Dictating Shoes

MnHGirl · March 2015

I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

thisismynickname2 · March 2015

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Oh yeah, I *love * when it's a bridesmaid's idea and not the bride's. For one, a fellow bridesmaid said "Oooo let's all get silver shoes!" ... But, I want to wear black. I have like six pairs of dressy black shoes. For another wedding, the bride didn't care what shoe until a fellow bridesmaid said, "Ooo! For the reception, wouldn't it be cute if we all wore white [brand name sneaker]?" The bride said, "ooooo it would!" and now I might be stuck buying fucking sneakers. I hope the bride forgets that suggestion.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

thisismynickname said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!
Oh yeah, I *love * when it's a bridesmaid's idea and not the bride's. For one, a fellow bridesmaid said "Oooo let's all get silver shoes!" ... But, I want to wear black. I have like six pairs of dressy black shoes. For another wedding, the bride didn't care what shoe until a fellow bridesmaid said, "Ooo! For the reception, wouldn't it be cute if we all wore white [brand name sneaker]?" The bride said, "ooooo it would!" and now I might be stuck buying fucking sneakers. I hope the bride forgets that suggestion.

I'm pretty sure you bought the sneakers, but forgot them at home. Dammit! They were sitting right there by your front door next to your suitcase and bridesmaid dress, how could you forget them?

dcbride86 · March 2015

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?

photokitty · March 2015

dcbride86 said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?

Maybe it's his favorite color or the team colors of his favorite team. It doesn't matter how wedding colors are chosen and the groom is allowed to have a say. No need to e judgey about his color choice.

Its totally possible for 3 women to all like the same dress. If she said they could buy whatever style in royal purple and they all picked the same one it's not that surprising - it might have been the cheapest or they just all liked it.

When I was young I thought were all had to wear the same shoe or color of shoe when I was in a wedding - no one pointed out it was ridiculous and bad wedding mag article and movies aren't the base line for real life - oh to be 22 and naive. Glad I grew out of it.

Bubblegum5586 · March 2015

photokitty said:

dcbride86 said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?
Maybe it's his favorite color or the team colors of his favorite team. It doesn't matter how wedding colors are chosen and the groom is allowed to have a say. No need to e judgey about his color choice.

Its totally possible for 3 women to all like the same dress. If she said they could buy whatever style in royal purple and they all picked the same one it's not that surprising - it might have been the cheapest or they just all liked it.

When I was young I thought were all had to wear the same shoe or color of shoe when I was in a wedding - no one pointed out it was ridiculous and bad wedding mag article and movies aren't the base line for real life - oh to be 22 and naive. Glad I grew out of it.

I had 6 BMs that all liked the same dress (well it was in the top 2 or 3 for all of them) but ultimately all got a different styles, but if we wanted to go the same look route they would have all been happy (and the 1 girl that did get the dress looked amazing in it and I plan on borrowing it soon for another wedding! lol) It had a stretch to the fabric with roushing, very flatting on different shapes.

Cookie Pusher · March 2015

dcbride86 said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?

My BMs both ended up liking the same dress. I didn't even show it to them at the same time. I had bought the dress at Macy's to see if either one of them liked it (if not, I was going to keep it for myself because it is a really cute dress), making it clear that I was still looking for other options too. They both told me they liked the dress and it would be comfortable enough for the wedding. So yea, they independently decided they liked the same dress.

And I totally asked DH if he had a preference on what color(s) the WP would wear since we bought the dresses and ties.

JellyBean52513 · March 2015

I can see where the general idea behind the confusion comes from.... if dictating dress is ok, why not shoes too? But. for the reasons PPs pointed out, mostly revolving around physical comfort, I definitely think dictating a specific shoe isn't fair to your bridal party.

For a wedding I was in, I didn't even get to see the dress or try it on or give input about my budget before I was asked to pay for it and it was given to me. It was the first wedding I'd ever been in, so I didn't question it although I remember thinking "Wow, I wish she had asked me if I could afford it before she went ahead and ordered it for me, that's definitely more than I was expecting to spend." This woman was marrying the father of my half siblings, with whom I've always been extremely close. I really did like her and was happy to be a bridesmaid, so I i didn't want to put up a fuss. As far as shoes go, she said we could wear whatever we wanted, which I REALLY appreciated after what I had to spend on the dress. All three bridesmaids showed up wearing wedges! So yeah, sometimes minds do think alike with no provocation.

I can only imagine myself telling my futures BMs to wear whatever shoe they want that they think will look good with the dress and that they'll be comfortable in. I also come from a social circle that, at every single prom/school dance growing up, people ended up in flip flops or barefoot halfway through the night anyway. Who gives a crap.

SammiNJonni · March 2015

Dictating shoes is crazy. I asked all my girls to get whatever gold shoe they felt comfortable in. All 3 are wearing flats 2 because of comfort and the 3rd so she did not need to order the dress longer.

MnHGirl · March 2015

dcbride86 said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?

Wow! I had no idea that my FI had no say in the color scheme of OUR wedding. I often think too many brides push their FI's opinions out to door because it is "Their Day" and really it isn't since it is about the couple and about two family's joining together.

He really likes the royal purple and I was not too partial on what color as long as it was a color that would look good with most people. We were out shopping for suits and there was a display with a black tux, black undershirt, with a royal purple tie and he got really excited and said "that's what I want for the wedding". It was an easy decision.

Also, YES all three of my bridesmaids have similar body shapes (bigger chested) so strapless with a sweetheart was not what they were comfortable with so when they all tried on a dress with an illusion neckline they were all happy and comfortable in the dress and it was also in budget for all three of them (because I did care about the price of the dress and what they are comfortable spending).

slothiegal · March 2015

dcbride86 said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?

Yeeeeup my BMs did this. One of them found a dress they loved, showed it to the other two, the other two also loved it, and all three ended up in the same one. I was kind of bummed, because I personally really liked the mismatched look, but, hey, they all loved this one particular dress and they all felt beautiful in it--so no skin off my back.

I gave them no direction on shows, but they all three picked a wedge sandal. Again, one of them suggested it since they would be walking on a lawn, and the other two found pairs they liked that happen to look similar. No big thing.

And my FI had input on our wedding colors. 'cause it was our wedding, not mine. Don't find that weird at all.

dcbride86 · March 2015

slothiegal said:

dcbride86 said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?
Yeeeeup my BMs did this. One of them found a dress they loved, showed it to the other two, the other two also loved it, and all three ended up in the same one. I was kind of bummed, because I personally really liked the mismatched look, but, hey, they all loved this one particular dress and they all felt beautiful in it--so no skin off my back.

I gave them no direction on shows, but they all three picked a wedge sandal. Again, one of them suggested it since they would be walking on a lawn, and the other two found pairs they liked that happen to look similar. No big thing.

And my FI had input on our wedding colors. 'cause it was our wedding, not mine. Don't find that weird at all.

I may have misread the thing about her FI and the color. I thought she was saying he dictated that the BM dresses HAD to be royal purple, which would be very odd to me. If she meant he had input, that's different, but I can't imagine why a groom would specifically say "your BMs need to wear royal purple"

marie2785 · March 2015

As someone with big feet (size 11), I'd drop out of a wedding if a bride dictated the exact shoes. I can rarely wear peep toe without having my toes blister and bleed, and 50% or so of shoes in my size are too wide for my narrow feet. I'm fine with a general color scheme being dictated though, but I usually need 1-2 months to find a pair of shoes for an event.

For my wedding the bridesmaids are all in floor length navy dresses so outside of when they're walking, their shoes wont show. They agreed on "nude" shoes on their own though. And then one realized she no longer had any nude colored shoes, and wanted to wear silver. And another 2 found matching black strappy heels they love. So I emailed saying "Anything neutral--gold, silver, bronze, nude, navy, black. So no hot pink, red, purple, green, neon blue". Everyone had something that fit into this scheme already.

I am dictating shoe color to the flower girls since their dress is short, but it'll be something easy (e.g. silver or ivory). And I bought their dresses so I don't feel that bad dictating a shoe color.

lc07 · March 2015

I am on team It's Pointless to Dictate the Dress At All. So I'm definitely not a fan of dictating shoes either.

anjemon · March 2015

slothiegal said:

MnHGirl said:
I have three great bridesmaids for my upcoming wedding. When we went dress shopping I had told them that they could choose whichever style they wanted as long as it was in the royal purple family (a request from my FI). All three ended up liking the same dress so thats what we went with.

They then asked about shoes and I told them that they could wear whatever they liked and they all disagreed with me saying they should at least be the same color scheme. So we decided on silver any style. Super easy and simple!

Really? They all independently decided on the same dress and the same color scheme for the shoes?

Also, why the hell did your FI request royal purple dresses?

Yeeeeup my BMs did this. One of them found a dress they loved, showed it to the other two, the other two also loved it, and all three ended up in the same one. I was kind of bummed, because I personally really liked the mismatched look, but, hey, they all loved this one particular dress and they all felt beautiful in it--so no skin off my back.

I gave them no direction on shows, but they all three picked a wedge sandal. Again, one of them suggested it since they would be walking on a lawn, and the other two found pairs they liked that happen to look similar. No big thing.

And my FI had input on our wedding colors. 'cause it was our wedding, not mine. Don't find that weird at all.

---------------- BOXES? there are boxes in the preview -------------------------------------

To the bolded: Me too! I rather liked the mismatched look and I gave my BMs same color/designer parameters. But they all ended up deciding they liked the same dress. And it's gorgeous. But I had rather liked the idea.

I am also trusting my girls when they say they all liked the same dress. We thought about everyone's various needs (like straps and being able to breast feed) and it fits those. And they say they like the same thing. So I'm going with it.

ETA: Boxes.

TheConnollys · March 2015

I told my girls that I prefer white sandals. I said they could pick whatever style/price point they wanted, but I definitely had a specific color in mind (to match the bouquets), and chose sandals intentionally because I didn't want them to have to walk in grass with heels on. Also, our wedding is in May, so I think it will help keep their feet nice and cool.

artbyallie · March 2015

TheConnollys said:
I told my girls that I prefer white sandals. I said they could pick whatever style/price point they wanted, but I definitely had a specific color in mind (to match the bouquets), and chose sandals intentionally because I didn't want them to have to walk in grass with heels on. Also, our wedding is in May, so I think it will help keep their feet nice and cool.

See, I feel this is still too specific. IMO asking for white shoes is kind of hard in the first place because I don't know anyone over the age of 8 who owns white shoes that aren't sneakers. Further specifying sandals makes them even harder to find and potentially less likely to be reworn. Also, sandals can be purchased that have heels so I don't get your reasoning there. If they want to wear heels in grass that's really none of your concern.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

artbyallie said:

TheConnollys said:
I told my girls that I prefer white sandals. I said they could pick whatever style/price point they wanted, but I definitely had a specific color in mind (to match the bouquets), and chose sandals intentionally because I didn't want them to have to walk in grass with heels on. Also, our wedding is in May, so I think it will help keep their feet nice and cool.
See, I feel this is still too specific. IMO asking for white shoes is kind of hard in the first place because I don't know anyone over the age of 8 who owns white shoes that aren't sneakers. Further specifying sandals makes them even harder to find and potentially less likely to be reworn. Also, sandals can be purchased that have heels so I don't get your reasoning there. If they want to wear heels in grass that's really none of your concern.

I'm on the fence with this one. I'd probably just say "white shoes - and remember we'll be walking through grass". (Most) people aren't idiots and understand that white heels + grass = sinking and ruined shoes. So they'd probably end up with either white flats or white sandals anyway.

But I will say that if these were the specifics I was given and I was on a tight budget.... Old Navy flip flops all the way.

redheadbride15 · March 2015

Ugh, this thread reminds me of a wedding I was a BM in a while back. The bride requested that we all wear a shoe with a narrow heel even though it was an OUTDOOR CEREMONY ON THE LAWN! And it had rained the day before. Needless to say, it was a disaster...

One reason why I'm not having a bridal party.

lovegood90 · March 2015

Yep, any shoe requests, however vague, will be ignored. I already own tons of neutral fancy shoes that would go with any dress. If the bride has a problem with it, oh well, she can pay for it. I draw the line at buying a specific dress (in my budget).

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · March 2015

I liked reading this thread because I am dealing with this right now. I am in a wedding this fall and the bride texted me asking what kind of heels I can wear. I am really uncomfortable in heels and can barely manage 2 inches so that's what I replied with. She said she wants all the bridesmaids to buy the same shoes because there are all different kinds of silver and we have to match. Ok, whatever. She then went on to say that she just wants us to wear these shoes for church and pictures and then we can change into whatever we want. Now I am super annoyed because 1) they're long dresses 2) I hate heels 3) I now have to BUY a pair of shoes I will never wear again just for about 3 hours.

In turn, I told my bridesmaids that they could wear whatever they wanted in nude/gold. Flats, heels, open toed, closed, I don't care. Wear what you have and save the money.

lovegood90 · March 2015

hicoco said:
I liked reading this thread because I am dealing with this right now. I am in a wedding this fall and the bride texted me asking what kind of heels I can wear. I am really uncomfortable in heels and can barely manage 2 inches so that's what I replied with. She said she wants all the bridesmaids to buy the same shoes because there are all different kinds of silver and we have to match. Ok, whatever. She then went on to say that she just wants us to wear these shoes for church and pictures and then we can change into whatever we want. Now I am super annoyed because 1) they're long dresses 2) I hate heels 3) I now have to BUY a pair of shoes I will never wear again just for about 3 hours.

In turn, I told my bridesmaids that they could wear whatever they wanted in nude/gold. Flats, heels, open toed, closed, I don't care. Wear what you have and save the money.

I'd ignore her and wear whatever shoes I wanted. The dresses are long, how will she even know? That's a ridiculous request IMO.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

artbyallie said:

TheConnollys said:
I told my girls that I prefer white sandals. I said they could pick whatever style/price point they wanted, but I definitely had a specific color in mind (to match the bouquets), and chose sandals intentionally because I didn't want them to have to walk in grass with heels on. Also, our wedding is in May, so I think it will help keep their feet nice and cool.
See, I feel this is still too specific. IMO asking for white shoes is kind of hard in the first place because I don't know anyone over the age of 8 who owns white shoes that aren't sneakers. Further specifying sandals makes them even harder to find and potentially less likely to be reworn. Also, sandals can be purchased that have heels so I don't get your reasoning there. If they want to wear heels in grass that's really none of your concern.

I agree. I don't typically ever wear sandals, and if I do they are not going to be white, so I'd be annoyed with this request. .. it would mean that I'd have a dress AND a pair of shoes I'm never going to wear again.

If I'm going to be walking on grass and wearing a nice dress, I'd choose to wear wedges. Plus, it's actually pretty simple to walk in grass in heels if need be. . . you just walk on the balls of your feet and don't put any weight down on your heels.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

lovegood90 said:

hicoco said:
I liked reading this thread because I am dealing with this right now. I am in a wedding this fall and the bride texted me asking what kind of heels I can wear. I am really uncomfortable in heels and can barely manage 2 inches so that's what I replied with. She said she wants all the bridesmaids to buy the same shoes because there are all different kinds of silver and we have to match. Ok, whatever. She then went on to say that she just wants us to wear these shoes for church and pictures and then we can change into whatever we want. Now I am super annoyed because 1) they're long dresses 2) I hate heels 3) I now have to BUY a pair of shoes I will never wear again just for about 3 hours.

In turn, I told my bridesmaids that they could wear whatever they wanted in nude/gold. Flats, heels, open toed, closed, I don't care. Wear what you have and save the money.
I'd ignore her and wear whatever shoes I wanted. The dresses are long, how will she even know? That's a ridiculous request IMO.

This. Don't buy the friggin shoes.

I was in a wedding once where the bride, who was a dear, dear friend wanted our dresses hemmed so that you could not see our feet at all when we walked. Yeah, no. I had my dress correctly hemmed so I didn't fucking trip and fall on my face, and she still got married and like 10 years later we are still dear, dear friends.

hoppytogether · March 2015

I gave the general feel of the wedding and the guidelines for dress and accessory colors (MOH is lavender, one is pastel blue, the other is spring green; accessories are white), but beyond that it's up to them. Actually, even with that, it was a discussion and it turns out all four of us have the same taste and same ideas so they were already shopping for white shoes and knee-length pastel dresses. If they have difficulty finding something, I am a shopping genius and can either find what they want in their size/budget/preference, or open a discussion about a different option.

They all have different complexions, experience in heels, hair lengths, heights, body types...I want them there enjoying the day and celebrating with me, not feeling self-conscious and masking the pain of blisters.

If I were asked to be in a bridal party and they (very forcefully) wanted me to wear strappy stilettos or something else I can't really wear, I would say no. If that meant I was out, fine, whatever. But I have poor joints and I don't care whose wedding it is--even mine--I am not injuring myself just to fit some really nitpicky request.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · March 2015

Everyone keeps telling me not to get the shoes and that she won't even notice, but I'm too wimpy to do that, God forbid she checks before we walk down the aisle or something.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

hicoco said:
Everyone keeps telling me not to get the shoes and that she won't even notice, but I'm too wimpy to do that, God forbid she checks before we walk down the aisle or something.

So fucking what if she does? She can't make you change your shoes at that point- her ass needs to get a walkin! So what if she checks on your shoes and gets pissy with you right before she walks down the aisle on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days in her life. If she chooses to be pissy right as she's going down the aisle, that choice is on her. Her mood is her choice and under her control.

Stop being a wuss, girl!

lovegood90 · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

hicoco said:
Everyone keeps telling me not to get the shoes and that she won't even notice, but I'm too wimpy to do that, God forbid she checks before we walk down the aisle or something.
So fucking what if she does? She can't make you change your shoes at that point- her ass needs to get a walkin! So what if she checks on your shoes and gets pissy with you right before she walks down the aisle on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days in her life. If she chooses to be pissy right as she's going down the aisle, that choice is on her. Her mood is her choice and under her control.

Stop being a wuss, girl!

I agree. Stop letting other people spend your money! Why would you let anyone check your shoes like a military sergeant just because it's their wedding? I don't get this. So to quote PGL again- so fucking what?

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

Bride to Hicoco- "OMFG what are you wearing?! Those are not the shoes I told you to buy! OMG OMG you ruined my wedding!"

Hicoco to Bride- "Hey I just got a text from one of the GM's that your FI is having 2nd thoughts and just walked out of the church. .. you might want to go talk to him."

Bride runs off. Bride is busy dealing with more important shit, mwahahahaha.

Bride comes back and is pissed because Hicoco lied.

Hicoco to Bride- "Well see honey, there are for worse things that could actually ruin your wedding day than what fucking shoes I'm wearing. So get a goddamn grip, get over yourself, get your ass down the aisle, and enjoy your Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day®! K, love ya, bai!"

artbyallie · March 2015

hicoco said:
Everyone keeps telling me not to get the shoes and that she won't even notice, but I'm too wimpy to do that, God forbid she checks before we walk down the aisle or something.

But what's the worst that could happen if she does? She kicks you out two seconds before you all hit the aisle? Then she's the world's biggest bridezilla and not any kind of friend worth keeping.

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