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Bridesmaid Decline

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Re: Bridesmaid Decline

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    jerseykissesjerseykisses member
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    And actually - yes, she DID say that to me @prettygirllost - she said "if you got married a few years ago, I would have loved to be a part of your wedding. I'm sorry you're getting married so much later and are in a place where I've already been and no longer have an interest in"
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    jerseykisses said:

    And actually - yes, she DID say that to me @prettygirllost - she said "if you got married a few years ago, I would have loved to be a part of your wedding. I'm sorry you're getting married so much later and are in a place where I've already been and no longer have an interest in"

    Ok fine. She's being honest. You're feelings are hurt, which I get.

    But your friend is still going to attend your wedding, right?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    jerseykissesjerseykisses member
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    I guess we won't know for sure until I get the RSVP card! Fingers crossed.
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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
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    edited March 2015
    jerseykisses said:

    And actually - yes, she DID say that to me @prettygirllost - she said "if you got married a few years ago, I would have loved to be a part of your wedding. I'm sorry you're getting married so much later and are in a place where I've already been and no longer have an interest in"

    I mean, that's certainly rude and not something a friend should say, she should have softened it even if that is how she really feels. I totally get not wanting to be in a wedding, at any walk of life, but I think you have to let someone down gently regardless (edited for clarity). 

    I don't think a friend declining, in general, means that the don't care though. I was MOH for a girl that, frankly, I'm not that close with. She just really didn't have many female friends to ask. I felt sad for her and accepted and did my best to be a great MOH for her because she had no one else to do it. 

    Meanwhile, I have a close friend who, to be honest, is very high maintenance. When she was picking WP her FI had fewer than the number she wanted and she was all about the sides being even. She hadn't formally asked me, but had said she wanted to but was torn on figuring who to drop. I volunteered that I would still help her as much as she needed, but that she didn't need to put me in her WP, that way sides would be even. I'm glad I did this because, while I love this girl, she cray. 
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    redoryxredoryx member
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    edited March 2015
    jerseykisses said:You're all now missing the point, so just let it go. If you read my comments @prettygirllost, you would see that money is not the factor, the distance is not the factor, she has not been in too many weddings, it's that she is currently in a selfish phase where she's "too good to be in a wedding now that she has a child". Yes, weddings can be a pain in the ass, so can other events - but I tend to suck it up and do what makes my loved ones happy without one complaint - maybe I'm one of the few who still do this! I wish there was a way to mark this post as "answered" because I'm over the negative opinions that have nothing to do with the situation.***boxes**

    Sometimes it's okay to be selfish. If anything, women need to do it more often. Women give and give and give so much in their lives and are made to feel bad when they don't have anything left to give or choose to not give anything. Saying No does not make you a shitty person or a shitty friend. 
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    redoryx said:

    jerseykisses said:

    You're all now missing the point, so just let it go. If you read my comments @prettygirllost, you would see that money is not the factor, the distance is not the factor, she has not been in too many weddings, it's that she is currently in a selfish phase where she's "too good to be in a wedding now that she has a child". Yes, weddings can be a pain in the ass, so can other events - but I tend to suck it up and do what makes my loved ones happy without one complaint - maybe I'm one of the few who still do this! I wish there was a way to mark this post as "answered" because I'm over the negative opinions that have nothing to do with the situation.

    ***boxes**

    Sometimes it's okay to be selfish. If anything, women need to do it more often. Women give and give and give so much in their lives and are made to feel bad when they don't have anything left to give or choose to not give anything. Saying No does not make you a shitty person or a shitty friend. 



    Boundaries. Yup.

    That's why I made my previous distinction. Is it that she refuses to do anything for you, or just to do this for you? If it's always one-way, reconsider whether the friendship is worth your effort. If she just says no to some things you ask or want, that's straight up healthy. Which is why being a BM should not be the sole measure of a friendship.

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    jerseykisses said:

    You're all now missing the point, so just let it go. If you read my comments @prettygirllost, you would see that money is not the factor, the distance is not the factor, she has not been in too many weddings, it's that she is currently in a selfish phase where she's "too good to be in a wedding now that she has a child". Yes, weddings can be a pain in the ass, so can other events - but I tend to suck it up and do what makes my loved ones happy without one complaint - maybe I'm one of the few who still do this! I wish there was a way to mark this post as "answered" because I'm over the negative opinions that have nothing to do with the situation.

    That's not at all what she said based on how you reported your conversation with her.  You're elaborating and adding intention that was never stated to you.  You're the one being a bad friend at this point. 



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    jerseykissesjerseykisses member
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    edited March 2015
    @flantastic, @redoryx, @viczaesar - come on now, let this thread go! If you REALLY think I'm THAT shallow of a person, then so be it - but I will be the first person to inform you that I am not, nor will I ever be, the friend who is shallow, "bad", or anything of that sort - hence my initial desire to seek sage advice here on TK which is due to me asking my BFF to stand next to me on my wedding day - GASP!! Please move on to your next thread you feel the need to add a negative vibe to, because it is NOT welcome here.

    Edit: clarity
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    edited March 2015
    jerseykisses said:

    @flantastic, @redoryx, @viczaesar - come on now, let this thread go! If you REALLY think I'm THAT shallow of a person, then so be it - but I will be the first person to inform you that I am not, nor will I ever be, the friend who is shallow, "bad", or anything of that sort - hence my initial desire to seek sage advice here on TK which is due to me asking my BFF to stand next to me on my wedding day - GASP!! Please move on to your next thread you feel the need to add a negative vibe to, because it is NOT welcome here.

    Edit: clarity



    No one had commented for days - the thread would have died had you not felt the need to come back to lecture us.

    No one said you were shallow or a bad friend for wanting her to be around - just that your BM's actions do not necessarily make her a bad friend, and that you should avoid those assumptions to avoid unnecessarily hurting your relationships.

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    jerseykisses said:

    @flantastic, @redoryx, @viczaesar - come on now, let this thread go! If you REALLY think I'm THAT shallow of a person, then so be it - but I will be the first person to inform you that I am not, nor will I ever be, the friend who is shallow, "bad", or anything of that sort - hence my initial desire to seek sage advice here on TK which is due to me asking my BFF to stand next to me on my wedding day - GASP!! Please move on to your next thread you feel the need to add a negative vibe to, because it is NOT welcome here.

    Edit: clarity

    Grow up.  Since nobody has posted in 4 days before this post, YOU are the one who isn't letting this thread go.  And I stand by my opinion that you are being a bad friend by making bad assumptions about your friend and adding details in your mind in order to paint her in a negative light.



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    redoryxredoryx member
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    jerseykisses said:

    @flantastic, @redoryx, @viczaesar - come on now, let this thread go! If you REALLY think I'm THAT shallow of a person, then so be it - but I will be the first person to inform you that I am not, nor will I ever be, the friend who is shallow, "bad", or anything of that sort - hence my initial desire to seek sage advice here on TK which is due to me asking my BFF to stand next to me on my wedding day - GASP!! Please move on to your next thread you feel the need to add a negative vibe to, because it is NOT welcome here.

    Edit: clarity

    You're kidding me with this shit, right?
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    This thread again? OP, let it die!
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    tetelatetela member
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    I had one of my close friends decline being my bridesmaid because she did not have time to do all the "Bridesmaids Duties". I told her all I wanted her to do was to show up the day of my wedding and stand next to me, that's it! She had just gotten married so she wasn't sure if she would be able to make it to Bridal Showers, etc so she didn't want to disappoint me by not being involved. So I explained that it would be fine if she didn't attend those things and that it would mean a lot to just have her stand with me on my wedding day and that's all I wanted. She told me that she understood but that when she was getting married and had bridesmaids that didn't show up to things, her family and friends put a lot of pressure on her by telling her how awful of bridesmaids these girls were for not showing up to anything and that it was just really stressful. 

    Even though we might not expect anything from our BM, they might have a different idea of what they should be doing in their head. So if they can't do what they expect from themselves then they feel like they would disappoint us. So if you tell her how much it would mean to you and she still says no, I would just let it be. 
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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
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    WHY WON'T THIS THREAD JUST DIE ALREADY

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