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Major Bridesmaid Vent

Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
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edited February 2015 in Snarky Brides
I have a relatively small bridal party. My sister is my MOH, and two of my cousins are bridesmaids. One of my cousins is still in college, and I'm trying to be understanding in that she's not as mature as my sister and other cousin. (Note: I live down south, while my entire bridal party lives up north.)

When I flew home for Christmas in December, I took all three of them dress shopping. I invited my aunt (my college-aged cousin's mom), as I knew she'd be paying for the dress. We went to two stores, and everyone found something they loved in their budget. The second store was even willing to price-match, so long as the price was from an authorized retailer. All of the dresses were cheaper on Bridesmaids.com, which is an authorized retailer (it's the website for a salon in Manhattan). Anyway, I did all of the legwork so that if the girls wanted to save even more on their dresses, they could. Everyone agreed the dresses would be ordered within the next month.

Fast-forward to now, which is almost two months after we went dress shopping. My sister and older cousin have been super easy to work with. Both have ordered their dresses. My younger cousin? Good question. I can't seem to get ahold of her or her mom. I sent them both a text last week and it was ignored. I sent them another text following up today and still no word. I can't help but roll my eyes because both of them have been on Instagram multiple times since.

I guess the reason I'm compelled to vent has to do with a comment my aunt made to my mom recently. Before I get to that comment, I should explain what's been going on in my personal life for the last six months. Back in September, my FI's mother was diagnosed with incurable cancer. She was admitted into the hospital and within a few days had a heart attack. It's been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. FI's parents live about five hours away, and we've probably spent more weekends trucking back and forth than we've had in our own home. Between that, work, planning a wedding, and two puppies under the age of two, it hasn't been easy. So, back to my aunt's comment... The first store we went to happened to be the place I bought my dress, and my aunt thought it'd be helpful if I could call to see if they'd price-match too. Wait...what? First of all, they won't price-match, which is something I told her. But if she really wants to try again, I know my cousin is in college and all, but I think she's more than capable of picking up the phone and calling herself.

At this point, I'd just really like the dress to be ordered in the next week. My FI's mom goes in for a stem cell transplant at the end of March, and I'm not going to have time to be chasing people around.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    When is your wedding?
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    Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
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    @climbingwife My wedding is early Oct, but like I said, FI's mom's condition is incurable. While I hope I don't have to move my wedding, I would like the dresses ordered a bit early in case that becomes something we have to do.

    @hsgator In a day in age where everyone is attached to their phones, I think texting is a perfectly acceptable form of communication. As far as her budget, yes, I asked her in private prior to going dress shopping. The dress is way below budget (it's $140).
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    edited February 2015
    Knottie01055312 said:
    @climbingwife My wedding is early Oct, but like I said, FI's mom's condition is incurable. While I hope I don't have to move my wedding, I would like the dresses ordered a bit early in case that becomes something we have to do.

    @hsgator In a day in age where everyone is attached to their phones, I think texting is a perfectly acceptable form of communication. As far as her budget, yes, I asked her in private prior to going dress shopping. The dress is way below budget (it's $140).

    Texting is an acceptable form of communication, sure, but it's not something you should rely upon solely. I sometimes go hours without checking my phone for texts, and sometimes if the response is more complicated than would be wieldy to explain via text, I'll put it off until days later and assume that if it really needs to be worked out ASAP, the person would call or try to get a hold of me via some other form of communication. I would be annoyed if someone used my non-response to a text as an indication that I was somehow "difficult to work with."

    If you really want to get a hold of them and be sure they know that ordering the dress soon is important to you because of a possible wedding date change, make an effort. If I only got a text about something, I would assume it was not actually urgent/important.

    ETA: If you have to change the date and your cousin doesn't have a dress yet, she's taken herself out of the wedding. You can't control this, and this would not be the end of the world. So only stress about what other people are doing or not doing to the extent that it is productive for you.

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    megandawn91megandawn91 member
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    First of all try not to panic. You are under enough stress with your future mother in laws condition and you don't need this dress issue to be the thing that 'breaks the camels back'. Call your cousin and her mom. Don't beat around the bush, just ask if they are going to order it soon. Explain your situation that you may have to move your wedding date and you would really appreciate if they would go ahead and order dress now. If it is out of their price range right now perhaps you could pay for it and let them pay you back if you think they are good for it. If worse comes to worse and you have to move your wedding date up and your cousin is still without a dress you can explain that she will not be able to be a bridesmaid because she didn't order the dress in a timely manor. There is no way they can be mad at you for that. 
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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    Well, this is an annoyance. But as PPs have said, it's only an annoyance. Either she (and her mom. Ugh. I hate it when the moms get involved) gets the dress or she doesn't. You might mention the possibility of moving up the wedding, so they are aware that that's on the table, but other than that, let them do what they want, even if that entails calling the first store that doesn't price-match. (YOU certainly don't need to do that legwork for them). 

    Focus your energies on your FI and your FMIL. You have enough on your plate with real problems. I'm sorry that your cousin/aunt are trying to add a total first-world problem to that mix, but you have the option of ignoring it. 

    I'm so sorry about your FMIL, as well. It sounds like your priorities (visiting her often, etc) are already in line. Now you just have to ignore your annoying family members.
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    Do they know it is a possibility that you might move your wedding earlier?
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    bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    Regardless if the situation means that you will need to move the wedding closer your cousin has already decided that she does not want to be apart of your wedding.  By ignoring your communication and not ordering her dress she has just elected to no longer be apart of your wedding.  I would tell your other bridesmaids and move on as if she was not included in your bridal party.  You sound like you have much more important things to worry about.
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    bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    flantastic said:
    bananasplit472001 said:
    Regardless if the situation means that you will need to move the wedding closer your cousin has already decided that she does not want to be apart of your wedding.  By ignoring your communication and not ordering her dress she has just elected to no longer be apart of your wedding.  I would tell your other bridesmaids and move on as if she was not included in your bridal party.  You sound like you have much more important things to worry about.
    Right. Ignoring a text and perhaps planning to order a dress in a reasonable time frame with respect to the wedding date she has been told = Clear indication that she has no interest in being a part of the bridal party.
    Funny how several other people also stated that if she does not get a dress she will not be in the wedding.  So yes if she does not get the dress in time she has choosen to not be apart of the wedding.  
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    bananasplit472001 said:
    flantastic said:
    bananasplit472001 said:
    Regardless if the situation means that you will need to move the wedding closer your cousin has already decided that she does not want to be apart of your wedding.  By ignoring your communication and not ordering her dress she has just elected to no longer be apart of your wedding.  I would tell your other bridesmaids and move on as if she was not included in your bridal party.  You sound like you have much more important things to worry about.
    Right. Ignoring a text and perhaps planning to order a dress in a reasonable time frame with respect to the wedding date she has been told = Clear indication that she has no interest in being a part of the bridal party.
    Funny how several other people also stated that if she does not get a dress she will not be in the wedding.  So yes if she does not get the dress in time she has choosen to not be apart of the wedding.  

    I also said that above.

    However, the timeline that OP gave for her currently planned wedding still leaves plenty of time to order the dress. kmmssg's question is important. If they don't know that the date might get moved up, and a text is all the communication OP has sent about it, that would not indicate an urgency to them. They might think they still have plenty of time. So I wouldn't equate this nonreaction with an indication that she's totally uninterested in being a BM.

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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    flantastic said:
    bananasplit472001 said:
    flantastic said:
    bananasplit472001 said:
    Regardless if the situation means that you will need to move the wedding closer your cousin has already decided that she does not want to be apart of your wedding.  By ignoring your communication and not ordering her dress she has just elected to no longer be apart of your wedding.  I would tell your other bridesmaids and move on as if she was not included in your bridal party.  You sound like you have much more important things to worry about.
    Right. Ignoring a text and perhaps planning to order a dress in a reasonable time frame with respect to the wedding date she has been told = Clear indication that she has no interest in being a part of the bridal party.
    Funny how several other people also stated that if she does not get a dress she will not be in the wedding.  So yes if she does not get the dress in time she has choosen to not be apart of the wedding.  

    I also said that above.

    However, the timeline that OP gave for her currently planned wedding still leaves plenty of time to order the dress. kmmssg's question is important. If they don't know that the date might get moved up, and a text is all the communication OP has sent about it, that would not indicate an urgency to them. They might think they still have plenty of time. So I wouldn't equate this nonreaction with an indication that she's totally uninterested in being a BM.

    Hahaha, I'm imagining this text-versation:

    [Monday] OP: Hey BM, just wanted to see if you'd had a chance to order your dress yet. Let me know?

    [Thursday] OP: Hi again, just checking in!

    [Sunday, to BM's mom] OP: Hi Auntie, I just wanted to see if you and DD have ordered the bridesmaids dress yet.

    [Wednesday, to BM's mom]: Any update?

    [Friday, to BM] OP: FINE, DON'T BE IN MY WEDDING THEN, SEE IF I CARE!


    Hehehe. Obviously I would hope this doesn't happen, but I'm enjoying the absurdity of seeing it written out.
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    Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
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    My entire family knows that moving my wedding date is a possibility. Obviously I don't have a crystal ball and I hope it's not something I have to do, but my wedding is a destination wedding, so I was very clear with my family before I sent out my save-the-dates (most people will be flying down, and flights are non-refundable).
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    plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    Knottie01055312 said:

    My entire family knows that moving my wedding date is a possibility. Obviously I don't have a crystal ball and I hope it's not something I have to do, but my wedding is a destination wedding, so I was very clear with my family before I sent out my save-the-dates (most people will be flying down, and flights are non-refundable).

    If your cousin doesn't have her dress for either your planned wedding date or the possible moved wedding date then she has taken herself out of your wedding.  I would CALL her and see how she is and catch up with her about her life, then just remind her that the wedding date may be moved up depending on the health of your FMIL so the BM dresses need to be earlier then they typically would.  Then leave it alone.  If she gets the dress, great.  If not, oh well.

    And can I ask why you planned a DW when you knew that there can be a possibility that the date could be moved up?  How exactly are your family members supposed to plan for that?  What happens if they purchase flights for your planned wedding date and then you move it?  Why not just move the wedding up now so that way EVERYONE can more easily plan?
    This.  My opinion, but it may be easier to just move the wedding up now, to avoid any headaches in the future.  That's what I would do if I were in your position.  So sorry to hear about your MIL.
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    doeydodoeydo member
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    Perhaps the cousin and cousin's mom said the budget was $140 or whatever because they thought they could save a little bit of money up every month until your wedding in October?  And now that your wedding might be moving up perhaps they can no longer afford it?  Just a thought.
    As for it being a DW, I would try to be understanding because of the situation, but TBH I'd be a bit miffed at waiting around not knowing if I should book my flight or not in case I did book it and then you cancelled the DW. 
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    Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
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    @Maggie0829 @plainjane0415 (and everyone else who liked their comments) My wedding was almost entirely planned by the time my MIL was diagnosed. It's pretty presumptuous of you all to assume I planned a destination wedding knowing how the situation would complicate things for my family. The reality is that even if I hadn't started planning until after she was diagnosed, it would have still been a destination wedding for my family anyway. Our families live in two completely separate parts of the country, and my MIL wouldn't have been able to get on a plane.

    @doeydo Moving up my wedding isn't an option. Google what it means to get a stem cell treatment. You get the strongest dose of chemo there is, which completely wipes out your immune system. I'm talking completely wipes it out. You need to get your vaccinations you had when you were a baby again because you no longer have immunity. It's a month in the hospital, and most patients are readmitted in the months following. It's three months of complete isolation. And it takes a full year or more for your immune system to come back. My MIL is having this done at the end of March. That's been a moving target, as they basically do it right when your chemo gets your numbers into the right range. Six months ago, the doctors were only able to estimate when this'd happen. I'm also going to wager to bet that you've never been through something like this, because no offense, but I really don't care if people are miffed. I can't control the situation. I've made it very clear that I understand if people can't or don't want to come because of it. I've suggested that everyone try to fly Southwest if they can (which is usually one of the more economical options anyway) because they allow free cancellation and change fees. You'd be miffed that you don't know when to book your travel? To that I'd say that I'm miffed that my MIL has cancer and has to go through this.
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    bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    Knottie01055312 said:

    @Maggie0829 @plainjane0415 (and everyone else who liked their comments) My wedding was almost entirely planned by the time my MIL was diagnosed. It's pretty presumptuous of you all to assume I planned a destination wedding knowing how the situation would complicate things for my family. The reality is that even if I hadn't started planning until after she was diagnosed, it would have still been a destination wedding for my family anyway. Our families live in two completely separate parts of the country, and my MIL wouldn't have been able to get on a plane.

    @doeydo Moving up my wedding isn't an option. Google what it means to get a stem cell treatment. You get the strongest dose of chemo there is, which completely wipes out your immune system. I'm talking completely wipes it out. You need to get your vaccinations you had when you were a baby again because you no longer have immunity. It's a month in the hospital, and most patients are readmitted in the months following. It's three months of complete isolation. And it takes a full year or more for your immune system to come back. My MIL is having this done at the end of March. That's been a moving target, as they basically do it right when your chemo gets your numbers into the right range. Six months ago, the doctors were only able to estimate when this'd happen. I'm also going to wager to bet that you've never been through something like this, because no offense, but I really don't care if people are miffed. I can't control the situation. I've made it very clear that I understand if people can't or don't want to come because of it. I've suggested that everyone try to fly Southwest if they can (which is usually one of the more economical options anyway) because they allow free cancellation and change fees. You'd be miffed that you don't know when to book your travel? To that I'd say that I'm miffed that my MIL has cancer and has to go through this.
    I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this.  At this point I would honestly do whatever makes sense for you.  If other people can make it they will also change their schedules around to accommodate this obviously unavoidable situation.  Whether or not you decided to move up your wedding I honestly would not even bother with figuring out if other people got their dresses, flights etc I would worry about you and your family having a nice day.  People were told when things were going to happen and if they change they will be told that as well.  If they can't make it happen if/when things change then they won't be at the wedding and its no ones fault it is just the way things happened.  There are certain situations where you need to consider yourself first and I believe this to be one of those time.  I'm sure it won't be a popular opinion, but when your MIL is very sick and wants to see her son and daughter-in-law get married others will understand if you need to make changes with little to no notice.  
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Knottie01055312 said:

    @Maggie0829 @plainjane0415 (and everyone else who liked their comments) My wedding was almost entirely planned by the time my MIL was diagnosed. It's pretty presumptuous of you all to assume I planned a destination wedding knowing how the situation would complicate things for my family. The reality is that even if I hadn't started planning until after she was diagnosed, it would have still been a destination wedding for my family anyway. Our families live in two completely separate parts of the country, and my MIL wouldn't have been able to get on a plane.

    @doeydo Moving up my wedding isn't an option. Google what it means to get a stem cell treatment. You get the strongest dose of chemo there is, which completely wipes out your immune system. I'm talking completely wipes it out. You need to get your vaccinations you had when you were a baby again because you no longer have immunity. It's a month in the hospital, and most patients are readmitted in the months following. It's three months of complete isolation. And it takes a full year or more for your immune system to come back. My MIL is having this done at the end of March. That's been a moving target, as they basically do it right when your chemo gets your numbers into the right range. Six months ago, the doctors were only able to estimate when this'd happen. I'm also going to wager to bet that you've never been through something like this, because no offense, but I really don't care if people are miffed. I can't control the situation. I've made it very clear that I understand if people can't or don't want to come because of it. I've suggested that everyone try to fly Southwest if they can (which is usually one of the more economical options anyway) because they allow free cancellation and change fees. You'd be miffed that you don't know when to book your travel? To that I'd say that I'm miffed that my MIL has cancer and has to go through this.
    And how exactly are we supposed to know that?  Unless you specifically state that then we have no way of knowing.  We aren't mind readers.

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    Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
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    @Maggie0829 The point is ask, don't just assume.
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    @Maggie0829 The point is ask, don't just assume.
    She did. What she literally said was:
    Maggie0829 said:

    Knottie01055312 said:

    And can I ask why you planned a DW when you knew that there can be a possibility that the date could be moved up?  How exactly are your family members supposed to plan for that?  What happens if they purchase flights for your planned wedding date and then you move it?  Why not just move the wedding up now so that way EVERYONE can more easily plan?

    DWs do, in fact, complicate things for family. It takes a lot more advance planning and commitment. The only possible assumption there was that you already knew the date could be moved up when you planned, which let's face it is always a possibility. The rest were questions. Is it that difficult just to answer the questions without being offended?
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    edited February 2015
    Knottie01055312 said:

    @Maggie0829 The point is ask, don't just assume.
    How about you go back and read my post.  I did fucking ask.  I asked why did you plan a DW when you knew there was a possibility that the date could be moved up.  Because from her post that is exactly what it seemed like she was doing.  All she had to do was come back with an explanation of "oh we didn't find out about FMIL until after the wedding was planned."  But instead she came back all butt hurt because we aren't mind readers.

    We can only go off of what people post.  We ask questions when we feel the need for further clarification.  And I still stick by my opinion that she should just go ahead and move the wedding up now rather then waiting until the possible last second so that the rest of her guests are scrambling to change their travel.

    ETA: And when I say "she" I mean you OP.  This is why we ask posters to change their given Knottie# username to one we can distinguish from other posters.  Makes things a little less confusing.

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    flantastic said:

    @Maggie0829 The point is ask, don't just assume.
    She did. What she literally said was:
    Knottie01055312 said:

    And can I ask why you planned a DW when you knew that there can be a possibility that the date could be moved up?  How exactly are your family members supposed to plan for that?  What happens if they purchase flights for your planned wedding date and then you move it?  Why not just move the wedding up now so that way EVERYONE can more easily plan?

    DWs do, in fact, complicate things for family. It takes a lot more advance planning and commitment. The only possible assumption there was that you already knew the date could be moved up when you planned, which let's face it is always a possibility. The rest were questions. Is it that difficult just to answer the questions without being offended?

    I guess because my questions weren't covered in sugar and carried by puppy dogs over a pretty rainbow that they offended OP.

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    Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
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    @Maggie0829 If you want to accuse people of not reading posts, maybe you should go back and read my post. I'm not understanding why you're still saying I should move up my wedding. Here, I'll repeat it for you. My MIL is having a stem cell transplant at the end of March. She can't be around large groups of people between now and then because if she gets sick, they won't do it. If the transplant gets delayed, there's a strong likelihood that the cancer will progress. If the cancer progresses and her numbers increase and they're no longer in the needed range, she can't get the transplant until she has more induction chemo. The transplant is her single best shot for having her kidney function come back, which has been at 10% since she went into the hospital. Decreased kidney function gravely impacts how much time she has. So the transplant is just a little important. After the transplant, she'll be in the hospital until at least the end of April. After she gets out, she'll be in isolation for at least three months, bringing us to July if everything goes according to plan. My wedding is in October, so that gives us a little wiggle room in terms of her recovery timeline.

    Do you people think I haven't thought of every possible scenario? My FI and I have agonized over what to do. You act like I could care less that this impacts my family. Your suggestions are made from a standpoint of not really knowing what my MIL is dealing with from a treatment perspective.

    Also, regarding your comment about changing my username...guess I've had better things to worry about. I'll try to prioritize (*eye-roll*).
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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    Knottie01055312 said:

    @Maggie0829 @plainjane0415 (and everyone else who liked their comments) My wedding was almost entirely planned by the time my MIL was diagnosed. It's pretty presumptuous of you all to assume I planned a destination wedding knowing how the situation would complicate things for my family. The reality is that even if I hadn't started planning until after she was diagnosed, it would have still been a destination wedding for my family anyway. Our families live in two completely separate parts of the country, and my MIL wouldn't have been able to get on a plane.

    @doeydo Moving up my wedding isn't an option. Google what it means to get a stem cell treatment. You get the strongest dose of chemo there is, which completely wipes out your immune system. I'm talking completely wipes it out. You need to get your vaccinations you had when you were a baby again because you no longer have immunity. It's a month in the hospital, and most patients are readmitted in the months following. It's three months of complete isolation. And it takes a full year or more for your immune system to come back. My MIL is having this done at the end of March. That's been a moving target, as they basically do it right when your chemo gets your numbers into the right range. Six months ago, the doctors were only able to estimate when this'd happen. I'm also going to wager to bet that you've never been through something like this, because no offense, but I really don't care if people are miffed. I can't control the situation. I've made it very clear that I understand if people can't or don't want to come because of it. I've suggested that everyone try to fly Southwest if they can (which is usually one of the more economical options anyway) because they allow free cancellation and change fees. You'd be miffed that you don't know when to book your travel? To that I'd say that I'm miffed that my MIL has cancer and has to go through this.
    Um, YOU are the one who said that the wedding might be moved up...

    and to the second bolded, THIS is pretty presumptions (Hey, look! using this word correctly). How can you possibly presume to know what she has been through. 

    Anyhow, I am very sorry to hear about your MIL. How awful. That being said, this unfortunate situation does not disallow people from being upset about losing a shit ton of money on non-refundable flights. I understand that it's not something that you can control, but maybe try not to have an attitude about a totally valid thing for your guests to potentially be upset about.
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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    ashley8918 said:

    Knottie01055312 said:

    @Maggie0829 @plainjane0415 (and everyone else who liked their comments) My wedding was almost entirely planned by the time my MIL was diagnosed. It's pretty presumptuous of you all to assume I planned a destination wedding knowing how the situation would complicate things for my family. The reality is that even if I hadn't started planning until after she was diagnosed, it would have still been a destination wedding for my family anyway. Our families live in two completely separate parts of the country, and my MIL wouldn't have been able to get on a plane.

    @doeydo Moving up my wedding isn't an option. Google what it means to get a stem cell treatment. You get the strongest dose of chemo there is, which completely wipes out your immune system. I'm talking completely wipes it out. You need to get your vaccinations you had when you were a baby again because you no longer have immunity. It's a month in the hospital, and most patients are readmitted in the months following. It's three months of complete isolation. And it takes a full year or more for your immune system to come back. My MIL is having this done at the end of March. That's been a moving target, as they basically do it right when your chemo gets your numbers into the right range. Six months ago, the doctors were only able to estimate when this'd happen. I'm also going to wager to bet that you've never been through something like this, because no offense, but I really don't care if people are miffed. I can't control the situation. I've made it very clear that I understand if people can't or don't want to come because of it. I've suggested that everyone try to fly Southwest if they can (which is usually one of the more economical options anyway) because they allow free cancellation and change fees. You'd be miffed that you don't know when to book your travel? To that I'd say that I'm miffed that my MIL has cancer and has to go through this.
    Um, YOU are the one who said that the wedding might be moved up...

    and to the second bolded, THIS is pretty presumptions (Hey, look! using this word correctly). How can you possibly presume to know what she has been through. 

    Anyhow, I am very sorry to hear about your MIL. How awful. That being said, this unfortunate situation does not disallow people from being upset about losing a shit ton of money on non-refundable flights. I understand that it's not something that you can control, but maybe try not to have an attitude about a totally valid thing for your guests to potentially be upset about.
    Thank you!  I was confused as hell because I was sitting here thinking "am I crazy or wasn't the OP the one who said moving up the wedding could happen hence why she is freaking out because her cousin hasn't ordered her dress yet."

    And I find it funny that you got pissed when I assumed something but you have no problem assuming something yourself.

    And everything else Ashley said, pretend I said it.

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    Knottie1463426215Knottie1463426215 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited February 2015
    @ashley8918 I should have been more clear. The only way my wedding will be moved is if my MIL isn't going to make it to October. Stem cell transplants are very risky, especially in conjunction with the fact that she has almost no kidney function. So yes, it's a possibility, but only if we get news that she's not going to make it.

    Editing because I wanted to respond to one other thing: It's not that I don't understand the concern around booking a flight and potentially losing out on money. I get that, and I've made it very clear that if someone can't or doesn't want to come because of it, I totally understand. There are situations in life that you just sometimes can't control. At the end of the day, if we were told my MIL wasn't going to make it, I'd never ask my FI to keep our wedding date just so my family could keep their flights. That's his MOM. I'd be heartbroken if I was in his position and he even insinuated that's what he thought we should do. The reason I'm coming off annoyed is because when you go through something like this, small things don't matter anymore. I'd hope that if it came down to moving up the date, my family would be understanding.
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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    Maggie0829 said:

    Knottie01055312 said:

    @Maggie0829 @plainjane0415 (and everyone else who liked their comments) My wedding was almost entirely planned by the time my MIL was diagnosed. It's pretty presumptuous of you all to assume I planned a destination wedding knowing how the situation would complicate things for my family. The reality is that even if I hadn't started planning until after she was diagnosed, it would have still been a destination wedding for my family anyway. Our families live in two completely separate parts of the country, and my MIL wouldn't have been able to get on a plane.

    @doeydo Moving up my wedding isn't an option. Google what it means to get a stem cell treatment. You get the strongest dose of chemo there is, which completely wipes out your immune system. I'm talking completely wipes it out. You need to get your vaccinations you had when you were a baby again because you no longer have immunity. It's a month in the hospital, and most patients are readmitted in the months following. It's three months of complete isolation. And it takes a full year or more for your immune system to come back. My MIL is having this done at the end of March. That's been a moving target, as they basically do it right when your chemo gets your numbers into the right range. Six months ago, the doctors were only able to estimate when this'd happen. I'm also going to wager to bet that you've never been through something like this, because no offense, but I really don't care if people are miffed. I can't control the situation. I've made it very clear that I understand if people can't or don't want to come because of it. I've suggested that everyone try to fly Southwest if they can (which is usually one of the more economical options anyway) because they allow free cancellation and change fees. You'd be miffed that you don't know when to book your travel? To that I'd say that I'm miffed that my MIL has cancer and has to go through this.
    Um, YOU are the one who said that the wedding might be moved up...

    and to the second bolded, THIS is pretty presumptions (Hey, look! using this word correctly). How can you possibly presume to know what she has been through. 

    Anyhow, I am very sorry to hear about your MIL. How awful. That being said, this unfortunate situation does not disallow people from being upset about losing a shit ton of money on non-refundable flights. I understand that it's not something that you can control, but maybe try not to have an attitude about a totally valid thing for your guests to potentially be upset about.


    Thank you!  I was confused as hell because I was sitting here thinking "am I crazy or wasn't the OP the one who said moving up the wedding could happen hence why she is freaking out because her cousin hasn't ordered her dress yet."

    And I find it funny that you got pissed when I assumed something but you have no problem assuming something yourself.

    And everything else Ashley said, pretend I said it.





    --------IMABOXIMABOXIMABOXIMABOXIMABOXIMAFUCKINGBOX--------



    I had to go back and re-read. I was so fucking confused. And then I thought maybe there were 2 Knottie#s in here, but nope.
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