It may seem early, but my family is already planning for the
2015 holiday season! Being a newly married couple, we’re a pretty hot commodity
– which is an absolute blessing and the “worst kind of problem” I could ever
imagine. However, to avoid the awkwardness, hurt feelings, and unease that can
result from trying to evenly divvy up holiday time, I thought I’d tap into the
Knot’s community resources.
Here’s my situation: Thanksgiving is a big deal in both my
and my husband’s families. My family has a 30+ year standing tradition of
gathering in my grandfather’s home, and the tradition is adhered to by all my
cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. – plus their new spouses over the years. So, to
miss Thanksgiving or even rotate year on/year off in my family is sort of
deemed unacceptable. On top of that, my father has been recovering from
Leukemia over the course of 2014/2015, so my time with him is precious above
almost all else!
My husband’s family does have a Thanksgiving tradition, but
it’s gradually evolved over time and isn’t quite as stringent as my family’s
staunch practice. Their celebration is typically held out of state 6+ hours’
drive away, so it’s almost impossible to do both over one weekend. His family
has begun to poll the potential attendees, and has asked if we’ll be coming
this year, hoping to a) secure a rental property or hotel arrangements, and b)
get a firm commitment from us that we’ll attend their celebration at least
every other year.
How would you recommend communicating that we simply can’t
commit, in the most polite way? I don’t want to pull the card that my father is
recovering from cancer, because my husband’s grandparents aren't in great
health either. Everyone’s time is precious, and I wish we could do it all!