away, right? You need to chill out with some alcohol. Start with a margarita.

And add a Xanax or Valium to it. This is waaaay too much stress about imaginary issues.

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