Our wedding is local for us but approximately 90% of the guests will have to travel. We are not sending save the dates so we are wondering how early we can send invitations out. We have to give the caterer the final payment two months before the wedding also, so that will require having a final head count at that time. I've seen a lot of posters say that 10 weeks out is the absolute earliest you should send invitations...but that wouldn't leave enough time before our final catering payment is due. Would it be ok to send invitations four months before the wedding with an rsvp date three months before? That would then give me a month to follow up with people who did not respond. If you think that this is inappropriate, could you please explain your reasoning?
Re: Invitation timing?
Two months is absolutely ridiculous. I would be pushing back on your caterer. I didn't even make final payment until the after our wedding.
Four months is way too early. You will be pushing your guests to RSVP very far in advance. Quick, what are you doing on the 3rd Saturday in June? You probably have no clue. You will be miserable and stuck with guests calling to change their RSVPs and backing out; this happens anyway with appropriately-timed invitations - I can't imagine the headache at 3-4 months out.
Ask your caterer why on earth they need final payment by then and see if there's an arrangement you can work out.
Also, in general you don't need a month to follow up with slow RSVPers (though, you might need a month for four months out, goodness). Give yourself about a week to make those phone calls.
Bottom Line: Your caterer is ridiculous and 3-4 months is far too early.
My venue requires the final payment 1 month before the event date, but it's based on our estimated number of guests. Final numbers are due just 1 week before the wedding, and if we're over/under then it will get sorted out after the fact.
I would strongly advise looking at your contract again. It's not cool to make your guests RSVP that far in advance.
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fka dallasbetch
Why dont you plan for 100% attendance? If you dont get 100% you can enhance what you were planning on offering your guests.
And why wouldnt you make travel arrangements until you get a formal invitation? The entire point of an STD is to put a hold on your calendar so you can make arrangement. And STDs literally say "invite to follow."
I was just about to say this. Nobody here is demanding that you shell out a ton of money on Save the Dates. It can be done for free or very cheaply.
And to answer your question about why it isn't cool to send the actual invites out really early is because of the sentiment below:" I say do what works for you. If people don't like it and can't commit to it that far in advance then they won't come. "
If you're blasé about people attending your wedding, don't invite them. You either care enough about them attending that you'll follow an appropriate timeline so that they have an actual idea of what their schedule and financial situation look like, or you don't.
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fka dallasbetch
Seriously? What is your deal? You ask our advice but call us wannabes? I actually gave you NUMEROUS reasons, but here, I'll list them out again.
1. If you can tell me what you are doing the first weekend in June, I will be impressed. Your guests likely will not know what they are doing in June either. They may have a family event, a vacation, another wedding, etc.
2. It is not appropriate to demand that guests commit to your wedding months in advance. It is also entirely unnecessary, making it even more inappropriate.
3. For your own sake, it is better to put the RSVP deadline as close to the wedding as possible. This will prevent you from having many guests change their RSVP when they find out they cannot make the wedding. IT WILL HELP YOU.
4. People expect wedding invitations to come 6-8 weeks out. It's the general rule and has been for a while, despite TK's crappy advice. Nothing says you can't informally inform people of the date as a head's up.
5. Your caterer is doing something wonky and demonstrating a horrible lack of flexibility. Talk to your caterer and find out why final payment is due so far in advance. Ask when they actually need numbers and whether your payment can be adjusted based on those numbers. Seriously, this is not normal caterer behavior.
But if you think I'm full of crap, just move along. Your abrasiveness and name-calling is entirely uncalled for.
ETA: If you demand RSVPs 3 months out and have paid in full, I guarantee that you will end up paying for MANY meals that are not eaten. No-shows and late RSVP changes are a reality of weddings; if you pay in full based on the numbers 3 months out, be prepared to swallow a lot of lost money that could have been spent on an upgraded bar, additional appetizers, more décor, etc.
Seriously? And I'm the one with bad etiquette around here, huh?
edited by mod
You clearly know all the things, so us Miss Manners Wannabes have nothing to teach you. Go forth and trust in your prefect guests who apparently will commit without fail and view your wedding as the end all, be all of the wedding season. Send your invites at four months, and feel victorious in sticking it to us old married hags if it makes you feel better. We'll still be here, not really caring.