Wedding/reunion conflict Facebook slap-in-the-face

redheadbride15 · April 2015

I just need to vent because I'm feeling hurt.

My wedding is the same day as a college reunion for a group of my friends (they were a different year from me so I did not know the timing of this reunion and hence was not aware of the conflict when I booked my wedding date). Anyway, I just sent out my invites so I know people have received them in the past day or two and now (not coincidentally, I'm sure) one of my friends that I invited started a thread on Facebook asking who is going to the reunion. And now there is a big discussion on who is going, involving both he people invited as well as some people I did not invite because I'm not close friends with them.

Anyway, I would probably feel a bit sad if some people chose the reunion over my wedding but I think I'd get over it. However, to see everyone so openly discussing it on FB makes me fume. This friend who posted is a really sweet and normally considerate person so I can't get too angry, but it hurts to know that people are fishing around trying to weigh which of these social opportunities will be preferable. They must know that I'll see these posts. Sometimes I just hate social media.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · April 2015

I'm sorry, that stinks. I hate when I get upset over something I see on social media. I also hate when people try to weigh their options to see what the "better" choice is.

mikenberger · April 2015

That's pretty tacky. Oh well.

Brush ya shoulders off and go about your day

littlepep · April 2015

Bleh. That's pretty tacky to be openly discussing on FB. I agree it does make it sound like which social event would be more fun. Makes me feel icky.

Nothing you can do about it, but I understand the need to vent.

bethsmiles · April 2015

I think you are taking this way to personally. You don't know that they received the invite yet or that it is linked to this Facebook conversation and if this is very out of character for this individual I don't know why you would assume she is trying to hurt you.

Remember no one thinks your wedding is as important as you do. The reunion is obviously a chance for some of these people to catch up with old friends it makes total sense that they would want to see who is going before deciding which event to go to.

ashley8918 · April 2015

I think you are taking this way to personally. You don't know that they received the invite yet or that it is linked to this Facebook conversation and if this is very out of character for this individual I don't know why you would assume she is trying to hurt you.
Remember no one thinks your wedding is as important as you do. The reunion is obviously a chance for some of these people to catch up with old friends it makes total sense that they would want to see who is going before deciding which event to go to.

Agreed.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like what was posted was along the lines of "Hey y'all! Who is going to the reunion?" Not "Hey y'all! Who is going to the reunion, and who is going to @redheadbride15's wedding? I can't decide! lol"

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the former, and if that is what is posted, I think you are being silly.

The latter is a little tacky, but I doubt that is what was posted.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

yeah, just try to give the benefit of the doubt that they either didn't get your invitation yet, or didn't realize the two were the same date. It's not necessarily personal, and you're just borrowing stress to assume that it is.

ashley8918 · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
I just need to vent because I'm feeling hurt.

My wedding is the same day as a college reunion for a group of my friends (they were a different year from me so I did not know the timing of this reunion and hence was not aware of the conflict when I booked my wedding date). Anyway, I just sent out my invites so I know people have received them in the past day or two and now (not coincidentally, I'm sure) one of my friends that I invited started a thread on Facebook asking who is going to the reunion. And now there is a big discussion on who is going, involving both he people invited as well as some people I did not invite because I'm not close friends with them.

Anyway, I would probably feel a bit sad if some people chose the reunion over my wedding but I think I'd get over it. However, to see everyone so openly discussing it on FB makes me fume. This friend who posted is a really sweet and normally considerate person so I can't get too angry, but it hurts to know that people are fishing around trying to weigh which of these social opportunities will be preferable. They must know that I'll see these posts. Sometimes I just hate social media.

Oh, also, JIC.

redheadbride15 · April 2015

I know I'm taking this personally, but I was using the opportunity to vent here so I don't get too upset elsewhere where it isn't appropriate...

For the record, this friend received a STD, so she knows this is a conflict even if she hasn't received the invite yet. My wedding is small and I only invited my closest friends, so I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and accept that she values the big reunion more. I guess I just wish she had spoken to me about it before posting on FB.

ashley8918 · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
I know I'm taking this personally, but I was using the opportunity to vent here so I don't get too upset elsewhere where it isn't appropriate...

For the record, this friend received a STD, so she knows this is a conflict even if she hasn't received the invite yet. My wedding is small and I only invited my closest friends, so I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and accept that she values the big reunion more. I guess I just wish she had spoken to me about it before posting on FB.

But did she actually post about your wedding on Facebook? If not, there is no reason that she should have spoken to you first.

climbingsingle · April 2015

So, people are just discussing if they're going or not? I don't see why you're upset about this.

climbingsingle · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
I know I'm taking this personally, but I was using the opportunity to vent here so I don't get too upset elsewhere where it isn't appropriate...

For the record, this friend received a STD, so she knows this is a conflict even if she hasn't received the invite yet. My wedding is small and I only invited my closest friends, so I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and accept that she values the big reunion more. I guess I just wish she had spoken to me about it before posting on FB.

She should have spoken with you before about posting about her college reunion?

lovegood90 · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
I know I'm taking this personally, but I was using the opportunity to vent here so I don't get too upset elsewhere where it isn't appropriate...

For the record, this friend received a STD, so she knows this is a conflict even if she hasn't received the invite yet. My wedding is small and I only invited my closest friends, so I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and accept that she values the big reunion more. I guess I just wish she had spoken to me about it before posting on FB.

She doesn't need your permission to ask people about an event on FB just because your wedding is on the same date, though. I think you're overreacting in saying that she "values" one over the other just because she's getting a feel for who's going to the reunion. I agree FB isn't the best place to do that for reasons like this, though.

mikenberger · April 2015

Yeah, I was on your side to begin but unless she posted "Thinking about going to the reunion, but also got this wedding invite on the same night. Who's going to the reunion? MAKE ME WANT TO DECLINE THIS WEDDING."

You might be totally off base. Slightly.

redheadbride15 · April 2015

Okay, I see you all are saying I'm overreacting. And yes, I am, but I thought that was kind of the purpose of the "vent" post on TK.

I guess I'm upset that she is posting her plans for going to the reunion on FB before RSVP'ing "no" to my wedding. And because I consider her one of my closest friends, I am hurt, at least temporarily. I'll get over it though.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

Yea, I don't get why she couldn't have started a private message thread.... But then again I will NEVER understand why people feel the need to post every piece of their life publicly.

Can you hide the discussion? Or unfollow her for the rest of the week?

littlepep · April 2015

mikenberger said:
Yeah, I was on your side to begin but unless she posted "Thinking about going to the reunion, but also got this wedding invite on the same night. Who's going to the reunion? MAKE ME WANT TO DECLINE THIS WEDDING."

You might be totally off base. Slightly.

Eh yeah I'm kind of on the fence here. I mean at the end of the day, it's not really something worth getting upset about. People decline wedding because of other plans. It happens.

I do think it kind of sucks though to see someone openly debating about whether to go a reunion vs your wedding, even if it's not explicitly stated "I can't decided if I should go to this wedding.". If she had just discussed it privately with people and then RVSPed to the wedding "sorry I can't make it because I have other plans" I think that would be one thing.

It would probably bother me enough to be like well that sucks. But then I would move on because again, it's not a huge deal. People decline weddings all the time.

redheadbride15 · April 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
Yea, I don't get why she couldn't have started a private message thread.... But then again I will NEVER understand why people feel the need to post every piece of their life publicly.

Can you hide the discussion? Or unfollow her for the rest of the week?

This is a good suggestion. It'll help me be a little less annoyed.

redheadbride15 · April 2015

littlepep said:

mikenberger said:
Yeah, I was on your side to begin but unless she posted "Thinking about going to the reunion, but also got this wedding invite on the same night. Who's going to the reunion? MAKE ME WANT TO DECLINE THIS WEDDING."

You might be totally off base. Slightly.
Eh yeah I'm kind of on the fence here. I mean at the end of the day, it's not really something worth getting upset about. People decline wedding because of other plans. It happens.

I do think it kind of sucks though to see someone openly debating about whether to go a reunion vs your wedding, even if it's not explicitly stated "I can't decided if I should go to this wedding.". If she had just discussed it privately with people and then RVSPed to the wedding "sorry I can't make it because I have other plans" I think that would be one thing.

It would probably bother me enough to be like well that sucks. But then I would move on because again, it's not a huge deal. People decline weddings all the time.

Yes, this is what I guess I had hoped she would have done. But everyone's right, I can't let it eat away at me too much.

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
Okay, I see you all are saying I'm overreacting. And yes, I am, but I thought that was kind of the purpose of the "vent" post on TK.

I guess I'm upset that she is posting her plans for going to the reunion on FB before RSVP'ing "no" to my wedding. And because I consider her one of my closest friends, I am hurt, at least temporarily. I'll get over it though.

I don't understand getting defensive over this. Nobody's calling you a psycho. We're trying to help you let it go... I get the whole "I wanted to tell you guys instead of real life friends so I don't look like a crazy pants" but if you wanted anonymous, advice-free venting you should have posted to Twitter. Here, you're gonna get advice. And the advice is "don't take this personally because it's not personal."

redheadbride15 · April 2015

lolo883 said:

redheadbride15 said:
Okay, I see you all are saying I'm overreacting. And yes, I am, but I thought that was kind of the purpose of the "vent" post on TK.

I guess I'm upset that she is posting her plans for going to the reunion on FB before RSVP'ing "no" to my wedding. And because I consider her one of my closest friends, I am hurt, at least temporarily. I'll get over it though.
I don't understand getting defensive over this. Nobody's calling you a psycho. We're trying to help you let it go... I get the whole "I wanted to tell you guys instead of real life friends so I don't look like a crazy pants" but if you wanted anonymous, advice-free venting you should have posted to Twitter. Here, you're gonna get advice. And the advice is "don't take this personally because it's not personal."

I'm not feeling defensive at all. I thank you all for your advice, and I'm feeling better about it all. I guess I just felt the need to acknowledge that I felt hurt so I could move on with my day.

beethery · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
Okay, I see you all are saying I'm overreacting. And yes, I am, but I thought that was kind of the purpose of the "vent" post on TK.

I guess I'm upset that she is posting her plans for going to the reunion on FB before RSVP'ing "no" to my wedding. And because I consider her one of my closest friends, I am hurt, at least temporarily. I'll get over it though.

This is going to sound mean, because it's not exactly the nicest shit anyone's ever said, but here you go:

People vent about dumb shit for no reason on TK, CC in particular, all the time. 90% of these vent posts would do well from the OP looking them over before hitting that 'submit post' button and going, "Y'know what, I just reread this and realized I need to get over it." instead of posting about it for headpats.

I'm glad you're going to get past this issue, because they weren't personally affronting you by also talking about the other thing they might go to on facebook. They didn't put it on your wall.

redheadbride15 · April 2015

I think there's something about weddings that causes a lot of very reasonable grown women to revert back to being 12 year-old girls involved in a popularity contest who need that occasional pat on the head. This is my realization of the day. And with that, I bid you all a delightful afternoon!

ashley8918 · April 2015

redheadbride15 said:
I think there's something about weddings that causes a lot of very reasonable grown women to revert back to being 12 year-old girls involved in a popularity contest who need that occasional pat on the head. This is my realization of the day. And with that, I bid you all a delightful afternoon!

hellohkb · April 2015

I'm sorry. I can see why you may feel a little "meh" about the post. We all have those days. I definitely agree with hiding the post.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

I'm glad to hear that you are going to get over it.

And really unless this girl wrote on FB saying "so who is going to go to the reunion instead of redheads stupid wedding LOL?!" then there is nothing to get upset over. What you ended up doing, which I am sure we all have done before with social media, is take an innocent post that had zero to do with you and your wedding and twisted it around in your head and made it personal. It happens.

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

I honestly think Facebook is the perfect place to find out whose going to a reunion. Was this a status update or was it on the alumni page or something like that? If it was the latter, that is exactly the type of thing people use social media for.

Your wedding will never be more important to someone else than it is to you.

lurkergirl · April 2015

beethery said:

redheadbride15 said:
Okay, I see you all are saying I'm overreacting. And yes, I am, but I thought that was kind of the purpose of the "vent" post on TK.

I guess I'm upset that she is posting her plans for going to the reunion on FB before RSVP'ing "no" to my wedding. And because I consider her one of my closest friends, I am hurt, at least temporarily. I'll get over it though.
This is going to sound mean, because it's not exactly the nicest shit anyone's ever said, but here you go:

People vent about dumb shit for no reason on TK, CC in particular, all the time. 90% of these vent posts would do well from the OP looking them over before hitting that 'submit post' button and going, "Y'know what, I just reread this and realized I need to get over it." instead of posting about it for headpats.

I'm glad you're going to get past this issue, because they weren't personally affronting you by also talking about the other thing they might go to on facebook. They didn't put it on your wall.

PREACH IT, SISTA!!

tojai · April 2015

I never go to college reunions but I always see my alumni friends talking about it on FB. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Also I'm kind of confused that you're upset she didn't RSVP first before posting about the reunion? I never RSVP to save the dates even if I know there's a conflict.

FiancB · April 2015

If someone was considering going to a reunion instead of my wedding, I'd figure they weren't close enough to where I really needed to invite them in the first place. Maybe I'm just not that into reunions. IDK.

But I agree with PPs. For all you know they could have every intention of going to your wedding but are just curious to see who's going to the reunion.

climbingsingle · April 2015

FiancB said:
If someone was considering going to a reunion instead of my wedding, I'd figure they weren't close enough to where I really needed to invite them in the first place. Maybe I'm just not that into reunions. IDK.

But I agree with PPs. For all you know they could have every intention of going to your wedding but are just curious to see who's going to the reunion.

I do agree with you on the bolded. I wouldn't choose a reunion over my friend's wedding. Or, I'd figure out some way to do both.

Wedding/reunion conflict Facebook slap-in-the-face

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