Bridesmaid Headpiece

banana468 · February 2015

MyNameIsNot said:

rentothenay said:

I kind of wonder if this is more of an OCD (medical OCD, which a lot of people mistake for control freak) type of thing rather than a bride trying to have too much control. If you have a mood set for your setting and the look you're going for is modern chic or whatever, and a bridesmaid shows up with one of those little white sequined tiny top hat head bands to a navy and gold colored event...she sticks out like a sore thumb. A lot of people might not be bothered by this but the bride is. She's generously supplied hair and accessories for the girls to develop a certain look and obviously this head piece derails from this look.I think it would be different if all the bridesmaids had different dresses, different hairstyles, different accessories, ect. Then each girl has her own look. But if you have a uniform look (which isn't everyone's style but is the brides), then something will stick out especially if it is white. Then again, I have a certain level of OCD so I can understand why this would bother the bride...

If medical OCD is making her feel like she needs to control the appearance of her friends, she needs to talk to her doctor or mental health professional, because the current treatment plan is not working.

Mental illness is a horrible struggle that people have to deal with, and we, as a society, need to be better at recognizing that mental illness is not a choice or something that someone can just "shake off" or get over. However, we don't just accept these symptoms and move on. When my great aunt starts collecting her treasures and stops letting people come over to her house, we know it's time to get her help. We don't just say "well, she's a hoarder" and leave her to spin out of control.

While it's pretty absurd that you're attempting to diagnose a stranger with mental illness over the internet, the point remains that she shouldn't be trying to control someone else's hair piece.

This. Mental illness isn't an excuse to get away with being an ass. It's a cause for treatment.

rentothenay.defunct635756527744329529 · February 2015

Wow, everyone is quick to attack. Holy cow. I'm not giving excuses for someone to control just trying to look outside the box as to why this is such a big deal instead of jumping on the "control freak, get over it" bandwagon. I'm not a doctor, there's no way I can diagnose someone let alone on the computer. It was an inquiry. Some people have to have things placed a certain way, some have to have everything matching to a T, there are different levels.

If she did have it, I agree, she needs to see a doctor. Am I saying she has it? No. The thought just popped in my head seeing how everything is so cookie cutter."Wow, That's kind of OCD level of everything being perfect. "

FWIW, my "OCD" is symmetrical OCD. It doesn't make me controlling nor do I have to have everything perfect But my furniture in my home IS symmetrical and drives me crazy when it's not. And yes, it has been diagnosed by a real doctor and not a hypothetical illness.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

rentothenay.defunct635756527744329529 · February 2015

pinkrevenge said:

rentothenay said:

Wow, everyone is quick to attack. Holy cow. I'm not giving excuses for someone to control just trying to look outside the box as to why this is such a big deal instead of jumping on the "control freak, get over it" bandwagon. I'm not a doctor, there's no way I can diagnose someone let alone on the computer. It was an inquiry. Some people have to have things placed a certain way, some have to have everything matching to a T, there are different levels.

If she did have it, I agree, she needs to see a doctor. Am I saying she has it? No. The thought just popped in my head seeing how everything is so cookie cutter."Wow, That's kind of OCD level of everything being perfect. "

FWIW, my "OCD" is symmetrical OCD. It doesn't make me controlling nor do I have to have everything perfect But my furniture in my home IS symmetrical and drives me crazy when it's not. And yes, it has been diagnosed by a real doctor and not a hypothetical illness.

Okay, but you can see how that doesn't change the advice of not stepping in at all, right?

Yes, but I'm not in her situation. For me, I wouldn't care but that's why my ladies only need to have the same color of dress. That's the only requirement. But I do think she needs to take a step back, breathe, and try to relax if this is such a huge deal.

levioosa · February 2015

rentothenay said:

Wow, everyone is quick to attack. Holy cow. I'm not giving excuses for someone to control just trying to look outside the box as to why this is such a big deal instead of jumping on the "control freak, get over it" bandwagon. I'm not a doctor, there's no way I can diagnose someone let alone on the computer. It was an inquiry. Some people have to have things placed a certain way, some have to have everything matching to a T, there are different levels. If she did have it, I agree, she needs to see a doctor. Am I saying she has it? No. The thought just popped in my head seeing how everything is so cookie cutter."Wow, That's kind of OCD level of everything being perfect. " FWIW, my "OCD" is symmetrical OCD. It doesn't make me controlling nor do I have to have everything perfect But my furniture in my home IS symmetrical and drives me crazy when it's not. And yes, it has been diagnosed by a real doctor and not a hypothetical illness.

The problem is so many brides come on here going, "OMG, I'm toooootally OCD and like things to look even." They don't actually have OCD, and it's really insulting to someone who does have OCD to blame liking symmetry and treating friends like shit on an actual illness. If you (general you) have actual OCD, then it's a different story and you should be looking to get help for it. Living with terrible anxiety is not a joke, and is not cute, like so many brides make it out to be. Plus, like @pinkrevenge said, it still doesn't change the advice that it's not appropriate to step in and mandate hair style. It's also not an excuse for acting like an asshole.

rentothenay.defunct635756527744329529 · February 2015

There are so many people who underestimate anxiety and it drives me crazy. Yes, I have real symmetrical ocd. If my furniture is not symmetrical I feel claustrophobic, i get irritable, my skin tingles, heat races, it gets heart to breathe, ect if I can't fix it. Yes, I am being treated for anxiety because anxiety attacks suck and take hours to recover from.... though my anxiety isn't limited to ocd. If it's ten to five and I have to leave but have a ton of work to do, I start to get anxiety. The world won't blow up if I don't leave at five but I can't calm down. So yes, I can't function properly without medicine.

And I am aware it doesn't change the advice. I was More or less wondering why it was such a huge detail. I've got more things in my plate planning a wedding than what is in my bridesmaid hair. ... unless it's the pictures people have been posting.

lembaslover · March 2015

I guess I'm seriously in the minority here but honestly I think it's kind of rude of the bridesmaid insisting to put something strange in her hair when she knows she's getting her hair done paid for by the bride. I mean I'm guessing that the bride is her friend and she cares about her opinion so she shouldn't want to do something that would make the bride unhappy. If I were her in this case I would assume that since the bride is paying for hair she has a plan for it and I'm expected to follow it. Doesn't seem like a big deal to me, my friends are reasonable so I know they aren't going to make me wear a beehive or anything... they want their pictures with you to look good and if it's a ridiculous hairstyle they wont look good. If I found a headpiece that I wanted to wear I'd ask the bride what she thought and if she was unhappy with it nbd I wouldn't wear it and wouldn't think anything else about it. Again it's my friend and I want to try to make her day as perfect as is in my power.

Now on the other hand if the bride specifically said that they could do their hair however they wanted then I'd say that the bride should be expecting she wouldn't like everything and really should just let it go. In the grand scheme of things everyone is right in the fact that this doesn't really matter. If I were the bride I'd simply say I wish you wouldn't wear it but obviously it's your choice we're both adults I can't make you not (or maybe try to word it a bit nicer). If the bridesmaid is a good fiend in my opinion I think she'd just put the headpiece away for another occasion but if not the day won't be ruined it just kind of shows she doesn't really have the mindset a friend would have.

Also in a way of compromise perhaps see if she'd like a different headpiece that you like which goes with your wedding. See if the rest of girls in the party would as well?

drunkenwitch · March 2015

Can someone please explain this bizarre concept of "stealing attention from the bride", huh no one ever mentions the groom do they?

Honestly, what does that even mean? I have never been to a wedding where I spent the entire ceremony and reception staring at the bride and groom, lots of things "stole" my attention from them, repeatedly. Getting a drink, having some food, socializing with other guests, dancing. Of course I made a point to congratulate the HC, but my attention was on lots of other things as well.

Every single guest knows who the bride and groom is, and if they don't, they can just look at who is standing in front of the officiant saying vows, and they'll be able to figure it out. If you are sincerely marrying the person you love, no power in the verse can outshine you.

thespeshulestsnowflake · March 2015

Can someone please explain this bizarre concept of "stealing attention from the bride", huh no one ever mentions the groom do they?
Honestly, what does that even mean? I have never been to a wedding where I spent the entire ceremony and reception staring at the bride and groom, lots of things "stole" my attention from them, repeatedly. Getting a drink, having some food, socializing with other guests, dancing. Of course I made a point to congratulate the HC, but my attention was on lots of other things as well.
Every single guest knows who the bride and groom is, and if they don't, they can just look at who is standing in front of the officiant saying vows, and they'll be able to figure it out. If you are sincerely marrying the person you love, no power in the verse can outshine you.

Well how dare you focus your attention on getting a drink!!! Everyone knows "its the brides day!!!!"

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

This fucking thread again? For the love of Jesus, let it die.

jerseykisses · March 2015

OP - welcome to the land of wolves aka the knot where knotties feel the need to make you feel like you're the worst bride in the world and boy do I feel your pain. Here's my two cents - if it is something more than a small accessory, then yes - you have every right to question it. I would suggest offering another hair accessory that might not be as extravagant and more of a small accent piece. Also offer this option to your other bridesmaids if they're interested. Good luck!

[Deleted User] · March 2015

drunkenwitch · March 2015

OP - welcome to the land of wolves aka the knot where knotties feel the need to make you feel like you're the worst bride in the world and boy do I feel your pain. Here's my two cents - if it is something more than a small accessory, then yes - you have every right to question it. I would suggest offering another hair accessory that might not be as extravagant and more of a small accent piece. Also offer this option to your other bridesmaids if they're interested. Good luck!

I beg your pardon, I am not a wolf! I am a lady, therefore that makes me a shrew.

Bridesmaid Headpiece

Re: Bridesmaid Headpiece

Choose Another Board

Search Boards