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Mother won't attend if we call it a marriage

My mother won't attend our wedding if we call it a marriage. She's fine with any other term but not "married" or "marriage". Since we're not changing terminology for any reason should I still send her an invitation or just forget about her?
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Re: Mother won't attend if we call it a marriage

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My relationship with my mother was difficult, and she would lord things over me for years. Stupid things. Things I had no control over, even. I would not wish that on anyone, and if there is a chance this would cause that, I would avoid it unless you don't care about having a relationship with her. I would send the invitation. If she chooses not to come, that's on her. I would NOT, however, tolerate any negative comments from her about your relationship or your marriage or your spouse. If that kind of thing happens, I would cut ties until she can be respectful.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • I don't get why people get so upset about what something is called.  

    Whether you invite her or not is your decision.  I wouldn't change anything though.  
  • Invite her, it's worth the few bucks it will cost you for the invite & postage. Like PP said, she won't be able to say then she wasn't invited. All you can do then is hope that she changes her mind & if she does, she'll have the information to show up. Good luck, hope she changes her mind.
  • Thank you everyone for your replies. We've decided to send her an invite. If she doesn't come then my step-mom is more than willing to be there for me.
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  • I know I am a little late to this party, but I say def invite her.  It puts it all on her to come, rather than in 5 years having her say that she was not invited to your wedding. 

    Up until the day before our wedding, my FIL was planning on working an auction rather than coming, because it "isn't a marriage!".  In the end, he shut his mouth and showed up, in jeans and a ball cap, but that is a different story. 

    To me, I could not have cared less if he was there, but my wife certainly did.  She may surprise you, hopefully she sees that she needs to be there for you, regardless of the wording.

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  • I thought I might do a little bit of an update. Due to circumstances and all that, my mother is no longer getting an invitation. I'm very forgiving but I can't take being insulted constantly and won't stand for it on my wedding day. Thank you all again for the advice.
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  • Good for you. I'm really sorry to hear it's gotten so bad, but bravo for standing up for yourself.
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  • I wish it hadn't but at some point enough is enough. She's not the only person I'm no longer inviting but it hurt to realize that just the thought of her there set off panic attacks. My step-mom has stepped in and has been a wonderful help to me for this (and most of my life). She's the one I'll be dancing with for the mother/daughter dance.
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  • So sorry. It's her loss, obviously. But you already know that. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and a long and happy marriage. 
  • I'm sorry to hear that, but you did the right thing. You deserve to be happy at your wedding, and not worried about someone's reactions.  Good luck with your continued planning. I'm sure it will be fabulous.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm very sorry.  All the best to you and your FI.
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