• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Destination Weddings

Symbolic ceremony due to marriage requirements n mexico

13

Re: Symbolic ceremony due to marriage requirements n mexico

  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Symbolic wedding ceremonies were somewhat common in my kindergarten. Justin, the boy I liked, suddenly "married" another girl.

    Fuck you Ashley.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
    redoryxflbride2015[Deleted User]esstee33
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    Symbolic wedding ceremonies were somewhat common in my kindergarten. Justin, the boy I liked, suddenly "married" another girl.

    Fuck you Ashley.

    YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! ;)
    Jen4948
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    Symbolic wedding ceremonies were somewhat common in my kindergarten. Justin, the boy I liked, suddenly "married" another girl.

    Fuck you Ashley.

    YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! ;)
    image




    Fuck it, you can have him. :)



    Anniversary
    image

    image
    ashley8918
  • elcbrideelcbride member
    Name Dropper First Comment
    edited April 2015
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

     

    This conversation seems like it has gotten really intense.  Clearly, everybody has really strong opinions on this.  It really surprised me to read the reactions on this question, because my fiance and I started planning on a symbolic ceremony from the moment we decided to get married in Mexico.  We decided this mainly because I only get 8 sick/personal days for the whole year, and I'm already planning on using 7 of them for the wedding/honeymoon - it just didn't seem plausible to go an extra 2 days early.


    That said, we plan on signing the legal papers just before we leave - we're not inviting friends or family to watch us do so, and we certainly won't consider ourselves a married couple until our wedding in Mexico.  When we thought about it, all ceremonies are symbolic in the eyes of the law - after all, it's not the saying of the vows that makes you a married couple on paper, but the signing and filing of the actual papers.  That said, we felt the ceremony is what would make us married in our hearts - and that's what we want our friends and family to witness, not us signing some paltry piece of paper.  We'll celebrate the day that we make our vows in front of loved ones the day that we celebrate our love each year.  We don't plan on hiding the fact that we signed the legal papers before we left, but we also don't feel the need to make a public announcement to people to make sure they don't feel "duped."  

    If our friends and family aren't able to make the wedding through cost or timing reasons, we understand that, and know that it's not because they don't love us.  If, however, they choose not to come on because they feel like us vowing to love and cherish each other in front of everyone who's most important to us is not enough of a "real" wedding for them, then I would question just how much they really do care for us.  

    It's your wedding.  Go with what your hearts tell you - if a symbolic ceremony is what makes you feel married, who am I or your family or friends or anyone else in the world to tell you otherwise?



    Or you could have just done your research and gotten married somewhere where there wasn't a waiting period?  Or until you had more PTO time built up at work?  Recognized your "signing of the legal papers" as your wedding and had a kick ass party afterwords....

    There are so many options here and getting married before having a PPD aka "Symbolic Ceremony" isn't a good one.

    image
    chibiyuiesstee33
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    This conversation seems like it has gotten really intense.  Clearly, everybody has really strong opinions on this.  It really surprised me to read the reactions on this question, because my fiance and I started planning on a symbolic ceremony from the moment we decided to get married in Mexico.  We decided this mainly because I only get 8 sick/personal days for the whole year, and I'm already planning on using 7 of them for the wedding/honeymoon - it just didn't seem plausible to go an extra 2 days early.


    That said, we plan on signing the legal papers just before we leave - we're not inviting friends or family to watch us do so, and we certainly won't consider ourselves a married couple until our wedding in Mexico.  When we thought about it, all ceremonies are symbolic in the eyes of the law - after all, it's not the saying of the vows that makes you a married couple on paper, but the signing and filing of the actual papers.  That said, we felt the ceremony is what would make us married in our hearts - and that's what we want our friends and family to witness, not us signing some paltry piece of paper.  We'll celebrate the day that we make our vows in front of loved ones the day that we celebrate our love each year.  We don't plan on hiding the fact that we signed the legal papers before we left, but we also don't feel the need to make a public announcement to people to make sure they don't feel "duped."  

    If our friends and family aren't able to make the wedding through cost or timing reasons, we understand that, and know that it's not because they don't love us.  If, however, they choose not to come on because they feel like us vowing to love and cherish each other in front of everyone who's most important to us is not enough of a "real" wedding for them, then I would question just how much they really do care for us.  

    It's your wedding.  Go with what your hearts tell you - if a symbolic ceremony is what makes you feel married, who am I or your family or friends or anyone else in the world to tell you otherwise?

    The bolded... ugh.
    image
  • This conversation seems like it has gotten really intense.  Clearly, everybody has really strong opinions on this.  It really surprised me to read the reactions on this question, because my fiance and I started planning on a symbolic ceremony from the moment we decided to get married in Mexico.  We decided this mainly because I only get 8 sick/personal days for the whole year, and I'm already planning on using 7 of them for the wedding/honeymoon - it just didn't seem plausible to go an extra 2 days early.


    That said, we plan on signing the legal papers just before we leave - we're not inviting friends or family to watch us do so, and we certainly won't consider ourselves a married couple until our wedding in Mexico.  When we thought about it, all ceremonies are symbolic in the eyes of the law - after all, it's not the saying of the vows that makes you a married couple on paper, but the signing and filing of the actual papers.  That said, we felt the ceremony is what would make us married in our hearts - and that's what we want our friends and family to witness, not us signing some paltry piece of paper.  We'll celebrate the day that we make our vows in front of loved ones the day that we celebrate our love each year.  We don't plan on hiding the fact that we signed the legal papers before we left, but we also don't feel the need to make a public announcement to people to make sure they don't feel "duped."  

    If our friends and family aren't able to make the wedding through cost or timing reasons, we understand that, and know that it's not because they don't love us.  If, however, they choose not to come on because they feel like us vowing to love and cherish each other in front of everyone who's most important to us is not enough of a "real" wedding for them, then I would question just how much they really do care for us.  

    It's your wedding.  Go with what your hearts tell you - if a symbolic ceremony is what makes you feel married, who am I or your family or friends or anyone else in the world to tell you otherwise?
    These two sentences contradict each other.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    plainjane0415chibiyuiesstee33
  • These two sentences contradict each other.

    Just to clarify, in the first sentence I was talking about being married in the eyes of the law (legally), and in the second I was talking about how we felt in our hearts (emotionally).

    I do apologize if I implied to anyone in any that I don't think that legal marriage is an important right which ALL couples, regardless of sexual orientation, deserve.  Perhaps referring to it as "a paltry piece of paper" was the wrong phrase - of course, I would be heartbroken if there were laws in place which prohibited me from legally marrying the one I loved, as well as partaking in a vow ceremony.

    However, I just meant that for us, the "symbolic" part is most important to make us feel married.  I certainly understand if some people felt differently for their own weddings.  Especially in our case, in which virtually every single guest we invited was going to have to travel anyway, since our friends and family are scattered so widely across the country, a DW made sense, so at least this way, our friends and family could get a vacation out of the wedding, too.  We did some pretty intensive polling of friends and family before making decisions.  And I would still be shocked if people truly felt that this was "re-enactment."  It certainly wouldn't feel like it to us.

    That said, given the vitriol this conversation has aroused, perhaps we will ask around to see if it would truly bother people.  If it does, we'll just sign the paperwork when we get home.  Like I said, for us, it's the vows that really have a lot of meaning in our hearts.

    I really hope I'm not offending people by posting this.  Weddings are such a beautiful declaration of love and togetherness, and I hate to see so much animosity on a board devoted to such a lovely thing.
  • These two sentences contradict each other.

    Just to clarify, in the first sentence I was talking about being married in the eyes of the law (legally), and in the second I was talking about how we felt in our hearts (emotionally).

    I do apologize if I implied to anyone in any that I don't think that legal marriage is an important right which ALL couples, regardless of sexual orientation, deserve.  Perhaps referring to it as "a paltry piece of paper" was the wrong phrase - of course, I would be heartbroken if there were laws in place which prohibited me from legally marrying the one I loved, as well as partaking in a vow ceremony.

    However, I just meant that for us, the "symbolic" part is most important to make us feel married.  I certainly understand if some people felt differently for their own weddings.  Especially in our case, in which virtually every single guest we invited was going to have to travel anyway, since our friends and family are scattered so widely across the country, a DW made sense, so at least this way, our friends and family could get a vacation out of the wedding, too.  We did some pretty intensive polling of friends and family before making decisions.  And I would still be shocked if people truly felt that this was "re-enactment."  It certainly wouldn't feel like it to us.

    That said, given the vitriol this conversation has aroused, perhaps we will ask around to see if it would truly bother people.  If it does, we'll just sign the paperwork when we get home.  Like I said, for us, it's the vows that really have a lot of meaning in our hearts.

    I really hope I'm not offending people by posting this.  Weddings are such a beautiful declaration of love and togetherness, and I hate to see so much animosity on a board devoted to such a lovely thing.


    You're still missing the point. Even if you sign after, you're still asking people to spend money and time to watch you not actually get married.

    If the vows mean that much to you, why not make sure you do the vows and the legal part at the same time? I seriously don't understand the difficulty in this other than you don't want to spend an extra two days in Mexico. Either go early or consider it a pre-honeymoon or something.
    image
    esstee33
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @emiliechapter, are you being honest with your guests that what they are seeing is ceremonial only and that the legal wedding has already or will afterwards take place? Or are you keeping it under your hat? Because that makes a big difference.
    image
    image

    madamerwin
  • redoryx said:
    If the vows mean that much to you, why not make sure you do the vows and the legal part at the same time? I seriously don't understand the difficulty in this other than you don't want to spend an extra two days in Mexico. Either go early or consider it a pre-honeymoon or something.


    I just have really limited days off.  It seemed silly not to have the wedding I wanted just because I couldn't take an extra 2 days.  But like I said, since it's raised so much contention here, I'll definitely ask around to see how people feel about it.  If none of my guests mind, I imagine it's probably fine to do.  I never realized how upset people might be - when I go to weddings, I really just go to see the couple celebrate their love for each other and commit to each other.  I've definitely been to weddings where people have been married before and this was their symbolic ceremony - but it still seemed very real and meaningful to me.  That's why I never realized that some people might feel duped somehow.  I supposed it's something to ask around about.
  • @magicink I never intended to try to hide the truth, but it also never occurred to me that I needed to make some kind of announcement.  If I didn't see myself as married, why should other people?  But I suppose some people might see that as a kind of lie, even if it was unintentional, so I think I'll probably poll some of my closest family and friends and see how they feel.  We've had symbolic ceremonies in my family before, and no one seemed to begrudge traveling for it, even knowing it wasn't the legal ceremony, so I don't imagine too many people would mind.
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    redoryx said:
    If the vows mean that much to you, why not make sure you do the vows and the legal part at the same time? I seriously don't understand the difficulty in this other than you don't want to spend an extra two days in Mexico. Either go early or consider it a pre-honeymoon or something.
    I just have really limited days off.  It seemed silly not to have the wedding I wanted just because I couldn't take an extra 2 days.  But like I said, since it's raised so much contention here, I'll definitely ask around to see how people feel about it.  If none of my guests mind, I imagine it's probably fine to do.  I never realized how upset people might be - when I go to weddings, I really just go to see the couple celebrate their love for each other and commit to each other.  I've definitely been to weddings where people have been married before and this was their symbolic ceremony - but it still seemed very real and meaningful to me.  That's why I never realized that some people might feel duped somehow.  I supposed it's something to ask around about.


    ----boxes----

    As long as your guests know that you signed the paperwork before you left (and I mean you are actively informing them all, which is different from only telling those who ask), then really, I see nothing wrong with it. The issue, for me at least, lies in, well, lying. Even if it's a lie by omission, it's still not honest if you don't tell people. 

    Tell your guests. Tell them all you are planning to sign the paperwork ahead of time. Those who have an issue with it can choose not to attend, but at least that way no one will be pissed later.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2015

    redoryx said:
    If the vows mean that much to you, why not make sure you do the vows and the legal part at the same time? I seriously don't understand the difficulty in this other than you don't want to spend an extra two days in Mexico. Either go early or consider it a pre-honeymoon or something.
    I just have really limited days off.  It seemed silly not to have the wedding I wanted just because I couldn't take an extra 2 days.  But like I said, since it's raised so much contention here, I'll definitely ask around to see how people feel about it.  If none of my guests mind, I imagine it's probably fine to do.  I never realized how upset people might be - when I go to weddings, I really just go to see the couple celebrate their love for each other and commit to each other.  I've definitely been to weddings where people have been married before and this was their symbolic ceremony - but it still seemed very real and meaningful to me.  That's why I never realized that some people might feel duped somehow.  I supposed it's something to ask around about.





    ETA - insert pretend box above

    I'm confused how you need an extra 2 days to legally get married in Mexico. You're going for 7 already. Get married day 4. Voila. Residency requirement met.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    ashley8918YogaSandy
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I am still so confused. How can you not consider yourself as married when EVERYBODY ELSE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET would consider "Signing your marriage license and filing it with the county of choice." to be changing your status to married.

    So if you and your beloved decided to split between the legal marriage and symbolic marriage, you don't think you'd need a divorce? Because you don't consider yourself married? 

    image
    plainjane0415madamerwin[Deleted User]
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    This conversation seems like it has gotten really intense.  Clearly, everybody has really strong opinions on this.  It really surprised me to read the reactions on this question, because my fiance and I started planning on a symbolic ceremony from the moment we decided to get married in Mexico.  We decided this mainly because I only get 8 sick/personal days for the whole year, and I'm already planning on using 7 of them for the wedding/honeymoon - it just didn't seem plausible to go an extra 2 days early.


    That said, we plan on signing the legal papers just before we leave - we're not inviting friends or family to watch us do so, and we certainly won't consider ourselves a married couple until our wedding in Mexico.  When we thought about it, all ceremonies are symbolic in the eyes of the law - after all, it's not the saying of the vows that makes you a married couple on paper, but the signing and filing of the actual papers.  That said, we felt the ceremony is what would make us married in our hearts - and that's what we want our friends and family to witness, not us signing some paltry piece of paper.  We'll celebrate the day that we make our vows in front of loved ones the day that we celebrate our love each year.  We don't plan on hiding the fact that we signed the legal papers before we left, but we also don't feel the need to make a public announcement to people to make sure they don't feel "duped."  

    If our friends and family aren't able to make the wedding through cost or timing reasons, we understand that, and know that it's not because they don't love us.  If, however, they choose not to come on because they feel like us vowing to love and cherish each other in front of everyone who's most important to us is not enough of a "real" wedding for them, then I would question just how much they really do care for us.  

    It's your wedding.  Go with what your hearts tell you - if a symbolic ceremony is what makes you feel married, who am I or your family or friends or anyone else in the world to tell you otherwise?


    These two sentences contradict each other.

    Just to clarify, in the first sentence I was talking about being married in the eyes of the law (legally), and in the second I was talking about how we felt in our hearts (emotionally).

    I do apologize if I implied to anyone in any that I don't think that legal marriage is an important right which ALL couples, regardless of sexual orientation, deserve.  Perhaps referring to it as "a paltry piece of paper" was the wrong phrase - of course, I would be heartbroken if there were laws in place which prohibited me from legally marrying the one I loved, as well as partaking in a vow ceremony.

    However, I just meant that for us, the "symbolic" part is most important to make us feel married.  I certainly understand if some people felt differently for their own weddings.  Especially in our case, in which virtually every single guest we invited was going to have to travel anyway, since our friends and family are scattered so widely across the country, a DW made sense, so at least this way, our friends and family could get a vacation out of the wedding, too.  We did some pretty intensive polling of friends and family before making decisions.  And I would still be shocked if people truly felt that this was "re-enactment."  It certainly wouldn't feel like it to us.

    That said, given the vitriol this conversation has aroused, perhaps we will ask around to see if it would truly bother people.  If it does, we'll just sign the paperwork when we get home.  Like I said, for us, it's the vows that really have a lot of meaning in our hearts.

    I really hope I'm not offending people by posting this.  Weddings are such a beautiful declaration of love and togetherness, and I hate to see so much animosity on a board devoted to such a lovely thing.

    @magicink I never intended to try to hide the truth, but it also never occurred to me that I needed to make some kind of announcement.  If I didn't see myself as married, why should other people?  But I suppose some people might see that as a kind of lie, even if it was unintentional, so I think I'll probably poll some of my closest family and friends and see how they feel.  We've had symbolic ceremonies in my family before, and no one seemed to begrudge traveling for it, even knowing it wasn't the legal ceremony, so I don't imagine too many people would mind.

    STBMrsEverheart is that you?




    _______________________________________________________

    GAHHHHHH BE CAREFUL! DONT SUMMON IT!
    image


    Maggie0829madamerwinJennyColada[Deleted User]
  • geebee908geebee908 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    edited April 2015

    redoryx said:
    If the vows mean that much to you, why not make sure you do the vows and the legal part at the same time? I seriously don't understand the difficulty in this other than you don't want to spend an extra two days in Mexico. Either go early or consider it a pre-honeymoon or something.
    I just have really limited days off.  It seemed silly not to have the wedding I wanted just because I couldn't take an extra 2 days.  But like I said, since it's raised so much contention here, I'll definitely ask around to see how people feel about it.  If none of my guests mind, I imagine it's probably fine to do.  I never realized how upset people might be - when I go to weddings, I really just go to see the couple celebrate their love for each other and commit to each other.  I've definitely been to weddings where people have been married before and this was their symbolic ceremony - but it still seemed very real and meaningful to me.  That's why I never realized that some people might feel duped somehow.  I supposed it's something to ask around about.




    ETA - insert pretend box above

    I'm confused how you need an extra 2 days to legally get married in Mexico. You're going for 7 already. Get married day 4. Voila. Residency requirement met.

    BOXES***************

    This is exactly what I was thinking. Would it be so bad to shift your timeline by a couple of days? Leave a couple days earlier than originally planned and head home two days sooner. It's not rocket science.
  • I'm really sorry I aroused so much ire on this board, but I guess that's the point of these forums - to hash out different issues related to weddings and planning.  I really wasn't trying to set myself up as devil's advocate; I just wanted to share my thoughts and say what I thought would work.  I am sorry if I sounded judgey in some way or offended anyone.

    In the end, I think what's most important is that everyone does what works best for themselves and their guests, which is what I'm trying to do, and I imagine everyone else is as well.  I hope you all have beautiful weddings which celebrate the love you have for the person in your life - and congratulations to those who have already had their special day!  Best of luck to everyone in planning!
  • elcbride said:

    redoryx said:
    If the vows mean that much to you, why not make sure you do the vows and the legal part at the same time? I seriously don't understand the difficulty in this other than you don't want to spend an extra two days in Mexico. Either go early or consider it a pre-honeymoon or something.
    I just have really limited days off.  It seemed silly not to have the wedding I wanted just because I couldn't take an extra 2 days.  But like I said, since it's raised so much contention here, I'll definitely ask around to see how people feel about it.  If none of my guests mind, I imagine it's probably fine to do.  I never realized how upset people might be - when I go to weddings, I really just go to see the couple celebrate their love for each other and commit to each other.  I've definitely been to weddings where people have been married before and this was their symbolic ceremony - but it still seemed very real and meaningful to me.  That's why I never realized that some people might feel duped somehow.  I supposed it's something to ask around about.




    I was a bridesmaid at a destination wedding. I had to use my VERY LIMITED PTO to attend, spend money on flights, and hotel, and babysitters, in addition to the dress. It was a beautiful ceremony and reception. I was happy to be there.

    Cue the plot twist: during the planning of my wedding, this same friend mentions she had actually signed the papers 3 weeks prior to the destination "wedding." Was I pissed? Hell yeah I was. I wasted vacation days and hard earned money for a fake redo. Did I tell her I was angry? Nope. Woudl I have attended her fake redo if I had known she was getting legally married ahead of time, probably, but I would have preferred to have been invited to the real thing, which I now know actually happened at the courthouse.

    chibiyui
  • edited April 2015
    My cousin is getting married in Cuba but had her legal ceremony here in Canada. It makes perfect sense when she explained it to me. The sheer outrage seen on this thread of doing anything other than the status quo of what's "expected" is mind blowing. I think getting legally married in your home country before a wedding abroad makes perfect, legal sense if that's how they want to do it. I think sometimes the expectations of etiquette and doing things "properly" get in the way of common sense and logic.
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    My cousin is getting married in Cuba but had her legal ceremony here in Canada. It makes perfect sense when she explained it to me. The sheer outrage seen on this thread of doing anything other than the status quo of what's "expected" is mind blowing. I think getting legally married in your home country before a wedding abroad makes perfect, legal sense if that's how they want to do it. I think sometimes the expectations of etiquette and doing things "properly" get in the way of common sense and logic.



    Do tell her logic on this and how it made perfect sense.

    Also, please tell us if she informed all of her guests if she was legally married before having her PPD in Cuba.

    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards