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Etiquette

Rehearsal Dinner questions

edited February 2015 in Etiquette
My FMIL and FFIL have agreed to host our rehearsal dinner.  I know that the rules state that whoever pays gets a say in what happens.  However,  my in laws are divorced and his father is getting remarried soon but his mother is single.  Because His mother is single she felt the need to invite her entire side of the family so that they can rally around her.  I think this is slightly selfish because the same invitations are not going out to my side of the family or his fathers. She also stated that I would need to do some work for the rehearsal dinner such as seating charts and picking out desserts etc.  It was my understanding that if someone offers to host they really should be doing the work.  As a bride I am already on overload and really do not want to to even have a say in the rehearsal dinner as I am gracious that they offered to host.  My FMIL personality is that she cannot do anything herself and just expects others to do whatever she says.  My FFIL is not helping plan but will help financially with the rehearsal dinner.  What should I do in these two situations that are obviously touchy subjects.  

Edit: My FI is helping her with the menu and bar options
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Re: Rehearsal Dinner questions

  • This sounds like a can of worms you don't want to open. Graciously decline their money and pay for the rehearsal dinner yourself so that you can make all of the calls.
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    bananasplit472001PrettyGirlLostnovella1186rcher912
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sounds like a headache. I'd decline their offer to host and just host something simple that you can afford and easily plan. BTW, it's your FI's wedding too- if you're overwhelmed with planning he should be helping you as well.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


    bananasplit472001PrettyGirlLostblabla89
  • Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    bananasplit472001indianaalum
  • Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    If you don't want to help then tell her.

    But since she is paying then she has final say over the guest list.  If you don't like the guest list that she is planning and she insists that you help her, then decline her offer.

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yikes. I personally would decline her offer to pay. 

    But if you still want her to host it, I don't see what the big deal is in helping her pick out desserts or do the seating chart. She probably just wants your input. 

  • Sounds like OP doesn't want another wedding related task to plan, so declining the offer to host wouldn't solve the problem, it would giver her MORE work to do.

    OP-have your FI step up to the plate to handle the menu questions and do open seating for the dinner.  If FMIL really wants assigned seating, then she's on her own.

    bananasplit472001indianaalum
  • Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
  • Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
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  • I would decline their offer and host this yourself. Yikes!

    Also, it's not rude to give an opinion if someone else is paying. If they ask, you can certainly answer honestly. As long as you aren't demanding that your opinion be made reality, there's no issue.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
    WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR FI IN ALL OF THIS?

    PrettyGirlLostDreamergirl8812
  • zitiqueen said:

    Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
    WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR FI IN ALL OF THIS?
    He wants to make sure that she will be ok since she is very sensitive so he is helping her with the menu and bar.  As far as the guest list goes she is very sensitive about being single when her ex-husband just got engaged again so she just thinks she needs support.  For the wedding she actually asked me if she can invite a group of girlfriends instead of a date.  I figured if he was helping her I wouldn't need to do anything but she wants to draw me in as well.  I'm sorry that I did not mention that he was helping in my OP.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
    "FMIL, those options all sound nice.  Whatever you think is best/like best is fine with me."  Then bean dip her.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    bananasplit472001
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    zitiqueen said:

    Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
    WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR FI IN ALL OF THIS?
    He wants to make sure that she will be ok since she is very sensitive so he is helping her with the menu and bar.  As far as the guest list goes she is very sensitive about being single when her ex-husband just got engaged again so she just thinks she needs support.  For the wedding she actually asked me if she can invite a group of girlfriends instead of a date.  I figured if he was helping her I wouldn't need to do anything but she wants to draw me in as well.  I'm sorry that I did not mention that he was helping in my OP.
    Perfect, have your FI deal with he RD and his mother.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    dolewhipperMaggie0829bananasplit472001
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    zitiqueen said:

    Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
    WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR FI IN ALL OF THIS?
    He wants to make sure that she will be ok since she is very sensitive so he is helping her with the menu and bar.  As far as the guest list goes she is very sensitive about being single when her ex-husband just got engaged again so she just thinks she needs support.  For the wedding she actually asked me if she can invite a group of girlfriends instead of a date.  I figured if he was helping her I wouldn't need to do anything but she wants to draw me in as well.  I'm sorry that I did not mention that he was helping in my OP.
    Not to sound too much like a hard ass, but is your FI going to hold his Mom's hand this much after the two of you get married?  Jesus she sounds like a pain.  How the hell can someone be so sensitive about planning a rehearsal dinner that they need help with the menu and bar?  She sounds like a gem and your FI is basically egging her on.  I think the two of you need to be careful how much you allow her to have her way by using her "sensitive feelings" as an excuse.

    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • zitiqueen said:

    Is your issue w her inviting too many of her family or her asking you for input on the menu? Unfortunately,if she's paying then she can invite the family members she wants, as long as they're invited to your wedding. 

    Why do you need a seating chart for the RD? Open seating has been common at any RD I've ever attended.  There's one thing you can take off of your plate.  As for help with picking a dessert, how difficult could that be for either one of you? Cheesecake? Great! Sounds good.

     

    My issue is with her asking me to help.  I don't want to help at all because i know it is rude to give opinions when someone else is paying.  As for the invites it's more of a problem for his father and my parents who literally will be the only people from their side of the family.

    Re: the bolded: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do not believe it's rude to give an opinion when one has been asked for, and it seems as if she has asked for an opinion in some areas (like the menu), to make sure you like the event.
    I guess maybe it is not rude but I really would just rather she plan the event that she wants to have.  She had very loud opinions when planning the wedding that, my parents are 100% paying for, that i thought it would be nice to give her full control of the rehearsal dinner even when my opinions were asked.  The main problem is she is incapable of doing anything herself even when she demands it be done her way.  her personality is that she asks for opinions when really she'd rather just stick to her own.  I want to avoid any arguments and condescending remarks (on her part) because she doesn't like the opinoin i gave.
    WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR FI IN ALL OF THIS?
    He wants to make sure that she will be ok since she is very sensitive so he is helping her with the menu and bar.  As far as the guest list goes she is very sensitive about being single when her ex-husband just got engaged again so she just thinks she needs support.  For the wedding she actually asked me if she can invite a group of girlfriends instead of a date.  I figured if he was helping her I wouldn't need to do anything but she wants to draw me in as well.  I'm sorry that I did not mention that he was helping in my OP.
    Not to sound too much like a hard ass, but is your FI going to hold his Mom's hand this much after the two of you get married?  Jesus she sounds like a pain.  How the hell can someone be so sensitive about planning a rehearsal dinner that they need help with the menu and bar?  She sounds like a gem and your FI is basically egging her on.  I think the two of you need to be careful how much you allow her to have her way by using her "sensitive feelings" as an excuse.
    I agree so much with you.  We have had discussions like this before and I am tired of her "poor me i'm single" act.  He has fought back and made her do things on her own because it's just not his responsibility.  We have our own home now and have other responsibilities and she tries to drag him into even the smallest of tasks and responsibilities that should be hers.  In my opinion if she needs help with the rehearsal dinner she should contact the co-host (my FFML) and be an adult instead of bothering me, the bride.  I have in recent weeks have been standing up to her "sensitive needs" and am proud of how I handled it.  This was the only touchy subject because the women is paying for half of the dinner so I did not know how to approach her tactics when it was already her decision to begin with.
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  • Since FI is already helping plan the menu and bar just let that carry over to dessert and the other items she wants help with.  If the guest list is weirdly lopsided, so be it, she is paying and honestly does it make a difference to the event?  I would specify who you would like to be there (wedding party, your immediate family, etc) and then if she wants to fill the rest with other people from "her" side that she wants there then so be it. For me personally the RD is low on my priority list, so if someone else wants to plan it I'm game!
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:
    Since FI is already helping plan the menu and bar just let that carry over to dessert and the other items she wants help with.  If the guest list is weirdly lopsided, so be it, she is paying and honestly does it make a difference to the event?  I would specify who you would like to be there (wedding party, your immediate family, etc) and then if she wants to fill the rest with other people from "her" side that she wants there then so be it. For me personally the RD is low on my priority list, so if someone else wants to plan it I'm game!
    And their SO's.

    And honestly, giving her dessert options isn't really that big a deal or that hard of a task if she really keeps bugging you for it.  Just do it.  FI can handle the seating chart if his mother really needs it.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • If your FMIL can't accomodate the guest list you want at a rehearsal dinner and you're prepared to throw it yourself you can of course decline the party. However, that doesn't seem like the case. 

    I'd have an "honest" talk with her and tell her you're overwhelmed with the wedding planning and just can't handle making any more decisions. You trust her completely, and really value her taste, and would love it if she would just take it from there. If she is really stuck on something, she is free to email your MOH (assuming you pre-approve this with your MOH and give her a heads up!) for a second opinion. (Or you could mention she could call your mom, or anyone else willing to "take one for the team" for you here). 

    Who cares if you have 2 parents, the FFIL is just him and a girlfirend, and the FMIL has a hoard of 20 relatives. I assume your bridal party and their dates will be there as well? I know you've mentioned you don't want to do the seating, but go ahead and take that on if you want to sit yourself and your fiance with your parents and bridal party, and have all her extra relatives at a separate table. 
  • I have never heard of someone hosting an event and trying to make someone else do their seating chart.  (And I've only been to one RD that even had a seating chart, FWIW.)
  • we had no setting chart at our rehearsal dinner, my parents paid for it because his mom had no interest in the wedding hell we had to go to hell and back to get her to attend it. 

    and your fmil should not invite all those people decline the money and host yourself 

    My parents had list of bridal party and groomsmen with s/o on it. we invited parents of maids and siblings because they were all coming from out of state, my godparents and there spouses were also invited  as well as my siblings s/o and my grandma 

    we kept it small 30 people and had hot cold buffet at this local italian place that has 2 private rooms for small parties
  • "Oh, dear FMIL, I am so grateful for your help!  I'm sure that any plans you make for our rehearsal dinner will be just wonderful.  I trust your judgement completely!  If it is too much for you, I understand, and we will make other plans." 

    Rehearsal dinner at my own wedding was a mess.  The best advice I was given about planning my wedding was this:  "It is your job to plan the wedding.  It is their job to plan the rehearsal dinner.  If they want to screw it up, that's on them, not you."  (Old time rules.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    PrettyGirlLostbizzy592
  • @CMGragain I needed to hear that advice myself, thank you! I'm getting anxious bc FIL's who said they're hosting have not booked a place yet for our Sept wedding.  I'll wait until July to really freak out if nothing has been done by then!
  • Thank you everyone for your advice.  I think I am going to still let her plan the rehearsal dinner but nicely tell her to do it herself and I really want no part of it as I am so grateful she and her ex-husband offered to host.  I just do not see me being able to take on anything else right now.  She is a bit crazy so I will offer my suggestion on dessert and really nothing else as having a seating chart just to not have to sit next to your ex-husband is insane!
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  • I don't understand why doint the seating for your friends and family is a big deal. FMIL is trying to be considerate in making sure people get seated with people they know, and since she doesn't know that information for your guests, she is asking you to help. Just pass on the seating for the wedding, and let that be the end of it.

    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I don't understand why doint the seating for your friends and family is a big deal. FMIL is trying to be considerate in making sure people get seated with people they know, and since she doesn't know that information for your guests, she is asking you to help. Just pass on the seating for the wedding, and let that be the end of it.

    Because the rehearsal dinner is one long table for about 30 people.  People are seated for the wedding all over the place.  I would need to come up with an entire new seating chart.  It is much easier just to tell her to sit on one side of the table and we will have your ex-husband sit on the other side while everyone else just fills in.
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  • I don't understand why doint the seating for your friends and family is a big deal. FMIL is trying to be considerate in making sure people get seated with people they know, and since she doesn't know that information for your guests, she is asking you to help. Just pass on the seating for the wedding, and let that be the end of it.

    Because the rehearsal dinner is one long table for about 30 people.  People are seated for the wedding all over the place.  I would need to come up with an entire new seating chart.  It is much easier just to tell her to sit on one side of the table and we will have your ex-husband sit on the other side while everyone else just fills in.
    So suggest the bolded or give her the weding table arrangements and let her figure it out from there. It is a five minute task. She is trying to do a nice thing for you, don't make it difficult.
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • @CMGragain I needed to hear that advice myself, thank you! I'm getting anxious bc FIL's who said they're hosting have not booked a place yet for our Sept wedding.  I'll wait until July to really freak out if nothing has been done by then!
    Our rehearsal dinner was for around 30 people and we had a private room at a restaurant. There's no need to book something this early! Our wedding was in early November, and I started researching where to book the rehearsal dinner in July, and ended up booking in early August (like 3 months in advance). And that's because I do everything obsessively early; not a single restaurant I contacted was booked up that far ahead of time. 
  • MandyMost said:
    @CMGragain I needed to hear that advice myself, thank you! I'm getting anxious bc FIL's who said they're hosting have not booked a place yet for our Sept wedding.  I'll wait until July to really freak out if nothing has been done by then!
    Our rehearsal dinner was for around 30 people and we had a private room at a restaurant. There's no need to book something this early! Our wedding was in early November, and I started researching where to book the rehearsal dinner in July, and ended up booking in early August (like 3 months in advance). And that's because I do everything obsessively early; not a single restaurant I contacted was booked up that far ahead of time. 
    I would not worry about it either.  Most places will not be booked up until 2 months ahead and some you can even get within a few weeks.  
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  • I don't understand why doint the seating for your friends and family is a big deal. FMIL is trying to be considerate in making sure people get seated with people they know, and since she doesn't know that information for your guests, she is asking you to help. Just pass on the seating for the wedding, and let that be the end of it.

    Because the rehearsal dinner is one long table for about 30 people.  People are seated for the wedding all over the place.  I would need to come up with an entire new seating chart.  It is much easier just to tell her to sit on one side of the table and we will have your ex-husband sit on the other side while everyone else just fills in.
    If you want her on one side of the table and him on the other, then you need a seating chart. What if people all get there and start grabbing seats and the only seats left are near each other? A seating chart for about 30 people should take you 10 minutes to do, maximum. Put yourselves in the middle. Put her and her relatives on end. Put your family and the bridal party and the ex on the other end of the table. 

    Here:

    FMIL               FMIL Family
    FMIL Family    FMIL Family
    FMIL Family    FMIL Family
    FMIL Family    FMIL Family
    BM Date         FMIL Family
    BM                 FMIL Family
    Groom            MOH date
    Bride              MOH
    MOB              BP 1
    FOB               BP 1 date  
    BP 2              BP 3
    BP 2 date       BP3 date
    FFIL               BP 4
    FFIL date        BP 4 date

    IamnowmrsjmsLiatris2010[Deleted User]
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