Time to come clean...

littlepep · February 2015

theycallmelinz said:

littlepep said:

I'm fairly new here too, but I've been lurking for a while so I haven't made too many errors.

I do have a story about an almost mistake. We had agreed on a guest list, but FI is such a nice person and feels guilty too much about not inviting people. Well I asked him to review the list one more time before I sent out STDs. He added like 10 people. I LOST it. I was like you can't add these extra people without talking to me first because we are already too close to our max number for the venue. He kept trying to argue that we can assume a certain percentage of people will decline so we are fine. I always assumed that too, but, luckily, I had been on here enough to know that you should not do that. I told him other than the handful of relatives that are physically incapable of traveling, we have to assume everyone will come. It was quite the fight. I can't say who really won, but he agreed to not send those people a STD so I'm calling it a win for me

Oh this was a HUGE battle at our house. He just could not get it through his head that you have to plan to accommodate everyone. We finally compromised by only budgeting for X amount of people (75% of what we invited) but when and if I'm right about 100% showing up, we will use the credit card, which he hates using, to cover the difference and he won't say shit to me about it.

Yeah it was struggle. We can afford to accommodate extra people, but I just didn't want to invite more than the venue can physically hold. Their max even would be pretty crowded so I'd like to have few than that there. Plus we have to rent and extra tent for $2500, in addition to the added catering costs. Part of me hopes more people show up just to prove him wrong, but the financially responsible part of me hopes not. He said he doesn't care about the cost, but I know he will when he sees how much extra it will be. Then I can say told ya so

wrigleyville · February 2015

anjemon said:

wrigleyville said:

Up until I joined TK, I just figured "having a date for a wedding" was normal and expected. So, even though several invitations were addressed to just me, I'd RSVP with me + a date. (Not an SO... a date.)

Nobody ever said a word to me about it, so I never knew that it wasn't normal to bring a date and that dates have to be specifically invited.

I want to write to all of my friends and relatives and apologize. :P

Before I started planning I really didn't know how to tell whether you were granted a plus one or not. I always just RSVP'd for me and FI (well, BF at the time). I feel really bad now that I never really checked. I really hope I didn't burden someone with my decision to bring a +1. Especially since most of the weddings were family.

Oh, but see, your BF/FI should have been invited with you. If someone invited you without him, THEY were the rude one. Granted, showing up with an "extra" person is still rude, but they were rude not to invite him, so it kind of balances out a little.

Single guests do not have to be given a +1, but boyfriends and fiances should always be invited. There's a huge difference between a +1 and an SO.

mrscaty · February 2015

I had an engagement party that included my very extended family that I had no plans to invite (although grandma hosted and she knew no everyone would be invited so it's kinda in her).

The one I feel really bad about is that I verbally invited someone who ended up being cut from the guest list when we got rid of 20 people to have a more intimate affair (we went from 60 to 40 people). It was so awkward and I felt really bad (still do). *hides face*

climbingsingle · February 2015

I remembered another one that I feel bad about. Before we were engaged, I had planned a HUGE 40th birthday party for then boyfriend, now H. I invited everyone - it was going to be a massive backyard BBQ. The party was going to be the weekend of his birthday.

We got engaged 2 weeks before the party. I had NO idea he was planning on proposing. But I guess because we had been away and some people hadn't seen us yet, it somehow turned itself into an engagement party without our doing. People even brought us engagement presents. I wanted to die, especially because I had a feeling that some people wouldn't be invited to the wedding. And I was right. There were a good amount of people at the birthday party that were just acquaintances.

pinkcow13 · February 2015

jenna8984 said:

pinkcow13 said:
Blunders that I have shamefully engaged in:
I purposely missed a (work) friends ceremony a few years ago. I asked a coworker what time he was getting to the wedding and he basically told me that no one goes to the ceremony, it is only for close family, and then the couple takes pictures, so you're only supposed to go to the reception. He actually made me feel bad about wanting to go to the ceremony, he was all "Haven't you ever been to a wedding before? You're not supposed to go to the ceremony." So yea I took his word for it, and just showed up to the reception. Thanks Dude. I still feel bad about that one.

omg that is so fucked up! I've never heard anyone ever say that! I missed one once by complete accident and I felt guilty for weeks.

YUP. On top of that, it was a 4th of July wedding weekend in Long Island, so we hit MAJOR traffic and got to the reception late. And that's with us leaving early to account for the damn traffic! I'm still mortified at that one...

Jstump2 · February 2015

When I first got engaged I went on a pinning binge which I'm pretty sure included some gross stuff like honeymoon fund jar, different article with "helpful tips' that would have been blunders. Luckily I did a lot of research here before my actual wedding and avoided a lot of mistakes.

The only thing I can think of that I didn't realize until too late was I didn't ask my bridesmaids for a budget before dress shopping. Though All I did was pick a color/ material from David's bridal(all under $100) and let them pick any style. I figured they could even look for it used and get it cheaper if they wanted too. But If I could go back I would have asked first. Woops

ashley8918 · February 2015

climbingwife said:

Also, I attended a dry wedding when I was 22. My friend and I sneaked out of the wedding and ordered drinks at another bar in the venue.

I went to a wedding LAST YEAR, that had a cash bar for cocktail hour, and open bar after. I left, bought a bunch of those Sutter Home mini-bottles, and invited people into my open mimi-van bar in the parking lot. NO REGRATS,

anemone137.defunct635825918192908843 · February 2015

1. When in college a male friend got married to his lovely bride. Another girl and I were ushers. It didn't occur to me until YEARS later how tacky I was. I showed up at this wedding wearing a floor-length cream-colored dress. It was the only thing I had that "fit" the occasion, and it never occurred to me that I wore white. The other usher was the perfect guest. She did some research to find out what the BMs were wearing and wore something similar. To make matters worse, while the future bride was studying abroad, another friend spread rumors that I was dating the future groom. A few years later, I showed up at his wedding in a white dress. I'm still utterly embarrassed.

2. My mom insisted on throwing an Engagement Party and her friends insisted on throwing me a Bridal Shower. Many of the guests to these parties are not on the wedding guest list. They never were. I kept on trying to get mom to change the lists, but she insisted that since our wedding is so far away, this was the only way for these people to celebrate with us. I finally just caved and celebrated with her friends.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

I'm pretty sure I win this one. Or lose. I basically asked my friend to be a BM after I had already asked her to be MOH (ah I cringe so hard it hurts my face).

We were estranged and had not spoken in a year (intentionally), and were not speaking when I got engaged. Finally I reached out to her and we went to dinner. It went really well and I knew we could repair our friendship. I told her that night that I planned on asking her to be MOH and she indicated that she would say yes but wasn't ready yet.

Our friendship took off but we were both still a little weary. So one night after going out drinking, I went on facebook and spur of the moment asked our other friend to be MOH. I then told my friend (original MOH) that I didn't want to put too much pressure on her and would love it if she could be a BM instead (I meant emotionally and concerning our friendship, not "duties" or some crap).

Anyway, she was pissed. Thank god she forgave me. Oh lord, I regret that fiasco.

I wish I had floated the idea here first, gotten my ass handed to me, and then done the right thing.

anniewalkerx · February 2015

I try not to be proud of this, because it was bad of me. There was this girl, we'll call her Aly, and she was the first friend in my circle to get married. She threw herself between 5-10 pre wedding parties, get togethers, and DIY nights. These parties were apparently mandatory for the bridal party.

On the night before her wedding she confronted one of her BM's- we'll call her Jenny- and kicked her out of the bridal party. Apparently Jenny hadn't attended enough of these mandatory parties, so she didn't deserve to stand up for Aly. (Not that it matters, but Jenny missed some these parties because she lived a few hours away)

Jenny came over to our house after this happened and was sobbing, she felt so bad. She was still invited to the wedding and wanted to go (Aly was one of her closest friends!) but the only dress she had to wear was the bridesmaids dress she bought. Oh man this sounds like I'm making this up, I'm not. We couldn't help Jenny because we had no dresses in her size. So Jenny went to the wedding, in a BM dress, fielding awkward questions from people asking her "Aren't you a BM? Why aren't you up there?" She left early in tears.

Me and my friends were so angry at Aly for this that we decided to go in with 6 other friends on a gift for her wedding. It was a $15 gift card to a local grocery store. 15 dollars from 7 people. I mean, not even dollars. Like, a gift card to Ralphs. "Happy Wedding" the card said, I think.

Looking back I cringe - it was immature of us. I shouldn't have done it. I probably wouldn't do it again.

(Sidenote: reception during mealtime, no food - not even appetizers, and cash bar(even soda!!). Oh - Bride and Groom got food though. We got to watch them eat it.)

rcher912 · February 2015

anniewalkerx said:

I try not to be proud of this, because it was bad of me. There was this girl, we'll call her Aly, and she was the first friend in my circle to get married. She threw herself between 5-10 pre wedding parties, get togethers, and DIY nights. These parties were apparently mandatory for the bridal party.

On the night before her wedding she confronted one of her BM's- we'll call her Jenny- and kicked her out of the bridal party. Apparently Jenny hadn't attended enough of these mandatory parties, so she didn't deserve to stand up for Aly. (Not that it matters, but Jenny missed some these parties because she lived a few hours away)

Jenny came over to our house after this happened and was sobbing, she felt so bad. She was still invited to the wedding and wanted to go (Aly was one of her closest friends!) but the only dress she had to wear was the bridesmaids dress she bought. Oh man this sounds like I'm making this up, I'm not. We couldn't help Jenny because we had no dresses in her size. So Jenny went to the wedding, in a BM dress, fielding awkward questions from people asking her "Aren't you a BM? Why aren't you up there?" She left early in tears.

Me and my friends were so angry at Aly for this that we decided to go in with 6 other friends on a gift for her wedding. It was a $15 gift card to a local grocery store. 15 dollars from 7 people. I mean, not even dollars. Like, a gift card to Ralphs. "Happy Wedding" the card said, I think.

Looking back I cringe - it was immature of us. I shouldn't have done it. I probably wouldn't do it again.

(Sidenote: reception during mealtime, no food - not even appetizers, and cash bar(even soda!!). Oh - Bride and Groom got food though. We got to watch them eat it.)

Oh good Lord, you DO win/lose - the sidenote was the same wedding? Poor Aly! I would've been such a bitch about it. "I'm here wearing the BM dress because I bought it for this occasion before the Bridezilla threw me out. Oh, you didn't hear? That's because she did it YESTERDAY."

And as for the gift card, eff that noise. Good for you. Holy crap, what a crazy person!! I'd be super proud of myself for being so passive-aggressive. I'm usually just passive.

YOU ALL MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! THANK YOU! I'm glad to know I'm not the only clueless person in the world.

anniewalkerx · February 2015

rcher912 said:

anniewalkerx said:

I try not to be proud of this, because it was bad of me. There was this girl, we'll call her Aly, and she was the first friend in my circle to get married. She threw herself between 5-10 pre wedding parties, get togethers, and DIY nights. These parties were apparently mandatory for the bridal party.

On the night before her wedding she confronted one of her BM's- we'll call her Jenny- and kicked her out of the bridal party. Apparently Jenny hadn't attended enough of these mandatory parties, so she didn't deserve to stand up for Aly. (Not that it matters, but Jenny missed some these parties because she lived a few hours away)

Jenny came over to our house after this happened and was sobbing, she felt so bad. She was still invited to the wedding and wanted to go (Aly was one of her closest friends!) but the only dress she had to wear was the bridesmaids dress she bought. Oh man this sounds like I'm making this up, I'm not. We couldn't help Jenny because we had no dresses in her size. So Jenny went to the wedding, in a BM dress, fielding awkward questions from people asking her "Aren't you a BM? Why aren't you up there?" She left early in tears.

Me and my friends were so angry at Aly for this that we decided to go in with 6 other friends on a gift for her wedding. It was a $15 gift card to a local grocery store. 15 dollars from 7 people. I mean, not even dollars. Like, a gift card to Ralphs. "Happy Wedding" the card said, I think.

Looking back I cringe - it was immature of us. I shouldn't have done it. I probably wouldn't do it again.

(Sidenote: reception during mealtime, no food - not even appetizers, and cash bar(even soda!!). Oh - Bride and Groom got food though. We got to watch them eat it.)

Oh good Lord, you DO win/lose - the sidenote was the same wedding? Poor Aly! I would've been such a bitch about it. "I'm here wearing the BM dress because I bought it for this occasion before the Bridezilla threw me out. Oh, you didn't hear? That's because she did it YESTERDAY."

And as for the gift card, eff that noise. Good for you. Holy crap, what a crazy person!! I'd be super proud of myself for being so passive-aggressive. I'm usually just passive.

YOU ALL MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! THANK YOU! I'm glad to know I'm not the only clueless person in the world.

Yep same wedding. To be fair, we were all young and immature and a bit dramatic. I'm sure the bride looks back at her wedding and cringes now.

sophhabobopha · February 2015

I got y'all.

madamerwin · February 2015

thisismynickname said:

In terms of duties and stuff, I OFFER to help because, sob, I'm SUCH a good friend. Look, weddings are nuts, it's the least I can do, especially when I live close to the bride and have access to transportation and stuff. I just went dress shopping a couple of weeks ago with the bride and bridal party for a September wedding, and at the end of the day, I explicitly said, "IS there anything you would like us to help with? Programs, favors, things of that nature?" The bride wasn't sure since there's 8 more months to go, so I said, "My offer is on the table if you need help." And another BM chimed in, "Yeah, I'll bring the wine if we have a program assembling party." LOL. This particular woman is just not one to ever ask people for help, ever, so especially in her case I made my offer clear.

I am like your friend. My BM's are constantly asking me what they can help with... I have a hard time handing over control. I'm trying to learn to let people help me! I'm glad they offer though, since I am sure I'll need help at some point.

LadyMillil · February 2015

I wanted to have drink tickets for the bar but I scrapped that idea when I couldn't figure out how best to implement it. I then calculated out how many drinks I would be willing to buy everyone and that was almost exactly the cost of the open bar package at my venue so I ended up having an open bar.

charcoalandblush · February 2015

I'm not super close with FSIL, but I let DF convince me to ask her to be a bridesmaid "because that's what you're supposed to do." He convinced me by telling me "If you ask her, I'll ask FBIL [FSIL's husband] so that it won't mess up the numbers." FBIL and I don't get along, like not even a little bit. I am majorly regretting making that deal with DF (DF originally wasn't going to ask him).

This was 10 months before the wedding/before I was on TK regularly. Oops.

In hindsight, I should have told DF to put FSIL on his side and let FBIL be a regular guest.

Oh, and I "proposed" to my bridesmaids. But they already knew they'd be my bridesmaids/were already talking about being my bridesmaids before I even asked them, so there was basically no risk of putting too much pressure on them to say yes.

Time to come clean...

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