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brides & child free weddings

redoryxredoryx member
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in Snarky Brides
I've come to the conclusion there are two kinds of Child Free weddings. 

First is the couple who, for whatever reason, don't want children at their wedding. WHICH IS TOTES OKAY. They follow all appropriate etiquette protocol: inviting just the parents by name on the envelope and if someone tries to RSVP their kid, they call them up and explain the miscommunication and hope the parents can come but understand if they can't.

Then there are the weddings where the bride doesn't even want babies to cry because it'll ruin her wedding. Or doesn't want to be upstaged by a baby because it will ruin her wedding. Or she doesn't want the little brats running around because it will ruin her wedding. Or she wants to make her MOH step down because she'll have a baby there and she wants to voluntold her MOH to use a babysitter and if the MOH doesn't want to it will ruin her wedding. Or, OMG MY BM/MOH/WHATEVER IS PREGNANT WHAT I AM GOING TO DOOOOOOO

I always wonder about those women who fall into the second category and if they want to have children of their own and if they'll be as understanding when someone invites THEM to a child free wedding in the future. 

Methinks not.
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Re: brides & child free weddings

  • mikenbergermikenberger member
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    redoryx said:
    I've come to the conclusion there are two kinds of Child Free weddings. 

    First is the couple who, for whatever reason, don't want children at their wedding. WHICH IS TOTES OKAY. They follow all appropriate etiquette protocol: inviting just the parents by name on the envelope and if someone tries to RSVP their kid, they call them up and explain the miscommunication and hope the parents can come but understand if they can't.

    Then there are the weddings where the bride doesn't even want babies to cry because it'll ruin her wedding. Or doesn't want to be upstaged by a baby because it will ruin her wedding. Or she doesn't want the little brats running around because it will ruin her wedding. Or she wants to make her MOH step down because she'll have a baby there and she wants to voluntold her MOH to use a babysitter and if the MOH doesn't want to it will ruin her wedding. Or, OMG MY BM/MOH/WHATEVER IS PREGNANT WHAT I AM GOING TO DOOOOOOO

    I always wonder about those women who fall into the second category and if they want to have children of their own and if they'll be as understanding when someone invites THEM to a child free wedding in the future. 

    Methinks not.
    One of my bridesmaids is getting married a month after me and she's already requesting: "No children in the ceremony under the age of 7. I will not have my ceremony ruined by children."

    And she's having children. She wants like 10 of them. And she doesn't understand why it's inappropriate to single out just the kids under 7 when there's an older sibling involved.

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  • redoryxredoryx member
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    That's what I mean, that attitude is just so weird, like they go through life with blinders on, not seeing how this is rude because it doesn't yet directly impact them.

    They remind me of the brides who are only invite SOs if they are engaged or married or living together, not realizing that there would have been a time in their OWN relationship when they wouldn't have been invited to a wedding that did that. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    There are others categories.

    I only wanted my nieces and nephews at the wedding.  Those were the only 7 kids I invited.   

    I never once called it a child-free wedding though, because well, it wasn't.   I just had no desire to add 40 people to my list.

    I only had one person ask if their child could come.   I said no.  They still came, as did every other parent with minor kids who was invited to my OOT wedding.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • redoryxredoryx member
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    lyndausvi said:
    There are others categories.

    I only wanted my nieces and nephews at the wedding.  Those were the only 7 kids I invited.   

    I never once called it a child-free wedding though, because well, it wasn't.   I just had no desire to add 40 people to my list.

    I only had one person ask if their child could come.   I said no.  They still came, as did every other parent with minor kids who was invited to my OOT wedding.
    But that's inviting in circles and totally okay. 

    I just take issue with the idea of a bride thinking having children there is going to somehow ruin her magical special day because, after all, it's HER DAY without considering that in the future she may have children and how would she feel if a friend or family member was being just as inconsiderate by assuming her child would ruin THAT bride's day. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    redoryx said:
    lyndausvi said:
    There are others categories.

    I only wanted my nieces and nephews at the wedding.  Those were the only 7 kids I invited.   

    I never once called it a child-free wedding though, because well, it wasn't.   I just had no desire to add 40 people to my list.

    I only had one person ask if their child could come.   I said no.  They still came, as did every other parent with minor kids who was invited to my OOT wedding.
    But that's inviting in circles and totally okay. 

    I just take issue with the idea of a bride thinking having children there is going to somehow ruin her magical special day because, after all, it's HER DAY without considering that in the future she may have children and how would she feel if a friend or family member was being just as inconsiderate by assuming her child would ruin THAT bride's day. 
    At my parents wedding,  my cousins who were around 7-10 actually did ruin her cake.  Not the wedding as a whole, but after they completely ran their hands all over the icing, then they leaned too much on the table and it collapsed.  Cake was ruined.

    That was 46 years ago.  My mom still gets upset when she thinks about it.   She is very much anti-kids at weddings.    
      







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    lyndausvi said:
    There are others categories.

    I only wanted my nieces and nephews at the wedding.  Those were the only 7 kids I invited.   

    I never once called it a child-free wedding though, because well, it wasn't.   I just had no desire to add 40 people to my list.

    I only had one person ask if their child could come.   I said no.  They still came, as did every other parent with minor kids who was invited to my OOT wedding.

    Yeah - this is just inviting some people and not others. I did the same thing; nieces and nephew were in, but all my minor cousins were out. It was a space/budget decision, where there were others I'd rather include, instead of a "I don't want kids around" issue.

    There's just been a lot recently about how brides are really focused on how they don't think children as children per se have a place at their wedding... and depending on how you go about that or the reasons behind it, they fall into one of OP's two categories.

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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    lyndausvi said:
    redoryx said:
    lyndausvi said:
    There are others categories.

    I only wanted my nieces and nephews at the wedding.  Those were the only 7 kids I invited.   

    I never once called it a child-free wedding though, because well, it wasn't.   I just had no desire to add 40 people to my list.

    I only had one person ask if their child could come.   I said no.  They still came, as did every other parent with minor kids who was invited to my OOT wedding.
    But that's inviting in circles and totally okay. 

    I just take issue with the idea of a bride thinking having children there is going to somehow ruin her magical special day because, after all, it's HER DAY without considering that in the future she may have children and how would she feel if a friend or family member was being just as inconsiderate by assuming her child would ruin THAT bride's day. 
    At my parents wedding,  my cousins who were around 7-10 actually did ruin her cake.  Not the wedding as a whole, but after they completely ran their hands all over the icing, then they leaned too much on the table and it collapsed.  Cake was ruined.

    That was 46 years ago.  My mom still gets upset when she thinks about it.   She is very much anti-kids at weddings.    
      

    Whew, I would be too.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited February 2015
    It's not always the bride who doesn't want kids there because "they'll ruin the wedding." Sometimes it's the groom who thinks that while the bride has no problem with kids at the wedding. This is in no way meant to justify this viewpoint at all, just that the blame does not always belong on the bride's shoulders.
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  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp member
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    flantastic said:

    DILEMA!!!! HELP PLZ!!!

    I can't decide whether to have my sister's two children as flower girl and ring barrier. They would be really cute and my photographer said she might be able to get my wedding featured in a bridal magazine... BUT they usually walk down right in front of the bride? I don't want people still thinking about their cuteness when it's time for my grand entrance. What should I do?

    ALSO, my mom is insisting that if I have a flower girl and ring barrier, that they have to come to the recepcion. I don't really want kids running around my reception screaming and being to cute when dancing... shouldn't they be in bed?? I told my sister that if I ask them to be in the wedding, I think it'd just be more fun for everyone if their older sister took them back to the hotel and babysat during the reception. My mom and sister called me a bridezilla for just that simple request! Advise??

    Please help!!

    LOL- I see what you did there ;)
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    We're not inviting children because I don't want to add a significant number of people to the guest list. That being said, my SIL will have a month-old baby at the time and I fully expect her to bring the baby. I'm actually thrilled that the baby will come before our wedding so they can be there. 

    Semi-related note: I had my first wedding nightmare last night. All these things kept going wrong. There was construction at the ceremony site (not possible btw), the bridal party had to change positions to fit in the front, the wrong music was played when I walked down the aisle, people were up moving around during the ceremony, etc. Even my dream, I was like eff it, at least we're getting married. 

    I cannot even understand how any of this nonsense ruins the fact that you are marrying the person you love. Cannot. 
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  • OnceUponSnowOnceUponSnow member
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    In all honesty, we're not inviting children to our wedding because the few children in my family are just not well-behaved at all. I would not go as far as saying these kids would ruin our wedding, but it would certainly make the whole thing significantly less enjoyable for everybody. 


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  • Newborndoc2008Newborndoc2008 member
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    kikilamp said:
    My FFIL told me that when his sister got married she was a huge bridezilla when it came to children... She wouldn't even let her sister bring her very, very small child (3 months maybe?)even though her sister had to travel across the country for the wedding. She specifically said the reason was because she didn't want babies to cry or make noise during the ceremony.

    Well she got her wish and there were no children, but the landscapers WERE mowing the church's lawn that day, and that sound drifted into the church throughout almost the entire ceremony.

    Bottom line: you can try your hardest to make it "perfect", but something could and will probably happen! I doubt that drama was worth it in the end for her.
    We invited kids to our wedding. I'm the youngest of 4 children so I have 7 nieces and nephews who I wanted to be able to attend.  Not 1 crying child despite 2 toddlers and a 6 month old.  You know what I do hear on the tape of our beautiful outdoor wedding?  The truck backing up to make a delivery around the corner.  The only meltdown was during dinner and the parent promptly removed the child from the room.  

    Bottom line - I don't tell parents how to parent.  You want a kid free wedding - great only invite adults.  Let the parents decide to hire a sitter or leave the kids with Grandma or decline the invitation.
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  • allispainallispain member
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    We had a kid-free wedding. I admit, part of the reason I originally wanted to do that was because I had watched the ring bearer almost pull my cousin's cake off the table at her wedding (he was playing hide and seek underneath the table and started pulling on the table cloth - cake got within an inch of the edge before someone stopped him). However, that was a very small part of why we choose what we did. And I certainly would never think "OMG having kids there would ruin everything!!" I don't get those brides. At all.
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
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    edited February 2015
    I pretty much had a child-free wedding, but not really by design. My cousin's 4year old daughter was there. My MOH <1 year old son, my pastor's 3 year old daughter, my 13 year old sister (BM), my 13 year old cousin, amy sister's 13 year old BFF (her +1) and 2 16 year old cousins (ushers). But those were really all the kids we knew, were close to.

    And, my cousin's 4 year old daughter sat at the head table. And she wasn't the flower girl, but still sat at the head table. GASP. Because when we arrived for the reception, she told me she wanted to sit with my sister. I asked her mom if it was OK, and slid an extra chair up on the end of the table, and let the caterers know so they would bring her her meal there and at the same time as the rest of the head table. She sat there, behaved, didn't steal the spotlight (she was pretty cute), or cause a scene or ruin my day.

    ETA the little girl just wanted to sit with someone she looked up to, knew she would have fun with, and I made her very happy by letting her. Her mom did tell me I didn't have to, or that it was OK not to let her just because she wanted to. I didn't care.
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    The only children we invited were the ones in the wedding. Nothing against kids, but almost all our married friends and coworkers have 2+ children, and there was no way our budget or venue could accommodate that many people. We would have almost doubled our head count and that just wasn't okay for us.
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  • redoryxredoryx member
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    OnceUponSnow said:

    In all honesty, we're not inviting children to our wedding because the few children in my family are just not well-behaved at all. I would not go as far as saying these kids would ruin our wedding, but it would certainly make the whole thing significantly less enjoyable for everybody. 



    I completely and totally understand that, I have several kids like that in my own family. But I also think it's important you said it would be less enjoyable for EVERYBODY versus just being less enjoyable for YOU. Your decision to make the wedding child free is you taking your guests into consideration which is what all couples getting married should be doing, kids or no kids. 
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    Pretty much any time someone starts a post with HELP!!!111!!! I know it's going to be entertaining. 

    Funny how the people with serious problems never seem to engage in written histrionics when they write in here--it's only psychopaths who are obsessed with "good photos" (whatever that means) who seem to think that their "problem" requires ALL CAPS, NO TIME FOR SPELING!
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    I had some kids at my wedding, but not all. H's 9yo brother? In. H's 9 year old cousins? Out. The children of my cousins who lived out of state and wouldn't have been able to come without them? In. The children of H's cousins who lived 20 minutes away, and whose names he can barely remember? Out. We did what we had to do to include people we were close with, and keep our totals within reason. Inviting ALL the kids would have added 30-40 to our guest list, and that wasn't happening. Certainly wasn't out of trying to recreate a prom though.

    My adult brother though? Didn't make the cut. You don't get to tell me you're ashamed to share my last name and still be treated as "family."
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
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    maeday2 said:

    CMGragain said:

    I KNOW I'm old fashioned, but I think weddings are about FAMILIES joining together to celebrate the marriage.  Babies are a part of families.

    I get the impression a lot of brides, especially the young ones, are confusing their wedding with a prom.  They have visions of dancing, drinking, and romance.  For us, it was about embracing our families, and calling them to witness our union.  The dinner, drinking and dancing receptions were just staring to be popular, thanks to movies and THE WEDDING INDUSTRY.

    Did we get our dream wedding?  No, not with OUR families involved, but we tried.  Daughter's wedding was much more relaxed, and child friendly, including a special dance for the children to do with the bride.  (The Hokey Pokey!)  Great photo op!

    I feel very cheated that my prom was nothing like that. They must have stopped spiking the punch for high school proms the year before I was eligible to go. 
    My proms were usually spent comforting some girl in the bathroom having an emotional breakdown because her hair was doing the wrong thing. And trying to avoid the shit people who wanted to fuck with me for bringing a girl. As a "friend" not my "date" because it was against the rules for her to be my "date". 

    Thank deity that wasn't what my wedding was like. Also...my prom was dry. My wedding was not. At all. Not even kind of.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
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    I don't like kids that much and if I get married, myself and the person I am marrying will of course follow etiquette on not inviting kids.   I have a very small family and there are no babies.  If my sisters or cousins have kids by the time I get married, unless I become baby crazy by some miracle, I will not want the kids there.  IMO, there is nothing wrong with that.
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