How do I tactfully nag my BMs to get their dress already?

stacitaco · April 2015

I took my bridesmaids dress shopping back in November. We decided on colors (yes plural), style, and it was reasonably priced--nobody objected to it. Two girls purchased it right away, one (my sister, MOH) was pregnant, so I'm not flipping that she hasn't bought hers yet. But the last two live with their parents, both have good jobs, and have absolutely no reason to have not bought this dang dress yet. I've mentioned it in passing several times already, about once every couple months since then, but they don't really acknowledge it. One girl said "yeah I still need to get it," and the other just plain never responded.

I kind of regret asking them to be in my wedding....

jacques27 · April 2015

You don't.

You treat them like adults. They know when the wedding is and according to your posting history, it's not until September. They have plenty of time, unless you're getting custom designed hand-embroidered by blind nuns in France bridesmaid dresses. They either buy the dress and walk in your wedding or they don't and remove themselves from the wedding party. Either way, not something you need to harp about. It's not like they are going to wear them every day between now and then - the dresses will just be sitting in a closet.

MobKaz · April 2015

stacitaco said:
I took my bridesmaids dress shopping back in November. We decided on colors (yes plural), style, and it was reasonably priced--nobody objected to it. Two girls purchased it right away, one (my sister, MOH) was pregnant, so I'm not flipping that she hasn't bought hers yet. But the last two live with their parents, both have good jobs, and have absolutely no reason to have not bought this dang dress yet. I've mentioned it in passing several times already, about once every couple months since then, but they don't really acknowledge it. One girl said "yeah I still need to get it," and the other just plain never responded.

I kind of regret asking them to be in my wedding....

Shopping almost a full year prior to the wedding will make it SEEM like dresses should have been purchased already. The fact is that you actually still have plenty of time before a purchase is truly necessary. It doesn't matter whether your BM's have the money or not. The reality is that there is NO reason for them to part with their money just yet.

Tell them the absolute deadline date for ordering dresses, and then let it go. Quit pestering them about it.

To regret asking them to be BM's in your wedding simply because they have yet to order a dress seems incredibly petty.

stacitaco · April 2015

No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

jacques27 · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

JIC.

Just because you have poor stress tolerance and say things you claim to not mean on the internet (like regretting asking people to be in your wedding when they don't buy a dress 10 months in advance) doesn't mean that everyone gets...what's the word? Psychotic over planning a party.

You seriously wanted people to validate you that it's ok to nag people you supposedly care about? Do you like being nagged? Do you like being treated like a child? Is that a fun day for you? If it is, then nag away and then continue to wonder why they don't return your phone calls. But no one here is going to tell you how to tactfully nag people, because there's no tactful way to micromanage adults and treat them like children.

onefootinthebayou · April 2015

stacitaco said:No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.
Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

Wow, self-righteous, has been brides? Seems overly harsh criticism for some people who took the time to read your comment and give you good advice. Ouch.

I happen to agree with PPs and I'm not yet married. What does that make me, a self-righteous, "soon to be" bride?

flantastic · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

PPs helped you realize that this is not something you need to worry about and you should calm it down, and yet posting this discussion was a terrible idea?

mikenberger · April 2015

Get stressed when you're actually in the season of your wedding. Any stress you're feeling currently is unneeded and unnecessary. Your bridesmaids are adults, I assume. They understand they need to buy a dress. If they don't get it on time, oh well. How is that your problem? Hint: it's not.

Have a glass of whatever you enjoy and relax and enjoy your engagement. This is coming directly from a self righteous soon to be bride.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

I had this issue with one of my bridesmaids. It came to the point where the dress shop informed me that dressed needed to be ordered by X date or the designer would have to add a rush fee.

I basically found out the very last date before the dress would be considered a "rush order" and I relayed the info to my bridesmaid. She went the day before the cut off and got the dress.

I suggest you find out the last possible date before its a "rush order" or where there is the potential for the dress not to arrive on time. You give them that info and then let them figure it out. If they don't get the dress, then they're not in the wedding.

I understand how you feel. I really thought my friend wasn't going to get her dress and I started to feel really upset and disappointed. Your feelings and concerns are valid; however, a little premature. If you're getting close to the cut-off, then you're can start to be a little more concerned.

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

Move along snowflake, the internet is too much for your sensibilities.

ohannabelle · April 2015

No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

When someone gives you a perfectly reasonable answer, the correct answer is "thank you."

Planning a wedding shouldn't be so stressful. If people are sick or dying, that's stressful. If families are behaving like crazed and unreasonable tyrants or being assholes in general, that can be stressful. Budgeting large amounts of money can even be stressful.

But somebody else not buying a dress (months and months before they need it) should not make anybody "psychotic." If you're stressing that hard about a dress, you need to take a deep breath. First World Problem. Calm down.

Reality Check:

You are buying a beautiful dress, planning an extravagant and beautiful party for all the people you love best, and you are fortunate enough to have met and fallen in love with a (presumably) wonderful person, and that, in Annabelleland, is what we call just damned good fun. Sometimes, life is frikking great.

So, why in the name of all the saints and their wayward cousins, are you deliberately choosing to stress out about something so silly, that's A: not even close, time wise, to being an actual cause of concern, and B: could potentially create some seriously bad energy between you and a friend, if you choose to be stressed and crazy about it?

There's no call for it. None at all. Pop some bubble wrap. Have a drink. Go look at a bird, unless birds freak you out. Then, go look at something else that isn't a bird. Whatever. But don't create drama where there are no problems, and bite the faces off of internet strangers.

You're welcome.

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

You've been bugging them once every couple of months, and your wedding isn't for 5 more months!

I feel sorry for your bridesmaids.

artbyallie · April 2015

You say 'nobody objected' to the price. That makes it sound like you did not ask individual budgets privately before shopping. You really should have done that because being in a group like that makes it awkward for anyone to then say, "Actually, I can't spend that much on a dress I'll never wear again.

larrygaga · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

So I work with legit psychotic people and I got bit yesterday and called a communist.

You are being offensive to people with severe mental illness. They deserve better than to be compared to a bride with first world problems.

MyNameIsNot · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

No, normal people do not become psychotic over wedding planning.

I was going to help you, but after you started throwing this little tantrum, I'm not going to bother. If wedding planning is stressing you out this much, you're doing it wrong.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

TrixieJess · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

Chiquita, chill. If this is how you are acting now about something you have very little control over, what are you going to do if something happens on your wedding day beyond your control?

Before coming on these forums I thought my type A personality made me a high-strung, stressed out individual, but I realise that I don't stress about unimportant stuff like when my maids get their dresses. I've just told them what colour and the day of the wedding. Hopefully they will show up, relatively sober, and ready to go.

Let go of your expectations, grab a glass of wine, do a shot and loosen up. You'll live longer and come out of this with more friends.

klk111415 · April 2015

If the dress is long, and will take a long time to come in, that's when I would set a deadline. Everyone has their reasons for waiting. Some want to wait because they are losing weight and want to minimize alterations. Others are waiting to pay off their bills first. I was the MOH for a friend's wedding and I purchased my dress in February for a may wedding. The other BM took their time buying the dress (we used David's Bridal) and one didn't order till a month out. The day of the wedding everyone was wearing the dress. I was bugging people to buy it but only because they kept running out of sizes online. Long dresses might need to be altered but if it's short and ships in less than 4 months, I think they will be fine. I know you want to stay on top of everyone but it's their job to get the dress in time. Don't sweat it and find something else to occupy your time.

levioosa · April 2015

Are you their mother? Why on earth are you nagging them?

It's not that difficult. Tell them the last date they have to order the dress, and then let it go.

You need a margarita.

Heffalump · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

So if I'm a has-been bride who didn't get psychotic, does that mean I get a do-over?

Sweet.

NowIamMrsKlein · April 2015

stacitaco said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

To the bolded. If you're getting psychotic over your wedding, you are doing something wrong.

I'm 5 months out from my wedding too. I am not stressed out, have never been stressed out and don't plan on being stressed out over it, so be careful with your generalizations.

Your wedding day you get to marry the love of your life. Everything else is extra fluff that does not warrent stressing over.

Take a step back, pour yourself a glass of wine and relax. Try and remember what the day is actually about and you will realize there is no point worrying.

Your girls have plenty of time to get a dress. Give them a deadline and then leave it be.

littlepep · April 2015

ohannabelle said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.

When someone gives you a perfectly reasonable answer, the correct answer is "thank you."

Planning a wedding shouldn't be so stressful. If people are sick or dying, that's stressful. If families are behaving like crazed and unreasonable tyrants or being assholes in general, that can be stressful. Budgeting large amounts of money can even be stressful.

But somebody else not buying a dress (months and months before they need it) should not make anybody "psychotic." If you're stressing that hard about a dress, you need to take a deep breath. First World Problem. Calm down.

Reality Check:

You are buying a beautiful dress, planning an extravagant and beautiful party for all the people you love best, and you are fortunate enough to have met and fallen in love with a (presumably) wonderful person, and that, in Annabelleland, is what we call just damned good fun. Sometimes, life is frikking great.

So, why in the name of all the saints and their wayward cousins, are you deliberately choosing to stress out about something so silly, that's A: not even close, time wise, to being an actual cause of concern, and B: could potentially create some seriously bad energy between you and a friend, if you choose to be stressed and crazy about it?

There's no call for it. None at all. Pop some bubble wrap. Have a drink. Go look at a bird, unless birds freak you out. Then, go look at something else that isn't a bird. Whatever. But don't create drama where there are no problems, and bite the faces off of internet strangers.

You're welcome.

Birds are scary. I'd avoid birds.

If you've given the BMs details about ordering the dress, your job is done. Now you let them take care of it. They are adults and can figure it out themselves. I often wait until the last minute on doing stuff because I'm a procrastinator. I always manage to get my dress ordered and altered in plenty of time. This is not something you need to let stress you out.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2015

MobKaz said:

stacitaco said:
I took my bridesmaids dress shopping back in November. We decided on colors (yes plural), style, and it was reasonably priced--nobody objected to it. Two girls purchased it right away, one (my sister, MOH) was pregnant, so I'm not flipping that she hasn't bought hers yet. But the last two live with their parents, both have good jobs, and have absolutely no reason to have not bought this dang dress yet. I've mentioned it in passing several times already, about once every couple months since then, but they don't really acknowledge it. One girl said "yeah I still need to get it," and the other just plain never responded.

I kind of regret asking them to be in my wedding....
Shopping almost a full year prior to the wedding will make it SEEM like dresses should have been purchased already. The fact is that you actually still have plenty of time before a purchase is truly necessary. It doesn't matter whether your BM's have the money or not. The reality is that there is NO reason for them to part with their money just yet.

Tell them the absolute deadline date for ordering dresses, and then let it go. Quit pestering them about it.

To regret asking them to be BM's in your wedding simply because they have yet to order a dress seems incredibly petty.

And be aware that the bridal shops will tell you that you need to order the dresses NOW because of BS reasons. . . but it's not necessarily true.

If you are ordering from a private boutique, then yes, it might take 3-5 months for the dresses to come in. But if you are ordering dresses through a chain like David's Bridal, or Alfred Angelo then they typically come within a month or two.

levioosa · April 2015

littlepep said:

ohannabelle said:
No. It's called getting stressed out about wedding planning. All brides get a little psychotic sometimes. Of course I want them in my wedding.

Well, thanks for your input and demonstrating why asking for anyone's opinion on this board full of self-righteous, has been brides is a terrible idea.
When someone gives you a perfectly reasonable answer, the correct answer is "thank you."

Planning a wedding shouldn't be so stressful. If people are sick or dying, that's stressful. If families are behaving like crazed and unreasonable tyrants or being assholes in general, that can be stressful. Budgeting large amounts of money can even be stressful.

But somebody else not buying a dress (months and months before they need it) should not make anybody "psychotic." If you're stressing that hard about a dress, you need to take a deep breath. First World Problem. Calm down.

Reality Check:
You are buying a beautiful dress, planning an extravagant and beautiful party for all the people you love best, and you are fortunate enough to have met and fallen in love with a (presumably) wonderful person, and that, in Annabelleland, is what we call just damned good fun. Sometimes, life is frikking great.

So, why in the name of all the saints and their wayward cousins, are you deliberately choosing to stress out about something so silly, that's A: not even close, time wise, to being an actual cause of concern, and B: could potentially create some seriously bad energy between you and a friend, if you choose to be stressed and crazy about it?

There's no call for it. None at all. Pop some bubble wrap. Have a drink. Go look at a bird, unless birds freak you out. Then, go look at something else that isn't a bird. Whatever. But don't create drama where there are no problems, and bite the faces off of internet strangers.

You're welcome.

Birds are scary. I'd avoid birds.

If you've given the BMs details about ordering the dress, your job is done. Now you let them take care of it. They are adults and can figure it out themselves. I often wait until the last minute on doing stuff because I'm a procrastinator. I always manage to get my dress ordered and altered in plenty of time. This is not something you need to let stress you out.

That's because they look like mini velociraptors. And velociraptors are terrifying.

snarkymaid · April 2015

Don't make your girls get dresses so far in advance. And maybe don't be a shitty friend. Problem solved.

AddieCake · April 2015

Why do you need to nag them at all, politely or otherwise? They know when the wedding is, right? Good news! You can have a margarita now and not worry about this shit.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

AddieCake said:
Why do you need to nag them at all, politely or otherwise? They know when the wedding is, right? Good news! You can have a margarita now and not worry about this shit.

I love that alcohol is the solution to everything that ails us. Every time I go home after spending some time reading TK, I crave a margarita upon entering my house.

TrixieJess · April 2015

adk19 said:

AddieCake said:
Why do you need to nag them at all, politely or otherwise? They know when the wedding is, right? Good news! You can have a margarita now and not worry about this shit.
I love that alcohol is the solution to everything that ails us. Every time I go home after spending some time reading TK, I crave a margarita upon entering my house.

It's because we are ladies, and we know that murder is a capital crime. Alcohol suits us better.

princessofgenovia · April 2015

So like, what happens when you run into actual problems in your day to life? Do just hide under your bed and refuse to come out?

If the fact that someone has bought their dress is stressing you out this much I really think you need to consult a licensed psychologist about anxiety and stress management techniques. God forbid something in your life actually goes wrong you'll have no way to cope if you can't handle non-existent problems.

mountaingirl8 · April 2015

The only "psychotic" thing on this thread is the amount of negativity and bullying. Seriously?

Viczaesar · April 2015

mountaingirl8 said:
The only "psychotic" thing on this thread is the amount of negativity and bullying. Seriously?

Let me guess - you've been "tactfully nagging" your bridesmaids to get their dresses for months?

How do I tactfully nag my BMs to get their dress already?

Re: How do I tactfully nag my BMs to get their dress already?

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