Bridesmaid Headpiece

ashley8918 · February 2015

OOH! Maybe this is it!

levioosa · February 2015

I just......um........I don't even know.

Oh, Elizabeth...why?

MairePoppy · February 2015

The flower glued to Liz's forehead is a nice touch @levioosa

lovegood90 · February 2015

ohannabelle said:

lilacck28 said:

I'm curious, @patowv, what does this "piece of crochet lace" actually look like?

Exactly. I want to see this thing that started as a piece of lace in the first post, and later turned into a "bridal head piece."

Yeah, sounds like the story conveniently changed when she realized we weren't going to tell her what she wanted to hear.

novella1186 · February 2015

levioosa said:

I just......um........I don't even know.

Oh, Elizabeth...why?

Gotta love that necklace, though.

lyndausvi · February 2015

Seems like a lot of drama over a head piece on an honor guest. Even if it might be little over-the-top, so what?

IMO, people who do over-the-top things do not normally do them one time. I bet this headband is par for the course for her.

KatWAG · February 2015

Okay I am going to go against the majority.

First, I think this is a non-issue and something that you shouldnt waste you time worrying about. No one will care what your BMs hair looks like.

But, we always tell brides that if you want to dictate how your bridesmaid should wear their hair, then the bride needs to pay for it. The bride is doing this. She is paying for the BMs to get their hair done so I think that she gets to say no lace thingy.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

KatWAG said:

Okay I am going to go against the majority.

First, I think this is a non-issue and something that you shouldnt waste you time worrying about. No one will care what your BMs hair looks like.

But, we always tell brides that if you want to dictate how your bridesmaid should wear their hair, then the bride needs to pay for it. The bride is doing this. She is paying for the BMs to get their hair done so I think that she gets to say no lace thingy.

I think you have a point and I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree. Here's why - the bride is paying for the hairstyle, not the headband. From what I can gather here, the BM is going to put this on her own head.

I mean, technically, if the BM plans to ask the stylist to place it and the bride wants to say "if you do that, I'm not going to pay for your hair", then ok.... but if I were the BM, I'd be like "ok fine, I'll wait til I get my hair done and place it myself."

I guess I would equate this to a bride paying for manicures and then getting upset that a BM wanted to wear a blingy cocktail ring on her left ring finger.

lilacck28 · February 2015

It's also a matter of... you can't force your bridesmaid to get her hair done a certain way. You want it to be done in a fancy updo bun thing? Okay. You can make your bridesmaid wear it that way IF she agrees to get her hair done that way by the hairstylist that you pay for. Just because you are paying the hairstylist doesn't mean the bridesmaid has to agree to get her hair worked on. She could say, "no, i want to wear this crochet lace headband with a braid, and I'll do it myself". So... I guess you coudl say "no, that's not the uniform, you're out" but... then you're going to lose a friend over a hairstyle.

LD1970 · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

I'd absolutely notice the difference as a guest. But I'd be squinting at *her* as an attention whore, not *you* as failing to be a good bride.

So as a bride, I'd let it go... BUT, if she's accepted your offer to pay to have her hair done, check with your hairdresser to make sure this doesn't somehow increase the cost of the hairdo. That's the only reason I could see for you to really legitimately take issue with it.

Oh cut me a break. So BM's aren't allowed to wear anything in their hair or any jewelry or fancy shoes because it could take away from the bride or some such nonsense? Why in the hell would you as a gust judge a BM for being an AW because she wore a lace hairpiece?

Neither said nor meant anything about jewelry or shoes. I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth. In fact, my own bridesmaids had no instruction regarding hair or shoes or jewelry other than "Do what you want, not my responsibility."

But yeah, a lace headpiece on a bridesmaid would lead me to see her as an attention whore. On the other hand, I also said as a bride, I'd let it go unless it somehow incurred additional expense for me.

I see on here all the time that everyone says "No one will notice." My point is, you're wrong. Yes, they will. I noticed at my sister's best friend's wedding that the red rose bouquets clashed with the red bridesmaid dresses (and found out later on from my sis, who was a BM, that the bride was actually really upset because they were supposed to be black beauty roses, not red, which explained the clash). Both the bride and I noticed, absolutely. In the end, it didn't really matter. She got married, had a great day, and is still married, now with a kid. But the bride and others DID notice.

ETA: I take it back. I did give an instruction regarding shoes: I told them to wear shoes that were comfy enough to keep them dancing!

lyndausvi · February 2015

I'm in the camp of even if it's noticed (and some people will) it just doesn't matter. Like AT ALL.

I had a guest who wore a thin white almost see through white dress. During a massive rain storm. She didn't have a rain coat (even though the storm was predicted). So to cover herself (head and all) she took a white sheet from her room.

Was she noticed? Yes, everyone wanted to know who the ghost chick in the almost see-through dress was.

Did it matter? Nope. Not at all.

Seriously, I'm sure there are much bigger things to worry about then the hairstyle of your BM.

climbingsingle · February 2015

I still want to know what the headpiece looks like.

ohannabelle · February 2015

climbingwife said:

I still want to know what the headpiece looks like.

Me, too!

Given the fact that the original complaint didn't mention huge or weird or veil-like, and the only issues were it didn't match the navy blue Kate Spade gold accessory vibe, and should all the girls do this to match, I'd bet we're talking about a headband.

STARMOON44 · February 2015

I think it's fine to say no to this.

aurianna · February 2015

The keyword here is crochet. I'm guessing it's not actual lace and just a lace pattern in yarn?

OP, I'm with everyone else in that I think you should let it go.

But especially let it go if it's something like this, because no one is going to think it's a bridal veil. Don't worry.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

KatWAG said:

Okay I am going to go against the majority.

First, I think this is a non-issue and something that you shouldnt waste you time worrying about. No one will care what your BMs hair looks like.

But, we always tell brides that if you want to dictate how your bridesmaid should wear their hair, then the bride needs to pay for it. The bride is doing this. She is paying for the BMs to get their hair done so I think that she gets to say no lace thingy.

I see what you are saying in principle, but when it has to do with my body I DON'T believe in "He Who Pays Has A Say."

I don't care if a bride is paying for me to have my hair done, I WILL NOT agree to an unflattering hair style or a style I dislike just because she's paying. It's still my hair, my face, my body. And I will be in front of people and in pictures and I don't want to look like shit.

I don't know if that's vain, I don't think that it is.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

LD1970 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

I'd absolutely notice the difference as a guest. But I'd be squinting at *her* as an attention whore, not *you* as failing to be a good bride.

So as a bride, I'd let it go... BUT, if she's accepted your offer to pay to have her hair done, check with your hairdresser to make sure this doesn't somehow increase the cost of the hairdo. That's the only reason I could see for you to really legitimately take issue with it.

Oh cut me a break. So BM's aren't allowed to wear anything in their hair or any jewelry or fancy shoes because it could take away from the bride or some such nonsense? Why in the hell would you as a gust judge a BM for being an AW because she wore a lace hairpiece?

Neither said nor meant anything about jewelry or shoes. I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth. In fact, my own bridesmaids had no instruction regarding hair or shoes or jewelry other than "Do what you want, not my responsibility."

But yeah, a lace headpiece on a bridesmaid would lead me to see her as an attention whore. On the other hand, I also said as a bride, I'd let it go unless it somehow incurred additional expense for me.

I see on here all the time that everyone says "No one will notice." My point is, you're wrong. Yes, they will. I noticed at my sister's best friend's wedding that the red rose bouquets clashed with the red bridesmaid dresses (and found out later on from my sis, who was a BM, that the bride was actually really upset because they were supposed to be black beauty roses, not red, which explained the clash). Both the bride and I noticed, absolutely. In the end, it didn't really matter. She got married, had a great day, and is still married, now with a kid. But the bride and others DID notice.

ETA: I take it back. I did give an instruction regarding shoes: I told them to wear shoes that were comfy enough to keep them dancing!

I brought the shoes and jewelry up as further examples of accessories to make my point. I was not inferring that you said anything about them.

And despite the fact that you say you notice these trivial things- and they really are trivial- the vast majority of people do not notice or care about them- certainly nobody says anything about them IF they notice- and many brides post here all the time that they in fact can't recall how their BM's wore their hair, what shoes they wore, etc.

I just got married in October, I love fashion and I check out what other people are wearing, and I can't recall without looking at pictures what my BM's wore.

So the point I'm trying to make, and many of us try to make, is that micromanaging adults who are supposed to be your honored guests by dictating stupid shit like what they wear in their hair and how is just so trivial and pointless.

I also find the judgement that many people here say they pass on other people at weddings to be petty and a damn shame, too. A BM who wants to wear a lace hair piece is automatically an AW? If the OP and her BMs were just getting dressed up and going out on the town would you judge this BM for being an AW if she chose to wear a hair piece when the OP didn't? I doubt it.

Why is she an AW? Because she wants to wear a hair piece or because it's lace and lace is "bridal"? Why would you judge that hair piece but not judge a BM who was wearing very flashy jewelry and shoes?

You- women in general- are judging the BM because she's at a wedding and there's this silly mentality of "OMG No one can dare stand up the bride!" That's a ridiculous thought because no one, short of showing up stark ass naked, CAN show up a bride on her wedding day- she's the bride! What other people are wearing will never change that.

ohannabelle · February 2015

aurianna said:

The keyword here is crochet. I'm guessing it's not actual lace and just a lace pattern in yarn?

OP, I'm with everyone else in that I think you should let it go.

But especially let it go if it's something like this, because no one is going to think it's a bridal veil. Don't worry.

No, that's just crotchet in yarn.

Crotchet lace is another thing altogether, usually made with thread. Like tatting thread. It typically looks like this:

LD1970 · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

I'd absolutely notice the difference as a guest. But I'd be squinting at *her* as an attention whore, not *you* as failing to be a good bride.

So as a bride, I'd let it go... BUT, if she's accepted your offer to pay to have her hair done, check with your hairdresser to make sure this doesn't somehow increase the cost of the hairdo. That's the only reason I could see for you to really legitimately take issue with it.

Oh cut me a break. So BM's aren't allowed to wear anything in their hair or any jewelry or fancy shoes because it could take away from the bride or some such nonsense? Why in the hell would you as a gust judge a BM for being an AW because she wore a lace hairpiece?

Neither said nor meant anything about jewelry or shoes. I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth. In fact, my own bridesmaids had no instruction regarding hair or shoes or jewelry other than "Do what you want, not my responsibility."

But yeah, a lace headpiece on a bridesmaid would lead me to see her as an attention whore. On the other hand, I also said as a bride, I'd let it go unless it somehow incurred additional expense for me.

I see on here all the time that everyone says "No one will notice." My point is, you're wrong. Yes, they will. I noticed at my sister's best friend's wedding that the red rose bouquets clashed with the red bridesmaid dresses (and found out later on from my sis, who was a BM, that the bride was actually really upset because they were supposed to be black beauty roses, not red, which explained the clash). Both the bride and I noticed, absolutely. In the end, it didn't really matter. She got married, had a great day, and is still married, now with a kid. But the bride and others DID notice.

ETA: I take it back. I did give an instruction regarding shoes: I told them to wear shoes that were comfy enough to keep them dancing!

I brought the shoes and jewelry up as further examples of accessories to make my point. I was not inferring that you said anything about them.

I believe you mean imply, not infer.

And despite the fact that you say you notice these trivial things- and they really are trivial- the vast majority of people do not notice or care about them- certainly nobody says anything about them IF they notice- and many brides post here all the time that they in fact can't recall how their BM's wore their hair, what shoes they wore, etc.

I just got married in October, I love fashion and I check out what other people are wearing, and I can't recall without looking at pictures what my BM's wore.

I don't love fashion (except shoes & accessories), and I remember what mine wore & how they wore their hair. I'm nowhere near my wedding photos and I got married in March of 2009. So there you go. Don't presume what other people remember or noticed based on what you remember or notice.

So the point I'm trying to make, and many of us try to make, is that micromanaging adults who are supposed to be your honored guests by dictating stupid shit like what they wear in their hair and how is just so trivial and pointless.

And I said if it were me, I'd let it go. As I did with my bridesmaids. In fact, thinking back, my sister (MOH) asked me if she could wear little crystals in her hair, and I laughed in her face and asked her why she thought I'd mind.

I also find the judgement that many people here say they pass on other people at weddings to be petty and a damn shame, too. A BM who wants to wear a lace hair piece is automatically an AW? If the OP and her BMs were just getting dressed up and going out on the town would you judge this BM for being an AW if she chose to wear a hair piece when the OP didn't? I doubt it.

Why is she an AW? Because she wants to wear a hair piece or because it's lace and lace is "bridal"? Why would you judge that hair piece but not judge a BM who was wearing very flashy jewelry and shoes?

OP said it looked bridal, not me. Not in the OP itself, but somewhere along the way. And I agree that if its a little headband, it's no big deal. If it's near veil-like, as was later described, that's another story.

Other than that, I said OP might have an argument if the bridesmaid took her up on her offer to pay for the pro hair & then the hairdresser charged more to use the headpiece in the style (which a lot of hairdressers do), because a BM causing a bride extra expense would just not be cool.

You- women in general- are judging the BM because she's at a wedding and there's this silly mentality of "OMG No one can dare stand up the bride!" That's a ridiculous thought because no one, short of showing up stark ass naked, CAN show up a bride on her wedding day- she's the bride! What other people are wearing will never change that.

Nope. More presumptions. I'm me. I'm not "women in general."

Interestingly, I've often use the same line, except more so... I've been here for years and have told many, many scared-not-to-be-the-center-of-attention brides that someone COULD be turning naked cartwheels at the wedding, and as long as you're in the fluffy white dress, you'll still be the center of attention. What other people are wearing (or not) will indeed never change that. And yes, brides need to chill.

Doesn't mean the person turning naked cartwheels isn't an attention whore, though.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

Attention whore or not. If people notice or not. It does not matter what the hell a BM or guest or whoever wears on their head, feet, neck, wrist, body, etc. None of that will prevent the couple from being married nor will it ruin the wedding day.

flantastic · February 2015

LD1970 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

I'd absolutely notice the difference as a guest. But I'd be squinting at *her* as an attention whore, not *you* as failing to be a good bride.

So as a bride, I'd let it go... BUT, if she's accepted your offer to pay to have her hair done, check with your hairdresser to make sure this doesn't somehow increase the cost of the hairdo. That's the only reason I could see for you to really legitimately take issue with it.

Oh cut me a break. So BM's aren't allowed to wear anything in their hair or any jewelry or fancy shoes because it could take away from the bride or some such nonsense? Why in the hell would you as a gust judge a BM for being an AW because she wore a lace hairpiece?

Neither said nor meant anything about jewelry or shoes. I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth. In fact, my own bridesmaids had no instruction regarding hair or shoes or jewelry other than "Do what you want, not my responsibility."

But yeah, a lace headpiece on a bridesmaid would lead me to see her as an attention whore. On the other hand, I also said as a bride, I'd let it go unless it somehow incurred additional expense for me.

I see on here all the time that everyone says "No one will notice." My point is, you're wrong. Yes, they will. I noticed at my sister's best friend's wedding that the red rose bouquets clashed with the red bridesmaid dresses (and found out later on from my sis, who was a BM, that the bride was actually really upset because they were supposed to be black beauty roses, not red, which explained the clash). Both the bride and I noticed, absolutely. In the end, it didn't really matter. She got married, had a great day, and is still married, now with a kid. But the bride and others DID notice.

ETA: I take it back. I did give an instruction regarding shoes: I told them to wear shoes that were comfy enough to keep them dancing!

I brought the shoes and jewelry up as further examples of accessories to make my point. I was not inferring that you said anything about them.

I believe you mean imply, not infer.

And despite the fact that you say you notice these trivial things- and they really are trivial- the vast majority of people do not notice or care about them- certainly nobody says anything about them IF they notice- and many brides post here all the time that they in fact can't recall how their BM's wore their hair, what shoes they wore, etc.

I just got married in October, I love fashion and I check out what other people are wearing, and I can't recall without looking at pictures what my BM's wore.

I don't love fashion (except shoes & accessories), and I remember what mine wore & how they wore their hair. I'm nowhere near my wedding photos and I got married in March of 2009. So there you go. Don't presume what other people remember or noticed based on what you remember or notice.

So the point I'm trying to make, and many of us try to make, is that micromanaging adults who are supposed to be your honored guests by dictating stupid shit like what they wear in their hair and how is just so trivial and pointless.

And I said if it were me, I'd let it go. As I did with my bridesmaids. In fact, thinking back, my sister (MOH) asked me if she could wear little crystals in her hair, and I laughed in her face and asked her why she thought I'd mind.

I also find the judgement that many people here say they pass on other people at weddings to be petty and a damn shame, too. A BM who wants to wear a lace hair piece is automatically an AW? If the OP and her BMs were just getting dressed up and going out on the town would you judge this BM for being an AW if she chose to wear a hair piece when the OP didn't? I doubt it.

Why is she an AW? Because she wants to wear a hair piece or because it's lace and lace is "bridal"? Why would you judge that hair piece but not judge a BM who was wearing very flashy jewelry and shoes?

OP said it looked bridal, not me. Not in the OP itself, but somewhere along the way. And I agree that if its a little headband, it's no big deal. If it's near veil-like, as was later described, that's another story.

Other than that, I said OP might have an argument if the bridesmaid took her up on her offer to pay for the pro hair & then the hairdresser charged more to use the headpiece in the style (which a lot of hairdressers do), because a BM causing a bride extra expense would just not be cool.

You- women in general- are judging the BM because she's at a wedding and there's this silly mentality of "OMG No one can dare stand up the bride!" That's a ridiculous thought because no one, short of showing up stark ass naked, CAN show up a bride on her wedding day- she's the bride! What other people are wearing will never change that.

Nope. More presumptions. I'm me. I'm not "women in general."

Interestingly, I've often use the same line, except more so... I've been here for years and have told many, many scared-not-to-be-the-center-of-attention brides that someone COULD be turning naked cartwheels at the wedding, and as long as you're in the fluffy white dress, you'll still be the center of attention. What other people are wearing (or not) will indeed never change that. And yes, brides need to chill.

Doesn't mean the person turning naked cartwheels isn't an attention whore, though.

Okay, so you notice and remember these things.

Since your wedding in 2009, what has been affected by the apparel of your BMs or that of any other guest?

plainjane0415 · February 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Attention whore or not. If people notice or not. It does not matter what the hell a BM or guest or whoever wears on their head, feet, neck, wrist, body, etc. None of that will prevent the couple from being married nor will it ruin the wedding day.

rcher912 · February 2015

FFS, just let her do it. Some will side-eye, some will not, and very, very few will remember.

I am curious though about just how "bridal" we're talking...

ohannabelle · February 2015

rcher912 said:

FFS, just let her do it. Some will side-eye, some will not, and very, very few will remember.

I am curious though about just how "bridal" we're talking...

I've given up. We'll never see this "piece of lace" which became a "headpiece."

I keep checking back, but nope. We'll never know.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

LD1970 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LD1970 said:

I'd absolutely notice the difference as a guest. But I'd be squinting at *her* as an attention whore, not *you* as failing to be a good bride.

So as a bride, I'd let it go... BUT, if she's accepted your offer to pay to have her hair done, check with your hairdresser to make sure this doesn't somehow increase the cost of the hairdo. That's the only reason I could see for you to really legitimately take issue with it.

Oh cut me a break. So BM's aren't allowed to wear anything in their hair or any jewelry or fancy shoes because it could take away from the bride or some such nonsense? Why in the hell would you as a gust judge a BM for being an AW because she wore a lace hairpiece?

Neither said nor meant anything about jewelry or shoes. I'll thank you not to put words in my mouth. In fact, my own bridesmaids had no instruction regarding hair or shoes or jewelry other than "Do what you want, not my responsibility."

But yeah, a lace headpiece on a bridesmaid would lead me to see her as an attention whore. On the other hand, I also said as a bride, I'd let it go unless it somehow incurred additional expense for me.

I see on here all the time that everyone says "No one will notice." My point is, you're wrong. Yes, they will. I noticed at my sister's best friend's wedding that the red rose bouquets clashed with the red bridesmaid dresses (and found out later on from my sis, who was a BM, that the bride was actually really upset because they were supposed to be black beauty roses, not red, which explained the clash). Both the bride and I noticed, absolutely. In the end, it didn't really matter. She got married, had a great day, and is still married, now with a kid. But the bride and others DID notice.

ETA: I take it back. I did give an instruction regarding shoes: I told them to wear shoes that were comfy enough to keep them dancing!

I brought the shoes and jewelry up as further examples of accessories to make my point. I was not inferring that you said anything about them.

I believe you mean imply, not infer.

And despite the fact that you say you notice these trivial things- and they really are trivial- the vast majority of people do not notice or care about them- certainly nobody says anything about them IF they notice- and many brides post here all the time that they in fact can't recall how their BM's wore their hair, what shoes they wore, etc.

I just got married in October, I love fashion and I check out what other people are wearing, and I can't recall without looking at pictures what my BM's wore.

I don't love fashion (except shoes & accessories), and I remember what mine wore & how they wore their hair. I'm nowhere near my wedding photos and I got married in March of 2009. So there you go. Don't presume what other people remember or noticed based on what you remember or notice.

I make statements based of off anecdotal or empirical evidence, and then extrapolate that out to the general public. In this case, the majority of posters have said that they do not notice this trivial shit and/or they don't recall this trivial shit from their own weddings. And then there's you, the outlier. And outliers are typical in most data sets, so it's all good.

So based on the fact that the majority of posters here are all in agreement on this, yes, I can presume, on the basis of probability, that pretty much no one really cares or notices this trivial shit! And chances are that even if someone does notice or care about this trivial shit, it will only be like 1 person. . . who's probably not going to say anything, so who cares! This stuff is not worth brides going Zilla on their friends and family over.

So the point I'm trying to make, and many of us try to make, is that micromanaging adults who are supposed to be your honored guests by dictating stupid shit like what they wear in their hair and how is just so trivial and pointless.

And I said if it were me, I'd let it go. As I did with my bridesmaids. In fact, thinking back, my sister (MOH) asked me if she could wear little crystals in her hair, and I laughed in her face and asked her why she thought I'd mind. Maybe because she knows you notice those things? :-P

I also find the judgement that many people here say they pass on other people at weddings to be petty and a damn shame, too. A BM who wants to wear a lace hair piece is automatically an AW? If the OP and her BMs were just getting dressed up and going out on the town would you judge this BM for being an AW if she chose to wear a hair piece when the OP didn't? I doubt it.

Why is she an AW? Because she wants to wear a hair piece or because it's lace and lace is "bridal"? Why would you judge that hair piece but not judge a BM who was wearing very flashy jewelry and shoes?

OP said it looked bridal, not me. Not in the OP itself, but somewhere along the way. And I agree that if its a little headband, it's no big deal. If it's near veil-like, as was later described, that's another story.

Other than that, I said OP might have an argument if the bridesmaid took her up on her offer to pay for the pro hair & then the hairdresser charged more to use the headpiece in the style (which a lot of hairdressers do), because a BM causing a bride extra expense would just not be cool. Yeah I agree on this. Although, I've never been charged extra to have a hairpiece put in- that seems like a crappy practice.

You- women in general- are judging the BM because she's at a wedding and there's this silly mentality of "OMG No one can dare stand up the bride!" That's a ridiculous thought because no one, short of showing up stark ass naked, CAN show up a bride on her wedding day- she's the bride! What other people are wearing will never change that.

Nope. More presumptions. I'm me. I'm not "women in general." Nope, not a presumption. I was trying to communicate that I was not directing my comment solely to you, as sometimes posters on the boards get defensive when they think they are being directly criticized.

Interestingly, I've often use the same line, except more so... I've been here for years and have told many, many scared-not-to-be-the-center-of-attention brides that someone COULD be turning naked cartwheels at the wedding, and as long as you're in the fluffy white dress, you'll still be the center of attention. What other people are wearing (or not) will indeed never change that. And yes, brides need to chill. Amen!

Doesn't mean the person turning naked cartwheels isn't an attention whore, though. At that point, I'd probably agree. But what I don't agree with is this assumption that because a guest wears white, or red, or black, of this or that to a wedding then they are an AW.

Viczaesar · February 2015

KatWAG said:

Okay I am going to go against the majority.

First, I think this is a non-issue and something that you shouldnt waste you time worrying about. No one will care what your BMs hair looks like.

But, we always tell brides that if you want to dictate how your bridesmaid should wear their hair, then the bride needs to pay for it. The bride is doing this. She is paying for the BMs to get their hair done so I think that she gets to say no lace thingy.

I don't tell them that. I tell them that if they want their bridesmaids to have professional hair done they need to pay for it, but that doesn't give them the right to either force their bridesmaids to have it done or dictate the style.

rentothenay.defunct635756527744329529 · February 2015

I kind of wonder if this is more of an OCD (medical OCD, which a lot of people mistake for control freak) type of thing rather than a bride trying to have too much control. If you have a mood set for your setting and the look you're going for is modern chic or whatever, and a bridesmaid shows up with one of those little white sequined tiny top hat head bands to a navy and gold colored event...she sticks out like a sore thumb. A lot of people might not be bothered by this but the bride is. She's generously supplied hair and accessories for the girls to develop a certain look and obviously this head piece derails from this look.I think it would be different if all the bridesmaids had different dresses, different hairstyles, different accessories, ect. Then each girl has her own look. But if you have a uniform look (which isn't everyone's style but is the brides), then something will stick out especially if it is white. Then again, I have a certain level of OCD so I can understand why this would bother the bride...

[Deleted User] · February 2015

climbingsingle · February 2015

pinkrevenge said:

rentothenay said:

I kind of wonder if this is more of an OCD (medical OCD, which a lot of people mistake for control freak) type of thing rather than a bride trying to have too much control. If you have a mood set for your setting and the look you're going for is modern chic or whatever, and a bridesmaid shows up with one of those little white sequined tiny top hat head bands to a navy and gold colored event...she sticks out like a sore thumb. A lot of people might not be bothered by this but the bride is. She's generously supplied hair and accessories for the girls to develop a certain look and obviously this head piece derails from this look.I think it would be different if all the bridesmaids had different dresses, different hairstyles, different accessories, ect. Then each girl has her own look. But if you have a uniform look (which isn't everyone's style but is the brides), then something will stick out especially if it is white. Then again, I have a certain level of OCD so I can understand why this would bother the bride...

Okay, but you don't get to foist your hypothetical medical problems on other people, so even if she did have OCD, my advice is still the same. Let it go.

Exactly. It's still not an excuse to treat your loved ones poorly.

Also, is your name Renee? Don't give us a bad name. The OP is acting like total 'zila.

MyNameIsNot · February 2015

rentothenay said:

I kind of wonder if this is more of an OCD (medical OCD, which a lot of people mistake for control freak) type of thing rather than a bride trying to have too much control. If you have a mood set for your setting and the look you're going for is modern chic or whatever, and a bridesmaid shows up with one of those little white sequined tiny top hat head bands to a navy and gold colored event...she sticks out like a sore thumb. A lot of people might not be bothered by this but the bride is. She's generously supplied hair and accessories for the girls to develop a certain look and obviously this head piece derails from this look.I think it would be different if all the bridesmaids had different dresses, different hairstyles, different accessories, ect. Then each girl has her own look. But if you have a uniform look (which isn't everyone's style but is the brides), then something will stick out especially if it is white. Then again, I have a certain level of OCD so I can understand why this would bother the bride...

If medical OCD is making her feel like she needs to control the appearance of her friends, she needs to talk to her doctor or mental health professional, because the current treatment plan is not working.

Mental illness is a horrible struggle that people have to deal with, and we, as a society, need to be better at recognizing that mental illness is not a choice or something that someone can just "shake off" or get over. However, we don't just accept these symptoms and move on. When my great aunt starts collecting her treasures and stops letting people come over to her house, we know it's time to get her help. We don't just say "well, she's a hoarder" and leave her to spin out of control.

While it's pretty absurd that you're attempting to diagnose a stranger with mental illness over the internet, the point remains that she shouldn't be trying to control someone else's hair piece.

Bridesmaid Headpiece

Re: Bridesmaid Headpiece

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