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My boyfriend's tattoos

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Re: My boyfriend's tattoos

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    edited April 2015
    MagicInk said:

    OwningAHome1981 said:

    ashley8918 said:

    JCbride2015 said:

    I'm assuming that he understands neck and hand tattoos might close him off from certain corporate jobs, right?  If he's considering neck tattoos, he probably isn't interested in those jobs anyway.


    You sound super judgey.  It's his body and his job.  If you are seriously that concerned that he's making choices that would mean you have to support him, then that could become a relationship issue.  But it isn't really about his tattoos.
    NO! She is an open-minded person! GOD, JC.
    If I wasn't open-minded I would have walked away the moment I knew he had tattoos. The whole body thing is a recent development.
    Wait..for real? You think dating someone with tattoos makes you open minded? I know more people with tattoos then without. And that's not just because of the industry I'm in.

    Yes, 50 years ago tattoos were for sailors and outlaws. But ya know, things have changed in the last....oh I forgot. You like tradition. You miss the days of women in the kitchen and men in the board rooms. Never mind. 
    My 65 year old mother even has a tattoo. ETA: That she got when she was in her 50s. 
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    Eh. I don't like when FI has a beard because it itches my face. But the beard isn't on my face, it's on his face. And he can do whatever with his face that he wants. I can't tell him what to do. 
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  • lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
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    Every time I go in for another one I just get a "oh, you need another one?" from FI but that is because he was raised in a very conservative family. He doesn't understand why I like getting them but he would NEVER dictate what I could and couldn't do with my body. He loves me and trusts me to be a responsible adult. If he were ever to day "I forbid you to get another one" that would be Dad territory and not acceptable for a relationship between two adults that have chosen to be together. 

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    OwningAHome1981 said:

    ShesSoCold said:

    OwningAHome1981 said:

    I'm an open-minded person. I try & see people for who they are. I love my boyfriend's tattoos & think they are great, but there's a part of me that gets concerned for his future & his career. His current job doesn't mind them, but he talks about getting his whole body done one day (he has about 10 now & has plans for more to get a bunch until he is covered) - but if he ever decides to get a new job or he gets lets go from this one for whatever reason, I get concerned another company may not hire him.... even though he is an amazing employee, super smart & hardworking. Unfortunately many workplaces have an issue with them. I don't agree with that thinking, but that is just how it is. I have always been supportive of his tattoos and I don't want to be controlling about telling him he can't get more, but I do think my concern is a legit one and I'm not sure how to approach him about it. (his ex wife & ex gf both hated the tats & he hated that they didn't support him, so I don't want to come off as unsupportive - I'm just a concerned gf b/c I love him)

    Why are you even worried about this? None of this should be your concern at all.

    Just out of curiousity, what does he do for a living?
    I'm worried about it b/c if we get married and for whatever reason he doesn't work for this co anymore & can't get work then I'm the one supporting him.
    There's a lot of worry about "what if" situations going on.

    He's just your BF right now.  Slow your roll.  Worry about him not being able to get a job WHEN you are actually married and WHEN he's actually unemployed and WHEN he actually says he's going to get a facial or neck tattoo.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    climbingwife said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    That's a little different than, "If you're going to get all these tattoos, you might not be able to get a job and then you won't be able to support me." 
    Ummm... I'm not asking him to support me - I have a job, thanks. I'm worried he may not be hired to his full potential b/c of how he looks. He is worthy of an amazing job but some companies may be hesitant to give him one. I'm not sure where you got me looking for him to support me from...
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    southernbelle0915 said:

    ashley8918 said:

    Wait, stop the presses. . . . nobody told me that I can't be a successful professional with all of the tattoos that I have!!!!!

    Seriously OP, if he is a mature adult he should understand the possible effects of tattoo choices on potential career advancement.  It isn't your place to comment on that if he still chooses to get more.
    I have very visible boob tattoos. Someone should tell my VERY corporate pharmaceutical company that they should not have hired me 4 years ago. After I interviewewd with the tattoos visible. THE HORROR!
    I know this is different than it sounds, but I had an interesting interview scene in my mind for a hot second... 

    Hahahahahaha, omg! I am DYING at my desk right now.
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
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    southernbelle0915 said:

    ashley8918 said:

    Wait, stop the presses. . . . nobody told me that I can't be a successful professional with all of the tattoos that I have!!!!!

    Seriously OP, if he is a mature adult he should understand the possible effects of tattoo choices on potential career advancement.  It isn't your place to comment on that if he still chooses to get more.
    I have very visible boob tattoos. Someone should tell my VERY corporate pharmaceutical company that they should not have hired me 4 years ago. After I interviewewd with the tattoos visible. THE HORROR!
    I know this is different than it sounds, but I had an interesting interview scene in my mind for a hot second... 

    Well it is Ashley.....
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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    littlepep said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    Eh. I don't like when FI has a beard because it itches my face. But the beard isn't on my face, it's on his face. And he can do whatever with his face that he wants. I can't tell him what to do. 
    Yes, this. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    To be fair... There are some professions where people who change careers honestly don't know that tattoos will be a problem. Or, they believe when they're younger that "they'd never work as such-and-such" and then discover later on they have a passion for something different. 

    Nursing, for example. I work for a nursing school and we have a lot of middle-aged career changers and even in the interview process, people have been told, "Well, to go to clinical, you'll have to wear a turtleneck at all times under your scrubs to cover your neck/arm tattoos." If someone couldn't cover a tattoo, they could actually not get a job as a nurse. 

    Also, when I originally started at this university, the department I was in had plenty of people with visible tattoos, even at director-level. I went to a different department, and the President told a middle-aged new hire to cover her leg tattoo with a bandage. Frankly, if I had a visible tattoo (mine's always covered) or she'd been wearing a skirt during her interview, neither of us would have been hired. Even in the same organization there are different standards. 

    However, this is the guy's body and choice and not the OP's. I hope he realizes that not everyone is open minded, but OP will have to keep her opinion to herself.  
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    OwningAHome1981 said:

    climbingwife said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    That's a little different than, "If you're going to get all these tattoos, you might not be able to get a job and then you won't be able to support me." 
    Ummm... I'm not asking him to support me - I have a job, thanks. I'm worried he may not be hired to his full potential b/c of how he looks. He is worthy of an amazing job but some companies may be hesitant to give him one. I'm not sure where you got me looking for him to support me from...
    You're concerned you'll have to support BOTH of you since he won't be able to get a job. 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    OwningAHome1981 said:

    I don't disagree but if he can't get a job and we get married somewhere down the line then I would have to support him so it's a legit concern. I already supported one husband lol & that didn't work out. Right now yes clothes cover them, but eventually the plan is for neck too.



    Are you divorced yet?

    I thought you just started dating this guy recently. Have you talked about marriage? Because its sounds like you are putting your horse way before the cart.

    If he asks your opinion then you can bring up your concern.

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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
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    littlepep said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    Eh. I don't like when FI has a beard because it itches my face. But the beard isn't on my face, it's on his face. And he can do whatever with his face that he wants. I can't tell him what to do. 
    I agree with Starmoon here. Not necessarily telling the person "Get rid of your beard, it's itchy!" But just sharing your thoughts about it. I mean, that's the kind of relationship FI and I have. For example, FI got his ear pierced when we were in college. When he first became manager he asked me if I thought he should remove his earring. I told him that I know that the culture at his job is not as stuffy as it is in mine, but that in my job upper (male) managers are very clean cut, and do not have any visible piercings. I didn't tell him "Yes! Take off that earring this instant, it is SO unprofessional!" I just expressed my thoughts on what he asked. I think communication is key. I did read what the OP wrote after, though. Thinking about it in those terms "He won't get a good job, and I'll have to support him" is not exactly the best train of thought.
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  • lovemesomemonsterlovemesomemonster member
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    thisismynickname said:

    To be fair... There are some professions where people who change careers honestly don't know that tattoos will be a problem. Or, they believe when they're younger that "they'd never work as such-and-such" and then discover later on they have a passion for something different. 


    Nursing, for example. I work for a nursing school and we have a lot of middle-aged career changers and even in the interview process, people have been told, "Well, to go to clinical, you'll have to wear a turtleneck at all times under your scrubs to cover your neck/arm tattoos." If someone couldn't cover a tattoo, they could actually not get a job as a nurse. 

    Also, when I originally started at this university, the department I was in had plenty of people with visible tattoos, even at director-level. I went to a different department, and the President told a middle-aged new hire to cover her leg tattoo with a bandage. Frankly, if I had a visible tattoo (mine's always covered) or she'd been wearing a skirt during her interview, neither of us would have been hired. Even in the same organization there are different standards. 

    However, this is the guy's body and choice and not the OP's. I hope he realizes that not everyone is open minded, but OP will have to keep her opinion to herself.  
    This nursing bit is quite interesting to me. I didn't know that. I went to high school with a girl that got a wrist tattoo when she graduated from nursing school and she is now working full time as a nurse. I wonder if she has to wear long sleeves every day? But I find it hard to believe that she would do that knowing she would have to cover it or not get a job, I wonder if it's different in different states?

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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    ashley8918 said:

    littlepep said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    Eh. I don't like when FI has a beard because it itches my face. But the beard isn't on my face, it's on his face. And he can do whatever with his face that he wants. I can't tell him what to do. 
    Yes, this. 
    Right. But my point is I think it would be fine to tell him that you don't like it because it itches your face. And he does what he likes with that info. But just because it's his body doesn't mean you don't get to have an opinion about it or talk about it.

    Like here, if the OP asks whether he's thought about the impact of full body tattoos on future employment, he can just tell her "nope, to hell with working" or "yes of course, but this is who I am and I'm confident I can find an employer who values that" or "actually, I think they'll be a benefit to me in my field." Just seems to me like there's a ton of room for respectful productive conversation here.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    How long have you been divorced?
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    edited April 2015
    OwningAHome1981 said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    That's a little different than, "If you're going to get all these tattoos, you might not be able to get a job and then you won't be able to support me." 
    Ummm... I'm not asking him to support me - I have a job, thanks. I'm worried he may not be hired to his full potential b/c of how he looks. He is worthy of an amazing job but some companies may be hesitant to give him one. I'm not sure where you got me looking for him to support me from...


    *********etf boxes**********



    Ok.. @OwningAHome1981. I'll ask again... What type of "help" did you expect posting this to a forum of internet strangers? Seriously.

    There are two basic types of responses you could get:

    1) OMG, you should totally talk to him about tattoo removal. Gurl, you gotta thing LONG TERM and if he can't work to his potential, he's not right for you. lol
    2) Um, what? Do you love the guy? Yes? Good. Stay with him and don't worry about it. Or if this bothers you, end the relationship.

    I honestly want to know if you expected to get resolution from this post.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    lovemesomemonster said:

    thisismynickname said:

    To be fair... There are some professions where people who change careers honestly don't know that tattoos will be a problem. Or, they believe when they're younger that "they'd never work as such-and-such" and then discover later on they have a passion for something different. 


    Nursing, for example. I work for a nursing school and we have a lot of middle-aged career changers and even in the interview process, people have been told, "Well, to go to clinical, you'll have to wear a turtleneck at all times under your scrubs to cover your neck/arm tattoos." If someone couldn't cover a tattoo, they could actually not get a job as a nurse. 

    Also, when I originally started at this university, the department I was in had plenty of people with visible tattoos, even at director-level. I went to a different department, and the President told a middle-aged new hire to cover her leg tattoo with a bandage. Frankly, if I had a visible tattoo (mine's always covered) or she'd been wearing a skirt during her interview, neither of us would have been hired. Even in the same organization there are different standards. 

    However, this is the guy's body and choice and not the OP's. I hope he realizes that not everyone is open minded, but OP will have to keep her opinion to herself.  
    This nursing bit is quite interesting to me. I didn't know that. I went to high school with a girl that got a wrist tattoo when she graduated from nursing school and she is now working full time as a nurse. I wonder if she has to wear long sleeves every day? But I find it hard to believe that she would do that knowing she would have to cover it or not get a job, I wonder if it's different in different states?
    Almost every nurse I have ever seen/know is covered in tattoos. They do not need to be covered up.
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
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    edited April 2015
    pinkcow13 said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    Eh. I don't like when FI has a beard because it itches my face. But the beard isn't on my face, it's on his face. And he can do whatever with his face that he wants. I can't tell him what to do. 
    I agree with Starmoon here. Not necessarily telling the person "Get rid of your beard, it's itchy!" But just sharing your thoughts about it. I mean, that's the kind of relationship FI and I have. For example, FI got his ear pierced when we were in college. When he first became manager he asked me if I thought he should remove his earring. I told him that I know that the culture at his job is not as stuffy as it is in mine, but that in my job upper (male) managers are very clean cut, and do not have any visible piercings. I didn't tell him "Yes! Take off that earring this instant, it is SO unprofessional!" I just expressed my thoughts on what he asked. I think communication is key. I did read what the OP wrote after, though. Thinking about it in those terms "He won't get a good job, and I'll have to support him" is not exactly the best train of thought.
    ---------------box--------------------------------------------------------



    The bolded is key. He asked your opinion and you shared it. There's nothing wrong with that. FI said, do you like my beard? I said it looks great but it's kind of itchy. And he made a pouty face. I said I'm still going to kiss you so do what you want, just my honest opinion. 

    You should definitely be able to discuss things with your SO, but you don't get to tell them what to do with their body. That's not ok. 

    OP seems to be overly concerned with what ifs. He doesn't even have these new tattoos. He's just mentioned it. He may still change his mind. We can play the what if game all day, but we don't know what will happen. This is a non-issue at this point. 
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
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    climbingwife said:

    OwningAHome1981 said:

    climbingwife said:

    STARMOON44 said:


    southernbelle0915 said:

    OwningAHome1981 said:

    STARMOON44 said:

    I'm really surprised by the tone of these responses. I don't think you get to dictate appearance to your partner, but I do think you get to discuss it. How long are you planning on keeping that beard because it's scratching my thighs? Oh you're thinking about Botox- but I'd miss your eyebrow raise?

    I think it's completely acceptable to talk about these things with your partner and share your thoughts about it, and listen to theirs.

    That's a little different than, "If you're going to get all these tattoos, you might not be able to get a job and then you won't be able to support me." 
    Ummm... I'm not asking him to support me - I have a job, thanks. I'm worried he may not be hired to his full potential b/c of how he looks. He is worthy of an amazing job but some companies may be hesitant to give him one. I'm not sure where you got me looking for him to support me from...


    *********etf boxes**********



    Ok.. @OwningAHome1981. I'll ask again... What type of "help" did you expect posting this to a forum of internet strangers? Seriously.

    There are two basic types of responses you could get:

    1) OMG, you should totally talk to him about tattoo removal. Gurl, you gotta thing LONG TERM and if he can't work to his potential, he's not right for you. lol
    2) Um, what? Do you love the guy? Yes? Good. Stay with him and don't worry about it. Or if this bothers you, end the relationship.

    I honestly want to know if you expected to get resolution from this post.



    Well I certainly didn't expect a bunch of rude responses...

    although maybe I should have?

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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
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    lovemesomemonster said:

    thisismynickname said:

    To be fair... There are some professions where people who change careers honestly don't know that tattoos will be a problem. Or, they believe when they're younger that "they'd never work as such-and-such" and then discover later on they have a passion for something different. 


    Nursing, for example. I work for a nursing school and we have a lot of middle-aged career changers and even in the interview process, people have been told, "Well, to go to clinical, you'll have to wear a turtleneck at all times under your scrubs to cover your neck/arm tattoos." If someone couldn't cover a tattoo, they could actually not get a job as a nurse. 

    Also, when I originally started at this university, the department I was in had plenty of people with visible tattoos, even at director-level. I went to a different department, and the President told a middle-aged new hire to cover her leg tattoo with a bandage. Frankly, if I had a visible tattoo (mine's always covered) or she'd been wearing a skirt during her interview, neither of us would have been hired. Even in the same organization there are different standards. 

    However, this is the guy's body and choice and not the OP's. I hope he realizes that not everyone is open minded, but OP will have to keep her opinion to herself.  
    This nursing bit is quite interesting to me. I didn't know that. I went to high school with a girl that got a wrist tattoo when she graduated from nursing school and she is now working full time as a nurse. I wonder if she has to wear long sleeves every day? But I find it hard to believe that she would do that knowing she would have to cover it or not get a job, I wonder if it's different in different states?
    Yeah I've tattooed nurses in pretty visable places...

    I even have friend who is a nurse, she has sleeve tattos, purple hair, and a nose ring.
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