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Invites and Paper

Registry and Inserts

I am wondering what others are doing. 

Are you putting where you are registered in your invitations? 

What other inserts do you have? A map of where the ceremony and reception are? Anything else?
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Re: Registry and Inserts

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You should never put registry information anywhere in your invitations.

    As far as other inserts I would include hotel accommodations available and maybe directions from the ceremony to the reception.

    Are you having any other events that weekend that everyone is welcome to attend?  If so, then you could put in an insert about that.  For example, if you are having a welcome cocktail hour the day before.

    charcoalandblush
  • I am curious, Why is it that you shouldn't put where you are registered? 

    Everyone is going to ask where we are registered and this would take the guessing work out of it.

  • It can be listed on your shower invites, never anything about gifts on a wedding invitation.  Just because stores give you those little slips doesn't mean they should be included.  Let them ask... But your wedding is about getting married, not receiving gifts.


    charcoalandblush[Deleted User]fwtx5815haleyk620
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I am curious, Why is it that you shouldn't put where you are registered? 

    Everyone is going to ask where we are registered and this would take the guessing work out of it.

    I think most people will be able to find your registries with a simple google search.  I just got an invitation to a shower and it had no registry info (showers are ok for registry info!).  Within seconds, I found the couple's registry.  And for those that can't find it, they'll call or ask someone.  Or, they will do what I usually do for weddings.  Give cash.  Don't worry about this.
    charcoalandblush
  • It is extremely rude to mention anything about gifts or your gift registry in your wedding invitations.  It is one of the rudest things that you can do!  Do not do this!
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    charcoalandblush
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I am curious, Why is it that you shouldn't put where you are registered? 


    Everyone is going to ask where we are registered and this would take the guessing work out of it.

    Because answering the question when it hasn't been asked gives the appearance that you expect gifts from these people. And that in turn gives the appearance of being greedy not only for gifts but for specific gifts.

    Gifts are optional-even for weddings. If someone doesn't give you a gift, it's something you have to let go. You can't use it as a barrier to their attending the wedding.

    Also, if someone does give you a gift, they aren't required to buy it from your registry. It is required that you acknowledge the gift graciously and send the giver a timely thank-you note (contrary to popular but erroneous belief, you don't have a year after the wedding to send it. You must do so ASAP) regardless of what the gift is and whether or not it was purchased from the registry. You can't use the registry to control what you receive as gifts. It is merely a wish list.

    So I'm afraid that "taking the guess work out of it" is exactly what a polite person does NOT want to do with regards to gift registry information. Throw away those registry cards or save them for a shower invitation (in which case you would give them to whoever is hosting the shower-you wouldn't host it yourself). But do not put them in your wedding invitations.
    charcoalandblush
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    I have an insert with my wedding website.  My wedding website has my registry information.  People will figure it out
    hellohkbmadisonbh
  • I guess to me this just seems like a silly little thing. I feel like people are too sensitive when it comes to weddings. Anything you do with a wedding is "rude" and other people don't like it if they are not the center of attention and if someone else is they become babies no matter what the issue is. 
  • I guess to me this just seems like a silly little thing. I feel like people are too sensitive when it comes to weddings. Anything you do with a wedding is "rude" and other people don't like it if they are not the center of attention and if someone else is they become babies no matter what the issue is. 
    Whoa. That's a bit dramatic. 

    The reason it's rude to put it on inserts is because it comes off as you saying "buy me presents and here's where you should buy them." I'm sure that's not a message you want to send to the people you're inviting. You asked, so that's the answer - whether you think it's "silly" or not.

    Our invitation inserts had:

    - hotel block information
    - the URL for our website
    - shuttle information
    - map for the ceremony site (we got married outside in a park, so we had to tell people where to park)
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    haleyk620
  • But either way if its on the wedding website or an insert in the invitation aren't you sending the same message? "Buy me a gift here is what I want" Its the same thing. 
  • But either way if its on the wedding website or an insert in the invitation aren't you sending the same message? "Buy me a gift here is what I want" Its the same thing. 
    I know what you're saying, but the invitation isn't the same as the wedding website. The invitation is formally inviting people to the event. The wedding website has supplemental information (like additional maps, hotel block codes, etc.) and isn't even required. 

    Personally, I don't really like seeing registry information there either (I agree - it sends a similar message), but most wedding websites have the page as a standard feature.
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    charcoalandblushfwtx5815
  • So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 
    If you were just going to argue every single point, why post? 

    It's poor etiquette to include your gift registry. Period. You are not expected to bring a gift. You should NEVER expect gifts.
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  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 
    If you were just going to argue every single point, why post? 

    It's poor etiquette to include your gift registry. Period. You are not expected to bring a gift. You should NEVER expect gifts.
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    I don't know if she's arguing as much as genuinely asking a question.  Maybe I'm wrong, though

     

    OP - I think the difference is that if the invitation has registry info on it, it sends the message of: "you're formally invited to the wedding - but if you go, you need to get me a gift."  Whereas, if it's on the website, there's not a direct link between being invited and posting your registry information.  Does that make sense?

  • dcbride86 said:
    So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 
    If you were just going to argue every single point, why post? 

    It's poor etiquette to include your gift registry. Period. You are not expected to bring a gift. You should NEVER expect gifts.
    image


    I don't know if she's arguing as much as genuinely asking a question.  Maybe I'm wrong, though

     

    OP - I think the difference is that if the invitation has registry info on it, it sends the message of: "you're formally invited to the wedding - but if you go, you need to get me a gift."  Whereas, if it's on the website, there's not a direct link between being invited and posting your registry information.  Does that make sense?

    I am just merely asking the questions not trying to argue, I don't understand why its such a big deal which is why I ask. I have never been offended that someone put their registry in with their wedding invitations, and then all of a sudden I read an article about it, which provoked the questioning of it. I had never heard of this until just a few weeks ago that it was rude to add that in. 
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Typically, when you register, you get like all those cool little coupons and they tell you "Put these in your shower invites, your wedding invites"... basically you're supposed to hand them to anybody you come into contact with. These companies are in the sole business of making money (And can you blame them?)

    It's still poor etiquette. Let your wedding party, moms, grandmas, aunts, whomever might be contacted for this information about where you're registered. The info really spreads itself. 

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  • So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 
    It's not standard because it's asking for presents. It's one thing for a guest to OFFER to bring a gift. And they generally do. But it's rude for the hosts to ASK for it. That's the difference.

    As a GUEST, I would never show up to a wedding empty handed. But as a BRIDE, I would never ask my guests for presents.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 

    This is wrong. Guests aren't expected or required to bring gifts. Most will, but some won't. There were many guests at my daughter's wedding who didn't bring or send gifts. Guests who want to know where your registered will ask. Or, they'll go on Macys.com, BedBathandBeyond.com or whatever you local department store is and look for your registry. It's not rocket science.

    Why is it ok to put it on your wedding website? Because you aren't putting names and addresses on the website and emailing it to anyone. Your invitees may choose to visit your website for 'further information' or they may choose not to look.


                       
    swiftsticks
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    But either way if its on the wedding website or an insert in the invitation aren't you sending the same message? "Buy me a gift here is what I want" Its the same thing. 
    Actually I do not think it is okay to put registry info on your website.  A wedding website, IMO, is just an extension of the invite since you put the website address in your invite.  People get your invite and then go to your website to get further information, thus if your registry info is on your website then it is pretty much like you included it in your paper invite.

    Personally, the only time a registry should be put on anything is a shower invite since the purpose of a shower is to give gifts.  All other times the registry should be spread via word of mouth, meaning if someone specifically asks you where you are registered.

    MairePoppyohannabelle
  • So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 

    No, as a guest you are not expected to bring a gift. Guests are never expected to bring gifts.

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    MairePoppyCookie Pusherfwtx5815swiftsticks
  • I am just merely asking the questions not trying to argue, I don't understand why its such a big deal which is why I ask. I have never been offended that someone put their registry in with their wedding invitations, and then all of a sudden I read an article about it, which provoked the questioning of it. I had never heard of this until just a few weeks ago that it was rude to add that in. 

    Just because you're not offended by it doesn't mean it's polite. Plenty of people do rude things that don't offend me, personally. But those things are still rude.


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2015

    I agree with you, @Maggie0829. It's presumptuous for the Bride and Groom to mention their wedding registries on any correspondence. Some of my family members consider it gift grabby to have a wedding registry, at all. They believe the gift recipient should graciously accept whatever gifts are chosen for them.

    As an aside: Don't even get me started on baby gift registries. All babies need the same things: undershirts, diapers, nightgowns, receiving blankets and a home safety kit. The finer things should be supplied by responsible parents and indulgent grandparents.

     

                       
    ohannabellefwtx5815
  • So then why isn't it a standard thing for an invite, as a guest you are expect to bring a gift.  That's why this is so silly. Its not like I am printing it on the invite itself, its just an insert. 
      Except for a shower, you are not expected to bring a gift (though many people do anyway). The premis of your argument is wrong. The point of a shower is gifts, the point of a wedding is to get married. Hence, why they are inapproprite in a wedding invitation.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • jkingley2015jkingley2015 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited February 2015
    Eh, this all just seems so arbitrary, I'm sorry I even asked. Didn't realize I would be attacked on here so much. This website has probably some of the most rude people I've ever encountered. I'm done. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Eh, this all just seems so arbitrary, I'm sorry I even asked. Didn't realize I would be attacked on here so much. This website has probably some of the most rude people I've ever encountered. I'm done. 

    No one was "rude" to you or attacked you. You asked if it would be okay to put your registry information in your wedding invitations and we told you that this is against etiquette. You asked why and we told you why. This is an etiquette board, so you're not going to be told how to violate etiquette.

    The rules of good manners don't stop applying just because you're getting married or think "everyone wants to know where you're registered." If people really want to know, then they'll ask you or they'll browse the Web.
  • Eh, this all just seems so arbitrary, I'm sorry I even asked. Didn't realize I would be attacked on here so much. This website has probably some of the most rude people I've ever encountered. I'm done. 
    Do you think we make up these rules?  They are well established etiquette, and if you bothered to read a standard book of etiquette rules, you wouldn't have even asked the question.  It is not a matter of personal opinion.  Do you think traffic laws are "arbitrary", too?
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  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Eh, this all just seems so arbitrary, I'm sorry I even asked. Didn't realize I would be attacked on here so much. This website has probably some of the most rude people I've ever encountered. I'm done. 


    Nobody was attacking you.  I defended your tone before, but now it just seems like you wanted us to say "you're right - it's totally polite to include registry information on your invitations!" - but it isn't.  Gifts are never expected, and to include registry information in the invitation conveys the opposite message. 

    Also, if we are some of the rudest people you have ever encountered - you have led a very charmed life.  You must be very lucky to never experience anyone being rude to you, if you consider people explaining an etiquette rule to be rude.

  • Eh, this all just seems so arbitrary, I'm sorry I even asked. Didn't realize I would be attacked on here so much. This website has probably some of the most rude people I've ever encountered. I'm done. 
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    You asked questions (good questions) and people gave you answers (good answers). You don't like those answers, so therefore people are "attacking" you? How dramatic is that!? Welcome to adulthood, the ride might be bumpy for you...
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    ohannabellefwtx5815haleyk620esstee33
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