bridesmaids gifts question

Ashes2600 · January 2015

Hello everyone! I got rings for my bridesmaids and the two mothers. They aren't sized yet and I want them to wear them on my wedding. The wedding is September 12, 2015. I know traditionally I am supposed to give them there gifts at the rehearsal dinner, but I can't because of the sizing issue. Does anybody have any suggestions on when to give them their rings?? Thanks!

climbingsingle · January 2015

First, something that you're requiring them to wear on the wedding day is not a gift. We usually suggest you shop for your bridal party like it was their birthday.

When will the rings be completed?

Also, another thought. No one is going to notice that your BMs are wearing rings. Can you recall the BMs' accessories at the last wedding you attended? Probably not.

JCbride2015 · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

Hello everyone! I got rings for my bridesmaids and the two mothers. They aren't sized yet and I want them to wear them on my wedding. The wedding is September 12, 2015. I know traditionally I am supposed to give them there gifts at the rehearsal dinner, but I can't because of the sizing issue. Does anybody have any suggestions on when to give them their rings?? Thanks!

This is a sweet thought and I know you meant well. But anything that they are expected to wear on the wedding day is not really a gratuitous gift for them; it's sort of a gift for yourself because it's about the wedding "Look."

I encourage you to supplement the ring idea with something personalized to each BM. As Climbing said, shop like it's their birthday.

As for the rings themselves, I think it would be fine to say, "Hey, I would like to give you a ring to wear on the wedding day. What is your size?" and then give the rings whenever you like, ex. at the rehearsal dinner. It doesn't have to be a big surprise.

mlg78 · January 2015

What is it about these rings that you want them to wear 'em on your wedding day? Why does it matter if they don't start wearing it right away?

Ashes2600 · January 2015

They are personalized. Plus they can wear them whenever they want, just thought it would be nice for them to wear them all together. Because they are gifts, I don't want to ask them their ring sizes. I think it says like 3-4 weeks to get them sized, but I didn't know if anybody else gave rings as gifts and what they did.

Ashes2600 · January 2015

mlg78,

I don't care when they wear the rings. I just haven't given them to the girls yet. I am not sure when I can/should.

climbingsingle · January 2015

How are they going to be sized if you're not asking their ring sizes? Are they going to have to have them sized themselves? I'm confused.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

Anything you expect them to wear the day of it not the bridesmaid gift. If you expect them to wear it, it's "part of the uniform", KWIM?

I am also confused how you plan to get these sized for the day of without revealing the gift or asking for sizes?

Ashes2600 · January 2015

They can go get them sized at any time. Or when I give them the rings they can tell me their sizes and I'll take all of them at once to get them sized. I'm not telling them they have to wear it, I just would appreciate it if they did. The only thing I want them to wear is the dress they ordered and brown cowboy boots.

This whole post is to see if anybody else has done this and how they went about doing it. Not to get opinions on if it is considered a gift or "part of the uniform." I'm not sure why everybody is missing the point/question.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

They can go get them sized at any time. Or when I give them the rings they can tell me their sizes and I'll take all of them at once to get them sized. I'm not telling them they have to wear it, I just would appreciate it if they did. The only thing I want them to wear is the dress they ordered and brown cowboy boots.

This whole post is to see if anybody else has done this and how they went about doing it. Not to get opinions on if it is considered a gift or "part of the uniform." I'm not sure why everybody is missing the point/question.

When you post to a public forum, people can comment about anything you say. You can do the same about others' posts if you'd like. That's just how internet forums work.

I would get them sized all at once if that's an option.

Also, are you paying for the brown cowboy boots you're asking them to wear? That's a pretty specific/expensive request..

Ashes2600 · January 2015

I understand that but that has nothing to do with what I was asking.

Ok but when should I give them to them? I guess whenever I want really.

No, I'm not paying for the dresses either. Why is it that the bride has to pay for everything but the dress? I chose the dress also. My bridesmaids are more than welcome to buy the boots if they need too (some have a pair already). And I am not telling them the specific boot, as long as they are brown. They can find the cheapest pair out there. But they will be able to wear them before and after the wedding also.

Did you guys buy your girls their dresses and shoes for them?

MobKaz · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

I understand that but that has nothing to do with what I was asking.

Ok but when should I give them to them? I guess whenever I want really.

No, I'm not paying for the dresses either. Why is it that the bride has to pay for everything but the dress? I chose the dress also. My bridesmaids are more than welcome to buy the boots if they need too (some have a pair already). And I am not telling them the specific boot, as long as they are brown. They can find the cheapest pair out there. But they will be able to wear them before and after the wedding also.

Did you guys buy your girls their dresses and shoes for them?

Some brides will purchase the dresses, but traditionally, the dress is the ONE expected cost for the BM. However, their budgets should be asked prior to looking at dresses. Hopefully, the girls will also have at least a small voice in the style of the dress. If a bride asks for a specific shoe in a specific color, then yes, the bride should pay for it. If the bride says, "Wear any black shoe", or "Wear a neutral colored shoe", then the bride does not need to incur the cost. If you are requesting brown boots (why?), and any of your BM's don't have a pair, then I think the cost should be on you.

climbingsingle · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

I understand that but that has nothing to do with what I was asking.

Ok but when should I give them to them? I guess whenever I want really.

No, I'm not paying for the dresses either. Why is it that the bride has to pay for everything but the dress? I chose the dress also. My bridesmaids are more than welcome to buy the boots if they need too (some have a pair already). And I am not telling them the specific boot, as long as they are brown. They can find the cheapest pair out there. But they will be able to wear them before and after the wedding also.

Did you guys buy your girls their dresses and shoes for them?

No. I let my MOH pick out whatever dress she wanted, in any color. I told her to wear whatever shoe she wanted, in any color. And I certainly didn't buy her a "gift" that she had to go get sized to wear the day of the wedding. I'm sorry, but this is a crappy gift.

xx802xx · January 2015

I agree that it might be a nice gift, but if you are expecting them to wear it in your wedding, it's really part of the uniform. If you want to still give the rings as a gift you should also give them something else on the side that they can have as a token of appreciation to keep/use do whatever with whenever they want. It doesn't have to be something big, maybe a framed picture of you and each of your bridesmaids with a personal letter thanking them...but something that they are NOT expected to wear or use in your ceremony.

As for the ring sizing...you either have to ask them, or "borrow" a ring of theirs and have a professional size that ring you bring them

Ashes2600 · January 2015

Okay, again, I am NOT expecting them to wear it, I would like them to but I'm not going to freak out over a ring they forgot or decided not to wear on the wedding day. How is it a crappy gift?! I would love to receive a ring as my gift if I were a bridesmaid.

I put everything they tell me into consideration for anything, including the dresses. If ANY of the members in the bridal party had/has ANY issues with anything, I am more than willing to make adjustments or anything to make things easier. Everyone is more than willing to pay for things. I'm not sure how this has gotten this far.

AddieCake · January 2015

Jewelry is always a tricky gift because one never knows if the recipient will like the jewelry. You can give your bridesmaids their gifts any time you want. If it is going to take several weeks to get sized and you want them to wear the rings at the wedding, I think it's pretty obvious you need to give them the rings a few weeks before your wedding.

floridabride44 · January 2015

Just call each BM and say "Hey! Random question - what's your ring size?" If they press for details, just say don't worry about it. By the time you give them the rings I bet they'll have forgotten that you asked that question, and the rings will still be a surprise. September is a long way away.

(Plus, knowing your girlfriend's ring sizes could always be useful if their SO's ever plan to propose, and come to you asking for help/advice/information. Just a thought.)

But like everyone else has said... if you're asking them to wear it at the wedding, it's not technically a gift. Think of another gift to give along with the ring that isn't related to the wedding. And maybe rethink the brown cowboy boots thing - even just broadening your request to brown shoes would be great, that way each BM can wear a shoes that are her style. I'd be pissed if someone made me go out and buy a pair of cowboy boots. I never wear cowboy boots. But I'd be cool with buying a new pair of cute brown flats that I could wear again & again.

mlg78 · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

mlg78,

I don't care when they wear the rings. I just haven't given them to the girls yet. I am not sure when I can/should.

You're kind of contradicting yourself. You say you want them to wear the ring on your wedding day but now you say you don't care? If you truly don't care just give them the ring at the rehearsal dinner but if they don't show up at the ceremony with it on, don't be upset...because as you said to me, you don't care.

climbingsingle · January 2015

No one is going to tell you to your face that they hate something you've selected. That goes for rings and cowboy boots.

And if I was a BM is someone's wedding and she said to me, "Here's your gift! You don't have to wear it the day of the wedding, but it would be nice if you could!" I'd feel pressured to wear the ring. If you really don't care, just give them the rings and don't say anything.

lovesclimbing · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

I understand that but that has nothing to do with what I was asking.

Ok but when should I give them to them? I guess whenever I want really.

No, I'm not paying for the dresses either. Why is it that the bride has to pay for everything but the dress? I chose the dress also. My bridesmaids are more than welcome to buy the boots if they need too (some have a pair already). And I am not telling them the specific boot, as long as they are brown. They can find the cheapest pair out there. But they will be able to wear them before and after the wedding also.

Did you guys buy your girls their dresses and shoes for them?

No, I did not buy my bridesmaids' shoes. I didn't even think about shoes until my mom said something like, oh it'd be nice if they all wore whatever black shoes and they wouldn't have to buy anything. And I said, good idea! So they all wore any black shoe they already owned except my sister (MOH) who decided it was a good excuse to replace her older pair of black pumps (but that was entirely her choice, her older pair looked just fine to me)

Also, my mom made all the bridesmaid dresses, so they didn't even have to pay for their dresses. They literally paid for nothing to be in my wedding.

As for cowboy boots, my sister asked us to buy cowboy boots for her wedding. I didn't have to pay for the dress (she was sewing them), so it wasn't a huge deal, but still, I was a bit annoyed to spend $120 on a pair of boots I wasn't too keen on. I have worn them again, mainly because I spent so much money on them (More than any other shoes I've ever purchased) so I feel like I have to wear them, but I would have much preferred to spend the money on a pair of cute boots I actually liked and would wear a lot and don't feel kind of silly wearing.

zitiqueen · January 2015

Ashes2600 said:

Okay, again, I am NOT expecting them to wear it, I would like them to but I'm not going to freak out over a ring they forgot or decided not to wear on the wedding day. How is it a crappy gift?! I would love to receive a ring as my gift if I were a bridesmaid.

I put everything they tell me into consideration for anything, including the dresses. If ANY of the members in the bridal party had/has ANY issues with anything, I am more than willing to make adjustments or anything to make things easier. Everyone is more than willing to pay for things. I'm not sure how this has gotten this far.

So just because you would love to receive a ring as a gift, that means everybody would? I wouldn't. I don't wear jewelry. I don't even wear my wedding ring. Buying me a ring as a "gift" would be a complete waste of money, and I would know that you weren't really thinking of me and what I might like when you bought it. It sounds like you're buying your BMs a gift based on what you would like, not based on what they would like.

emmaaa · January 2015

Ditto other PP's. I would just buy something personal for each girl to *add* to the gift. The rings seem like a nice gesture but it would be nice if each girl had a little something *extra* that was specific to them.

I don't see a problem with asking them their sizes now and then give them the rings at the RD or even bachelorette party. By then they will probably forget you had asked.

And no, I didn't buy my BMs shoes or dress. I picked the color and material and they chose their own style. I told them I didn't care at all what shoes they wore so everyone wore shoes they already owned unless they just wanted an excuse to buy new shoes.

Viczaesar · January 2015

zitiqueen said:

Ashes2600 said:

Okay, again, I am NOT expecting them to wear it, I would like them to but I'm not going to freak out over a ring they forgot or decided not to wear on the wedding day. How is it a crappy gift?! I would love to receive a ring as my gift if I were a bridesmaid.

I put everything they tell me into consideration for anything, including the dresses. If ANY of the members in the bridal party had/has ANY issues with anything, I am more than willing to make adjustments or anything to make things easier. Everyone is more than willing to pay for things. I'm not sure how this has gotten this far.

So just because you would love to receive a ring as a gift, that means everybody would? I wouldn't. I don't wear jewelry. I don't even wear my wedding ring. Buying me a ring as a "gift" would be a complete waste of money, and I would know that you weren't really thinking of me and what I might like when you bought it. It sounds like you're buying your BMs a gift based on what you would like, not based on what they would like.

Exactly. I wear some jewelry but rarely wear rings, and would only want to wear rings that I chose based on my own taste and comfort level. Also, I'm allergic to a lot of metals.

kellyem2 · February 2015

I don' t know why there's so much freak out. Giving people wedding jewelry is a pretty common bridal party gift. I think your idea sounds nice. I mean, you know these people well enough to know if they might like this or not.

I did the wedding jewelry as part of my gift, but not all the girls could make it to the rehearsal. To make sure they had things in time to plan hairstyles (part of my jewelry was hairpins) I gave them their gifts at the bridal shower instead. It worked out fine.

floridabride44 · February 2015

kellyem2 said:

I don' t know why there's so much freak out. Giving people wedding jewelry is a pretty common bridal party gift. I think your idea sounds nice. I mean, you know these people well enough to know if they might like this or not.

I did the wedding jewelry as part of my gift, but not all the girls could make it to the rehearsal. To make sure they had things in time to plan hairstyles (part of my jewelry was hairpins) I gave them their gifts at the bridal shower instead. It worked out fine.

There's a freak out because giving jewelry that's required to wear to the wedding is not a gift - it's you selfishly wanting to make your bridesmaids look like clones. Jewelry that isn't part of the "uniform" is fine, but if you're making them wear it for the wedding it's not truly a gift.

mlg78 · February 2015

kellyem2 said:

I don' t know why there's so much freak out. Giving people wedding jewelry is a pretty common bridal party gift. I think your idea sounds nice. I mean, you know these people well enough to know if they might like this or not.

I did the wedding jewelry as part of my gift, but not all the girls could make it to the rehearsal. To make sure they had things in time to plan hairstyles (part of my jewelry was hairpins) I gave them their gifts at the bridal shower instead. It worked out fine.

You're right. It is a pretty common gift. That doesn't mean it's right.. Wedding jewelry doesn't tend to be of good quality and it's certainly not something that most women hold onto for many years thinking back to the time where they stood up beside one of their closest friends on their wedding day. The wedding jewelry I've had to wear has long been in the trash because it was a complete piece of crap.

levioosa · February 2015

Yeah....I would be pissed if I had to buy cowboy boots. It's literally something I would never use again.

We recommend shopping for gifts like it's the girl's birthday because it lets them know that the gift is truly thoughtful. Giving jewelry can be selfish in that brides want their BP to wear it specifically to look nice in photos. People's taste in jewelry also highly varies, so a "one type for all" doesn't usually work out well.

redoryx · February 2015

Funny story about jewelry as gift.

When my BFF got married she gave us these lovely pearl earrings as our gift. (This was years ago before I started reading TK, so at the time I thought nothing of it). Anyway, she's handing these out at the rehearsal dinner and we're all oohing and aahing and then I heard the bride exclaim: "Wait? What!?"

Turns out, one of the BMs doesn't have her ears pierced. She's NEVER had her ears pierced and when she pointed this out to the bride, the bride said she just thought the BM never wore earrings that often.

So that night, the FOB is somehow Maguyvering these pearl drop earrings into clip ons that the BM can wear the next day.

Lesson: Don't buy jewelry for your BMs as a gift.

flantastic · February 2015

The cowboy boots are killing me.

She's essentially asking, "Why does it have to be my responsibility to pay for the decorations at the wedding that I want?" She wants to decorate her BMs at their expense.

Matching jewelry is the same concept. If you can get different jewelry for your BMs in each of their individual styles, go for it. But if you're not sure that it is their individual style, then why on earth would you waste your money? Oh, right, because it's not really a gift for them. I've never seen one of my BMs wear necklaces, and my MOH doesn't have her ears pierced. My sister doesn't wear bracelets, but does wear a ton of rings. My SIL wears no rings except her wedding ring. If I got them jewelry, it would all have to be totally different in type as well as style.

MyNameIsNot · February 2015

Matching BM rings has got to top the list for crappiest BM "gift" I've ever heard. That's just as bad as flimsy robes. And to add insult to injury, they have to wear not only a specific kind of shoe, but one of the most expensive types of shoes available.

BTW, OP, the cowboy boot trend ended a few years ago.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

It never ceases to amaze me the absolute ludicrous things people say on these forums. Just ignore the hate, it's you and your fiance's day, so don't let random people get you down! If you want your bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots, parkas, spaceship helmets, or whatever that's your prerogative! When they agree to become a bridesmaid they agree to that. As long as you were considerate of their feelings/budget and didn't ask for designer dresses/boots that they can't afford it's no different than if they had to buy stilettos. Rock your style!

I know my bridesmaids well enough (And I hope you do too) to know that they would like jewelry as a gift, so if you think a ring is the way to go, excellent! I would maybe give it to them at your Bridal Shower, and then let them know you'll gladly get them sized to fit and they can wear it to the wedding or not. If you still want to get them something on your wedding day, you could always opt for something small, like a clutch. That was one of my favorite gifts I got as a bridesmaid, and it had jewelry in it as well. I was just grateful to be part of her big day. I've also gotten giftcards to my favorite coffee place. (She got each girl a giftcard to one of her favorite places.)

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