NWR: Is 42 too old to start TTC for the first time?

classicalandedgy · March 2015

lolo883 said:
Regardless of whether I think others here are in the same position as I am, the decision to have a child is not/was not/will never be something I'll be opening up to the court of public opinion. That is a decision that should be made between you, your partner, and your doctor.

If you have to ask the internet if something is a bad idea, it probably is.

Of course, ultimately you are correct it is a decision for us and my Dr. to make and we will make it. It's not really about whether it's a bad idea or not, it's more of garnering information from people's experiences. A pp made an excellent comment about perhaps a local group for older parents, that was not something I had thought of on my own and will now look into.

I like to gather information, sit on it for a while, do research etc... Sometimes, seeing things from others perspectives gives me food for thought.

VulgarGirl · March 2015

There are couple of different parenting forums out there (since TB has burned to the ground), most of them have 40+ boards. They might have some better perspectives for you then we would.

classicalandedgy · March 2015

MagicInk said:
There are couple of different parenting forums out there (since TB has burned to the ground), most of them have 40+ boards. They might have some better perspectives for you then we would.

Thanks I'll check that out.

badbnagdway · March 2015

classicalandedgy said:

lolo883 said:
Regardless of whether I think others here are in the same position as I am, the decision to have a child is not/was not/will never be something I'll be opening up to the court of public opinion. That is a decision that should be made between you, your partner, and your doctor.

If you have to ask the internet if something is a bad idea, it probably is.

Of course, ultimately you are correct it is a decision for us and my Dr. to make and we will make it. It's not really about whether it's a bad idea or not, it's more of garnering information from people's experiences. A pp made an excellent comment about perhaps a local group for older parents, that was not something I had thought of on my own and will now look into.
I like to gather information, sit on it for a while, do research etc... Sometimes, seeing things from others perspectives gives me food for thought.

I get why you would ask, OP, and I don't think you are trying to get the internet to decide for you or decide whether or not it is a good idea. There's just always a possibility that someone on here has a personal experience with something that is mostly seen as a statistic. For example, another pp pointed out that the chances of something, like autism, may double after a certain age, but that still does not mean that the risk is actually that high in real numbers. I don't know if you would be up for doing genetic testing also, OP, but some people go that route if they know they are at risk for certain serious birth defects.

SmileDamnit · March 2015

FWIW, I don't think there is anything wrong with asking the question to get other perspectives/experiences, as it sounds like you're quite aware the this ultimately a decision to be made by you & your H, taking into account any medical feedback from your doc.

My personal opinion: I don't think early 40s is "too old" to have children. I'm having my first at 37 (H is 39, it will be his second. He had his first at 24 for it will obviously be a very different experience for him this time around). I don't know if we'll have a second.

NowIamMrsKlein · March 2015

MagicInk said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:
My uncle and his wife had their first kid last year. she was 47 and he was 49.

They weighed the pro's and cons and decided that they really wanted to try for their own kid first before considering adoption.
Yes, I'm nitpicking again.

An adopted child would still be "their own child". The word you want to use is biological. They wanted to try for a biological child before looking into adopting.

My wife is pregnant with a child that is not biologically connected to me. It's still my own child.

Whoops. Sorry, my bad. I definitely poorly chose my words there.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

classicalandedgy said:

classicalandedgy said:

southernbelle0915 said:
Obviously talk to a doctor about the medical risks and your health history.

But from a social perspective, people are waiting longer and longer to have kids these days, so I don't think it's totally out of the norm. You just need to get the OK from a physician and then decide if it's right for you.

Personally I wouldn't do it. My personal reasons are the following: 1) more difficult to get pregnant and then carry to term; 2) higher physical risk for mom and baby; 3) greater risk of genetic disorders and birth defects; and 4) having the energy to keep up with little one(s).

And if you retire before TTC, you'd be on a fixed income. Does that jive with raising a kid, paying for all kinds of stuff, sending them to college, etc.?
Definitely, weighing 1-4, money won't really be an issue though and not factoring in the decision.

Kids are fucking expensive. You might want to do some research on that.
I didn't plan to have my kid rake up $1 million in medical bills in the first 3 weeks of life. Obviously insurance covered most but no all. Stuff like that can easily wipe out a previous plush saving account.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, that can be truly devastating. I am well aware of how expensive kids are and I am currently raising a 7 year-old (five when we met) with my FI.

I guess when I say money is not a consideration, I am saying that I will still have a fairly substantial salary bi-weekly and medical insurance in addition to my then husband continuing to work. Also, if really necessary I can always find another perhaps part-time job.

But when does your soon to be H want to retire? If you have a kid when you are in your mid 40's (assuming he is the same age) he likely will not be able to retire when he is in his mid 60's because you know you have a kid that just graduated from high school and is most likely entering into college. Kids are hella expensive and not just until they are 18. Unless you are going to be one of those parents that cut off all financial backing as soon as they are handed their high school diploma. So taking into account that your soon to be H will want to retire at some point is probably a good idea when thinking about the financial aspect.

MadHops21 · March 2015

My mom had me at 47. I'm healthy, the pregnancy was healthy, she's fine, it all worked out.

I also have brothers and a sister 10+ years older than me, if that matters.

larrygaga · March 2015

My parents had me in their 40's and I turned out okay

lovemesomemonster · March 2015

My parents were 37 and 40 when they got me.. Yes, I am THEIR child, even though it was through adoption. If you want to try and your doc says OK then I say go for it.. I don't think you would be too old.. I have been out of the house for 10yrs and my mom is just now retiring.. they were able to keep up with me but also were very ready to devote time and energy to a kid. Also, for the comments on how expensive it is.. it's just as expensive at any age, if you want longer to have them you have probably been investing/saving the cash you would have spent on a kid earlier in life if you had them young.

NWR: Is 42 too old to start TTC for the first time?

Re: NWR: Is 42 too old to start TTC for the first time?

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