I'm not 100% sure there is the right board to be posting on, but I really just needed a place to get some of this out.
My wedding is on September 4 and I am just getting around to buying a dress. I have an appointment set up for a local bridal store on May 9. I have been tearing up every time I start thinking about it.
I had a gastric bypass in December 2013. I've lost a good amount of weight, but never quite as much as I was told I would lose. I went from a size 20 to a size 14, which is great, except I still see myself as that 20 and have been feeling really discouraged that I won't be that size 8 bride I always pictured in my head. I can't seem to see the size difference when I look in a the mirror, even if I do in pictures (including some before surgery pics in the post and one from today, since people have asked before what the difference from the surgery was).
I feel like I'm going to see myself in a wedding dress and start crying in front of people. Part of this is just emotions about the wedding anyway, I know. My parents are older and my dad has some serious medical issues, so my parents have had to give up my wedding fund to move closer to me and my sister. Her wedding was paid for completely and mostly planned for her by my mother, but they don't have the money or the time for that anymore. I make more money than my fiance and he's in the process of getting a second degree so most of his spare money is going to school....so I'm pretty much saving all $10k for the wedding by myself, planning everything, and the extreme amount of the people pleasing in my personality has made me feel a lot of guilt about every decision I've made that someone disagrees with.
The whole process has been overwhelming and exhausting and expensive, but I have pretty much stayed on top of everything else but the dress. I now am left at four months left until my wedding and still no dress and not feeling any better about going to try one on (I should have known time wouldn't magically make my self-esteem issues evaporate...I just kept pushing that out of my head).
I know this post is a bit of a mess, there's just been a lot of tears about everything lately. I feel tremendous amounts of pressure and anxiety and I haven't felt that whole "Princess" bride feeling for even a second of this process. It doesn't feel like my big day, it feels like work. And I'm worried I'm not even going to feel pretty during it.
I don't know what I'm expecting here....just somewhere to vent everything, I think. I've been stalking the boards for awhile and I know I'm not the only emotional plus size bride here, so thank you for that sense of community, even if I've never talked to any of you before.