Inviting people after Save the Dates went out

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2015

Again, you're talking in averages. Averages can ONLY normalize historical performance, they cannot tell the future. Averages are NOT a guarantee these people won't all show up. And the risk is greater than the reward here... OP could have people physically denied entry to their wedding if it's past fire code. It's just not worth it.

And to echo PPs point, just because a room "can" hold a certain number of people doesn't mean that it should. Our venue could supposedly have fit 350 people but it was FULL at 212. It would have been miserable with 350 people crammed in there.

willthiswork · May 2015

redoryx said:

Knottie29394659 said:
Right. So 100% of 20 people is way different than 100% of 220 people which is what the OP is dealing with. I'm sure OP has 20 people that she's 100% sure will attend her wedding.
But that's not what you asked. You asked for a decline rate. She said she had 100% acceptance

The fact is that nobody's decline rate -- including your own -- can predict the OP's or anyone else's. That's why you need to plan for 100% acceptance because it does happen.

Goddesses of The Knot, what was your decline rate for your destination wedding where you invited more than 200 people?

Thanks all!

redoryx · May 2015

Knottie29394659 said:

redoryx said:

Knottie29394659 said:
Right. So 100% of 20 people is way different than 100% of 220 people which is what the OP is dealing with. I'm sure OP has 20 people that she's 100% sure will attend her wedding.
But that's not what you asked. You asked for a decline rate. She said she had 100% acceptance

The fact is that nobody's decline rate -- including your own -- can predict the OP's or anyone else's. That's why you need to plan for 100% acceptance because it does happen.
Goddesses of The Knot, what was your decline rate for your destination wedding where you invited more than 200 people?

Thanks all!

mikenberger · May 2015

Knottie29394659 said:

redoryx said:

Knottie29394659 said:
Right. So 100% of 20 people is way different than 100% of 220 people which is what the OP is dealing with. I'm sure OP has 20 people that she's 100% sure will attend her wedding.
But that's not what you asked. You asked for a decline rate. She said she had 100% acceptance

The fact is that nobody's decline rate -- including your own -- can predict the OP's or anyone else's. That's why you need to plan for 100% acceptance because it does happen.
Goddesses of The Knot, what was your decline rate for your destination wedding where you invited more than 200 people?

Thanks all!

This has got to be an AE.

TrixieJess · May 2015

Knottie29394659 said:
Right. So 100% of 20 people is way different than 100% of 220 people which is what the OP is dealing with. I'm sure OP has 20 people that she's 100% sure will attend her wedding.

Of course. Everyone knows that a DW with a 220 people is completely and logistically different than a DW with 20 people. Yep, 'cause getting 20 people 2000 km from home for a week is so very different than what OP is planning, yeah it's not, it's only bigger. The difference was that my GF kept her wedding very small so that only VIPs could attend and have a vacation at the same time.

We are trying to help the OP. You telling her that everything will be fine if she over invites is not a good idea. There are lots of brides on here who have over invited and are trying to figure things out 3-4 weeks before the wedding. We are trying to help this bride not be one of them.

willthiswork · May 2015

I hear you and I'm sure OP appreciates the advice. I'm just sharing my personal experience (which is the same thing each of you is doing) that is the closest to what OP has described - that's the only reason I commented in the first place.

I'm also trusting OP to be smart and responsible enough to take all of that advice and make the best decision for her.

KatWAG · May 2015

justsie · May 2015

My mom's second wedding had a guest list of over 300 and had 98% attendance. It was a DW for everyone but one couple I believe.

lyndausvi · May 2015

I had a wedding that was OOT for everyone, including us. We had a 14% decline rate.

I worked a wedding in the islands where the couple figured they would have a high decline rate. Yeah, that didn't actually happen. I don't know how many they invited, but they booked the room for 60-something people. 120 came to the wedding. The bride and groom were shitting bricks because they couldn't afford that many people. They had to cut costs big time, including adding an open bar.

It's never a good idea to plan on a certain number of declines. Sure it's likely you will get more, but there is no guarantee.

I think the OP said one of the guests was having a baby. I had 2 guests who had due dates on or around our wedding. I did plan on them not coming. Let's face it if their plans changed it would not be for the better.

They are the only ones I would count on not coming. Elderly? Yeah, I had a 93 year old at my OOT wedding. I've seen a lot of elderly people at weddings in the islands. I would NOT write them off because they are old. Old people travel. Yep, they do.

mikenberger · May 2015

My mom's second wedding had a guest list of over 300 and had 98% attendance. It was a DW for everyone but one couple I believe.

Please. Stop being a Knot Goddess. We don't have time for that kind of shenanery here.

TrixieJess · May 2015

mikenberger said:
My mom's second wedding had a guest list of over 300 and had 98% attendance. It was a DW for everyone but one couple I believe.

Please. Stop being a Knot Goddess. We don't have time for that kind of shenanery here.

I think I love you! ...and that word...

justsie · May 2015

TrixieJess said:

mikenberger said:
My mom's second wedding had a guest list of over 300 and had 98% attendance. It was a DW for everyone but one couple I believe.
Please. Stop being a Knot Goddess. We don't have time for that kind of shenanery here.

I think I love you! ...and that word...

Haha I just had to look up that word. The Urban Dictonary pronunciation and definition was top notch. Word of the day!

mikenberger · May 2015

justsie said:

TrixieJess said:

mikenberger said:
My mom's second wedding had a guest list of over 300 and had 98% attendance. It was a DW for everyone but one couple I believe.
Please. Stop being a Knot Goddess. We don't have time for that kind of shenanery here.
I think I love you! ...and that word...

Haha I just had to look up that word. The Urban Dictonary pronunciation and definition was top notch. Word of the day!

Shit, it's on urban dictionary? Damnit. I thought I made it up by cutting down shenanigans whilst drunk at the bar one night. I'm calling my congressperson about this injustice.

Back to the drawing board.

justsie · May 2015

mikenberger said:

justsie said:

TrixieJess said:

mikenberger said:
My mom's second wedding had a guest list of over 300 and had 98% attendance. It was a DW for everyone but one couple I believe.
Please. Stop being a Knot Goddess. We don't have time for that kind of shenanery here.
I think I love you! ...and that word...
Haha I just had to look up that word. The Urban Dictonary pronunciation and definition was top notch. Word of the day!

Shit, it's on urban dictionary? Damnit. I thought I made it up by cutting down shenanigans whilst drunk at the bar one night. I'm calling my congressperson about this injustice.

Back to the drawing board.

Was it before sept. 2007? Thats when randomuser on Urban Dictionary posted it. If its before then I'd say you have an easy to win lawsuit on your hands!

LondonLisa · May 2015

My sister had 99% attendance. 274 people. To South Africa.

So..... If one is smart enough to memorise where other posters were married, one would expect them to also remember all the horror stories of brides panicking about moronic over-inviting.

So does my Knot Goddess tiara just arrive in the post or what?

lyndausvi · May 2015

becomingmcclain · May 2015

We all know that the OP is going to do what she pleases anyhow. We can tell her all about acceptance rates, over-inviting, etc and she is still going to invite her co-workers if she wants to!

LondonLisa · May 2015

Is a Knot Goddess like a Pawnee Goddess? Because I call dibs on Gertrude Stein

ETF- Gif on mobile was acting up!

flantastic · May 2015

Oh my God. Logic.

"Sharing your personal experience" with having a certain decline rate means exactly nothing about whether or not OP will have a certain decline rate. The two things are totally unconnected. Therefore, if she wants not to be a shitty, shitty planner, she has to plan for 100% attendance. Because everyone who receives a STD must receive an invitation, and everyone who receives an invitation has a right to RSVP yes, and they might.

becomingmcclain said:
We all know that the OP is going to do what she pleases anyhow. We can tell her all about acceptance rates, over-inviting, etc and she is still going to invite her co-workers if she wants to!

Your point? We are trying to give her good advice, which yes, she is free to take or not take.

becomingmcclain · May 2015

flantastic said:

becomingmcclain said:
We all know that the OP is going to do what she pleases anyhow. We can tell her all about acceptance rates, over-inviting, etc and she is still going to invite her co-workers if she wants to!
Your point? We are trying to give her good advice, which yes, she is free to take or not take.

My point was clear. Despite any warnings or advice that she is given, she is going to do as she pleases. She's already rebutted the advice given earlier in the thread.

annathy03 · May 2015

ncmelillo said:Yes I certainly will send an invitation - but there are some like "having a baby and cant make it" elderly who wont travel .. etc I agree with you that I am probably playing with fire. there is another room in the resort that will hold like 500 ha but it reminde me of a conference room ballroom that would require uplighting and more centerpieces etc. I just love the charm of our current room.maybe im just regretting letting her own that much of the guest list :(KatWag - I know a lot of them but I would prefer not to have had that many people and I certainly don't know them intimately. She is not paying for all of them. what does DW mean?****************************boxes*****************************************

If that is a 100% viable back up option should you get a high acceptance rate (i.e. the venue isn't going to rent it to someone else), I would probably invite your coworkers, but that's because I wouldn't be brokenhearted to move to a less charming room if it meant having the people I wanted there.

As for DWs, it wasn't in the hundreds but @wrigleyville had a 100% acceptance rate for her 40-50 person destination wedding where I think every guest had to fly.

Personally we did invite over 200, most of our guests were OOT and we did end up with a high decline rate but guess who sent back RSVPs first? People who were excited to come, so the first few weeks I was getting 90-95% yes responses. Had I over invited even though it would have worked out I would have been FREAKING OUT in the meantime. Don't underestimate the value of your own sanity- if you are comfortable with the risk of moving to a bigger room (assuming you really have the option to do so) then go ahead and take it- but if not, don't.

flantastic · May 2015

becomingmcclain said:

flantastic said:

becomingmcclain said:
We all know that the OP is going to do what she pleases anyhow. We can tell her all about acceptance rates, over-inviting, etc and she is still going to invite her co-workers if she wants to!
Your point? We are trying to give her good advice, which yes, she is free to take or not take.
My point was clear. Despite any warnings or advice that she is given, she is going to do as she pleases. She's already rebutted the advice given earlier in the thread.

She has not rebutted it in the sense of having adding any information that would make it invalid advice. The content of your post is certainly clear and true enough, although not particularly useful - the reason why you posted what you posted is actually what's unclear. Are you suggesting that because the OP may not want good advice, we should all shut up now?

Jen4948 · May 2015

Regardless of what average acceptance rates are, OP, you need to plan with the expectation of a 100% acceptance rate.

Note: That rate does not come into effect until after the invitations go out. You still need to send an invitation to anyone you've sent an STD to. Even if they've said no to the STD, they may still be able, and want, to say yes to the invitation. If you have a capacity of 220 people, you can only invite 220 people, including anyone you've already sent an STD to-regardless of what anyone else's "personal experience" is. You cannot politely "plan" for no-shows.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

I don't know what is going on here but apparently I'm a motherfucking Goddess. Hell yeah.

VulgarGirl · May 2015

becomingmcclain said:
We all know that the OP is going to do what she pleases anyhow. We can tell her all about acceptance rates, over-inviting, etc and she is still going to invite her co-workers if she wants to!

Oh look....captain obvious finally arrived!

I mean if someone asks me if they should drive off a cliff I should probably tell them no right? Not just go "eh you'll do whatever you want!" and not tell them it's a shit plan?

twitterbird · May 2015

Well this thread escalated quickly!

1. Your mother-in-law really needed to trim that list! I'm assuming that included some family members in there cause over half of the list being her friends is insane! The only friends my mom included were her card friends and ditto for my mother-in-law. My father in law included didn't give us one name to invite. He didn't even care if we invited his brothers lol. And all contributed to the wedding. I understand "if you pay you have a say" but I really think some parents go to far with it.

2. If you really want to invite them then go ahead with the understanding that you may have to move to the larger room. Personally I wouldn't. Stick with the choice you already made not inviting them instead of rethinking. Don't rethink anything with your wedding in fact. Make a choice and move on or you'll go crazy.

3. You can't compare rsvp rates as every wedding is unique with unique circumstances. My wedding my hometown with some travelling. I believe we ended up with about 80%. One of my cousins came from the other side of the country and we didn't expect her to come at all. Another cousin came from about a 2 hour flight away and brought her husband and 2 teenagers (they were all invited and I didn't expect them to RSVP yes - they were the first RSVP I got lol). But my godfather and his family who are local didn't come (he was away and god forbid his wife come to a family event without him - I'm pretty sure she was sore because I didn't invite their 8 year old daughter). You can never tell.

larrygaga · May 2015

I think it's fine. Some people will always say no!

Inviting people after Save the Dates went out

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