All the negativity....sheesh.

drunkenwitch · April 2015

and please keep posting ...

AddieCake · April 2015

Yawn.

Jen4948 · April 2015

My parents were married when my dad was on active duty in the Air Force. They wanted a big white wedding, but when they realized it wasn't going to be possible for them because my dad couldn't get leave to go home from where he was stationed, they had to make a decision about whether or not a big party was more important than their right to live together as husband and wife, call each other husband and wife, and claim all the benefits (and responsibilities) that married couples are entitled to.

So they had a small wedding at my dad's post and accepted that they were forgoing any "big traditional wedding" down the road, which they were never "entitled to" in the first place.

They have been married almost 50 years and never once considered the wedding they had "not a wedding" or "not special enough."

Your situation is not unique and you are not "entitled" to another wedding. You made that choice when you chose to elope. Now grow up and act like a responsible adult.

charlottesmom0626 · April 2015

Biogirl2010 said:
Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things.
First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding.
If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere.

this sentence pisses me off more than anything. You don't get married to appease anyone. Ever. You made a choice, sorrynotsorry you regret that.

FI and I could have gotten married quickly at a courthouse so we could have better benefits and whatnots (seriously who couldn't?) but we didn't because we wanted a bigger wedding with our friends and family. So we waited and saved money. We had a long engagement to plan this. Would it have been easier to go to the courthouse and sign documents? Sure.

Everyone gets perks for getting married: taxes, insurance, etc. and I'm not aruging that the the military has some great perks. But most people plan their wedding, then get married and get these things. You jumped the gun because you wanted them "now."

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2015

OMG, I've totally never heard a story like this before! You've really opened my eyes to how mean people here are!

OH WAIT. We've supported each other through cancer diagnoses and treatment. Parents dying. Pregnancies lost. Jobs lost. Homes burned. Anxiety. Depression. Doubt. Worry. And... joy. Elation. Anticipation. Relief. Babies born. Children married. Diseases survived. Lives changed.

Don't you fucking DARE call us unsupportive for not subscribing to your selfish, self-entitled, little girl temper tantrum of an idea that you deserve ANOTHER wedding just because you can't live with your own short-sighted, greedy, deceptive choices. Get the fuck out of here and GROW UP.

kmmssg · April 2015

MobKaz said:

Biogirl2010 said:
Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things.
First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding.
If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere.

Allow me to introduce you to a civil and understanding military mom........calling @kmmssg.

@mobkaz thank you so much for your kind words!

Oh my, where to start as it isn't even 1230 where I live and since I am planning on a margarita at dinner, I'm not going to start this early.

@biogirl2010 - I am just going to give you the cliff notes of my background so you can understand where I am coming from. Mobkaz mentioned I am a military mom and that is true. I was also the Soldier in our family for 26 years and my DH was the civilian in this arrangement. We are a blended family with 5 children, the oldest 4 are girls and I have been privileged to be 4 time MOB/SMOB. 2 girls are mine and 2 are DH's. We gift our girls a wedding within our means and anything else they want in that wedding they pay for. They give us their vision and we make it happen. It is our gift to them. 3 of the girls asked me to plan their weddings after telling us what they wanted. My stepdaughters have drifted from their mom because she is over the top judgemental.

We will pay for a wedding but not a vow renewal. If they want to get married at the top end of our budget great! If they want to get married at the garbage dump Great! If they want to JOP Great again!

I have a bit of a lighter view of what you are doing and I will tell you exactly what the girls on the military bride's board will tell you - knock yourself out with whatever you decide to do but be honest and upfront with your guests. Know that people might not put near the importance on attending a vow renewal as they do at a wedding, but whatever you do, be completely honest with everyone.

Speaking of people not putting the same effort into attending a JOP vs wedding: This is no way means these people don't love you or support you. What is important in life is having those friends who are there when your mom is dying of cancer, when your husband/wife/child is critically ill in the hospital, when you need a house sitter or a pet sitter or a kid sitter, has always been their for you, and of course, answers the call when you need to hide a body at 3 in the morning. Attendance at a vow renewal or wedding has nothing to do with how much people love you.

I attended 4 vow renewals for friends of mine in the first couple of years of the war. That was when you got a few weeks notice you were deploying rather than months/up to a year that you now receive. At least 2 of them had signed contracts with all of their vendors, not sure of the other 2 as I wasn't that close to them. All 4 couples were completely honest that it was a vow renewal and they went to the JOP because they wanted the wife to be the next of kin in case anything happened. Girlfriends weren't flown to Germany to be with their injured fiance's or allowed to make the final arrangements if their Soldier was killed (some of that has thankfully changed) and my buddies wanted to make sure their fiance's would be taken care of financially in case they didn't come home.

Since they already had vendors contracted and paid for they did vow renewals. We ALL knew the story and we were all so happy that our friends came home safely that we were more than happy to attend. These were attended by some of the most senior leadership in the organization.

While I admit to being a bit biased here, for me there is a difference between knowing your buddy did a quick JOP before deployment to ensure his new wife is taken care of and wanting the military to move your stuff and ending a long distance relationship. There is nothing fraudulent or illegal about that at all but there is a difference in the intent. FTR - I had buddies who JOP'd and didn't do vow renewals. Those who did marry prior to the deployments back then usually just JOP'd.

I am sorry about your relationship with your mom, but it isn't her BF's fault, it is hers. She is a grown woman and makes her own decisions. She isn't under a spell from this guy, she has made her choice and unfortunately she chooses him instead of both of you. That sucks, but it is what she has done.

Even though we pay for our girls' weddings I am a strong believer that unless someone offers to help pay for a wedding it is up to the couple and parents are not responsible for it. As parents, this is what we choose to gift our children. If any of them had JOP'd we would not pay for a vow renewal.

My oldest DD moved her wedding up 5 months because she needed health insurance asap. We downsized things and she had a lovely smaller wedding and was quite content with that. They thought about going to the JOP and calling it good but family really wanted to celebrate with them so we moved up the date and those who could make it came and those who couldn't didn't. We didn't have a vow renewal so she could have the original wedding that was planned.

I think you are far better off to have a kick ass party/celebration than a wedding reenactment but that is your call. You guys didn't get married because he was going to war and might not come back, you married for benefits.

Understand that bridal showers and bach parties would be completely unacceptable since you are already married.

As I said before, whatever you do, be honest about it. I encourage you to check out the military brides board. it needs some new posters and it would be great to get that board moving again.

One other thing - if you are going to be on the knot (and you would be wise to do that) then you need to put your big girl panties on and realize that we aren't here to validate bad ideas and tell brides that anything they want is a great idea. We are honest here (bluntly honest) and many will tell you how much they changed their ideas about weddings after hanging around here. As was mentioned before, we support each other through cancer, lost babies, lost engagements, divorces, job loss, and many other things. We don't sugar coat the truth and we won't tell you that your idea is great in the spirit of "being supportive of all brides".

This is a good place to be if you can get rid of your thin skin. I encourage you to hang around and lurk on the boards. This can be an amazing place to hang out.

JennyColada · April 2015

sophhabobopha · April 2015

falsara · April 2015

As a military child I resent the fact that you are using your husband's chosen profession as an excuse. You knew what you were getting into before you got married. You then made a decision to get married at the courthouse because of things that you knew were a possibility. You and him should both know that when it comes to the military nothing is promised or certain.

NEWS FLASH______ Shit Happens____

You, as an adult, chose how to deal with the way you handled the scheduling problems that occurred. Be an adult and own up the them; just like any other military couple that got married at the courthouse due to scheduling problems, and believe me I know more than my fair share.

You are already married. COngratulations. I hope you two have many more years off happiness ahead of you.

arrippa · April 2015

Look OP, if after reading all the PPs and you still don't get it then there is nothing I can say to change your mind.

So I will leave this.

rnsoon · April 2015

You made the adult decision to get married. You apparently couldn't wait to plan a huge wedding. Deal with it. That was your wedding! The day you sign papers and say I do is your wedding. It's mostly the attitude of entitlement that's disgusting. You don't get ANY exceptions in life because you married someone in the military.

Big weddings are a luxury anyway. Really you should just be so happy to be married to the love of your life. I'm sure nobody is dying because they didn't see you and your husband saying your vows and dancing.

Edited because all I saw was red and I couldn't punctuate correctly.

MobKaz · April 2015

kmmssg said:

MobKaz said:

Biogirl2010 said:
Ok, so I will start this post by saying that I am new to this site. I made 2 previous posts and received so much negativity on what I thought was supposed to be a welcoming and supportive community. The posts were made at around four in the morning when I was awake with stress of an upcoming meeting between the groom's parents and mine. (That is right people...excuse me if I do not paragraph to your standards at four in the morning) There are plenty of issues causing stress for both the groom and myself that I came to maybe get some helpful advice on and to be honest 90% of my responses were bitching and completely missing the point of things.
First off yes, I am young and married. We have known each other since high school and he is in the military. That is why we eloped and are now having our wedding. Our legal marriage was simply to satisfy the military so we could move in together and no longer be long distance. The intention of everyone involved was to have the ceremony at a later time. I do not need the negativity of people who don't think we should have the full wedding, my posts are always about other things concerning the wedding.
If there are any understanding and civil people not looking to be a bitch, by all means let's talk. Even better, any soon to be military spouses or people going the same route with their wedding go ahead and reply. If you are simply on here to cause trouble, belittle, or give your unwanted opinion on the set up of our marriage please take your negativity elsewhere.

Allow me to introduce you to a civil and understanding military mom........calling @kmmssg.
@mobkaz thank you so much for your kind words!

Oh my, where to start as it isn't even 1230 where I live and since I am planning on a margarita at dinner, I'm not going to start this early.

@biogirl2010 - I am just going to give you the cliff notes of my background so you can understand where I am coming from. Mobkaz mentioned I am a military mom and that is true. I was also the Soldier in our family for 26 years and my DH was the civilian in this arrangement. We are a blended family with 5 children, the oldest 4 are girls and I have been privileged to be 4 time MOB/SMOB. 2 girls are mine and 2 are DH's. We gift our girls a wedding within our means and anything else they want in that wedding they pay for. They give us their vision and we make it happen. It is our gift to them. 3 of the girls asked me to plan their weddings after telling us what they wanted. My stepdaughters have drifted from their mom because she is over the top judgemental.

We will pay for a wedding but not a vow renewal. If they want to get married at the top end of our budget great! If they want to get married at the garbage dump Great! If they want to JOP Great again!

I have a bit of a lighter view of what you are doing and I will tell you exactly what the girls on the military bride's board will tell you - knock yourself out with whatever you decide to do but be honest and upfront with your guests. Know that people might not put near the importance on attending a vow renewal as they do at a wedding, but whatever you do, be completely honest with everyone.

Speaking of people not putting the same effort into attending a JOP vs wedding: This is no way means these people don't love you or support you. What is important in life is having those friends who are there when your mom is dying of cancer, when your husband/wife/child is critically ill in the hospital, when you need a house sitter or a pet sitter or a kid sitter, has always been their for you, and of course, answers the call when you need to hide a body at 3 in the morning. Attendance at a vow renewal or wedding has nothing to do with how much people love you.

I attended 4 vow renewals for friends of mine in the first couple of years of the war. That was when you got a few weeks notice you were deploying rather than months/up to a year that you now receive. At least 2 of them had signed contracts with all of their vendors, not sure of the other 2 as I wasn't that close to them. All 4 couples were completely honest that it was a vow renewal and they went to the JOP because they wanted the wife to be the next of kin in case anything happened. Girlfriends weren't flown to Germany to be with their injured fiance's or allowed to make the final arrangements if their Soldier was killed (some of that has thankfully changed) and my buddies wanted to make sure their fiance's would be taken care of financially in case they didn't come home.

Since they already had vendors contracted and paid for they did vow renewals. We ALL knew the story and we were all so happy that our friends came home safely that we were more than happy to attend. These were attended by some of the most senior leadership in the organization.

While I admit to being a bit biased here, for me there is a difference between knowing your buddy did a quick JOP before deployment to ensure his new wife is taken care of and wanting the military to move your stuff and ending a long distance relationship. There is nothing fraudulent or illegal about that at all but there is a difference in the intent. FTR - I had buddies who JOP'd and didn't do vow renewals. Those who did marry prior to the deployments back then usually just JOP'd.

I am sorry about your relationship with your mom, but it isn't her BF's fault, it is hers. She is a grown woman and makes her own decisions. She isn't under a spell from this guy, she has made her choice and unfortunately she chooses him instead of both of you. That sucks, but it is what she has done.

Even though we pay for our girls' weddings I am a strong believer that unless someone offers to help pay for a wedding it is up to the couple and parents are not responsible for it. As parents, this is what we choose to gift our children. If any of them had JOP'd we would not pay for a vow renewal.

My oldest DD moved her wedding up 5 months because she needed health insurance asap. We downsized things and she had a lovely smaller wedding and was quite content with that. They thought about going to the JOP and calling it good but family really wanted to celebrate with them so we moved up the date and those who could make it came and those who couldn't didn't. We didn't have a vow renewal so she could have the original wedding that was planned.

I think you are far better off to have a kick ass party/celebration than a wedding reenactment but that is your call. You guys didn't get married because he was going to war and might not come back, you married for benefits.

Understand that bridal showers and bach parties would be completely unacceptable since you are already married.

As I said before, whatever you do, be honest about it. I encourage you to check out the military brides board. it needs some new posters and it would be great to get that board moving again.

One other thing - if you are going to be on the knot (and you would be wise to do that) then you need to put your big girl panties on and realize that we aren't here to validate bad ideas and tell brides that anything they want is a great idea. We are honest here (bluntly honest) and many will tell you how much they changed their ideas about weddings after hanging around here. As was mentioned before, we support each other through cancer, lost babies, lost engagements, divorces, job loss, and many other things. We don't sugar coat the truth and we won't tell you that your idea is great in the spirit of "being supportive of all brides".

This is a good place to be if you can get rid of your thin skin. I encourage you to hang around and lurk on the boards. This can be an amazing place to hang out.

@kmmssg, I knew you would not disappoint. I was just going to PM you my thanks for responding to my shout out, but words this worthy bear repeating! Have a great rest of your week!

kmmssg · April 2015

@mobkaz once again that you for such kind words. They are a blessing to start my day!

All the negativity....sheesh.

Re: All the negativity....sheesh.

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