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Unborn baby on STD?

flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey folks. I'm compiling a list of names and addresses for my save the dates, and recently, one of my invitees announced that she's pregnant. Very excited for her. We're sending out the STD's soon and I want to make it clear that her baby, who will be a few months old at the time of our wedding, is invited. I don't know much more other than that she is pregnant, and I'm hesitant to ask at this point if they have a name picked out. Would it be okay to address the STD as such:

Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe
Baby Doe

If it's necessary I will ask her if she has a name, but I know she may be dealing with some complications so I don't want to be intrusive. Of course when we send the formal invites the baby will be born and the actual name will be included, but since they may have to make travel plans now I want them to know the baby is invited.
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Re: Unborn baby on STD?

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    KahlylaKahlyla member
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    edited March 2015
    We literally wrote "Plus 1!" in this situation on the inner envelope of the invitation (actually just a little tag thing - we didn't do STDs). We hand delivered this particular invitation as they lived nearby and we knew they would take it for what it was - a little joke that was meant to let them know the baby was invited. She was about eight months along at the time, I think. It's the only time I would ever put Plus 1 on something, hehe.
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    IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
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    I agree with @thisismynickname
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    flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    thisismynickname said:

    At first I thought this was about putting an unborn baby as a host on an invite. Phew!


    But no, I wouldn't address it to the baby. Surely you'll see this couple between now and your wedding; you can put the baby's name on the wedding invite after it's born and let your friend know now, verbally, that the baby will be included. 
    I *might* see her once before the wedding, for another friend's wedding. She lives in IL so sadly I don't get to see her in person that much, but we do talk online.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Just put the baby on the wedding invitation after its born. Don't list it on the STD.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    I would personally not put it on the envelope. But I'd hand write on the back of the save the date "Baby is certainly invited- can't wait to meet him/her!"

                                                                     

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    lovegood90lovegood90 member
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    I misread this as "Unicorn Baby" and got really excited. But yes, agree with PPs.

    Formerly martha1818

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    flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    The subject made me think that you were going to put an ultrasound picture of your baby on your STD.  LOL!  I was about to respond with a "WTF?  Why would you do that?!"


    Anyways, I would just invite the kid by name on the invite after he/she is born.
    LOL. I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, even though there are about a million ways that could be interpreted.

    Thanks everyone! We're doing our STD's as postcards, so on the formal name/address area I'll just write the friend and her husband, and either write a little note to the side that the baby is invited, or send her a message separately. If I do see her in person it won't be until October, and by then she'll probably have wanted to make travel arrangements if she does end up coming.
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    banana468banana468 member
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    I agree with PPs.  I'd tell them by word of mouth or put a note on the back.
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    Being that you said she might have complications, I wouldn't mention the baby on the STD.  I would wait until the invitations go out and have the baby's name put there.  If you see her at that wedding or talk to her otherwise, I would mention then that baby would be invited.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    100% absolutely not.

    I am currently in the process of losing my first pregnancy. Literally, my body is miscarrying it as we speak.

    If I got that in the mail next week I would be furious and upset, no matter how good your intentions are.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited March 2015
    As allPPs suggest, don't address the STD to the baby but include it on the invitation envelope.

    @sarahufl, I'm so sorry to hear this. Hugs.
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    flutteringinflflutteringinfl member
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    sarahufl said:

    100% absolutely not.

    I am currently in the process of losing my first pregnancy. Literally, my body is miscarrying it as we speak.

    If I got that in the mail next week I would be furious and upset, no matter how good your intentions are.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. That was one of the reasons I was unsure of what to do here, because my friend's first pregnancy also resulted in a miscarriage. I will definitely only be addressing the postcard to her and her husband.
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    flutteringinfl said:

    sarahufl said:

    100% absolutely not.

    I am currently in the process of losing my first pregnancy. Literally, my body is miscarrying it as we speak.

    If I got that in the mail next week I would be furious and upset, no matter how good your intentions are.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. That was one of the reasons I was unsure of what to do here, because my friend's first pregnancy also resulted in a miscarriage. I will definitely only be addressing the postcard to her and her husband.
    Just call her later, when the invites go out. The sentiment is nice, but it could really result in some hurt feelings.
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    redoryxredoryx member
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    100% absolutely not.

    I am currently in the process of losing my first pregnancy. Literally, my body is miscarrying it as we speak.

    If I got that in the mail next week I would be furious and upset, no matter how good your intentions are.
    I am so so so sorry. 

    But, yes, this is the very reason why you do not put anything. I sent my BFF and her husband an anniversary card last summer, congratulating them on the pregnancy they had recently announced. It wasn't until later I found out she had miscarried right around the same time. I felt horrible -- so, yeah, don't mention that anything about the baby until after it's born or she's later in her pregnancy, especially if she's just recently announced and is having complications.
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    LadyMillilLadyMillil member
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    I had a friend that was due 3 weeks before my wedding. I addressed everything to her and her husband. We don't see each other often because I live far away, so I sent her a message once I found out her due date to let her know she could bring the baby and that if she needed any special accommodations (room to breast feed in, etc) to let me know so I could make arrangements with the venue.

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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    @sarahufl - I'm so sorry. (((*hugs*)))
    *********************************************************************************

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    levioosalevioosa member
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    @sarahufl, I am so so sorry.  *Hugs*

    OP, this is the exact reason my first impulse upon reading your post was, "please don't."  You have no idea how the pregnancy will progress. I would just verbally let her know the baby is invited the next time you speak. 


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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    southernbelle0915 said:

    @sarahufl - I'm so sorry. (((*hugs*)))

    Ditto. :( 
    ________________________________


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    KahlylaKahlyla member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss, @sarahufl.
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    Thanks, everyone. I am surprisingly feeling ok about it- it was early, hasn't been terribly painful. Nobody really knew, so there isn't the awkwardness there.

    We are sad, of course, but hopeful that next time will go better.
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    IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
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    edited March 2015

    @sarahuff so so sorry.  Sending hugs to you!

     

    *edited for spelling

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    marie2785marie2785 member
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    Since STD can be addressed more casually, you can also send a STD to "The Doe Family" to make it clear the baby is invited without mentioning it by name. It's a little odd for a childless family, but not totally off-base (we already get letters to "The Does or The Doe Family" from church and other places, even though we're not married yet).

    But I agree with other posters--I'd avoid the name until the baby is born. My friend lost her baby 2 weeks before her due date and she said getting letters to "John and Jane Doe, existing child Doe and not-yet-born baby Doe" in the weeks before and after really hurt. 
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    charcoalandblushcharcoalandblush member
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    thisismynickname said:

    At first I thought this was about putting an unborn baby as a host on an invite. Phew!


    But no, I wouldn't address it to the baby. Surely you'll see this couple between now and your wedding; you can put the baby's name on the wedding invite after it's born and let your friend know now, verbally, that the baby will be included. 
    This is what we're doing. Five of our friends are currently pregnant, I addressed save-the-dates to only the couple (and existing children, if applicable) and mentioned to each in passing that their babies are welcome. All of the babies will be here before the wedding and will then be addressed specifically on the invitation.

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I have the unborn babies on my spreadsheet so I don't forget to count them as invited, but they won't be getting mail until they have a name and are separate beings from their mothers.
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    poodledoodleooopoodledoodleooo member
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    My friend was actually due right around the time I was sending out the wedding invites. I still didn't put baby's name on the invite (or +1 or and baby or and family) because, ya know, things happen. I let her know after baby was born that she, the baby, was totally welcome to come.
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    allispainallispain member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    The subject made me think that you were going to put an ultrasound picture of your baby on your STD.  LOL!  I was about to respond with a "WTF?  Why would you do that?!"


    Anyways, I would just invite the kid by name on the invite after he/she is born.
    Haha this is what I thought too.
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