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No Wedding Band?

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Re: No Wedding Band?

  • pinupbride6189pinupbride6189 member
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    huskypuppy14 said:

    I was pretty upset about how rude some of these comments are. I was looking for some constructive criticism, not judgements about my relationship. After all, I did post this under 'Customs and Traditions", because I really thought it was traditional for the groom to buy the wedding band. I have only been to 2 weddings in my whole life and everything else I've 'learned' about weddings is from movies. I also should have provided more details, because the whole thing really was just a misunderstanding between us. We both adore our relationship, obviously. But, after thinking about it a little more I do agree with some of you that it doesn't really matter who buys the ring. So, I will buy it myself. And every time I look down at my beautiful rings I will be reminded of the fact that we are a team, a great team! Thank you all for giving me a little insight on what is 'modern' these days. :) 
    Well movies are wrong wrong wrong on many wedding things. So maybe stop getting your ideas from movies. There are no rules on traditions, and many traditions are actually tacky and against etiquette (head table, anyone.)

    Like others said, just buy your own. I bought the wedding bands. I figured that was fair, since his was less expensive than mine, and he bought my e-ring.


    Not to derail the thread, but why are head tables tacky and against etiquette? Honestly asking, not trying to be a troll. Promise. :)

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  • jacques27jacques27 member
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    edited April 2015
    pinupbride6189 said:


    huskypuppy14 said:

    I was pretty upset about how rude some of these comments are. I was looking for some constructive criticism, not judgements about my relationship. After all, I did post this under 'Customs and Traditions", because I really thought it was traditional for the groom to buy the wedding band. I have only been to 2 weddings in my whole life and everything else I've 'learned' about weddings is from movies. I also should have provided more details, because the whole thing really was just a misunderstanding between us. We both adore our relationship, obviously. But, after thinking about it a little more I do agree with some of you that it doesn't really matter who buys the ring. So, I will buy it myself. And every time I look down at my beautiful rings I will be reminded of the fact that we are a team, a great team! Thank you all for giving me a little insight on what is 'modern' these days. :) 
    Well movies are wrong wrong wrong on many wedding things. So maybe stop getting your ideas from movies. There are no rules on traditions, and many traditions are actually tacky and against etiquette (head table, anyone.)

    Like others said, just buy your own. I bought the wedding bands. I figured that was fair, since his was less expensive than mine, and he bought my e-ring.


    Not to derail the thread, but why are head tables tacky and against etiquette? Honestly asking, not trying to be a troll. Promise. :)

    The consensus is generally that you're putting people on display and separating your bridal party from their SO's (unless you're having the SO's join you at the head table).  But generally the head table is just the wedding party.  Let your bridal party eat their dinner without a spotlight on them and with their SO's. 
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  • pinupbride6189pinupbride6189 member
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    edited April 2015
    jacques27 said:

    pinupbride6189 said:


    huskypuppy14 said:

    I was pretty upset about how rude some of these comments are. I was looking for some constructive criticism, not judgements about my relationship. After all, I did post this under 'Customs and Traditions", because I really thought it was traditional for the groom to buy the wedding band. I have only been to 2 weddings in my whole life and everything else I've 'learned' about weddings is from movies. I also should have provided more details, because the whole thing really was just a misunderstanding between us. We both adore our relationship, obviously. But, after thinking about it a little more I do agree with some of you that it doesn't really matter who buys the ring. So, I will buy it myself. And every time I look down at my beautiful rings I will be reminded of the fact that we are a team, a great team! Thank you all for giving me a little insight on what is 'modern' these days. :) 
    Well movies are wrong wrong wrong on many wedding things. So maybe stop getting your ideas from movies. There are no rules on traditions, and many traditions are actually tacky and against etiquette (head table, anyone.)

    Like others said, just buy your own. I bought the wedding bands. I figured that was fair, since his was less expensive than mine, and he bought my e-ring.
    Not to derail the thread, but why are head tables tacky and against etiquette? Honestly asking, not trying to be a troll. Promise. :)

    The consensus is generally that you're putting people on display and separating your bridal party from their SO's (unless you're having the SO's join you at the head table).  But generally the head table is just the wedding party.  Let your bridal party eat their dinner without a spotlight on them and with their SO's.  


    Got ya. Cool. Thanks for the clarification! :)

    Edited because boxes...

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited April 2015
    The ring from Walmart was good enough for me.  I have worn it for 39 years.    I do not plan to replace it.
    My point was that financial stability is important for a marriage.  If you think that it isn't, you aren't being realistic.  If the groom can't afford a simple wedding ring, that says something about his financial stability.
    There is nothing wrong with a City Hall marriage, either.  Several members of my family have done just that, along with the Walmart ring.
    I think YOU ladies are the ones being judgmental here.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    edited April 2015
    CMGragain said:

    The ring from Walmart was good enough for me.  I have worn it for 39 years.    I do not plan to replace it.
    My point was that financial stability is important for a marriage.  If you think that it isn't, you aren't being realistic.  If the groom can't afford a simple wedding ring, that says something about his financial stability.
    There is nothing wrong with a City Hall marriage, either.  Several members of my family have done just that, along with the Walmart ring.
    I think YOU ladies are the ones being judgmental here.

    How many times have you said all that's required to get married are a couple, a license, and sometimes an officiant/witnesses? Now they need a ring too? No. Stop it.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    CMGragain said:

    The ring from Walmart was good enough for me.  I have worn it for 39 years.    I do not plan to replace it.
    My point was that financial stability is important for a marriage.  If you think that it isn't, you aren't being realistic.  If the groom can't afford a simple wedding ring, that says something about his financial stability.
    There is nothing wrong with a City Hall marriage, either.  Several members of my family have done just that, along with the Walmart ring.
    I think YOU ladies are the ones being judgmental here.

    I thought you were taking a long break from the boards?
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited April 2015
    lolo883 said:

    CMGragain said:

    The ring from Walmart was good enough for me.  I have worn it for 39 years.    I do not plan to replace it.
    My point was that financial stability is important for a marriage.  If you think that it isn't, you aren't being realistic.  If the groom can't afford a simple wedding ring, that says something about his financial stability.
    There is nothing wrong with a City Hall marriage, either.  Several members of my family have done just that, along with the Walmart ring.
    I think YOU ladies are the ones being judgmental here.

    How many times have you said all that's required to get married are a couple, a license, and sometimes an officiant/witnesses? Now they need a ring too? No. Stop it.
    Yes. that is all that is required for a WEDDING, not a marriage.  Two different things.  And no, you don;t need a wedding band to be legally married.  Prince William doesn't have one, but I think his finances are in order.
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  • larrygagalarrygaga member
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    CMGragain said:

    lolo883 said:

    CMGragain said:

    The ring from Walmart was good enough for me.  I have worn it for 39 years.    I do not plan to replace it.
    My point was that financial stability is important for a marriage.  If you think that it isn't, you aren't being realistic.  If the groom can't afford a simple wedding ring, that says something about his financial stability.
    There is nothing wrong with a City Hall marriage, either.  Several members of my family have done just that, along with the Walmart ring.
    I think YOU ladies are the ones being judgmental here.

    How many times have you said all that's required to get married are a couple, a license, and sometimes an officiant/witnesses? Now they need a ring too? No. Stop it.
    Yes. that is all that is required for a WEDDING, not a marriage.  Two different things.  And no, you don;t need a wedding band to be legally married.  Prince William doesn't have one, but I think his finances are in order.
    So you just need money to make a good marriage?
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    CMGragain said:

    lolo883 said:

    CMGragain said:

    The ring from Walmart was good enough for me.  I have worn it for 39 years.    I do not plan to replace it.
    My point was that financial stability is important for a marriage.  If you think that it isn't, you aren't being realistic.  If the groom can't afford a simple wedding ring, that says something about his financial stability.
    There is nothing wrong with a City Hall marriage, either.  Several members of my family have done just that, along with the Walmart ring.
    I think YOU ladies are the ones being judgmental here.

    How many times have you said all that's required to get married are a couple, a license, and sometimes an officiant/witnesses? Now they need a ring too? No. Stop it.
    Yes. that is all that is required for a WEDDING, not a marriage.  Two different things.  And no, you don;t need a wedding band to be legally married.  Prince William doesn't have one, but I think his finances are in order.
    Please STOP. 
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  • pinupbride6189pinupbride6189 member
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    I guess another question I have at this point is...was he expecting to buy his own band? He said he couldn't buy her ring, but could he buy his? If not, how was he expecting any rings to be purchased? Or were mom and dad supposed to pick up that tab too? 

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    lyndausvi said:

    Rings are not required.  I've said that in my last post. 


    Rings are traditional and I don't think it was out of line for the OP to think they might have weddings bands.

    Poor people can get married.  With or without rings.  As i've said before rings do not make you married.

    The "issue" I have the OP's FI said "he absolutely can not buy a ring".   My question is why?    If they are getting married then they should be sharing financial information already.  Now if they shared financial information before hand then she should already know he "absolutely can not buy the ring".   But since she was surprised by the respond of him suggesting her dad pay for the ring it seems to me they didn't have this discussion yet.   

    Financially stability comes in many forms.  It does not always mean you have a fat bank account.  Lords know most people just starting out do not.  However, him absolutely not being able to pay can mean he is in a lot of debt.  Some might be SL or it could be consumer debt.  Those can be red flags. Those things can mean they can't buy a house for decades.  It might mean they can't move into a new apartment, it can affect their future for a lot of things.

     The boy suggested her FATHER pay for a band.   That is just weird.  




    I agree with all of this. I also want to add that we have no idea why this guy absolutely cannot buy a wedding band. Maybe he's paying down student loans while paying off his house and car early. Right now H cannot afford to buy a Walmart wedding ring. Does that mean we're financially stupid, live off our parents and have no responsibility? No. That means our priorities are different right now. We're paying off a car loan early, building up a down payment for a house and I have a few weekend trips coming up. 
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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
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    lyndausvi said:

    ShesSoCold said:

    lyndausvi said:

    Rings are not required.  I've said that in my last post. 


    Rings are traditional and I don't think it was out of line for the OP to think they might have weddings bands.

    Poor people can get married.  With or without rings.  As i've said before rings do not make you married.

    The "issue" I have the OP's FI said "he absolutely can not buy a ring".   My question is why?    If they are getting married then they should be sharing financial information already.  Now if they shared financial information before hand then she should already know he "absolutely can not buy the ring".   But since she was surprised by the respond of him suggesting her dad pay for the ring it seems to me they didn't have this discussion yet.   

    Financially stability comes in many forms.  It does not always mean you have a fat bank account.  Lords know most people just starting out do not.  However, him absolutely not being able to pay can mean he is in a lot of debt.  Some might be SL or it could be consumer debt.  Those can be red flags. Those things can mean they can't buy a house for decades.  It might mean they can't move into a new apartment, it can affect their future for a lot of things.

     The boy suggested her FATHER pay for a band.   That is just weird.  




    I agree with all of this. I also want to add that we have no idea why this guy absolutely cannot buy a wedding band. Maybe he's paying down student loans while paying off his house and car early. Right now H cannot afford to buy a Walmart wedding ring. Does that mean we're financially stupid, live off our parents and have no responsibility? No. That means our priorities are different right now. We're paying off a car loan early, building up a down payment for a house and I have a few weekend trips coming up. 
    ah, but  you actually can afford a Wal-Mart ring.  You are choosing to spend the money differently.  And that is perfectly fine. I'm aggressively paying down a debt right now myself. At the current rate it will be paid off 2 years early.  I get making choices on when to spend money on wants.

    However IF you really wanted to get a band at your wedding and knowing your financial goals you could have compromised by getting a less expensive band. You could have decided to pay off the car in 11 months instead of 10.   You could have decided to cut back on cable or eating out.  Make a goal of repaying the house fund by 'x' date.    Or you might decide a ring is not needed right now.

    The key is working together as a TEAM to get to a common goal.    It's pretty clear this couple doesn't really know the others financial situation and/or goals.   

    That is can be a problem.
    Ah yes, totally agree. 
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  • CaitFinsCaitFins member
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    My fiance and I are going to purchase sterling silver rings for $50 from James Avery. I'm sure there are equally or much more affordable options available. It's nice to have a simple, inexpensive wedding band to wear when you're doing activities or going places in which you might not want to risk losing them anyway - his parents wear theirs when they're camping or traveling far, for instance. We plan to buy inexpensive bands, and then later when we have the finances and the interest, we might buy more "extravagant" bands. 

    Aside from "there are affordable options," you do not have to have wedding bands at all, and you are certainly allowed to purchase your own. I would be very concerned if my fiance were so unwieldy and seemingly inconsiderate about sharing the cost of your wedding bands, and I would consider whether he had a reasonable reason for refusing, whether he was considering how you feel, and whether this behavior is likely to cross over into more important matters. It sounds like you might have a positive answer to these questions, in which case few worries. 

    It is also unfair for either of you to expect for your families to pay for your wedding bands. In my opinion, wedding bands are aesthetic and for the two of you - they are not a large part of the showmanship of the wedding, they do not add anything for the guests, and it simply should be one of the few costs that you alone should be paying for, regardless of what your parents contribute. Keeping this purchase between the two of you makes them all the more special!




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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    Glad to hear the update, though no one was rude, here. Blunt, certainly, but not rude.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    You don't have to have money in order to be married, but both parties in the marriage should have a good idea of how much or little money they have and the expectations for spending it.

    That's why I think @aliwis000 and @lyndausvi 's posts are the most on point, apart from those who recognized that the issue that OP's concerned about is some emotional and symbolic expectation for the origin of the rings, which she seems to have gotten over. She still should be concerned about whether they have any idea what their financial situation truly is and whether they're in agreement about how they plan to live and spend money.

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  • bridet0be15bridet0be15 member
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    I didn't realize that tradition says you buy each others rings!  I guess I am just clueless about that.  Once we were engaged we joined our bank accounts (easier to pay for mortgage etc).  I have never given a thought about whose money is whose.  We make financial decisions together based on our combined income.  Since being engaged we have never said "you pay for this, and ill pay for this". Try to steer away from older traditions.  Just remember originally the brides family payed a dowery for the groom to marry the bride.  Now often times the women makes more money then the men!!!
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  • BrinkyDink16BrinkyDink16 member
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    I had no idea there was any sort of tradition related to this at all!  Weird.  We haven't even looked at wedding bands yet but we each agreed to buy the others and set a budget for them.  We haven't combined our finances and probably won't fully so my money is still mine and his is still his.  It works better that way for us.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    BrinkyDink16 said:

    I had no idea there was any sort of tradition related to this at all!  Weird.  We haven't even looked at wedding bands yet but we each agreed to buy the others and set a budget for them.  We haven't combined our finances and probably won't fully so my money is still mine and his is still his.  It works better that way for us.

    We have a joint account AND each have separate accounts.  The mortgage payments and the grocery bills come out of the joint account.  And I get to buy shoes without his approval and he gets to buy electronics without mine.  We're putting more into the joint account than we need to pay the mortgage and grocery bills, so occasional large home purchases will come out of that account too, like when we bought a king size bed, a loveseat, and a fluffy reading chair all in the same weekend.  But I bought the dining room set out of my account and he bought a snowblower out of his account.  They're both OURS, but it works better when we keep it away from the joint account when we can.  We're also not equal in our contributions to our joint account.  He makes considerably more money than I do, so he puts more into the joint account.  But the house is equally ours.
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  • BrinkyDink16BrinkyDink16 member
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    @adk19  That's how I imagine we'll be.  We do have a joint account which for right now is just "wedding fund"  Once the wedding is over it'll be the joint bills fund so we'll pay our rent and electric out of it and that'll be it until we start having more joint bills.  As of right now I'm the one that makes more so our contributions aren't equal either but we do it on a percentage basis so technically it IS equal ... 
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  • chrissyf729chrissyf729 member
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    I've pretty much broken every tradition that has existed. My fiance and I are paying for the whole wedding. There are a few things that family members offered to buy for me as a gift or token of their appreciation for making them such a big part of the wedding. With that being said, my fiance and I are buying our wedding bands together. I feel that we live in a day in age that certain traditions need to be let go of depending on what people can afford and what their likes and dislikes are. It should have been factored into your wedding budget.
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  • Knottie1429926455Knottie1429926455 member
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    We merged our finances years ago, we bought our rings together. If this is the kind of thing that's going to cause this degree of upset in your relationship you should probably be reevaluating it. Buy your own ring, tradition is a waste of time and only offers hurt feelings. You should be preparing for your beautiful wedding and the ensuing years of marriage together, not arguing over jewelry
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  • rodriguez1205rodriguez1205 member
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    I don't know if this will help you but my fiance and I split the cost of the bands in half.  We also had the opportunity to put them on a lay-away plan so we paid them slowly.  
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  • TheArtemisMoonTheArtemisMoon member
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    Sounds like this issue might have deeper roots. Hopefully he's joking but perhaps you should talk to him about finances! (My fiance got lucky with my rings, they were incorrectly priced and he got a bargain. I didn't get so lucky.) 
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  • randomsloverandomslove member
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    My FI and I went ring shopping for my engagement ring together. When he bought it, I bought the matching band. I don't really know or care which of us is "supposed" to buy the bands. We will probably shop for his together as well and whichever one of us pulls out the card first is the one who will buy it. Since it's part of our shared wedding budget, it's not a big deal to us. If it's him picking out the band that bothers you, you can always tell him you want him to go with and give input at least.





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