Its rude regardless only because she keeps repeatedly sending the link.
My family only has courthouse weddings and the way gifts were handled depended if there was a party after.
No party: 1/2 family gives no gifts the other 1/2 (which I think is appropriate) gives small gifts . Examples flowers, taking pictures of courthouse ceremony and putting it in a album etc. $40 max spent. (You can put $25-40 on honeymoon registry -40 a couple)
If theres a house party: A plate,maybe traditional wedding cake, spa gift certificate. (You can put $40-100 on registry per couple) still bring a dish.
If in a restaurant or simular facility: Still give almost same amount as regular wedding as the most expensive part of any weddinig is the party. ($100 a person-$200 a couple...maybe $80-$175)
If you are not invited to courthouse wedding a $10-$14 bottle of wine and congradulations card is suffient. I wouldn't bother with honeymoon registry if 1. You cannot witness it and 2. She keeps asking. I know my family has had up to 25 people at courthouse wedding so if you are close you should be invited there.
This generally how my family&friends deal with courthouse weddings granted this isnt a "must" guide just lose ideas.
Its rude regardless only because she keeps repeatedly sending the link.
My family only has courthouse weddings and the way gifts were handled depended if there was a party after.
No party: 1/2 family gives no gifts the other 1/2 (which I think is appropriate) gives small gifts . Examples flowers, taking pictures of courthouse ceremony and putting it in a album etc. $40 max spent. (You can put $25-40 on honeymoon registry -40 a couple)
If theres a house party:
A plate,maybe traditional wedding cake, spa gift certificate. (You can put $40-100 on registry per couple) still bring a dish.
If in a restaurant or simular facility:
Still give almost same amount as regular wedding as the most expensive part of any weddinig is the party. ($100 a person-$200 a couple...maybe $80-$175)
If you are not invited to courthouse wedding a $10-$14 bottle of wine and congradulations card is suffient. I wouldn't bother with honeymoon registry if 1. You cannot witness it and 2. She keeps asking.
I know my family has had up to 25 people at courthouse wedding so if you are close you should be invited there.
This generally how my family&friends deal with courthouse weddings granted this isnt a "must" guide just lose ideas.
Its rude regardless only because she keeps repeatedly sending the link.
My family only has courthouse weddings and the way gifts were handled depended if there was a party after.
No party: 1/2 family gives no gifts the other 1/2 (which I think is appropriate) gives small gifts . Examples flowers, taking pictures of courthouse ceremony and putting it in a album etc. $40 max spent. (You can put $25-40 on honeymoon registry -40 a couple)
If theres a house party:
A plate,maybe traditional wedding cake, spa gift certificate. (You can put $40-100 on registry per couple) still bring a dish.
If in a restaurant or simular facility:
Still give almost same amount as regular wedding as the most expensive part of any weddinig is the party. ($100 a person-$200 a couple...maybe $80-$175)
If you are not invited to courthouse wedding a $10-$14 bottle of wine and congradulations card is suffient. I wouldn't bother with honeymoon registry if 1. You cannot witness it and 2. She keeps asking.
I know my family has had up to 25 people at courthouse wedding so if you are close you should be invited there.
This generally how my family&friends deal with courthouse weddings granted this isnt a "must" guide just lose ideas.
Oh, honey, no. It's rude regardless.
You should lurk more here. I know you were asking about wedding etiquette earlier in another post. What you are suggesting here is against etiquette. Honeymoon registries are essentially asking people for cash. Rude.
It is however I think acceptable if she shared the link only once
Wrong! The bride and groom should never share the link to their wedding registry. If people want to know where they're registered, they'll ask. They also shouldn't ask for money. Everyone already knows that money is a great wedding gift.
OP, if you would like to give a gift, a bottle of wine, an etiquette book, or monogrammed guest towels that they can't return for cash would be appropriate.There's no way I'd give this couple money. You also could also send a card or just ignore their requests.
Its rude regardless only because she keeps repeatedly sending the link.
My family only has courthouse weddings and the way gifts were handled depended if there was a party after.
No party: 1/2 family gives no gifts the other 1/2 (which I think is appropriate) gives small gifts. Examples flowers, taking pictures of courthouse ceremony and putting it in a album etc. $40 max spent. (You can put $25-40 on honeymoon registry -40 a couple) HM registries are against etiquette because they = panhandling for cash.
If theres a house party:
A plate,maybe traditional wedding cake, spa gift certificate. (You can put $40-100 on registry per couple) still bring a dish. Registering for cash is against etiquette. Potluck receptions are against etiquette.
If in a restaurant or simular facility:
Still give almost same amount as regular wedding as the most expensive part of any weddinig is the party. ($100 a person-$200 a couple...maybe $80-$175)
If you are not invited to courthouse wedding a $10-$14 bottle of wine and congradulations card is suffient. I wouldn't bother with honeymoon registry if 1. You cannot witness it and 2. She keeps asking.
I know my family has had up to 25 people at courthouse wedding so if you are close you should be invited there. The B&G are not required to invite anyone to their courthouse wedding - close or not.
This generally how my family&friends deal with courthouse weddings granted this isnt a "must" guide just lose ideas.
A couple things:
1) Honeymoon/Cash registries = asking for cash = against etiquette
2) If anyone is invited to witness a ceremony (church, courthouse, outside, whatever) the B&G need to host something for those people. And no, potlucks are not hosting.
1. I know you said in an earlier post that you/your family haven't been to a lot of weddings. That's OK, but please understand that the experiences you have had likely DO NOT follow etiquette shouldn't be doled out as advice. Lurk/read here a bit more and you'll learn quickly.
2. If you're replying to a specific post/poster, please use either the quote function or @ tag them.
3. If your screen name is your full real name, please consider changing it. Internet privacy.
I would disagree with Abbynieves627that the amount spent on a gift should depend on the expense of the wedding. Whether invited or not, whether attending the wedding or not, no one is ever obligated to give a wedding gift. A gift is always voluntary and can always be chosen by the giver. That calculus on what to spend is personal. It depends on your budget, how close you are to the bride/groom, etc., but it does not depend on the per plate cost of how much the bride and groom spent on hosting the event.
Honeymoon registries or any other request for cash as a gift is always ultimately rude because it relies on the presumption that a gift is owed and is an attempt to dictate the gift itself. What the OP's friend is doing -- whether the OP is invited or not -- is rude, because she is asking for money.
So, OP, no, you do not have to give a gift, and you do not have to give to the honeymoon registry. If you want to give a gift, you certainly can, and it can be whatever you want.
I would disagree with Abbynieves627that the amount spent on a gift should depend on the expense of the wedding. Whether invited or not, whether attending the wedding or not, no one is ever obligated to give a wedding gift. A gift is always voluntary and can always be chosen by the giver. That calculus on what to spend is personal. It depends on your budget, how close you are to the bride/groom, etc., but it does not depend on the per plate cost of how much the bride and groom spent on hosting the event.
Honeymoon registries or any other request for cash as a gift is always ultimately rude because it relies on the presumption that a gift is owed and is an attempt to dictate the gift itself. What the OP's friend is doing -- whether the OP is invited or not -- is rude, because she is asking for money.
So, OP, no, you do not have to give a gift, and you do not have to give to the honeymoon registry. If you want to give a gift, you certainly can, and it can be whatever you want.
While technically true that a gift is never obligatory, Miss Manners points out that if one doesn't feel close enough to a couple to be moved to give them a wedding gift, one really ought to decline any invitation to witness their wedding.
@LtPowers- I think most people would agree with that sentiment, at least on a personal level (if you like someone enough to attend their wedding, you probably like them enough to bring a gift), even if it's not an etiquette rule. The point is though, that as gifts are not required, there is no rule on how much one is required to spend (none of this "pay for your plate"), and the B&G can definitely not tell guests how much to spend or what to get.
I would disagree with Abbynieves627that the amount spent on a gift should depend on the expense of the wedding. Whether invited or not, whether attending the wedding or not, no one is ever obligated to give a wedding gift. A gift is always voluntary and can always be chosen by the giver. That calculus on what to spend is personal. It depends on your budget, how close you are to the bride/groom, etc., but it does not depend on the per plate cost of how much the bride and groom spent on hosting the event.
Honeymoon registries or any other request for cash as a gift is always ultimately rude because it relies on the presumption that a gift is owed and is an attempt to dictate the gift itself. What the OP's friend is doing -- whether the OP is invited or not -- is rude, because she is asking for money.
So, OP, no, you do not have to give a gift, and you do not have to give to the honeymoon registry. If you want to give a gift, you certainly can, and it can be whatever you want.
While technically true that a gift is never obligatory, Miss Manners points out that if one doesn't feel close enough to a couple to be moved to give them a wedding gift, one really ought to decline any invitation to witness their wedding.
Gifts are not the way I show my love to people. Not at all. I know many people do, but I cannot understand equating "I love you a lot" with "Let me give you a gift." I generally get wedding gifts because I know that the couple can use these things and that's the norm, but I would be insulted if someone implied that the general convention for demonstrating closeness was giving them a gift on the occasion of their wedding, birthday, etc.
I would disagree with Abbynieves627that the amount spent on a gift should depend on the expense of the wedding. Whether invited or not, whether attending the wedding or not, no one is ever obligated to give a wedding gift. A gift is always voluntary and can always be chosen by the giver. That calculus on what to spend is personal. It depends on your budget, how close you are to the bride/groom, etc., but it does not depend on the per plate cost of how much the bride and groom spent on hosting the event.
Honeymoon registries or any other request for cash as a gift is always ultimately rude because it relies on the presumption that a gift is owed and is an attempt to dictate the gift itself. What the OP's friend is doing -- whether the OP is invited or not -- is rude, because she is asking for money.
So, OP, no, you do not have to give a gift, and you do not have to give to the honeymoon registry. If you want to give a gift, you certainly can, and it can be whatever you want.
While technically true that a gift is never obligatory, Miss Manners points out that if one doesn't feel close enough to a couple to be moved to give them a wedding gift, one really ought to decline any invitation to witness their wedding.
So grandma who lives on a fixed income shouldn't go to her granddaughter's wedding because she can't afford a gift..
So grandma who lives on a fixed income shouldn't go to her granddaughter's wedding because she can't afford a gift..
Of course financial hardship is financial hardship, but there are plenty of gifting options that don't cost much of anything. Grandmothers tend to be the most creative on that front anyway.
So grandma who lives on a fixed income shouldn't go to her granddaughter's wedding because she can't afford a gift..
Of course financial hardship is financial hardship, but there are plenty of gifting options that don't cost much of anything. Grandmothers tend to be the most creative on that front anyway.
That's pretty gross. I want my grandmother there regardless of whether or not she can make or afford a gift.
So grandma who lives on a fixed income shouldn't go to her granddaughter's wedding because she can't afford a gift..
Of course financial hardship is financial hardship, but there are plenty of gifting options that don't cost much of anything. Grandmothers tend to be the most creative on that front anyway.
That's still a really shitty attitude to have. Our cash gifts ranged from $25 to $400 (and yes, some $0); I didn't assume that anyone loved us more than anyone else, just that they have different incomes and priorities.
So grandma who lives on a fixed income shouldn't go to her granddaughter's wedding because she can't afford a gift..
Of course financial hardship is financial hardship, but there are plenty of gifting options that don't cost much of anything. Grandmothers tend to be the most creative on that front anyway.
That's pretty gross. I want my grandmother there regardless of whether or not she can make or afford a gift.
Maybe grandma can cover her plate by busing tables at the reception. If you ask her with a poem I'm sure she'll think it's cute and won't mind working at your wedding.
Seriously, a gift is a gift. It is voluntary, end of story. There never should be an admission price to a wedding.
So grandma who lives on a fixed income shouldn't go to her granddaughter's wedding because she can't afford a gift..
Of course financial hardship is financial hardship, but there are plenty of gifting options that don't cost much of anything. Grandmothers tend to be the most creative on that front anyway.
That's still a really shitty attitude to have. Our cash gifts ranged from $25 to $400 (and yes, some $0); I didn't assume that anyone loved us more than anyone else, just that they have different incomes and priorities.
Grandma can just return that nice new hip she got. That'll pay for a nice wedding gift.
Look, here's a quotation from Miss Manners: "If you do not feel sufficiently pleased by someone's marriage to be moved to try to contribute to that person's happiness, you don't belong at the wedding."
Please note that it says nothing about being unable to afford a present, which is obviously a special case. If Grandma is so utterly destitute that any conceivable wedding present is a burden, surely her family must be aware of this and would want her at the wedding regardless. They know Grandma would give a gift if she could. Grandma meets the criterion.
But the advice isn't aimed at destitute Grandmas; it's aimed at a broader audience that attends weddings but doesn't always feel like spending money on a gift.
Look, here's a quotation from Miss Manners: "If you do not feel sufficiently pleased by someone's marriage to be moved to try to contribute to that person's happiness, you don't belong at the wedding."
Please note that it says nothing about being unable to afford a present, which is obviously a special case. If Grandma is so utterly destitute that any conceivable wedding present is a burden, surely her family must be aware of this and would want her at the wedding regardless. They know Grandma would give a gift if she could. Grandma meets the criterion.
But the advice isn't aimed at destitute Grandmas; it's aimed at a broader audience that attends weddings but doesn't always feel like spending money on a gift.
Look, I get what Miss Manners is saying. I think we all do and her advice doesn't fall on deaf ears. As a guest, I would NEVER show up to a wedding empty handed.
But what Miss Manners SHOULD say (and yes, I will take it upon myself to amend Miss Manners - pearl clutchers, turn away) is that gifts are not mandatory and should be given based on what the giver can afford.
It is no one's place to judge what someone can or should afford as a wedding guest.Not my place. Not your place. Not Miss Manner's place.
Look, here's a quotation from Miss Manners: "If you do not feel sufficiently pleased by someone's marriage to be moved to try to contribute to that person's happiness, you don't belong at the wedding."
Please note that it says nothing about being unable to afford a present, which is obviously a special case. If Grandma is so utterly destitute that any conceivable wedding present is a burden, surely her family must be aware of this and would want her at the wedding regardless. They know Grandma would give a gift if she could. Grandma meets the criterion.
But the advice isn't aimed at destitute Grandmas; it's aimed at a broader audience that attends weddings but doesn't always feel like spending money on a gift.
My response had to do with the fact that I am moved to contribute to that person's happiness, and that physical gifts are not the primary way I go about that in my normal life, and there should be no special etiquette for weddings such that they require a gift like that as a demonstration of how moved I am.
etf box
Look, here's a quotation from Miss Manners: "If you do not feel sufficiently pleased by someone's marriage to be moved to try to contribute to that person's happiness, you don't belong at the wedding."
Please note that it says nothing about being unable to afford a present, which is obviously a special case. If Grandma is so utterly destitute that any conceivable wedding present is a burden, surely her family must be aware of this and would want her at the wedding regardless. They know Grandma would give a gift if she could. Grandma meets the criterion.
But the advice isn't aimed at destitute Grandmas; it's aimed at a broader audience that attends weddings but doesn't always feel like spending money on a gift.
And sometimes Miss Manners is wrong, or doesn't represent the full breadth of possibilities. Obviously anyone with the opinion of "I hate that bitch, I am NOT getting her a gift" should probably decline the wedding, but that's a pretty damn small subset of people. This particular piece of advice should not be trotted out as the be-all end-all standard on wedding gifting.
Re: Courthouse wedding Etiquette
Now, if he means, "Not invited to the wedding = no gift", then that's more understandable.
My family only has courthouse weddings and the way gifts were handled depended if there was a party after.
No party: 1/2 family gives no gifts the other 1/2 (which I think is appropriate) gives small gifts . Examples flowers, taking pictures of courthouse ceremony and putting it in a album etc. $40 max spent. (You can put $25-40 on honeymoon registry -40 a couple)
If theres a house party:
A plate,maybe traditional wedding cake, spa gift certificate. (You can put $40-100 on registry per couple) still bring a dish.
If in a restaurant or simular facility:
Still give almost same amount as regular wedding as the most expensive part of any weddinig is the party. ($100 a person-$200 a couple...maybe $80-$175)
If you are not invited to courthouse wedding a $10-$14 bottle of wine and congradulations card is suffient. I wouldn't bother with honeymoon registry if 1. You cannot witness it and 2. She keeps asking.
I know my family has had up to 25 people at courthouse wedding so if you are close you should be invited there.
This generally how my family&friends deal with courthouse weddings granted this isnt a "must" guide just lose ideas.
Wrong! The bride and groom should never share the link to their wedding registry. If people want to know where they're registered, they'll ask. They also shouldn't ask for money. Everyone already knows that money is a great wedding gift.
OP, if you would like to give a gift, a bottle of wine, an etiquette book, or monogrammed guest towels that they can't return for cash would be appropriate.There's no way I'd give this couple money. You also could also send a card or just ignore their requests.
1. I know you said in an earlier post that you/your family haven't been to a lot of weddings. That's OK, but please understand that the experiences you have had likely DO NOT follow etiquette shouldn't be doled out as advice. Lurk/read here a bit more and you'll learn quickly.
2. If you're replying to a specific post/poster, please use either the quote function or @ tag them.
3. If your screen name is your full real name, please consider changing it. Internet privacy.