Dear me,

novella1186 · February 2015

I don't know why this popped into my head, but yesterday I started to write a list of things I would tell the kid version of me if I could hop in a time machine and go back 15 or 20 years. It's stuff I really wish I would have known, cuz I could have saved myself a lot of misery, or at the very least it would have been nice to know that things will be ok. I ended up with this:

You are not ugly
Don’t let all your self-worth depend on what boys say to you
Don’t listen to the shit your sister says; she’s angry and hateful, and always will be. That has nothing to do with you
Stop trying so hard to win your dad’s approval; you’re never going to get it, and eventually you won’t want it anyway
Don’t blow off your best friend the day he randomly rides his bike to your house; that will be the last time you ever see him
The first time your high school boyfriend treats you like crap, run. You’re worth more than that. And if you don’t run soon enough and he hits you, hit him back.
Don’t believe him when he says no one will ever love you. He’s so wrong
You’re stronger and smarter than you realize
The bad stuff that happens to you will end up making you a wiser, kinder person, so don’t feel sorry for yourself
Those mean girls never amount to much, the shit they say never ends up meaning anything, and you move so far beyond it after high school. So don’t let them get to you
Basically what I’m telling you is that high school will be a fucking nightmare, but you’ll survive. Life gets way better after that.
Don’t stress about declaring a college major. It’s not as important as your guidance counselor claims, and you won’t work in your field of study anyway
But work a little harder your freshmen year
Do not get that shooting star tattoo. But go ahead and get all your other tattoos
Do a better job saving money. All those expensive high heels end up at Goodwill
Your family will never be what you want it to be, but you’ll get adopted by your future husband’s family, and it will be wonderful
Everything that you think will never be ok, ends up being ok
That horribly turbulent plane you’re on in China will not go down. Relax.
The things you worry about are not worth worrying about
You’ll never regret the things you do, the chances you take, and the adventures you pursue. You will regret the times you pass those things up and sit at home.
It takes a while, but you finally end up with a job you love, so no, you're not stuck living with your parents forever
Stop doubting yourself
Your future husband is everything you were hoping for, and more
Grad school will be even better than you expected
--and, of course--
When you start planning your wedding, plan the small celebration you really want and decline your father’s money.

ETF crazy formatting .Yikes

What would you say to the kid version of yourself if you could go back and talk to her?

ginnybinny17 · February 2015

Biggest one for me, I think --

Don't let your grades determine your self-worth.

flyingfoxes · February 2015

There are a LOT of things I wish I could have said to my younger self, but I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't gone through all of it and learned from it all. It's kinda scary to look back at what you wished you would have known, and then realizing that in the future 50 or so years left in your life, you probably have a bunch more shit you're gonna have to go through and learn from, haha.

PamBeesly524 · February 2015

novella1186 said:
Those mean girls never amount to much, the shit they say never ends up meaning anything, and you move so far beyond it after high school. So don’t let them get to you
Basically what I’m telling you is that high school will be a fucking nightmare, but you’ll survive. Life gets way better after that.

I would double double triple quadruple stress this... but I would also add not to worry so much about what all the boys in high school think of you, especially your "first love", who you wasted so much time crying over and never even think of anymore.

This is a great post! Thanks for sharing.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

When you think you're fat, you're not. Even later when you look back and think "man, and I thought I was fat THEN," you're still not.

Even if you were, there are far worse things in life than being fat.

Stop hiding behind people. You will not melt into lava if you just talk to people. And they probably won't laugh at you and think you're weird.

Even if they do, there are far worse things in life than being weird.

Stop trying to keep up with your sister. You're on different roads. They're both good roads.

Don't spend so much money on Taco Bell in college.

NowIAmSyp · February 2015

That horribly turbulent plane you’re on in China will not go down. Relax.

Ugh- I have to "Dear Me" myself in real-time every time I step on a plane, because I literally find myself holding the seat like that. Dear Me- the plane will not go down, turbulence is not the end of the world, rain is not the end of the world, mysterious dings and noises are not the end of the world, that is NOT the engine shutting off, etc. etc.

Sigh.... xanax.

novella1186 · February 2015

soontobesyp said:

That horribly turbulent plane you’re on in China will not go down. Relax.

Ugh- I have to "Dear Me" myself in real-time every time I step on a plane, because I literally find myself holding the seat like that. Dear Me- the plane will not go down, turbulence is not the end of the world, rain is not the end of the world, mysterious dings and noises are not the end of the world, that is NOT the engine shutting off, etc. etc.

Sigh.... xanax.

That's how I am too. I really hate flying which is weird (and inconvenient) because I grew up flying several times a year.

pinkcow13 · February 2015

soontobesyp said:

That horribly turbulent plane you’re on in China will not go down. Relax.

Ugh- I have to "Dear Me" myself in real-time every time I step on a plane, because I literally find myself holding the seat like that. Dear Me- the plane will not go down, turbulence is not the end of the world, rain is not the end of the world, mysterious dings and noises are not the end of the world, that is NOT the engine shutting off, etc. etc.

Sigh.... xanax.

This is SOOO me lol.

maeday2 · February 2015

Don't believe the horrible things your dad says about you. They aren't true. Don't harbor such feelings for so long. Have that big blow up sooner in life and you can move the relationship forward sooner.

Keep your expectations of people lower and learn to forgive sooner.

Don't compare yourself to others so much.

(Thanks for the therapy session, Novella.)

mikenberger · February 2015

Start traveling by yourself earlier, dummy. Don't wait until you're 27 to go to England.
That guy you hated in HS, you know the scrawny coworker that you yelled at all the time? You're marrying him. He gains about 60lbs and becomes the man of your dreams. Weird, huh?
The guy you're with for 5 years though, not so much. He's a twat. Toss him.
And that guy before you marry the hated coworker? He has a girlfriend of 8 years and you're the other woman. Trust your gut.
You don't know what you want to do with your life, even at 31. Enjoy it. It's nothing to stress over.
That job you thought was amazing will show you that you'd rather work for a company that values their employees FUTURES and not their "right now at this moment".
You need to start paying more attention to your little sister. It's not her fault that her mother is a total cuntbag. She needs you eventually.
You're always going to flip flop between Android and Apple.
You are going to learn to LOVE beer and stop drinking all the vodka you can get your hands on. You're still never really going to love wine, but you'll develop a taste for it.
You will become a crazy cat lady.
You are going to gain back all the weight you lost. And then some. But it's all happy weight. Maybe though, you should put your ass on a treadmill?
Never forget where and who you came from.
And dude, those wrist tattoos, while they're HYSTERICAL now, if you can avoid getting them, you should.

ginnybinny17 · February 2015

soontobesyp said:

That horribly turbulent plane you’re on in China will not go down. Relax.

Ugh- I have to "Dear Me" myself in real-time every time I step on a plane, because I literally find myself holding the seat like that. Dear Me- the plane will not go down, turbulence is not the end of the world, rain is not the end of the world, mysterious dings and noises are not the end of the world, that is NOT the engine shutting off, etc. etc.

Sigh.... xanax.

I just got a new job that requires me to fly CONSTANTLY. And I'm terrified of flying. Every bump means that the plane is doomed. One time I sat next to the daughter of the pilot and I interrogated the poor lady for two hours about air disaster rates and what each noise, bump, and creak meant.

novella1186 · February 2015

mikenberger said:

Start traveling by yourself earlier, dummy. Don't wait until you're 27 to go to England.
That guy you hated in HS, you know the scrawny coworker that you yelled at all the time? You're marrying him. He gains about 60lbs and becomes the man of your dreams. Weird, huh?
The guy you're with for 5 years though, not so much. He's a twat. Toss him.
And that guy before you marry the hated coworker? He has a girlfriend of 8 years and you're the other woman. Trust your gut.
You don't know what you want to do with your life, even at 31. Enjoy it. It's nothing to stress over.
That job you thought was amazing will show you that you'd rather work for a company that values their employees FUTURES and not their "right now at this moment".
You need to start paying more attention to your little sister. It's not her fault that her mother is a total cuntbag. She needs you eventually.
You're always going to flip flop between Android and Apple.
You are going to learn to LOVE beer and stop drinking all the vodka you can get your hands on. You're still never really going to love wine, but you'll develop a taste for it.
You will become a crazy cat lady.
You are going to gain back all the weight you lost. And then some. But it's all happy weight. Maybe though, you should put your ass on a treadmill?
Never forget where and who you came from.
And dude, those wrist tattoos, while they're HYSTERICAL now, if you can avoid getting them, you should.

The bolded is so awesome

VulgarGirl · February 2015

The way you think you feel about girls, is right. You are gay. But don't worry, it all turns out ok.
No, grandmother never accepts that you're gay, you'll learn to be alright with that.
Straight girls are going to break your heart.
All that heart break is so worth it.
High school is total shit. So in junior high. College turns out pretty awesome though.
Tell someone about the bullying that happens to you. It's not right, it's not ok, you don't deserve it.
The world is not a better place without you in it, don't think that.
You need therapy, trust me, it's a great thing.
You are not even remotely the cause of your parents divorce.
Also mom and dad end up super happy and you get two awesome step-parents, so don't worry about it.
You also get two brothers out of the deal, they're cool and will look up to you.
Yes, you're short...look around kid, you had no chance of being tall.
You get to have a fucking sweet job.
You also have to work a bunch of shitty jobs.
The hard work is totally worth it.
You'll take a class in community college with a beautiful girl you think is straight. She's not. Also, you get to marry her. Eventually.
Don't be so scared of crying sometimes. It doesn't make you weak. Everyone cries.
Mom is going to get sick. She'll get better. But while she's sick, don't be so resistant to leaning on others. You need it and they want to help.
Join The Knot. You'll second guess this because you don't think you'll fit in. You will. You'll like them, they'll like you, and you'll get to see true human kindness.

mikenberger · February 2015

novella1186 said:

mikenberger said:

Start traveling by yourself earlier, dummy. Don't wait until you're 27 to go to England.
That guy you hated in HS, you know the scrawny coworker that you yelled at all the time? You're marrying him. He gains about 60lbs and becomes the man of your dreams. Weird, huh?
The guy you're with for 5 years though, not so much. He's a twat. Toss him.
And that guy before you marry the hated coworker? He has a girlfriend of 8 years and you're the other woman. Trust your gut.
You don't know what you want to do with your life, even at 31. Enjoy it. It's nothing to stress over.
That job you thought was amazing will show you that you'd rather work for a company that values their employees FUTURES and not their "right now at this moment".
You need to start paying more attention to your little sister. It's not her fault that her mother is a total cuntbag. She needs you eventually.
You're always going to flip flop between Android and Apple.
You are going to learn to LOVE beer and stop drinking all the vodka you can get your hands on. You're still never really going to love wine, but you'll develop a taste for it.
You will become a crazy cat lady.
You are going to gain back all the weight you lost. And then some. But it's all happy weight. Maybe though, you should put your ass on a treadmill?
Never forget where and who you came from.
And dude, those wrist tattoos, while they're HYSTERICAL now, if you can avoid getting them, you should.

The bolded is so awesome

lol yup. We worked together and graduated together. I hated him and he hated me. We went to our HS reunion together and people were like "You two? REALLY???"

VulgarGirl · February 2015

You will never ever grow out of your weirdness. You will however grow into it. Turn into the skid now.

novella1186 · February 2015

MagicInk that was beautiful! I'm trying not to cry right now!

climbingsingle · February 2015

You are not fat.

Don't ever let a man put you down, or hit you.

Love yourself.

It's OK to make mistakes.

hellosweetie1015 · February 2015

Love this, Novella.

Try new things. It's okay to not like things, but it's not okay to refuse on principle.
Talk to people. They don't bite. ...usually.
Buns of Steel is not the worst nickname in the world.
You will regret going to sleep in that doghouse. The picture will be paraded around to every boyfriend you ever have until it burns in a fire.
Maaaaaaaaybe don't start yelling Avada Kedavra at people in front of your crush????
Maaaaaaaaybe don't show off your own personal language to the people at the baseball field? You're already weird enough.
That dude is a douche. You know it. Quit talking to him.
It's okay to disappoint your grandmother over this. She'll have an excuse to even be prouder in a year.
JUST TALK TO HIM. It will save you a TON of embarrassment over an entire decade. I promise. Just do it.
Make her stay.
Fuck that bitch. She's making it up, and you know it. Why does it matter?
Don't drink four of those. And for the love of GOD do not drink four of those and get in the hot tub.
Don't let her have your cell phone. She's not saving you from drunk-texting somebody - she's drunker than you and has no fear.
You aren't a cell phone. You can't be upgraded.
Don't do the teaching program. Whatever you keep telling yourself, you will hate every second.

doeydo · February 2015

Boy howdy, here goes

You can tell someone, it's okay.
After you tell, people are going to act differently. Some people will try to tell you to forgive him. Don't listen to them. They don't know what they are talking about and you did nothing wrong.
Your mom doesn't understand, but she is trying her best. She loves you.
Don't think you have to be perfect in order to be good enough.
When you move, don't try to be like The New Guy. You'll end up making yourself a freak.
You are gorgeous. Eat what you want and work out just because you want to, not because at the end of the school year you know there will be swimming at that university you are going to visit.
You don't have to be a "bible thumper" or a "slut". You don't have to get straight A's or just skip school. There is a middle ground and that is where you belong.
Protect yourself. Make them wear condoms. Don't meet men online in non-public places. Let people know who you are meeting, where you are, and when you will be back.
Do not go on webcam for people.
Do not send pictures of yourself to people.
Write those children's books you always wanted to.
You are not straight.
Seriously, it is okay to explore your sexuality and it is okay to be gay, bisexual, or whatever else.
Being single is okay. You will be okay no matter what.
Don't compare yourself to others. There are all kinds of flowers in a garden, and they are all gorgeous and perfect in their own way. A daisy does not compare its beauty to a lily, it just is.
When you realize you disagree with the church and no longer want to go, then don't go.
What boys and men think of you does not determine your worth.
What one asshole says is just his thoughts. It does not mean that everyone thinks that.
You don't suck at everything you do.
People do not just politely tolerate you.
Get a proper bra fitting when you start wearing bras. Check out Butterfly Collection and Bratabase.
Don't help that guy with school work. He is using you and will never ever be interested.

plainjane0415 · February 2015

--Be who you want to be. Don't worry so much about what others think..

--Follow your career dreams. You'll be so much happier.

--It's ok to be 28 and still not know what you want to be when you grow up

--Travel more... those summer school trips to England won't come around forever. Do that.

--Be outgoing, people will not think you're weird if you strike up a conversation with them.

--Learn everything you can about who your Grandparents are. You'll be sad when they pass, and you don't know how they met or what their wedding was like.

--Go to design school. Be a fashion designer, and clothing line owner.

ETA: last bullet...

novella1186 · February 2015

hellosweetie1015 said:

Love this, Novella.
Don't let her have your cell phone. She's not saving you from drunk-texting somebody - she's drunker than you and has no fear.
You aren't a cell phone. You can't be upgraded.
Don't do the teaching program. Whatever you keep telling yourself, you will hate every second.

This one made me laugh so hard

beachyone15 · February 2015

Freaking LOVE this thread.

Your first "love" is a douche who cheats on you after years together, and ends up marrying her. It's ok though, they won't be as happy as you think.
All of your idiot high school friends (group of guys) will get married before you, but you'll be happier you waited in the long run.
You're not fat. Even if you are, who gives a shit?
You will meet your best friend in college. Hold onto her, she shows you what true friendship is. Let go of all the other "friends" who cause drama or don't have time for you.
Your ex-FI is an addict who will do everything to hide it from you. Trust your gut that you know something's wrong. You can't change him or deal with his issues, so try to move on as quickly as possible.
Student loans suck. Don't rack up anymore debt.
Speak up more; don't be so shy. Also, smile more.
Appreciate your family. You are so lucky to have what you have.
Shop more and don't feel so guilty about it. You aren't an extravagant spender, but you deserve a new outfit every once in awhile.
Don't feel bad about pre-marital sex. Those experiences will make you appreciate your H even more.
The man you marry will be unexpected, wonderful, and the best support system you could ask for. Past failed relationships will be meaningless once you meet him and see what God had in store for you all along.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

-Don't worry so much about being cool in middle school. You aren't. But that is okay (better than okay, actually. Do you even like any of those "cool kids"?)

-Don't worry about not ever being allowed to buy those track pants at Abercrombie. That trend lasted like four seconds.

-Don't feel bad about asking that guy out. Sure, it was awkward when your friend basically forced you to do it in public, but guess what--awkward moments are survivable. Rejection is survivable.

-Lighten up a little in high school. It's cool to be principled, but not so cool to be judgmental. Knock it off.

-Make an effort to listen as much as you talk. It might not work all the time; I know you get excited, but it's a good mindset to be in--other people have things to say, too.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

hellosweetie1015 said:

Don't drink four of those. And for the love of GOD do not drink four of those and get in the hot tub.

This made me laugh so hard!

doeydo said:

Being single is okay.

Please keep telling yourself this.

levioosa · February 2015

Dear Me,

You are beautiful. What you see in the mirror is a lie. What your family tells you is a lie.

Don't listen to Mom when she tells you you're just exaggerating in high school. Your health concerns are legitimate. If you ignore them, you're going to end up in the hospital for weeks and you'll never quite be the same afterwards.
Start exercising in high school. Don't eat McDonald's five times a week freshman year. Your metabolism can handle it for a little bit, but then you'll regret it.
Go get your heart checked out when you start having problems in track. It's not the R.A.
Let people in. It's scary, but it's okay to let people see your weaknesses. It's okay to cry.
Break up with Ex. The relationship isn't worth it, and you'll waste six years of your life trying to be something you're not.
Don't change yourself for a boy.
You are strong. Don't forget that.
Take a year off in between college and high school. Travel. I promise you won't regret it.
Go into nursing despite your initial doubts. It will save you six years of aimlessly floating around before you decide on it anyways.
When Mom says you don't need to go to the hospital for brother, ignore her. He needs someone to advocate for him, even if he is a colossal asshole.
Don't take away that drunk kid's keys. He's going to beat the shit out of you. Make the cops shut down the party the first time you call.
Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Cut toxic people out of your life. Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
Don't drink that whole bottle of dessert wine when you are 18. You will black out for two hours and then puke at the end of Saw. Not your finest hour. The worst thing is that you won't be able to drink wine for years after that.
Don't buy the Mini. It will suck all of your money away.
Reach out to your brother before high school hits. He's lonely and sad. It might make a huge difference later on.
Embrace the dark parts of yourself and the light, but don't let the dark parts overtake you. Use them to your advantage. They can be strengths.
Hold yourself to high standards, but don't hold them against others. Have grace for others, and especially have grace for yourself.
Your journey is your own.

beethery · February 2015

Dear Me (and everyone),

You are nobody's doormat. Don't you ever fucking forget it.

NavyBlue143 · February 2015

Stand up to your mother. You are not ungrateful or worthless because you demand respect.

Also, understand your mother is human and she's a good person who had a horrible childhood. She's trying.

Your mom is proud of you and loves you. She just sucks at showing it.

Don't resent your little brother so much. He didn't ask to be autistic. You'll understand someday.

Expect more from your dad. He's a great father and provider, but not a great husband, don't always side with him.

That boyfriend in middle school who made fun of you for being flat? Not that it matters, but 34 DD, asshole.

Please don't worry about being awkward looking. You're 13. You'll grow out of it, and even your hyper critical mother won't call you plain anymore.

That guy who was your biggest bully? You'll come across his medical file while working in a doctor's office. What you'll find will make it allll worth it.

Be kinder to people who have hurt your feelings, and forgive the faults in others. You're not perfect. In fact sometimes you're kinda mean. Work on that. Please.

You won't win a trophy for staying with your first love. When he comes into your life, enjoy it. When he leaves, let him go. Don't waste your early 20's on someone who is thinks that being with you will diminish his life. You're awesome and not crazy or clingy for expecting someone who loves you to WANT to be with you. Don't let him ruin your mental health, and don't let pining over him ruin your physical health. Also, don't let him get so inside your head that you have social anxiety forever. Nobody else has a problem with every move you make in public.

Stay in dance. It's hard to get those skills back.

You don't want to be a nurse. Your mom wants you to be a nurse. At 17 you don't know WHAT you want to be, and that's ok. Go to college and figure it out, so you won't have to when you're 26.

Work harder in college, and take advantage of opportunities given. You're lucky. Be grateful.

novella1186 · February 2015

beethery said:

Dear Me (and everyone),

You are nobody's doormat. Don't you ever fucking forget it.

You are awesome.

ashley8918 · February 2015

I got nothing. My shit turned out just fine, and I wouldn't want to tell my past self something that could possibly screw that up. Everything from my bad choices and bad relationships to my horribly low self esteem led me to where I am today, and I wouldn't change this for the world.

Besides, my kids were the result of MANY bad choices and I need them in my life now. If I could do it all over, I wouldn't.

DaniBites · February 2015

When the lady at MAC Cosmetics offers you a job modeling, take it. Don't skip it to be in your choir show. You'll be quitting shortly
Drink more water. It seems to be the key to clearing up that persistent adult acne
Go out more with your fun friends before you're old and tired.
Stop trying so hard.
It doesn't matter if boys like you
Tell you dad how much you love him on April 11th. He's going to kill himself and maybe you can save him.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

DaniBites said:

When the lady at MAC Cosmetics offers you a job modeling, take it. Don't skip it to be in your choir show. You'll be quitting shortly
Drink more water. It seems to be the key to clearing up that persistent adult acne
Go out more with your fun friends before you're old and tired.
Stop trying so hard.
It doesn't matter if boys like you
Tell you dad how much you love him on April 11th. He's going to kill himself and maybe you can save him.

NONONONONONONONONONO.

Dear current DaniBites: YOU DO NOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE'S CHOICES. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL GUILT OR RESPONSIBILITY FOR THINGS WHICH ARE NOT YOUR FAULT.

Dear me,

Re: Dear me,

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