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2nd Reception Invites

rachdoolittlerachdoolittle member
First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi,

My fiance and I are getting married in California (he's from here and I moved here 4 years ago). We will be having a casual dinner celebration (2nd reception) in Pennsylvania (my hometown) two weeks after the wedding. Everyone is invited to California but we were hoping to keep Pennsylvania smaller as most of those invitees can't afford the long trip. We are unsure how to invite people to the 2nd reception. Here are my questions/concerns:

1. Do we include both locations on the invitation and let them choose which they'd like to attend (one or both)?
2. If we choose who to invite to the 2nd reception, do we send out a separate invite or include an invite for both in those peoples envelopes?
3. How do you word a second reception invitation?

Thanks,

- R
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Re: 2nd Reception Invites

  • WhatawagSBNyWhatawagSBNy member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas .
    Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event.

    A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception.

    A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    WhatawagSBNy said:
    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas . Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event. A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception. A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.
    For your next trick you should look up "wedding reception" in good old Webster's.



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  • WhatawagSBNyWhatawagSBNy member
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    Dreamergirl8812 said:



    WhatawagSBNy said:

    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas .
    Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event.

    A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception.

    A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.

    For your next trick you should look up "wedding reception" in good old Webster's.


    --------------
    The point is that the Original Poster @rachdoolittle‌
    Is correct in calling it a reception, and will be correct if she refers to it thus on an invitation.

    To please you, from Merriam-Webster:
    Reception: a social gathering to celebrate something or to welcome someone
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  • WhatawagSBNyWhatawagSBNy member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Answer Name Dropper
    mikenberger said:

    WhatawagSBNy said:

    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas .
    Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event.

    A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception.

    A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.

    I would do unspeakable things for your keyboard to break.
    -----------------------
    @mikenberger‌ - Why such personal hostility over a difference of opinions?
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    WhatawagSBNy said:
    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas . Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event. A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception. A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.
    I would do unspeakable things for your keyboard to break.
    ----------------------- @mikenberger‌ - Why such personal hostility over a difference of opinions?
    No see, the thing is, YOU have opinions about this. Most of us here have facts. Two different things there.
    Report Reply
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    WhatawagSBNy said:
    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas . Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event. A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception. A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.
    I would do unspeakable things for your keyboard to break.
    ----------------------- @mikenberger‌ - Why such personal hostility over a difference of opinions?

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think it's kind of offensive to throw this party for people who can't afford the trip. I get wanting people there, but the way you worded it really rubs me the wrong way. 

    I think for the PA party, you need to invite everyone from that area. I don't think you need to for the people in CA. That said, if I was in PA and knew you were having a second party, I probably wouldn't even consider going to CA because.. why bother? The only person I would do that for would be my sibling. 
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  • thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    WhatawagSBNy said:
    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas . Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event. A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception. A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.
    image


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  • BDCsarahbthBDCsarahbth member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    rachdoolittle said:

    Hi,


    My fiance and I are getting married in California (he's from here and I moved here 4 years ago). We will be having a casual dinner celebration (2nd reception) in Pennsylvania (my hometown) two weeks after the wedding. Everyone is invited to California but we were hoping to keep Pennsylvania smaller as most of those invitees can't afford the long trip. We are unsure how to invite people to the 2nd reception. Here are my questions/concerns:

    1. Do we include both locations on the invitation and let them choose which they'd like to attend (one or both)?
    2. If we choose who to invite to the 2nd reception, do we send out a separate invite or include an invite for both in those peoples envelopes?
    3. How do you word a second reception invitation?

    Thanks,

    - R
    The wedding reception, and the reception you have as a married couple, need to use completely separate invitations.
    1.
    Since people from Pennsylvania may decide not to go all the way to CA if they do not mind not attending the ceremony, just talk to them now, in wedding planning stages. Let them know that there will be a hometown reception weeks after your marriage, in Pennsylvania. If they indicate that they are not interested in CA trip, let them know that you will not send a wedding invitation, but that immediately after your marriage, you will send an invitation to a reception to celebrate your marriage.
    2.
    The second invitation set, quite separate, is best mailed to arrive after your wedding. These are your family, friends, former neighbors. If you have talked with them months back, they know the reception will be held and when, and that they are being invited.
    The invitation is a quick turn-around, received and RSVP sent by whatever method you choose. A less formal event than a wedding reception, this reception may be responded to by phone or email or mail, your choice, and informal chat earlier is more appropriate than SAVES which are often done for weddings.
    3.
    @CMGragain‌ has it covered.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    novella1186 said:
    Here's the thing: we're talking about etiquette and trying to make it clear to the OP that the second party is just a party. Dictionary definitions are pretty much irrelevant to the discussion. 

    And yes, a reception is a party, but there are many instances where the actual dictionary definition isn't necessarily the best way to word things, and could actually be inappropriate, confusing, or even offensive. So leave the convoluted Oxford definition technicalities out of this for everyone's sake. 

    Here are two great examples of why those should oftentimes be left alone: 

    A group of crows is called a "murder." Really. By it's actual definition, a murder is a group of crows. I legitimately like crows. But I most likely should not go around telling people that I like murders and enjoy seeing them. 

    A female dog is a bitch. This is a dictionary definition. But I probably shouldn't tell my work colleagues that I had to kick my bitch out of bed last night for snoring. 

    There are hundreds of other examples where a word's denotation (or its actual definition) is far different from its connotation (the meaning granted to it by social constructs or misuse). 

    WhatawagSBNy, it's not really appropriate or helpful in this situation to get so technical. 
    The worst part is, I'm pretty sure she already knows this.
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  • BDCsarahbthBDCsarahbth member
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    JCbride2015 said:


    WhatawagSBNy said:

    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas .
    Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event.

    A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception.

    A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.

    Just stop.

    She is right, why such a negative response.
    My family has been involved as printers and innkeepers for businesses, for over a century in New England, and my step mom is a caterer in Maine. Every etiquette guide and printers manual and hospitality industry text refers to various kinds of receptions other than the wedding reception.
    The reception held by a married couple for their family in a hometown area, to celebrate the event of their marriage, IS properly called a reception.

    And either a receiving line, or mingling and greeting people in a reception area for greetings and introductions before any refreshments or meal, is part of it.
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  • BDCsarahbthBDCsarahbth member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    mikenberger said:

    WhatawagSBNy said:

    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas .
    Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event.

    A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception.

    A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.

    I would do unspeakable things for your keyboard to break.
    The above is a pretty nasty response. How can you pretend to knowledge of etiquette and manners, when you are not civil to other posters.
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  • BDCsarahbthBDCsarahbth member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:

    So in the past week we have had at least 5 posts related to AHR or 2nd receptions. . . why is this a thing?

    Why do couples feel the need to have OOT or destination weddings, realizing that the majority or a good chunk of their desired guestlist can't attend, then feel the need to have a local reception for everyone who missed out on the wedding?

    I think people are overestimating how much other people care about their wedding.

    Our wedding was OOT for the majority of DH's extended family, with many of them located in the south.  98% of them came.  We have no intention of traveling south and throwing a 2nd reception for his relatives who couldn't make it to our wedding.  It's just a part of life that not everyone can attend everything.

    Rather than throwing these AHRs it makes more sense to me to personally visit those that you are really bummed missed your wedding and take your album with you to show them in person.

    This is a very old, well established custom from the days before frequent air travel, and is still very common in rural areas, and areas where currently or formerly people could not leave farms unattended to travel anywhere not local. Especially when weddings were most often near the brides' families, on one whole family and hometown friends would be consistently left out.

    Why dump on such a custom because it is not yours?
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    edited February 2015
    BDCsarahbth said:
    So in the past week we have had at least 5 posts related to AHR or 2nd receptions. . . why is this a thing?

    Why do couples feel the need to have OOT or destination weddings, realizing that the majority or a good chunk of their desired guestlist can't attend, then feel the need to have a local reception for everyone who missed out on the wedding?

    I think people are overestimating how much other people care about their wedding.

    Our wedding was OOT for the majority of DH's extended family, with many of them located in the south.  98% of them came.  We have no intention of traveling south and throwing a 2nd reception for his relatives who couldn't make it to our wedding.  It's just a part of life that not everyone can attend everything.

    Rather than throwing these AHRs it makes more sense to me to personally visit those that you are really bummed missed your wedding and take your album with you to show them in person.
    This is a very old, well established custom from the days before frequent air travel, and is still very common in rural areas, and areas where currently or formerly people could not leave farms unattended to travel anywhere not local. Especially when weddings were most often near the brides' families, on one whole family and hometown friends would be consistently left out. Why dump on such a custom because it is not yours?
    Because we are in the days of frequent air travel, and the most common motivation for having a second or third party these days is just to have more opportunities to make people celebrate you and the wondrous event that was your marriage. Many of the couples even choose not to invite everyone to the wedding and don't give them the option of traveling, then they expect to be celebrated at home.
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    BDCsarahbth said:
    WhatawagSBNy said:
    This kind of party is often called a reception, in many areas . Dictionary definition, Oxford Dictionary of current English: Reception- A formal social occasion held to welcome someone or celebrate an event. A party to celebrate the marriage of a couple immediately after the ceremony is a wedding reception. A party later to celebrate the marriage, and often to introduce the couple to people in a family hometown, is a reception.
    Just stop.
    She is right, why such a negative response. My family has been involved as printers and innkeepers for businesses, for over a century in New England, and my step mom is a caterer in Maine. Every etiquette guide and printers manual and hospitality industry text refers to various kinds of receptions other than the wedding reception. The reception held by a married couple for their family in a hometown area, to celebrate the event of their marriage, IS properly called a reception. And either a receiving line, or mingling and greeting people in a reception area for greetings and introductions before any refreshments or meal, is part of it.

    novella1186 said:
    Here's the thing: we're talking about etiquette and trying to make it clear to the OP that the second party is just a party. Dictionary definitions are pretty much irrelevant to the discussion. 

    And yes, a reception is a party, but there are many instances where the actual dictionary definition isn't necessarily the best way to word things, and could actually be inappropriate, confusing, or even offensive. So leave the convoluted Oxford definition technicalities out of this for everyone's sake. 

    Here are two great examples of why those should oftentimes be left alone: 

    A group of crows is called a "murder." Really. By it's actual definition, a murder is a group of crows. I legitimately like crows. But I most likely should not go around telling people that I like murders and enjoy seeing them. 

    A female dog is a bitch. This is a dictionary definition. But I probably shouldn't tell my work colleagues that I had to kick my bitch out of bed last night for snoring. 

    There are hundreds of other examples where a word's denotation (or its actual definition) is far different from its connotation (the meaning granted to it by social constructs or misuse). 

    WhatawagSBNy, it's not really appropriate or helpful in this situation to get so technical. 
    Just gonna quote my earlier post, since you obviously didn't read it, and then not waste any more time on you, since you are CLEARLY not here to be helpful to the OP in anyway. 
    image
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Anybody else notice the person clicking the "love its" on many of the posts... hasn't been active in nearly a year? 

    Just found it a bit weird. 
    image

    image
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    mikenberger said:
    Anybody else notice the person clicking the "love its" on many of the posts... hasn't been active in nearly a year? 

    Just found it a bit weird. 
    image
    Noted, being looked into. No other info will probably be given as it would be calling out a user.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
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    photokitty said:
    mikenberger said:
    Anybody else notice the person clicking the "love its" on many of the posts... hasn't been active in nearly a year? 

    Just found it a bit weird. 
    image
    Noted, being looked into. No other info will probably be given as it would be calling out a user.
    I just wanted to throw Bert into the mix. 

    image
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
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    mikenberger said:
    photokitty said:
    mikenberger said:
    Anybody else notice the person clicking the "love its" on many of the posts... hasn't been active in nearly a year? 

    Just found it a bit weird. 
    image
    Noted, being looked into. No other info will probably be given as it would be calling out a user.
    I just wanted to throw Bert into the mix. 
    Never can have too much Bert. Another classic Bert moment...
    image
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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