Wedding Etiquette Forum

Edit - Answered.

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Re: Edit - Answered.

  • First of all, congrats on a WDW wedding. That's where I am honeymooning! I bet your wedding will be amazing. As long as you have not given them any guidelines on what to wear they should be paying for their clothes
  • kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    You have to decide if them being there is worth the cost to you or not. No one says you have to pay for hem to be there but if it's the only way to get them to attend then it is the choice you guys have to make for having a DW. Maybe they can't afford it, maybe they just don't want to spend their extra money on WDW or maybe they know you will end up paying for it who knows.

    As for attire, let them wear what they have and want. You can't tell FI parents what to wear to the wedding, they are adults. No one has to wear a new outfit and you don't need to buy them anything. If they show up in cut offs or something "unglamorous" so be it. And buying them new wedding bands? Uh what?

    We're having a bit of an issue here.


    We are having a destination wedding (WDW) and we have told our families about this for about 2 years now. We have been telling his side of the family to start saving money for the trip. We did not expect them to pay for any part of it (my parents are paying, we are going to help with some extras that we want). 

    Now that we are getting under a year from the date, we're realizing that they haven't saved a penny. We are going to end up paying for a hotel for them (we need to get a 4 night stay somewhere anyway... we can't book our room using the vacation club until 7 months out) so they'll use our "throw away" room at the lowest cost resort (... still $500). We will most likely have to pay for airfare for them to come down. 

    Now... after paying nearly $1,000 for both of them to come down to the wedding, they will expect us to pay for their attire. At his brother's wedding, each of them had everything covered, including new wedding bands. I don't need them to be glammed up, but a nice dress and slacks with a dress shirt from Kohls is really all I'm looking for. 

    Is it out of line for me to ask them to pay for their own attire? Like I said, they have had 2 years notice. 

  • First of all, congrats on a WDW wedding. That's where I am honeymooning! I bet your wedding will be amazing. As long as you have not given them any guidelines on what to wear they should be paying for their clothes

    Thank you! :) We're both Disney addicts so it's the perfect place. 

    The only thing I have told people (and people = everyone coming) is that black isn't a good idea due to Florida and the sun during the middle of the day. 

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  • My FI's brother's in-laws paid for EVERYTHING for them at his wedding in October. Hence, new wedding bands. 

    We would like them at the wedding, trust me. If I'm paying almost $1,000 a head at a small wedding, then I expect them to look presentable. It would be a little bit crude for his brother's photos to have his father in a tux and sweatpants in the older sibling's. 

    We chose to have a DW so I would not be forced to invite every. single. relative. on my mother's side. We are a large, Italian family. His family... not so large. It's more for him to not feel awkward. I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned in expecting "no sneakers" at a wedding. 
  • My FI's brother's in-laws paid for EVERYTHING for them at his wedding in October. Hence, new wedding bands. 


    We would like them at the wedding, trust me. If I'm paying almost $1,000 a head at a small wedding, then I expect them to look presentable. It would be a little bit crude for his brother's photos to have his father in a tux and sweatpants in the older sibling's. 

    We chose to have a DW so I would not be forced to invite every. single. relative. on my mother's side. We are a large, Italian family. His family... not so large. It's more for him to not feel awkward. I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned in expecting "no sneakers" at a wedding. 
    Did his brother in law pay to rent a tux or??? I have a hard time believing they don't have a pair of slacks. You can pick up a decent pair at Goodwill.... That is crazy that he bought his in laws new wedding bands.
  • My FI's brother's in-laws paid for EVERYTHING for them at his wedding in October. Hence, new wedding bands. 


    We would like them at the wedding, trust me. If I'm paying almost $1,000 a head at a small wedding, then I expect them to look presentable. It would be a little bit crude for his brother's photos to have his father in a tux and sweatpants in the older sibling's. 

    We chose to have a DW so I would not be forced to invite every. single. relative. on my mother's side. We are a large, Italian family. His family... not so large. It's more for him to not feel awkward. I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned in expecting "no sneakers" at a wedding. 
    Did his brother in law pay to rent a tux or??? I have a hard time believing they don't have a pair of slacks. You can pick up a decent pair at Goodwill.... That is crazy that he bought his in laws new wedding bands.
    Her parents paid for his (my finances) parents to get everything brand new (and rent the tux). He's a construction worker, so his "nice" clothes are sweatpants without holes in them. I think they expect even more from us because we have been planning our wedding longer then they've been together. :X
  • My FI's brother's in-laws paid for EVERYTHING for them at his wedding in October. Hence, new wedding bands. 


    We would like them at the wedding, trust me. If I'm paying almost $1,000 a head at a small wedding, then I expect them to look presentable. It would be a little bit crude for his brother's photos to have his father in a tux and sweatpants in the older sibling's. 

    We chose to have a DW so I would not be forced to invite every. single. relative. on my mother's side. We are a large, Italian family. His family... not so large. It's more for him to not feel awkward. I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned in expecting "no sneakers" at a wedding. 
    I just reread that. The in-laws bought them all that?! That is crazy to me. I would feel uncomfortable having someone buy me new wedding bands
  • I would feel so awkward, too. Yeah, the in-laws got them everything. We've been begging them to save something... that obviously didn't work. 
  • Yeah I really don't get the new wedding bands thing.  Why would they want/need new wedding bands?  Did your brother insist everyone have shiny new bands, lol?

    And like PPs said, don't require any particular kinds of clothes, and don't pay for their clothes.  That's it.

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  • I think they just wanted it in the photos so they didn't stick out like a sore thumb... who knows. 

    I just don't want my fiancé to be embarrassed because my family will all be dressed nicely. 
  • My FI's brother's in-laws paid for EVERYTHING for them at his wedding in October. Hence, new wedding bands. 


    We would like them at the wedding, trust me. If I'm paying almost $1,000 a head at a small wedding, then I expect them to look presentable. It would be a little bit crude for his brother's photos to have his father in a tux and sweatpants in the older sibling's. 

    We chose to have a DW so I would not be forced to invite every. single. relative. on my mother's side. We are a large, Italian family. His family... not so large. It's more for him to not feel awkward. I don't know... maybe I'm old fashioned in expecting "no sneakers" at a wedding. 
    Did his brother in law pay to rent a tux or??? I have a hard time believing they don't have a pair of slacks. You can pick up a decent pair at Goodwill.... That is crazy that he bought his in laws new wedding bands.
    Her parents paid for his (my finances) parents to get everything brand new (and rent the tux). He's a construction worker, so his "nice" clothes are sweatpants without holes in them. I think they expect even more from us because we have been planning our wedding longer then they've been together. :X
    Oh darn. I was hoping they bought him a tux so he could just wear it again. This is tough because if you give them any directions I think they will expect you to pay. But I really don't think it is much to ask them to pick up a pair of slacks from Goodwill. Especially when they are getting an entire trip paid for. But I can't really think of an etiquette approved way to do that.

  • Kohls is a godsend. I get my fiance new work slacks there almost every week for about $15-$20. 

    I might have to have my fiance go and talk to them and maybe even drive them there to help them pick out what's appropriate (for a big, burly, bald man, he has some fantastic fashion sense). 
  • And there's my first nasty response. Surprised it took that long! 
  • So basically I'll just let them go hog wild with a stack of Kohls Cash on our dime. Gotcha. 
  • debbeaudebbeau member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Answer
    I feel for you. We were expected to fly my future in laws and 25 year old fsil from Europe. We paid for hotel rooms for 6 days and meals. It was really important to us to have them here so we bit the bullet. I do not regret it.

    I am sure you want them there but do not want to feel taken advantage of. You are not sure if they really want to come or not if they don't make any effort.

    Good luck.
  • So basically I'll just let them go hog wild with a stack of Kohls Cash on our dime. Gotcha. 

    No one said ANYTHING has to be on your dime.  Just let them wear what they want.  If they wear ridiculous clothes, that's on THEM.  But since these are your fiancé's parents, I'm assuming its much more important to him that they just be there.  

    My mother couldn't come to my wedding because of her disabilities.  If she'd been able to come, I wouldn't have cared if she came wearing a trash bag.  

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  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why did you DD OP? It's considered rude and you've been quoted, so people can still see what was posted. 
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  • Because this was my first post before reading ANYTHING on these forums. I should have read before seeing how hostile some responses can be. 

    I was looking for a way to tell them it's not in budget, and Scribe had answered that. 


  • That is quite the bat signal!

    I only came for the DD. The PPs gave good advice which you will ignore.
  • falsarafalsara member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2015
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    OP, Everyone was nice.  If you thought Lynda's advice was rude then you don't belong on  the internet. 


                                               

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  • Maybe no one was hostile before, but after that insulting DD, I am feeling hostile NOW!
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  • OP (if you are still actually reading these responses) - maybe give your FI's family the benefit of the doubt. DH's family is very informal - his mom and stepdad have shown up for HS and college graduations in ripped jeans and t-shirts. He was a bit concerned about what they would wear to our wedding. I told him to not worry about it - as long as they came and enjoyed themselves, everything would be fine.

    They came to our wedding looking amazing. MIL wore a beautiful dress she had found on sale and SFIL wore a very dashing suit.
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  • And there's my first nasty response. Surprised it took that long! 

    OP, you realize you were quoted and changing the subject and DD draws in more people, right??

    That said, you're basically you're saying you know what you're doing is rude and you were expecting nasty responses?  

    Newsflash though - No one was nasty to you.  If you think they were, I recommend you stay away from internet forums.  And stop dictating what people wear to your wedding or checking up on their savings.....it's rude!
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