Is this idea rude?

suteki325 · March 2015

Met with my officiant the other night, and mentioned that I have planned to start my ceremony at 6pm. She said that in her experience, it's always a good idea to put on the invitation that the ceremony will start fifteen minutes earlier than the ACTUAL start time (so, in my case, 5:45) to give latecomers a chance to straggle in. I'm wondering if this is a good idea or a horrible idea. I can see how it would help with the latecomers, giving them an extra 15 minutes to arrive, but I'm worried that the punctual guests who will show up around 5:15 or 5:20 will end up sitting there for forty plus minutes waiting for the ceremony to start. What do other Knotties think of this plan?

thespeshulestsnowflake · March 2015

suteki325 said:
Met with my officiant the other night, and mentioned that I have planned to start my ceremony at 6pm. She said that in her experience, it's always a good idea to put on the invitation that the ceremony will start fifteen minutes earlier than the ACTUAL start time (so, in my case, 5:45) to give latecomers a chance to straggle in. I'm wondering if this is a good idea or a horrible idea. I can see how it would help with the latecomers, giving them an extra 15 minutes to arrive, but I'm worried that the punctual guests who will show up around 5:15 or 5:20 will end up sitting there for forty plus minutes waiting for the ceremony to start. What do other Knotties think of this plan?

Nope, nope, nope. Put the real start time on the invitations. If people are late it's their own damn fault.

JennyColada · March 2015

It's never right to deceive your guests.

redoryx · March 2015

I am someone who considers "on time" to be late, so if you put on the invitation it starts at 5:45, I'll probably be arriving at 5:30 which means I now have to wait half an hour and I'm gonna be pissed. Don't punish the people who know how to show up on time by making them wait an extra amount of time. If someone is late it's their own fault.

KatWAG · March 2015

If you have to ask if this idea is rude, odds are that, yes, the idea is rude.

This is a bad idea. Trust your guests to be adult enough to show up on time.

kmmssg · March 2015

I HATE IT when DOCs or officiants offer that crappy advice! Start on time and let your couple of stragglers, if you have them, sit in the back. Do not keep your timely guests waiting like that.

suteki325 · March 2015

Thanks so much! I had a feeling this was a big no-no to do and I would feel bad for the guests who were punctual having to wait extra time. I'll put on the invites that the ceremony starts at 6pm, and it will start at 6pm.

artbyallie · March 2015

The time on the invitation is actually supposed to be when the bride hits the aisle. We actually started the processional a few minutes before, so we were at the altar when a couple friends showed up right 'on time,' they told us later. Most people though know to show up at least 10 minutes before, if not more. We had people being seated nearly 30 minutes before the ceremony.

Tweetiepie19 · March 2015

Yep...I've been wondering this too. I was working on the day-of timeline and everything I could find had "ceremony invite start time", then fifteen minutes later "actual ceremony start time" and it was driving me crazy! Seriously, do most weddings wait 15 minutes?? That just seems weird...and rude to the early birds.

sophhabobopha · March 2015

I good rule of thumb is, if you have to ask, just don't.

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.

Jen4948 · March 2015

It's rude. The actual start time, I.e., the time the ceremony begins, is the time that should be listed in the invitation. Don't list a different time in order to manipulate potential latecomers. It annoys those who arrive on time or earlier, and it often has no effect at all on latecomers.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.

So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.

mrscomposer · March 2015

lolo883 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.

QFT. We were almost at the end of our processional (aka - everyone had walked down the aisle except my dad and I) and we were just waiting for our cue in the music, when my supervisor and his date ran into the church and immediately went into the sanctuary and sat down (it was a two aisle sanctuary). I waved at him and gave zero fucks.

Your plan would mean that those doors would have already been locked, which would mean that I would be standing across the foyer from a man I have a lot of respect for, staring at him sheepishly when he couldn't get it to see me get married.

BlueBirdMB · March 2015

Please don't do this! I'm always early. Once I showed up 20 minutes early only to find out the ceremony was scheduled an HOUR after the invitation had stated. I'm was beyond pissed.

A worker from our venue stood at the back of the room and quietly ushered late comers to seats quickly so they wouldn't disturb the ceremony.

Viczaesar · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.

Dude, that's douchey. Don't do that.

artbyallie · March 2015

@bananasplit472001, that's every bit as bad as deliberately starting late. You should have your coordinator at the doors to quietly seat latecomers. If anyone arrives during the actual processional, he/she will hold them at the door until that part is over and then let them sit.

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

lolo883 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.

Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?

redoryx · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.

Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice? **boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

redoryx said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?

**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?

No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?

**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?

No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

You do realize that some people aren't late on purpose. They actually may leave well in advance but they could get a flat tire, get stuck in traffic, forget something important and have to turn around, etc. So even though you say you wouldn't be late yourself, you will be surprised what could happen to cause you to be late and then feeling pretty horrible about having to quietly sneak in the back to see the ceremony.

And you are back peddling so bad now with the bolded. In a previous post you said that you are instructing your chapel to close and lock the doors at the start of the ceremony and any late guests will just have to wait in their cars. Then you said, that it is actually a venue rule, not your rule. Now you say that your chapel will open the doors to let late comers in.

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?
**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?

No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

You do realize that some people aren't late on purpose. They actually may leave well in advance but they could get a flat tire, get stuck in traffic, forget something important and have to turn around, etc. So even though you say you wouldn't be late yourself, you will be surprised what could happen to cause you to be late and then feeling pretty horrible about having to quietly sneak in the back to see the ceremony.

And you are back peddling so bad now with the bolded. In a previous post you said that you are instructing your chapel to close and lock the doors at the start of the ceremony and any late guests will just have to wait in their cars. Then you said, that it is actually a venue rule, not your rule. Now you say that your chapel will open the doors to let late comers in.

I am instructing the venue to lock the chapel doors, it is also chapel policy to lock the doors after the ceremony begins. With that being said do you really think if a chapel coordinator sees people outside they won't let them in at an appropriate time? They most certainly will let someone in who has an excuse such as a tire being blown. I also would hope that that guest would have called or text someone to let them know they will be arriving late. I am having a very small wedding so someone will notice if someone shows up late. Nice picture by the way. How many times have you used that one in these forums?

Maggie0829 · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?
**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?

No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

You do realize that some people aren't late on purpose. They actually may leave well in advance but they could get a flat tire, get stuck in traffic, forget something important and have to turn around, etc. So even though you say you wouldn't be late yourself, you will be surprised what could happen to cause you to be late and then feeling pretty horrible about having to quietly sneak in the back to see the ceremony.

And you are back peddling so bad now with the bolded. In a previous post you said that you are instructing your chapel to close and lock the doors at the start of the ceremony and any late guests will just have to wait in their cars. Then you said, that it is actually a venue rule, not your rule. Now you say that your chapel will open the doors to let late comers in.

I am instructing the venue to lock the chapel doors, it is also chapel policy to lock the doors after the ceremony begins. With that being said do you really think if a chapel coordinator sees people outside they won't let them in at an appropriate time? They most certainly will let someone in who has an excuse such as a tire being blown. I also would hope that that guest would have called or text someone to let them know they will be arriving late. I am having a very small wedding so someone will notice if someone shows up late. Nice picture by the way. How many times have you used that one in these forums?

The first bolded makes no sense. So you are instructing them to do something that is already their policy? Then why even have to instruct them? And if it is their policy to lock the doors then I, as a guest, would assume that I would not be able to enter once they are locked. Because unlocking them and letting people in completely goes against their policy.

Second bolded, if I am running late to a wedding my first thought is not to text someone and let them know. My main focus is on getting there as quickly as possible.

Third bolded, so what?

Fourth bolded...huh?

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?
**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?
No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

You do realize that some people aren't late on purpose. They actually may leave well in advance but they could get a flat tire, get stuck in traffic, forget something important and have to turn around, etc. So even though you say you wouldn't be late yourself, you will be surprised what could happen to cause you to be late and then feeling pretty horrible about having to quietly sneak in the back to see the ceremony.

And you are back peddling so bad now with the bolded. In a previous post you said that you are instructing your chapel to close and lock the doors at the start of the ceremony and any late guests will just have to wait in their cars. Then you said, that it is actually a venue rule, not your rule. Now you say that your chapel will open the doors to let late comers in.

I am instructing the venue to lock the chapel doors, it is also chapel policy to lock the doors after the ceremony begins. With that being said do you really think if a chapel coordinator sees people outside they won't let them in at an appropriate time? They most certainly will let someone in who has an excuse such as a tire being blown. I also would hope that that guest would have called or text someone to let them know they will be arriving late. I am having a very small wedding so someone will notice if someone shows up late. Nice picture by the way. How many times have you used that one in these forums?

The first bolded makes no sense. So you are instructing them to do something that is already their policy? Then why even have to instruct them? And if it is their policy to lock the doors then I, as a guest, would assume that I would not be able to enter once they are locked. Because unlocking them and letting people in completely goes against their policy.

Second bolded, if I am running late to a wedding my first thought is not to text someone and let them know. My main focus is on getting there as quickly as possible.

Third bolded, so what?

Fourth bolded...huh?

Yes, I told them to do something that was already policy. If i'm late for a wedding and know I won't make it in time I will simply not go as I believe it is rude to show up after it starts. It's ok if you do not agree with me. My wedding has not even occurred yet. Maybe after I've had my wedding and had a few years to sit around and think about it I will feel the same as you. I have only been to one other wedding in my life with the same crowd of people. This is all I know and I give advice based off of what I know.

redoryx · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?
**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?
No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

You do realize that some people aren't late on purpose. They actually may leave well in advance but they could get a flat tire, get stuck in traffic, forget something important and have to turn around, etc. So even though you say you wouldn't be late yourself, you will be surprised what could happen to cause you to be late and then feeling pretty horrible about having to quietly sneak in the back to see the ceremony.

And you are back peddling so bad now with the bolded. In a previous post you said that you are instructing your chapel to close and lock the doors at the start of the ceremony and any late guests will just have to wait in their cars. Then you said, that it is actually a venue rule, not your rule. Now you say that your chapel will open the doors to let late comers in.

I am instructing the venue to lock the chapel doors, it is also chapel policy to lock the doors after the ceremony begins. With that being said do you really think if a chapel coordinator sees people outside they won't let them in at an appropriate time? They most certainly will let someone in who has an excuse such as a tire being blown. I also would hope that that guest would have called or text someone to let them know they will be arriving late. I am having a very small wedding so someone will notice if someone shows up late. Nice picture by the way. How many times have you used that one in these forums?

The first bolded makes no sense. So you are instructing them to do something that is already their policy? Then why even have to instruct them? And if it is their policy to lock the doors then I, as a guest, would assume that I would not be able to enter once they are locked. Because unlocking them and letting people in completely goes against their policy.

Second bolded, if I am running late to a wedding my first thought is not to text someone and let them know. My main focus is on getting there as quickly as possible.

Third bolded, so what?

Fourth bolded...huh?

Yes, I told them to do something that was already policy. If i'm late for a wedding and know I won't make it in time I will simply not go as I believe it is rude to show up after it starts. It's ok if you do not agree with me. My wedding has not even occurred yet. Maybe after I've had my wedding and had a few years to sit around and think about it I will feel the same as you. I have only been to one other wedding in my life with the same crowd of people. This is all I know and I give advice based off of what I know.

It's just.....as a bride, wouldn't you want the people you invited to be there late than not be there at all?

Maggie0829 · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

bananasplit472001 said:
You should never try to accommodate late-comers. We have wrote the time on the invitation and if people cannot get there on-time then that is not my problem. I have instructed the people at the chapel to close and lock all doors at the start of the ceremony. Those who did not plan for traffic or are just late will be sitting in their car for an hour during my ceremony. In an attempt to ensure that guests who arrive early do not just sit there we have arranged for our string quartet to play 45 mins before the start of our ceremony.
So instead you're going out of your way to be rude to people? There's a difference between not catering to late people and being purposely mean. Why on earth would you lock people out? No, it will not ruin your super special day to have someone quietly enter late.

I don't think I've ever seen you give a piece of good advice here.
Right but I am catering to guests who chose to arrive early. I don't get any props for that? It is rude for people to sneak in the back after the start of the ceremony. No one should be accommodated for being late. I'm sure the coordinator will let people in if they arrive late regardless of what I tell them. I am not being mean I am following etiquette to a T. I guess offering something for guests to do before the start of my ceremony is not a good piece of advice?
**boxes boxes**

How is that rude? Would you prefer they cause a big ruckus and draw attention away from you and your FI?
No one is going to cause a big ruckus to get into the wedding ceremony. I have civil friends and family. My chapel will open the doors for them during some time and I probably won't even notice. I still think it is rude and would never be late myself. It's ok the guests who show up on-time and early will be treated to musical selections by a string quartet so that I can properly host my guests for all the time they are spending on my wedding day.

You do realize that some people aren't late on purpose. They actually may leave well in advance but they could get a flat tire, get stuck in traffic, forget something important and have to turn around, etc. So even though you say you wouldn't be late yourself, you will be surprised what could happen to cause you to be late and then feeling pretty horrible about having to quietly sneak in the back to see the ceremony.

And you are back peddling so bad now with the bolded. In a previous post you said that you are instructing your chapel to close and lock the doors at the start of the ceremony and any late guests will just have to wait in their cars. Then you said, that it is actually a venue rule, not your rule. Now you say that your chapel will open the doors to let late comers in.

I am instructing the venue to lock the chapel doors, it is also chapel policy to lock the doors after the ceremony begins. With that being said do you really think if a chapel coordinator sees people outside they won't let them in at an appropriate time? They most certainly will let someone in who has an excuse such as a tire being blown. I also would hope that that guest would have called or text someone to let them know they will be arriving late. I am having a very small wedding so someone will notice if someone shows up late. Nice picture by the way. How many times have you used that one in these forums?

The first bolded makes no sense. So you are instructing them to do something that is already their policy? Then why even have to instruct them? And if it is their policy to lock the doors then I, as a guest, would assume that I would not be able to enter once they are locked. Because unlocking them and letting people in completely goes against their policy.

Second bolded, if I am running late to a wedding my first thought is not to text someone and let them know. My main focus is on getting there as quickly as possible.

Third bolded, so what?

Fourth bolded...huh?

Yes, I told them to do something that was already policy. If i'm late for a wedding and know I won't make it in time I will simply not go as I believe it is rude to show up after it starts. It's ok if you do not agree with me. My wedding has not even occurred yet. Maybe after I've had my wedding and had a few years to sit around and think about it I will feel the same as you. I have only been to one other wedding in my life with the same crowd of people. This is all I know and I give advice based off of what I know.

Maybe instead of giving advice based on your barely there experience you should start taking advice and learn from those who have been to a ton of weddings. So instead of discounting all the other posters advice and opinions, maybe you should take those ideas and realize that the way you are doing things may be frowned upon or seen as rude by your guests.

VulgarGirl · March 2015

Locking the doors seems like a fire hazard and kind of extreme cause lets be real, you ain't Beyonce, the paparazzi aren't trying to crash your wedding.

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

MagicInk said:
Locking the doors seems like a fire hazard and kind of extreme cause lets be real, you ain't Beyonce, the paparazzi aren't trying to crash your wedding.

Of course I am not important enough to warrant that sort of treatment. Different venues do have different rules though. The only other wedding that I have been to, my sister's, was given this sort of treatment. Her venue is one of the most popular in the country and has strict rules. No one was allowed in after start of ceremony and other people could not even walk up the path before they were stopped by security. You do not have to be a celebrity to have a private ceremony so I'm not sure why you even made that comment.

VulgarGirl · March 2015

bananasplit472001 said:

MagicInk said:
Locking the doors seems like a fire hazard and kind of extreme cause lets be real, you ain't Beyonce, the paparazzi aren't trying to crash your wedding.
Of course I am not important enough to warrant that sort of treatment. Different venues do have different rules though. The only other wedding that I have been to, my sister's, was given this sort of treatment. Her venue is one of the most popular in the country and has strict rules. No one was allowed in after start of ceremony and other people could not even walk up the path before they were stopped by security. You do not have to be a celebrity to have a private ceremony so I'm not sure why you even made that comment.

I had a private ceremony. But I didn't need to lock the doors to do it. People who weren't invited just...didn't...come. It was in an art gallery, but it was after hours. There was sign that said a private event was taking place but I don't think anyone tried to come in who wasn't invited.

Of course a few people showed up late and I didn't shit my pants over it either. So we're clearly very different people. I was just glad people I invited were able to make it. Even if they were tardy.

My point about celebrities is that, my darling dear, no one gives enough of a shit to try to crash your wedding so locked doors just seem unnecessary and unsafe.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

MagicInk said:

bananasplit472001 said:

MagicInk said:
Locking the doors seems like a fire hazard and kind of extreme cause lets be real, you ain't Beyonce, the paparazzi aren't trying to crash your wedding.
Of course I am not important enough to warrant that sort of treatment. Different venues do have different rules though. The only other wedding that I have been to, my sister's, was given this sort of treatment. Her venue is one of the most popular in the country and has strict rules. No one was allowed in after start of ceremony and other people could not even walk up the path before they were stopped by security. You do not have to be a celebrity to have a private ceremony so I'm not sure why you even made that comment.
I had a private ceremony. But I didn't need to lock the doors to do it. People who weren't invited just...didn't...come. It was in an art gallery, but it was after hours. There was sign that said a private event was taking place but I don't think anyone tried to come in who wasn't invited.

Of course a few people showed up late and I didn't shit my pants over it either. So we're clearly very different people. I was just glad people I invited were able to make it. Even if they were tardy.

My point about celebrities is that, my darling dear, no one gives enough of a shit to try to crash your wedding so locked doors just seem unnecessary and unsafe.

All of this.

I too had a private ceremony. It was called people who were not invited didn't just drop by because hello crazies. And there were a handful of people who were late. They were free to make their way into the ceremony area but most chose to wait until it was over with because they didn't want to disturb us. I was actually upset that they didn't just quietly walk in because I wanted everyone to witness our wedding, because that is why we invited them.

bananasplit472001 · March 2015

MagicInk said:

bananasplit472001 said:

MagicInk said:
Locking the doors seems like a fire hazard and kind of extreme cause lets be real, you ain't Beyonce, the paparazzi aren't trying to crash your wedding.
Of course I am not important enough to warrant that sort of treatment. Different venues do have different rules though. The only other wedding that I have been to, my sister's, was given this sort of treatment. Her venue is one of the most popular in the country and has strict rules. No one was allowed in after start of ceremony and other people could not even walk up the path before they were stopped by security. You do not have to be a celebrity to have a private ceremony so I'm not sure why you even made that comment.
I had a private ceremony. But I didn't need to lock the doors to do it. People who weren't invited just...didn't...come. It was in an art gallery, but it was after hours. There was sign that said a private event was taking place but I don't think anyone tried to come in who wasn't invited.

Of course a few people showed up late and I didn't shit my pants over it either. So we're clearly very different people. I was just glad people I invited were able to make it. Even if they were tardy.

My point about celebrities is that, my darling dear, no one gives enough of a shit to try to crash your wedding so locked doors just seem unnecessary and unsafe.

I never mentioned wedding crashers at all so I do not understand where you made that up from. I literally said my GUESTS would be locked out. You said that it was rude. It is. Do I care. No.

Is this idea rude?

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