Wedding Etiquette Forum

Private dinner before reception

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Re: Private dinner before reception

  • Right.... so are people supposed to come to the ceremony, be told to LEAVE, and then come back later?  Huh?

    OP, kudos so far for coming back to answer questions and not freaking out.  Please take PPs advice and seriously rethink your plans.  If you are unwilling to move the date, time, or location of your wedding, the only thing left to budge* is the guest list.  Invite the number of people you can afford to feed.  I bet that's 120 or less, which solves your separate rooms problem, too.  Boom, fixed!

    *ETF typo
    Oh believe me I tried, but the comments got WAY TOO rude and out of control

    What the fuck?  Nobody was rude to you.  Still now, nobody's being rude to you.  

    How about addressing my actual suggestions?  No?  Okay then.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Guess what OP, the reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony. If you don't want to thank them appropriately, then don't invite them. 

    You should just have a wedding with your WP and immediate family, since those are the people you care to host properly. Oh and by the way, you need to invite everyone's significant others. 

    No one gives a shit about a photo booth.

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  • To OP.  I personally have never heard of this concept and naturally, judging from the comments, it's not in keeping with traditional etiquette or expectations of a wedding.  Being a fairly nontraditional person I can see where you're coming from and why this concept appeals to you.  Here's a random spattering of thoughts I had about this potential plan.
    If you do a private dinner in between the ceremony and the reception where will the rest of the guests go / what will they be doing while you're at this dinner?
    If you're just providing appetizers for your guests my suggestion would be to have two rounds of them.  One right as the guests arrive at the reception venue, and one later on in the night.  You do want people to be properly fed if they're going to drink or some unwanted shenanigans may ensue!
    I get what you mean about the two room venue.  We looked at a couple like that and while we didn't end up going with them I personally liked the separation.  I hate dancing so if I could get away into a somewhat separate room that was quieter to sit and talk I'd be a happy camper.
    Also, don't give up your photo booth if you really want it!
    All in all I'd say do some number crunching with all different situations.  How much will the private dinner and appetizer reception cost versus a dinner for all versus an appetizer reception alone, etc.
  • To the OP if she's still here and anyone lurking, your reception should be 50%-60% of your total budget. . .the bulk of your budget is allocated to feeding and providing beverages for your guests.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • JBee85JBee85 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    Saw this posted on Reddit's wedding planning board with the same question. I was honestly surprised how everyone told the bride it was a bad idea (the majority of their attitude is "it's your wedding do whatever"). The thread was posted less than 12 hours ago. Coincidence?

    [edit] sorry wrong thread. It was posted yesterday. Not sure if the topic got deleted.
  • Just because you view yourself as non-traditional doesn't mean that you can throw etiquette (meaning making sure that your guests are taken care/hosted fully and well) out the window.

  • JBee85 said:

    Saw this posted on Reddit's wedding planning board with the same question. I was honestly surprised how everyone told the bride it was a bad idea (the majority of their attitude is "it's your wedding do whatever"). The thread was posted less than 12 hours ago. Coincidence?

    [edit] sorry wrong thread. It was posted yesterday. Not sure if the topic got deleted.

    Be careful mentioning Reddit!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I went to a wedding two years ago that had a photo booth!
    ...And I remember that because it was a cash bar. The hosts decided to spend a grand on some gimmicky thing and have their guests foot the bill for the reception's alcohol. Klassy.


    An alternative:
    See if you can find a good corner of the reception to do this. Instead of a $1000 photobooth, if you already have a digital camera, see if you can find someone that will shoot goofy group shots in the corner with your camera for a couple of hours for 50 bucks (no one is expecting professional quality). I went to a wedding that did something more like this. They still had the table of goofy dollar store props. Pretty much the same deal, but instead of a strip of four pictures that get thrown away the next day anyway, these got posted on an album on facebook so everyone could see everyone's.



    Large gaps at weddings in general are rude. They are extra super rude when the gap exists because you're choosing to make the other also-ran guests sit around while you only host the "real" guests. Take PPs advice.
  • Be careful mentioning Reddit!
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  • [...] I know that you and your FI will choose to do whatever you think will best suit you, but please take stories like this to heart and try to find a way to make dinner work or not to have a separate dinner with a party afterwards. You may end up being happier that way because everyone you wanted to celebrate with will stick around that day to celebrate with you for a much longer time.

    Yes, I think this is the tactic that needs to be used to convince some people.

    OP, think of how it would make YOU feel to go through all these months of planning and looking forward to celebrating this happy event with all your friends & family, only to have a ton of them decline to attend or leave right after the ceremony because they'd rather get something to eat than party with you? That would suck for YOU and make YOU feel like crap!
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    Gahahahaha!!!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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