Chit Chat

How Important is Anniversary Date?

I suspect I'm being a stubborn dumbass here and would like your feedback. I was never one of those girly girls who fantasized about my future hypothetical wedding as a child, but the one thing I always had in mind was that I would get married in the fall. Fall is the season when I feel happiest and most alive. I'd love to take anniversary trips to New England in the fall, or travel overseas when there are fewer tourists and no oppressive heat. Not to mention that since I'm known as the queen of Halloween, I always assumed I'd incorporate a little Halloween spookiness into my wedding.

Now that I'm an adult, my one dream is shattered by the fact that the fall is apparently the most popular time for weddings now. Which means there's either a ridiculous guest minimum I can't meet or a dollar amount minimum ($10k before tax and gratuity for my piddly little 80-person wedding?! Do I need to upgrade to the package that includes a private waiter hand feeding each guest caviar for the cocktail hour in order to meet that?). Not to mention that of the few places that will graciously host my small wedding, they offer discounts for getting married in the off season. I can't do winter because of the risk of snow and visiting guests possibly not being able to get into town, but some places have discounts on March, July, and August. It's not that I can't afford a wedding in October, it's just that I'm already feeling guilty for spending so much on a one-day event and would love to save money where feasible. I'm just not sure this is something I'm OK with compromising. So am I being dumb for mourning the potential loss of my fall anniversary date for the next 40+ years? 


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(This is not what I had in mind, FYI)
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Re: How Important is Anniversary Date?

  • You can be bummed, but I wouldn't really mourn that. I think it's smart to consider your budget before choosing the date. 

    Whatever date you marry your FI will be special, no matter the season. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Like PP said, you can celebrate your anniversary whenever you want.  Just because you get married in, say, the spring, doesn't mean you can't take your anniversary trip in the fall.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have a friend who got married on Thanksgiving weekend.  Her husband LOVES to go deer hunting, and their anniversary is smack dab in the middle of deer hunting season.  He would stay behind from hunting to celebrate and would be bummed, and she would feel badly about him not going hunting, but was happy that he stayed back.  They decided to move their anniversary to the Spring so they could celebrate and not feel guilty about missing deer season.  Win-win.
  • Thanks for backing up what I was pretty much already thinking, everyone.

    I have a friend who got married on Thanksgiving weekend.  Her husband LOVES to go deer hunting, and their anniversary is smack dab in the middle of deer hunting season.  He would stay behind from hunting to celebrate and would be bummed, and she would feel badly about him not going hunting, but was happy that he stayed back.  They decided to move their anniversary to the Spring so they could celebrate and not feel guilty about missing deer season.  Win-win.
    How sweet! The perfect compromise.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I get it. I really wanted a fall wedding too. The dates I wanted in October were already booked, so I ended up choosing 9/27. I was hoping for fall-ish weather and at least some changing of the leaves. But come that day, it was 75 degrees, and hardly any leaves had changed by then. I really didn't give it too much thought after that. It's OK to be disappointed, but I agree that you really can celebrate your anniversary any time. If you're not comfortable spending all that money just for the date, I don't think you should do it. 
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I really wanted a fall wedding too, it is my favorite season.

    DH proposed in June and I couldn't pull together the wedding I wanted (DH didn't care) so quickly and I didn't want to wait over a year to get married.

    We went for a winter wedding which was a big risk (and yes, it snowed a bunch on our wedding day) but we saved so much money!!!!!  We were able to get the rental fees waived for our venue, along with the food and beverage minimums.  We got a few extras from our photographer thrown into our package, our videographer cut us a deal and where we didn't save money we had our pick of the top vendors.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Do you plan on having kids? Because if you do, you probably won't even take a yearly anniversary trip.

    But I agree, I wouldn't spend the extra money. My friend really wanted fall and the places were literally half price if she chose March or April so she went with April. I actually really wanted spring but my husband was all about the leaves changing so we chose Sept and just like @climbingwife none of the trees had even changed yet. But we didn't really care. We also wanted Labor Day weekend so that our anniversary would be a long weekend, but my parents and other people complained that they didn't want a wedding on a holiday weekend so we didn't do that either.

                                                                     

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  • jenna8984 said:

    Do you plan on having kids? Because if you do, you probably won't even take a yearly anniversary trip.

    But I agree, I wouldn't spend the extra money. My friend really wanted fall and the places were literally half price if she chose March or April so she went with April. I actually really wanted spring but my husband was all about the leaves changing so we chose Sept and just like @climbingwife none of the trees had even changed yet. But we didn't really care. We also wanted Labor Day weekend so that our anniversary would be a long weekend, but my parents and other people complained that they didn't want a wedding on a holiday weekend so we didn't do that either.

    Nope, no kids so we're safe there! I wish September were a discounted option, but most places here consider the entire fall to be peak season. One place even had theirs listed as September-December, which surprised me. It would likely have to be a March wedding at the venue we're currently eyeing since I assume I would look like a hideous melted mess at an outdoor summer wedding. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My only dream was a beach wedding.  

    We lived in the islands. Every Sept I had the entire month off (actually from the last week of Aug until mid-Oct).   Sept was the slowest month for DH too, so he could easily get off work.   From Mid-Dec (for DH is started in mid-nov) until May 1 we were pretty much prohibited from taking extended time off.  

    Basically we picked Sept just for logistic reasons.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • are you specifically looking at outdoor venues or are you finding it will all of them?  I only noticed peak/off-peak at my venue but I think it is because it is an outdoor garden.  I think if we would have chosen April it would have been cheaper because the flowers haven't started to bloom then and while it is pretty they say it doesn't have the magic of May and on.  None of the indoor venues I looked at had anything about season/months although I would suspect you could get a discount for winter months.

  • March is autumn in the Southern hemisphere! :)

    I really wanted crisp fall temperatures, sunny blue skies, and beautiful leaves too... and Septembers in Michigan are normally PERFECT... but I woke up to drizzle, cold, grey clouds, and 20mph winds. It was 50 degrees at noon when we made the call to move the 4:00 ceremony indoors in order to save our guests' hairdos. Womp womp. Cleared up/warmed up in time for pictures after the ceremony, and for guests to hang out on the patio for cocktail hour. Know what? Still a perfect day.

    Oh yeah and our venue had mostly pine trees. Wouldn't have had fall colors anyway!
  • kvruns said:

    are you specifically looking at outdoor venues or are you finding it will all of them?  I only noticed peak/off-peak at my venue but I think it is because it is an outdoor garden.  I think if we would have chosen April it would have been cheaper because the flowers haven't started to bloom then and while it is pretty they say it doesn't have the magic of May and on.  None of the indoor venues I looked at had anything about season/months although I would suspect you could get a discount for winter months.

    We're looking at indoor reception venues because I don't like the uncertainty of the weather affecting our plans, but some of them have the option for an outdoor ceremony on site. I just noticed that our top venue contender doesn't offer outdoor ceremonies in March, so that idea might be a bust.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jenna8984 said:

    Do you plan on having kids? Because if you do, you probably won't even take a yearly anniversary trip.

    But I agree, I wouldn't spend the extra money. My friend really wanted fall and the places were literally half price if she chose March or April so she went with April. I actually really wanted spring but my husband was all about the leaves changing so we chose Sept and just like @climbingwife none of the trees had even changed yet. But we didn't really care. We also wanted Labor Day weekend so that our anniversary would be a long weekend, but my parents and other people complained that they didn't want a wedding on a holiday weekend so we didn't do that either.

    Nope, no kids so we're safe there! I wish September were a discounted option, but most places here consider the entire fall to be peak season. One place even had theirs listed as September-December, which surprised me. It would likely have to be a March wedding at the venue we're currently eyeing since I assume I would look like a hideous melted mess at an outdoor summer wedding. 
    This time frame has actually become VERY popular for weddings so it doesn't surprise me at all that venues and such aren't offering a discounted rate.
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2015

    I really wanted a winter wedding.  Because winter is my favorite season.

    FI proposed in May, and I didn't want to wait longer than a year to marry him, but I didn't feel like 6 months was enough time for me to plan. (We were together 7 years before he proposed)

    So now, we are getting married in April, exactly 11 months after he proposed.  And I'm ok with that, when we do travel it tends to be in the fall/winter anyway, so we will probably just have those big trips be our anniversary trips :) Until babies come along, and then all of that will change I'm sure.

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I had always wanted a fall wedding. But as I was graduating college and I knew DH was starting college and with the fields we worked in, there is no way we could take time off from work (and school) any time other than December during DH's Christmas break.

    I fell in love with the idea of a winter wedding and love that I'll have time off every year around our anniversary because it was 12/27. It ended up being sunny and 60 degrees on our wedding day, but that's NC for you.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    FWIW, I had never envisioned a wedding in a certain month / season.  We got engaged on Memorial Day, and we knew that we needed at least 6 months for pre-Cana.  Neither of us wanted to get married in December / January, and we wanted to get married before Lent began, so Feb 2 it was!  It worked out great because we are in Houston and the weather was perfect!
  • Where I live, October is considered off season. But in Canada, it's usually chilly by then. When one of my work friends was shopping around for venues there was a huge price difference between the last weekend in September and the first weekend in October for pricing. Maybe you could do very early November?

  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    AprilH81 said:
    I really wanted a fall wedding too, it is my favorite season.

    DH proposed in June and I couldn't pull together the wedding I wanted (DH didn't care) so quickly and I didn't want to wait over a year to get married.

    We went for a winter wedding which was a big risk (and yes, it snowed a bunch on our wedding day) but we saved so much money!!!!!  We were able to get the rental fees waived for our venue, along with the food and beverage minimums.  We got a few extras from our photographer thrown into our package, our videographer cut us a deal and where we didn't save money we had our pick of the top vendors.
    I gotta say though, your snowy wedding pic makes me want to get married in snow. And I hate snow, and being cold, and winter. 

    We're going for fall. I just don't want to be cold and goosefleshy and unhappy, or hot and sticky and unhappy, on my wedding day, and I was pretty sure our few guests wouldn't want to be unhappy either, so we were limited to pretty much ten days in the spring or ten days in the fall. I got engaged in early May, and a year for this spring didn't feel like enough time, but two years was too long. And thanks to Alabama's general obsession with college football, Saturdays in the fall are a little better here than they are elsewhere in the country. 
    AprilH81
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I wanted a Halloween wedding. Both FI and I love the holiday and we thought it would be fun and unique. We got engaged in July of this past year. For a brief while I considered waiting 15 months for next October, but that seemed too long to me. Then for a crazy 24 hours I considered planning a wedding in 3 months. But my younger sister's due date and the logistics made me change my mind. So we settled on April, because... my mother suggested it? No real reason.

    If you asked we're probably both a little sad the Halloween wedding didn't work out. But now I'm excited for the new date and glad it's coming up so soon. I just hope it doesn't blizzard that weekend.
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    We got married in October, which is the height of the tourist season where I live.  We liked the idea of a fall wedding and all you think that will be, but the day was gray, rainy and humid.  I was a melted mess by the time I got to the reception. 

    Unfortunately, Mother Nature can be rather fickle and even what you think will be the perfect time of year (foliage, not too hot, not too cold) can throw you for a loop.

    Agree with PPs that get married when you can (dollars, guest travel, etc.) and celebrate in the fall.

     

  • I originally wanted a fall wedding too. In Zion National Park. On the lawn of the Zion Lodge. With the poplar and sycamore trees in vibrant yellow against the pink and red cliffs. 

    Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead, I just opted for even numbers. I'm silly and I like even numbers. So we went for April, in a rose garden, with an indoor reception. It wasn't what I originally wanted, but everything worked out. And I like my anniversary date. Living in Phoenix, it was important for me to have an anniversary date not in the dead of summer so we could celebrate our anniversaries without limitations. April is a beautiful time here, so that worked out. 
  • I had always wanted a June wedding and H and I visioned a honeymoon in The Caribbean after that..well, after we booked the June wedding date we found out its the start of hurricane season in the Caribbean and did not want to chance it (we knew we would not leave for the honeymoon until a few weeks after the wedding anyway).  So, we did not have the Caribbean Honeymoon of our dreams, but it will definitely be a vacation spot of ours in the future.  Doesn't need to be for our anniversary. 

    Get married when it worked best for you, and vacation when its best for you too!
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Yeah, just based on this thread, fall is really popular.  Fall was my first choice too.  Our original plan would have put us at almost exactly a two year engagement.  Unfortunately life got in the way, and after Hurricane Sandy we had to totally shake up our wedding plans for financial reasons.  I didn't want to wait a full extra year and have a three year engagement, so we are getting married in May.

    I really, really do not like spring weddings.  I wanted a fall wedding.  I still get grumpy about it because it reminds me of the hurricane and everything else we lost.  Under Plan A, we'd already be married by now.  I got really bummed out in October when I thought, this was supposed to be our wedding weekend.

    But, such is life.  Our venue has great outdoor space so their flower beds will be blooming.  May in NJ is a great time to celebrate an anniversary and generally will be nice weather to travel if we want to take anniversary trips.  That day will be special no matter what.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2015
    Eh, I don't think it's dumb. Christmas and my birthday is just a few weeks apart. I wanted my anniversary in the summer to spread out the days. Well, December was the only time that worked with our schedules. I can't lie, two years later I'm still a bit disappointed and annoyed that my birthday, Christmas and anniversary are all within a one month period.
  • Thanks, everyone. I'm feeling better now about keeping my options open and not limiting myself to a particular (pricey and popular) month!
    holyguacamole79
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I was surprised too. I feel like summer is more popular in the PNW since it's the only time when it's pretty unlikely to rain, but here in the midwest it's muggy and likely to storm or some shit, so fall is very popular. 

    I wanted early June since it's fairly nice and I was in school and H is a teacher so summer is a lot easier for us to do things. We ended up having to reschedule to late June, right by H's birthday which bummed him out a little. Meh. Months later I'm finding that not much of the wedding is really important. 

    While I loved being able to take some outdoor pics, if I did it all over again I probably would have chosen to do it over winter break or something to save tons of $$$. 
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Eh, I don't think it's dumb. Christmas and my birthday is just a few weeks apart. I wanted my anniversary in the summer to spread out the days. Well, December was the only time that worked with our schedules. I can't lie, two years later I'm still a bit disappointed and annoyed that my birthday, Christmas and anniversary are all within a one month period.
    Same here.  Our anniversary is one month after Christmas, then two weeks later is my birthday, followed by Valentines day less than a week after that.

    I told DH we would pick either our anniversary or Valentine's day to "celebrate" each year but we will celebrate my birthday every year.  lol  It is insane to try to do all of those gifts one right after the other.  It would be way to much money and stress on trying to get the "right" gift.
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  • I don't think it's dumb to want a particular season, or even a particular date, but sometimes life gets in the way!

    I like summer, so that's what I wanted, but the trickier part was that I wanted a date that added up to my lucky number - 23.  I was happy to find a place within budget that could accomodate 6-27-2015!

    (I only realized much later that my original wedding date, 6-7-2008, also added up to 23... creepy!)

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    Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

  • luckya23 said:

    I don't think it's dumb to want a particular season, or even a particular date, but sometimes life gets in the way!

    I like summer, so that's what I wanted, but the trickier part was that I wanted a date that added up to my lucky number - 23.  I was happy to find a place within budget that could accomodate 6-27-2015!

    (I only realized much later that my original wedding date, 6-7-2008, also added up to 23... creepy!)

    image

    That is...dedication.
    ashley8918flantastic
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