Was this as rude as I perceived it to be?

themuffinman16 · March 2015

I think her biggest beef with me is that I did not hire her to be my wedding photographer because she tinkers in photography. She also made some nasty comment to me on my wedding day, about how I didn't hire her. Um... I have seen too many cautionary tales on TK to even think about it, with much better and stable friendships than ours turn into nightmares. (not to mention every other month she is "deciding to quit her lifelong support of photography because not enough friends support her talent."

The day of my SILs newborn baby's photo shoot, she was trashing her on fb saying she loves doing what she does, but her friends want to keep her in the poorhouse and pay her so poorly she will never make it as a serious photographer. I don't know how anyone remains friends with her!

ohannabelle · March 2015

themuffinman16 said:
I unfriended her on facebook. I really want to block her, but I don't want to cause problems between H and his friend. If more drama comes my way, I will block her.
I have just hid her husband from my posts so she can't see what I post, in the future.
I know this drama will rear it's ugly head when I have a first birthday party for my future spawn and don't want to invite them, because them includes her.

That's why small family only birthdays are the best.

Poor Muffinman, you've had a crappy time with the miserable back followed by the miserable mannered bitch. I hate when people just won't behave.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

I HATE big birthday parties. I would do them for the first birthday, but only 10-12 people over for dinner with cake for a birthday. Just immediate family, after their first year. I can't handle planning large parties. It's people like her that make me despise big gatherings... there's always a couple of assholes in a bushel of apples (is that how the saying goes?)

ohannabelle · March 2015

themuffinman16 said:
I HATE big birthday parties. I would do them for the first birthday, but only 10-12 people over for dinner with cake for a birthday. Just immediate family, after their first year. I can't handle planning large parties. It's people like her that make me despise big gatherings... there's always a couple of assholes in a bushel of apples (is that how the saying goes?)

If not, it should, because it's a pretty good expression. When it comes down to apples and assholes, I'd rather be at a small party with a few good apples.

banana468 · March 2015

I would unfriend her and then I'd decline any invitations. Furthermore, since it's your DH's friend, I'd wonder why he isn't speaking up? It sounds like this husband's only thing he does right is to serve as a vacuum traveling around to clean up his wife's messes. And he sucks.

DH would know that they are not going to be invited to parties at our home or out to dinner but he's welcome to continue the friendship with the dude. And if that's a problem, then tough shit.

mikenberger · March 2015

Asshattery abounds. Get bent, bitch! Unbelievable.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

I wouldn't block her. I think that's just a touch too passive-aggressive for this particular situation. Just unfriend or hide, and if she asks you why, I'd say "I felt your post complaining about the gift I bought your child was out of line, and I don't want to open myself up to that again." If she doesn't notice that, but does bring up future plans, I'd say something like "you made it pretty clear with the batman set that my efforts at friendship aren't up to your standards, so I think it's best I decline."

I wouldn't go out of my way to bring it up though.

mikenberger · March 2015

I agree with not blocking her. Why throw fuel to the fire? Just unfriend her and be done with it. And if she brings it up, follow Lolo's lead on what to tell her. It's not your fault she can't behave like an adult.

artbyallie · March 2015

So she's a momtographer* too? Charming. Don't block her unless she spams you with friend requests and/or messages, but yeah. Don't engage the crazy.

*Disclaimer: I know precisely one mom who has picked up photography who doesn't suck at it and actually seems to be making a reasonably successful business. Too many people think they can just buy a camera and boom, they're a professional photographer. I don't doubt if she's not making what she thinks she should it's because her pictures aren't actually worth that much.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

Last night, I was really hormonal and realized blocking her might be going to far. I'm about to start my period. I was in tears, all day yesterday, for the dumbest shit! Lol. (this wasn't dumb, I got angry as shit over this.)

Yesterday, I was at Target, picking out their kid's present, and I saw the most adorable little girl in her mom's arm with the most stupid hat on the little girls head (stupid= adorable... IMO, because they can't help the shit you put them in, so it just oozes adorableness). I swear to god, I heard my uterus whisper to me yesterday, and say, "Everybody gets a baby, everybody gets a baby except you."

I told this to my sister, and she just died of laughter. Then I started cracking up, because it is just the dumbest thing to utter that your uterus whispers awful things in your ears.

At that point, I realized yes, I can be pissed about this, but maybe it's a little premature to go out, guns ablazing on this woman, and just limit my contact with her and pass my excuses along. She's so antisocial, that I hardly think she would even notice it if I didn't come around. (I was invited to their house, a month after she had her baby and that's it.) For now, I will unfriend her, and if more shit goes down, I can always block her at a later date.

ETA: yeah, she's a momtographer, as well. And AWFUL. My older niece and nephew had a photo shoot, and she had them doing engagement shoot poses. It almost looked like they were dating, and not brother and sister. It was the most awkward photo, in all of my life. They were holding hands, but their hands were each shaped like half of a heart with their faces in the middle, with their heads almost together, while they were looking at each other. My niece is 10 (looks 12) and her brother was 18. That photo, still, haunts me.

kvruns · March 2015

just curious, did anyone comment on the photo that she posted? or did she delete it before anyone said anything?

themuffinman16 · March 2015

This photo is still up there. She has deleted previous posts when there were problems. My H said, "So we are supposed to call each other before we get a gift?" She liked that post. I told her the gift receipt was inside the book. My sister, who is fb friends with her saw her post, before I had a chance to tell her. My sister was livid for me. My sister.wrote, Getting duplicate gifts at your child's birthday parties is the least of your concerns, as a parent. People know your H so well, that three people had the same idea. Be thankful for such thoughtful friends."

She has unfriended my sister since then. My sister got a play makeup kit for her 6 month old daughter for Christmas from her SIL. This was the epitome of absurd. She still sent a thank you note, and threw the gift away.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

^loving for your H and S's replies.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

I would probably post something equally as passive aggressive... Something like, "ohhh, I didn't realize there was a gift registry to ensure guests who graciously give your 1 year old a present don't purchase the sane gift. You know what? Let me take care of this problem.. I will come by and pick up our gift. That way you only have 2, not 3. You can keep the card though, we can't return it. And I'm sure Jr. Has read all of his cards, so I wouldn't want to take that away from him. Let me know when I can stop by and make this problem go away! Lol

lol"

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
I would probably post something equally as passive aggressive... Something like, "ohhh, I didn't realize there was a gift registry to ensure guests who graciously give your 1 year old a present don't purchase the sane gift. You know what? Let me take care of this problem.. I will come by and pick up our gift. That way you only have 2, not 3. You can keep the card though, we can't return it. And I'm sure Jr. Has read all of his cards, so I wouldn't want to take that away from him. Let me know when I can stop by and make this problem go away! Lol lol"

Ew then she actually would make a registry the next time.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

lolo883 said:

southernbelle0915 said:
I would probably post something equally as passive aggressive... Something like, "ohhh, I didn't realize there was a gift registry to ensure guests who graciously give your 1 year old a present don't purchase the sane gift. You know what? Let me take care of this problem.. I will come by and pick up our gift. That way you only have 2, not 3. You can keep the card though, we can't return it. And I'm sure Jr. Has read all of his cards, so I wouldn't want to take that away from him. Let me know when I can stop by and make this problem go away! Lol lol"
Ew then she actually would make a registry the next time.

I am actually surprised she didn't register

novella1186 · March 2015

This lady sounds like a total bitch. All I can think of is:

banana468 · March 2015

themuffinman16 said:
This photo is still up there. She has deleted previous posts when there were problems. My H said, "So we are supposed to call each other before we get a gift?" She liked that post. I told her the gift receipt was inside the book. My sister, who is fb friends with her saw her post, before I had a chance to tell her. My sister was livid for me. My sister.wrote, Getting duplicate gifts at your child's birthday parties is the least of your concerns, as a parent. People know your H so well, that three people had the same idea. Be thankful for such thoughtful friends."
She has unfriended my sister since then. My sister got a play makeup kit for her 6 month old daughter for Christmas from her SIL. This was the epitome of absurd. She still sent a thank you note, and threw the gift away.

I think you're handling it well. I would just stop engaging her. The idea of FB is that you're socially networking and when you have someone on your "friend" list the person shouldn't be your enemy.

So I wouldn't set up a bunch of alarms on her but I would no longer put myself to be in contact with her. She's never going to change so there isn't a point in trying to tell her when she was a bitch.

STARMOON44 · March 2015

Three identical awesome gifts? Sounds funny to me. I don't think you need to interpret this as horribly rude unless you want to.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

STARMOON44 said:
Three identical awesome gifts? Sounds funny to me. I don't think you need to interpret this as horribly rude unless you want to.

Did you read the whole post, or are you the mom in question?

STARMOON44 · March 2015

lolo883 said:

STARMOON44 said:
Three identical awesome gifts? Sounds funny to me. I don't think you need to interpret this as horribly rude unless you want to.
Did you read the whole post, or are you the mom in question?

I read the whole post. I think the mom in question sounds round the deep end. But I also think this really doesn't need to be upsetting. Honestly some crazy lady complaining about an excessive quantity of awesome? Hilarious. Sometimes it's just not worth it to bother being upset by things. Hide her on FB and move on.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

I was just really upset that she went out of her way to shame me in not getting what she would consider a good gift. I don't go looking for drama, and I have only 80 people on my friend list . 50 of them are H's family. I keep my circle small and don't put up with bullshit drama. I hate when it finds me.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

JennyColada said:
One time at my ninth birthday, two people got me the same Barbie doll. My mom (in private obviously) insisted that I show both friends how grateful I was for the gifts.

So basically, at 9 I had better manners than this grown ass woman.

Jenny nailed it.

That woman can see you next Tuesday. She's super fucking rude. She should have thanked you all, then quietly used the gift receipts to return two if the dups and get two other toys.

Don't go to any more of these bday parties. . .your FI can go on his own and he can buy the gifts.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

themuffinman16 said:
Ok, I was losing my shit. My back was KILLING me today, and I STILL went to her son's party. H likes to play devil's advocate and says she is depressed. I said, I'm sorry, having depression doesn't give you license to act like a bitch. My grandma was depressed, and she never said a rude or nasty thing to someone who was kind to her. I am sick of walking on eggshells for this girl.
My H also watches wrestling with his friends every Monday. This woman goes with her husband to watch the wrestling with him. I asked her if she liked wrestling? She said, "No, but I actually like MY husband, so I like to be with him." The guys call it bro day for a reason. It does not mean I don't like my husband because I let him have alone time with his friends. BIIITCH, please!

Then she should go to counseling and work with a psychiatrist to find medication to ameliorate her depression. Her depression isn't an excuse to be an asshole.

Your back was fucked and you didn't act like an asshole.

bizzy592 · March 2015

Wow. She sounds like the WORST. Toxic, dramatic, passive aggressive, and completely lacking in social graces. I agree with your decision to unfriend her. Just because your husbands are friends, does not mean that you need to be friends - or attend her kids party. Or use a sub par photographer out of loyalty. Beyond her unquestionably rude behavior, her attempts to guilt acquaintances into supporting her financially is so off-putting. Frankly, ANY attempt to tell me how to spend my time or money is unwelcome.

Sometimes I feel like I want to create a mad lib for these requests:

I'm happy for your new career in (timeshare sales/nightclub promotion/bodypainting/ultimate fighting in Thailand/lactation consulting/reality tv production). Truly, I am. But unfortunately at this point in my life, I don't have the (liquidity/stamina/interest/easy commute to Bangkok/breast milk/lack of integrity) to offer you more than moral support in this venture.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

lizabobiza said:
Wow. She sounds like the WORST. Toxic, dramatic, passive aggressive, and completely lacking in social graces. I agree with your decision to unfriend her. Just because your husbands are friends, does not mean that you need to be friends - or attend her kids party. Or use a sub par photographer out of loyalty. Beyond her unquestionably rude behavior, her attempts to guilt acquaintances into supporting her financially is so off-putting. Frankly, ANY attempt to tell me how to spend my time or money is unwelcome.

Sometimes I feel like I want to create a mad lib for these requests:

I'm happy for your new career in (timeshare sales/nightclub promotion/bodypainting/ultimate fighting in Thailand/lactation consulting/reality tv production). Truly, I am. But unfortunately at this point in my life, I don't have the (liquidity/stamina/interest/easy commute to Bangkok/breast milk/lack of integrity) to offer you more than moral support in this venture.

Um... I am stealing this mad lib!

Liatris2010 · March 2015

I wish I had seen this sooner. My response would have been,

"I'm so sorry we didn't coordinate our gift with the other guests. Please send the gift back so I can get something I am sure you don't already have."

Then you buy a book on manners and send it.

Or just fantasize about it, depending on whether or not you like those people. I'm pretty sure I don't like them.

themuffinman16 · March 2015

Liatris2010 said:
I wish I had seen this sooner. My response would have been,

"I'm so sorry we didn't coordinate our gift with the other guests. Please send the gift back so I can get something I am sure you don't already have."
Then you buy a book on manners and send it.

Or just fantasize about it, depending on whether or not you like those people. I'm pretty sure I don't like them.

Lmao. NOW, I WANT TO DO THIS!

KatieinBkln · March 2015

So glad your sister brought some real talk to this bitch! Honestly being unfriended by her seems like an honor. I'm just sorry it's too late for you to reply, totally deadpan: My, how gracious.

Agree with others that your H needs to be the one to deal with this couple going forward, and that he needs to be 100% on board with supporting you in your decision never to see this jerk again.

wrigleyville · March 2015

@banana468 - You updated your sig picture!

Your kids are adorable.

Was this as rude as I perceived it to be?

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