Certain people interested in you now that you're engaged?

julieanne912 · March 2015

So, I just got engaged about a month ago. I'm 32, will be 33 this year. I'm one of the last remaining non-married ladies out of my group of high school and college friends (who live in a different state). Most of them are married with 2-3 kids. I've made a lot of efforts to remain friends with them in the past, but often would get ignored, or would get plans cancelled (when I was home visiting) at the last minute because of some family issue, sick kid, whatever. So, it got to the point where I just quit trying and made new friends where I live, and just have remained Facebook friends with these ladies.

So, an interesting phenomenon has been happening since my engagement. These ladies are all of a sudden interested in my life. They send messages, "like" my posts on Facebook, comment on things, etc etc. It's so strange, it's almost like they're acting like now that I'm engaged (never mind FI and I have been in a "living together" relationship for 3 years), I'm in their "club" and they can be friendly with me again.

Has anybody else experienced this?

larrygaga · March 2015

I've experienced a few men in my life become either really interested or super assholes, but not so much women.

I guess I really don't know a lot of women outside of my family.

I think couples and singles tend not to mesh super well together. I have like one single friend that I feel weird hanging out with. His life is much different than mine.

chibiyui · March 2015

I didn't notice this too much. At worst the creepy guy at work tried to talk to me more for a bit, but thats all I can think of.

amelisha · March 2015

Nah. I'm the last of my close friends to get married (I'm also the youngest in my friend group by at least a couple of years) and there have even already been some divorces. My friends have loved me the same through bad relationships, party-girl days, after I started dating FI seriously and practically stopped hanging out with them...my circle of friends are stand-up awesome people. They also don't place a lot of importance on traditional family stuff and are kind of the free-spirit-types. Lots of open relationships, non-traditional families, that kind of thing.

My parents' friends seem to be finally interested in my mom again as THEY all have grandkids already and have been kind of mean about it and giving my mom attitude because I'm unmarried and childless (never mind that I'm college-educated, debt-free, have a good career, and I'm not a single parent unlike their kids...not that there's anything inherently better about some of that, just saying that it's not like I don't have my life kinda together) but my own friends are thankfully a little more open-minded than my parents'.

julieanne912 · March 2015

larrygaga said:

I think couples and singles tend not to mesh super well together. I have like one single friend that I feel weird hanging out with. His life is much different than mine.

I get that, different things going on. But like, when I would be home visiting, I'd suggest get togethers like, "hey, let's all go to the park to hang out, bring the kids, I'd love to see them too" and stuff like that, and still nothing.

LadyMillil · March 2015

julieanne912 said:

I think couples and singles tend not to mesh super well together. I have like one single friend that I feel weird hanging out with. His life is much different than mine.

I get that, different things going on. But like, when I would be home visiting, I'd suggest get togethers like, "hey, let's all go to the park to hang out, bring the kids, I'd love to see them too" and stuff like that, and still nothing.

I had a very similar situation with a friend from high school. The sudden interest in my life after I got engaged was her wanting an invitation to the wedding. Since she hadn't had any time for me in 3 years she didn't make the guest list. When she realized she wasn't invited to my wedding she FB unfriended me and any other friends from high school that did keep in touch and were invited to my wedding.

vulpiepop · March 2015

Yes but not from married friends. Single friends that haven't talked to me in months suddenly started taking an interest in my life and getting all "buddy-buddy" with me when I got engaged. It's so strange. I have a feeling that after the wedding, they'll go back to not wanting to talk to me again though.

FiancB · March 2015

Meh I think you're kind of reading too much into it. I'd imagine that they think, hey, that's exciting, I should support this long lost friend in this big decision, and I feel kinda bad that we've lost touch, so this will still kind of show that I still care even though I haven't been making the time.

missdelilah · March 2015

I had the total opposite reaction from some of the people I was friendly with. I'm the first of my close circle to get married, so everyone was super excited, but they're always super excited whenever I go home, so I don't think that getting married had anything to do with that. I was more worried about whether Nick would get on with their boyfriends. I did have a couple of neighbors who decided to outright stop talking to me though, and I thought that was childish and ridiculous, but they were quite significantly older, so I'm not sure whether that's a generation thing or an "you're in your twenties and engaged and I'm chronically single and now feel bad myself," thing. Either way, not my problem.

I guess I had a couple of long lost high school friends who started making more of an effort at that time, but honestly, I think it was more of a "we're both betting married and we can wedding plan together thing."

[Deleted User] · March 2015

thisismynickname2 · March 2015

The overall impression for me is:

levieenrose · March 2015

This happened to me too, sort-of. I think it was a bunch of high school acquaintances who wanted to see wedding pictures and compare them with theirs. A bunch of people friended me just a few days after the wedding but never said hi or commented on anything. I don't even know if they're still friends with me. Yeah, it was a little weird. I half-wonder if they just wanted to see how fat I looked compared to them. I didn't post any pictures (except for one), so all of our guests sweetly accommodated them if all they wanted was to see me in an unflattering mode.

Then again, we got some very nice messages from people we are FB friends with, but generally never hear from.

ETF: font again

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · March 2015

I think this happens to everyone. We had a lot of people start showing interest in our lives, plans, etc once we got engaged. Guess what people, you're still not going to be invited!

Bubblegum5586 · March 2015

My younger cousin married a much younger girl 6 weeks before us and our wedding card from them said "welcome to the club" with a smiley face.....

pinkcow13 · March 2015

Hmmm. I think all my friends for the most part treated me the same. The one person who was weird was one of my friends from grad school. He made a comment about how I will change once I'm married, all married people do. I told him that I wouldn't, and plus FI and I already live together and nothing major has changed. He was all "Watch, you'll see." He's a weird dude, though.

People at work have been the same. They just ask a bunch of wedding questions, but that's about it.

beachyone15 · March 2015

I didn't really notice a difference. Just that people were really excited when I was engaged and asked all kinds of questions about the wedding.

atlastmrsg · March 2015

I tend to notice that exs get interested again when their wives get pregnant. It's like you're suddenly more appealing now that their wife is getting huge. So you have that to look forward to when you're the non-childbearing type.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

julieanne912 · March 2015

pinkrevenge said:

pinkcow13 said:
Hmmm. I think all my friends for the most part treated me the same. The one person who was weird was one of my friends from grad school. He made a comment about how I will change once I'm married, all married people do. I told him that I wouldn't, and plus FI and I already live together and nothing major has changed. He was all "Watch, you'll see." He's a weird dude, though.

People at work have been the same. They just ask a bunch of wedding questions, but that's about it.
Ew.

I had an old high school guy PM me a couple weeks before the wedding and go "I'm divorced now, don't do it". I asked him when he got married, and he told me he met a girl at church fresh out of high school and they were married within a couple month, never lived together or anything because the church wouldn't allow it. I said "I've been with my fiance for seven years. We've lived together, traveled together, adopted cats, paid bills, gone through school and both graduated, and we didn't feel the need to rush or abstain from anything because of congregational pressure. Excuse me, but I think our situation is just a little different from yours".

And then he was just whiny and pathetic so I unfriended him. Weirdo.

Can't imagine why his marriage didn't work out...

sassyfrass2014 · March 2015

When I first got engaged I did have a few people come out of the woodworks because they wanted an invitation. I also had an ex-roommate who I no longer speak to come up to me at a bar, grab my shoulders and scream, "B*tch, I BETTER BE INVITED!"

Um. No.

KatWAG · March 2015

I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.

But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.

KatieinBkln · March 2015

I see it on Facebook more than in real life. I noticed that a lot of people I went to high school with (who were never close back then) are suddenly FB-Besties now that they're married. I find it a little weird, but oh well.

What is strange to me is that I tend to get more friend requests from people from my past after they've gotten married and changed their name. Like, do you want a cookie? Are you showing off your spankin' new name? (Or maybe they just weren't all that active and logged in to change their name and got bombarded with a ton of "you may know so-and-sos" from FB--that would be the nicer explanation).

Not that many people have been all that interested in my being engaged. I think it's more because I don't say anything about it, really. Getting me to talk about my wedding planning is like pulling teeth. The truth is I don't care for wedding planning very much.

KatieinBkln · March 2015

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.

Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.

vikinganna87 · March 2015

The only person I've noticed who's treating me differently is my mother. She got married at 24 and had 4 kids. When I was in my late 20s and early 30s I think she saw me as a degenerate - I did my fair share of partying - and just couldn't understand or relate to me. Just assumed I was doing all this crazy sh!t. I just got married at 36 and she's been a lot more interested in my life and more positive about everything I tell her.

KatWAG · March 2015

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.

Yea, it was snarky. I guess I didn't feel the need to be all warm and fuzzy to the OP considering she call us all bitches in another thread and as already GBCK-ed once.

julieanne912 · March 2015

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.

Pretty much this. I do pay attention to who likes my posts and comments on them. Just like I pay attention and remember what other people post on their pages.

julieanne912 · March 2015

KatWAG said:

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.
Yea, it was snarky. I guess I didn't feel the need to be all warm and fuzzy to the OP considering she call us all bitches in another thread and as already GBCK-ed once.

So, you call me out for remembering what people do on my personal Facebook, but then you follow me around and be rude to me because of one post I made right when I first joined and didn't quite understand the inner workings of the boards? Wow.

And, I believe the correct context of my comments from that post was "acting bitchy", not "you all are bitches".

KatWAG · March 2015

julieanne912 said:

KatWAG said:

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.
Yea, it was snarky. I guess I didn't feel the need to be all warm and fuzzy to the OP considering she call us all bitches in another thread and as already GBCK-ed once.
So, you call me out for remembering what people do on my personal Facebook, but then you follow me around and be rude to me because of one post I made right when I first joined and didn't quite understand the inner workings of the boards? Wow.

And, I believe the correct context of my comments from that post was "acting bitchy", not "you all are bitches".

KatieinBkln · March 2015

KatWAG said:

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.
Yea, it was snarky. I guess I didn't feel the need to be all warm and fuzzy to the OP considering she call us all bitches in another thread and as already GBCK-ed once.

Awwww snap, background drama of which I was not aware!

I was perhaps a bit prickly because I notice FB patterns all the time but don't consider myself particularly obsessed with it. But that's my baggage.

lovegood90 · March 2015

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.
Yea, it was snarky. I guess I didn't feel the need to be all warm and fuzzy to the OP considering she call us all bitches in another thread and as already GBCK-ed once.
Awwww snap, background drama of which I was not aware!

I was perhaps a bit prickly because I notice FB patterns all the time but don't consider myself particularly obsessed with it. But that's my baggage.

Yeah, also some people have less Facebook friends so it's easier to remember those things, you know? I remember when I had Facebook years ago I think I had only like, just under 100 friends, and 5-10 of those friends were people I actually talked to.

So when you only have a handful of people liking your posts even if you're not on that often, it doesn't take that much effort to remember, if that makes sense.

KatWAG · March 2015

lovegood90 said:

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:

KatieinBkln said:

KatWAG said:
I am surprised that you pay enough attention to facebook to notice a trend of who likes and comments on your social media.
But honestly, they are married. But they feel like they can relate to you more now that you are soon-to-be-married.
Or she's just detail-oriented? This is kind of a snooty thing to say.
Yea, it was snarky. I guess I didn't feel the need to be all warm and fuzzy to the OP considering she call us all bitches in another thread and as already GBCK-ed once.
Awwww snap, background drama of which I was not aware!

I was perhaps a bit prickly because I notice FB patterns all the time but don't consider myself particularly obsessed with it. But that's my baggage.

Yeah, also some people have less Facebook friends so it's easier to remember those things, you know? I remember when I had Facebook years ago I think I had only like, just under 100 friends, and 5-10 of those friends were people I actually talked to.
So when you only have a handful of people liking your posts even if you're not on that often, it doesn't take that much effort to remember, if that makes sense.

Fair point. I never post anything on facebook so there is never anything to notice!

Certain people interested in you now that you're engaged?

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