Wedding Party

pregnant bridesmaid

My niece is getting married this summer and just found out that one of her bridesmaids was trying, and was successful, in starting a family nine months before the wedding date.  Her bridesmaid's due date is close to the wedding date, and my niece is torn between feeling happy for her friend but also let down that she has to worry whether her friend will go into labor on her wedding day or be so late in her pregnancy that she won't want to participate.  Obviously no one needs to ask the bride when they can start their family but is she wrong to feel let down by her friend?  I should add that when colors were picked and dresses selected her friend knew she was pregnant but didn't tell my niece.   
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Re: pregnant bridesmaid

  • Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.
  • Thanks for all the kind replies! We appreciate your advice and help.
  • Oh jesus-fucking-christ-tap-dancing-on-a-cracker-in-a-canoe, this topic again, I swear we get this at least once a week.  What does your niece need help with exactly? Did she knock up the bridesmaid and doesn't know how to tell her fiancé? Did the bridesmaid announce she plans to have an induced water birth on the dance floor during the reception?

    she will be there or she won't be there this is not the end of the world, nor is this something to get your panties in a twist over nor does it take anything away from the fact that your niece is marrying the person she loves.

    The wedding is bride's day?  Is she only marrying herself? Doesn't there have to be at least one other consenting adult in order for it to be a wedding?


    ETA: 2 Joan GIFS makes me so happy.

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    ashley8918
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Dude, is your niece not seeing the cool part here? This kid's birthday could be the same as her anniversary day. Assuming she's pretty tight with mama to be that'll be something cool to share with the kid as it grows up. (says the woman whose own kid is due a few days after her anniversary and thinks its the coolest shit ever)

    Also...bride's day or brides' day? Cause if it ain't two chicks there should probably be a groom showing up at some point...
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    JaxInBlue said:

    I think let down is probably a step too far.  She can certainly be disappointed her friend is unable to attend, or perhaps sad that someone so important to her may not be present for an important occasion.

    I say this as someone who, just last month, had to tell her sister-in-law I can no longer stand up in her fall wedding.  DH and I were TTC when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, and as luck/fate/Mother Nature would have it my due date is exactly her wedding date.  We're super excited that SIL is getting married, and sad that we won't be there to celebrate with her, as travel to her destination will be out of the question but are realistic: our family plans are our family plans and hers are hers.  No one, from SIL to her fiance to my ILs, has suggested in anyway that we are letting anyone down because of the timing of two important events.

    Additionally, we did not tell SIL immediately when I found out I was pregnant.  We deliberately waited until the end of my first trimester before telling most of our families.  Depending on the timing of dress shopping, your niece's friend my have not felt ready to share her news, and she should not be penalized for that.

    The pregnant bridesmaid will be there, or she won't be, but it doesn't need to be a big deal unless people choose to make it one.

    Congratulations!



    Anniversary
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    The bride's day? I'm pretty sure the rest of the world (god willing) will also experience that particular day. 
    Yeah, like the groom. Not to mention everyone else there.
    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948 said:

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    The bride's day? I'm pretty sure the rest of the world (god willing) will also experience that particular day. 
    Yeah, like the groom. Not to mention everyone else there.
    And if it happens to be the bridesmaid's delivery date, yeah, that's gonna be a wee bit more important to her than someone else's wedding.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • @JaxinBlue - congratulations!! :)
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  • HeatherKatHeatherKat the Frozen Tundra member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    My MOH found out around Thanksgiving that she was knocked up, making her about 7 months along at my wedding. I'll admit (only to FI and you, anonymous internet friends) that I had .05 seconds of being bummed. It was like OMG YAY BABY THIS IS AWESOME I LOVE BABIES Who's gonna do shots with me at the bachelorette? OMG YAY BABY BABIES ARE THE BEST I CAN'T WAIT TO SPOIL THE BABY. And only the OMG YAY part ever did come out of my mouth.

    People aren't going to plan their reproductive lives around your damn wedding. Tell Niece to be happy for her friend. Accept the fact that if her due date is that close to the wedding, she may not be able to attend. DO NOT kick her out of the bridal party.
    Amor vincet omnia.... par liones.
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensKnottie1440604088.defunct635810523342048963
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Is your niece wrong to feel let down?

    YES. All she should be is happy for her friend. 

    And why are you inserting yourself into this? 

    [Deleted User]ashley8918MyNameIsNotInLoveInQueens
  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    One of my bridesmaids will be 8 months pregnant at my wedding. I am very excited for her. I'm even hosting a shower for her. 

    I think it's reasonable to take a minute and feel a little sad that your dear friend won't be able to attend your wedding, but then you move on. This is not something to dwell on or make the BM feel guilty about. And quite frankly you never know what could happen. The baby could come early or late and she could still be there. But if she doesn't the world will not end. 
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    poodledoodleooo
  • Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    Yeah, the whole "It's the bride's day" has some real world limitations.  Yes, it is the day that the bride and groom get married (hooray!) and then they hold a reception to THANK their guests for celebrating their wedding ceremony with them.  During this process, many brides and grooms choose to have a wedding party - these are the bride and groom's honored guests.  They are not hired help or photo props.  You will see if you peruse the etiquette threads, that their "duties" are to show up at the wedding, in their attire, relatively sober.  They are by no means obligated to to do anything but that (i.e., sleepovers, getting ready parties, even the rehearsal dinner).  Is it nice when the bridal party does these things together?  Sure.  However, they are not requirements.  

    Your niece should be nothing but happy for her friend's pregnancy.  Not torn, not worried about her day, etc.  That thought shouldn't even cross her mind and I hope the adults in her life will coach her on this point properly.

    One of my bridesmaids is pregnant.  I'm THRILLED for her.  She will likely make the wedding but will not make it to the shower.  While I'll miss her, I would not for one second selfishly make this about me in any way.  

    One of my best friends from childhood (I was in his wedding) cannot come to my wedding b/c his wife is due too close to the date.  I will miss them both but not for one second am I disappointed on the impact this will have on "my day".  It's not about that. It's about being happy for your loved ones when momentous events like this occur in their lives and adjusting YOUR schedule to accommodate them and their needs.  That is what friendship means to me.

    Also, the pregnant friend was WELL within her rights of not telling anyone she was pregnant.  That is an EXTREMELY personal time and an early pregnancy can be a very sensitive subject.  I hope that you realize she was completely in the right by not mentioning this when the dresses were picked and that you will explain that to your niece.  

    Finally, I hope we are just reinforcing what you already knew as a mature adult and have passed this advice onto your niece.  
    OliveOilsMomYogaSandy
  • My MOH will be due 3 days before my wedding.  My first reaction was shock (because last I heard she was waiting two years) but I couldn't be happier for her.  Will this change how the day happens?  Maybe a bit.  She's my best friend, the person who I want by my side almost as much as my husband to be.  But in the end, everything will turn out fine.  And my bridesmaids will be there to help out with signing the marriage certificate, giving the speech and all that good stuff.  You can't control when someone gets pregnant and honestly, if my reaction was anything close to feeling let down- I wouldn't deserve my MOH friendship and I'd be a horrible friend.  
    onefootinthebayou[Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, she is wrong to feel let down by her friend. Her friend did not let her down by living her life and starting her family. I hope the friend never finds out your niece felt this way. If it were me, I would be re-evaluating my friendship.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    What is there to figure out? And how is this your business anyway?
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    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]InLoveInQueensYogaSandy
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    Requiring grown ass women to wear robes or matching shirts and all meet up at the same time and place and be photographed while getting dressed is nonsense.

    I don't understand why putting your clothing on for a wedding is a group activity requiring photo journalistic documentation.  I don't hire a photographer every time I do my hair and make up to go out for a night on the town.

    No one ever makes the Groom and GMs get dressed together and photographs that.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    YogaSandy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    Requiring grown ass women to wear robes or matching shirts and all meet up at the same time and place and be photographed while getting dressed is nonsense.

    I don't understand why putting your clothing on for a wedding is a group activity requiring photo journalistic documentation.  I don't hire a photographer every time I do my hair and make up to go out for a night on the town.

    No one ever makes the Groom and GMs get dressed together and photographs that.



    H and his GMs (as well as the BMs) were already dressed by the time the photographer was supposed to show up, by design - I did not want or need any getting-ready pictures. Why.

    The second shooter went into the adjacent room where the guys were while the photog was taking detail pictures of my shoes, rings, etc. and had them fake adjusting their cuff links and H's dad adjusting his tie. They made fun of their "fake memories" the whole day... but yes, they sort of do the bolded sometimes.

    [Deleted User]
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    Requiring grown ass women to wear robes or matching shirts and all meet up at the same time and place and be photographed while getting dressed is nonsense.

    I don't understand why putting your clothing on for a wedding is a group activity requiring photo journalistic documentation.  I don't hire a photographer every time I do my hair and make up to go out for a night on the town.

    No one ever makes the Groom and GMs get dressed together and photographs that.



    H and his GMs (as well as the BMs) were already dressed by the time the photographer was supposed to show up, by design - I did not want or need any getting-ready pictures. Why.

    The second shooter went into the adjacent room where the guys were while the photog was taking detail pictures of my shoes, rings, etc. and had them fake adjusting their cuff links and H's dad adjusting his tie. They made fun of their "fake memories" the whole day... but yes, they sort of do the bolded sometimes.

    Sure, those are staged photos, just like the ones of mom zipping bride up, putting her veil on, etc.  Those are not typically candids actually taken while the bride is getting ready.  They are usually posed by the photographer.

    I just meant I have never known a bride or groom to require all of the GM's meet up in the same room and get dressed with the groom, all the while a photog is flitting about getting obnoxious candids while people are trying to get dressed.

    That BS seems to be reserved to the women only.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Thanks for the reply, although I'm struggling here a bit.  The wedding is the bride's day but the "getting ready" part is  nonsense... I'm obviously missing something.  Thanks, though, we will figure this out.

    Requiring grown ass women to wear robes or matching shirts and all meet up at the same time and place and be photographed while getting dressed is nonsense.

    I don't understand why putting your clothing on for a wedding is a group activity requiring photo journalistic documentation.  I don't hire a photographer every time I do my hair and make up to go out for a night on the town.

    No one ever makes the Groom and GMs get dressed together and photographs that.



    H and his GMs (as well as the BMs) were already dressed by the time the photographer was supposed to show up, by design - I did not want or need any getting-ready pictures. Why.

    The second shooter went into the adjacent room where the guys were while the photog was taking detail pictures of my shoes, rings, etc. and had them fake adjusting their cuff links and H's dad adjusting his tie. They made fun of their "fake memories" the whole day... but yes, they sort of do the bolded sometimes.

    Sure, those are staged photos, just like the ones of mom zipping bride up, putting her veil on, etc.  Those are not typically candids actually taken while the bride is getting ready.  They are usually posed by the photographer.

    I just meant I have never known a bride or groom to require all of the GM's meet up in the same room and get dressed with the groom, all the while a photog is flitting about getting obnoxious candids while people are trying to get dressed.

    That BS seems to be reserved to the women only.
    Truth.
  • bettyanne6249bettyanne6249 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2015
    I do think that bridesmaid should have let the bride know in advance and may not have accepted being a bridesmaid. If I were pregnant and knew I was due around the time of the wedding, the last thing I would want to do is worry about fitting in a pretty dress and attending all these functions when I'm 7 almost 9 months pregnant. So I would respectfully decline, give her reason, and hope I am able to attend my friend's wedding as a guest!

    And it is the bride's day. It's the groom's day too but we are talking about the bride and her bridesmaid. It's not the guests' day. They attend and celebrate with you but it's not their day.

    Getting ready and being present with the bride on her day (or groom's day if you all want to complain about that too) is very important to the bride. It's not "nonsense."

    Your niece has the right to feel bummed that her friend can't be a bridesmaid or may not be able to attend. I'm sure your niece is also very excited her friend!
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I do think that bridesmaid should have let the bride know in advance and may not have accepted being a bridesmaid. If I were pregnant and knew I was due around the time of the wedding, the last thing I would want to do is worry about fitting in a pretty dress and attending all these functions when I'm 7 almost 9 months pregnant. So I would respectfully decline, give her reason, and hope I am able to attend my friend's wedding as a guest!

    And it is the bride's day. It's the groom's day too but we are talking about the bride and her bridesmaid. It's not the guests' day. They attend and celebrate with you but it's not their day.

    Getting ready and being present with the bride on her day (or groom's day if you all want to complain about that too) is very important to the bride. It's not "nonsense."

    Your niece has the right to feel bummed that her friend can't be a bridesmaid or may not be able to attend. I'm sure your niece is also very excited her friend!
    No.  The day does not belong to anyone, or rather it belongs to everyone.  You don't own the day just because you're getting married on it. 



    YogaSandy[Deleted User]
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