Wedding Invitations & Paper

Why are evites a faux pas?

2»

Re: Why are evites a faux pas?

  • Jen4948 said:

    @Jen4948 I am absolutely not just looking for validation. The reason I like these boards is that people will say what they think, so no worries there. It's a really helpful way to gather info from a variety of experiences before making decisions.

    If it isn't a violation of etiquette, then it seems like it just falls in the range of personal preference.I mentioned speaking to our VIPs about the matter solely because of your question above (sorry, I can't figure out the quote thing in the middle of a comment):

    "Plus, have you actually spoken to everyone you plan to invite and gotten
    them to tell you that they don't have issues with electronic
    announcements?  Just thinking the bolded doesn't make it so.  And I
    think your guests are going to need physical invitations whether your
    mom or anyone else is "dying for them."

    So that's why I addressed it at all.

    I would love to hear why you think my guests need physical invites. To be clear, because tone is impossible to be sure of on the internet, I am not being snarky about that. If there is something I am missing, I would love to hear it. My experience has been everyone takes a picture of the invitation on their phone, and either pitches the invitation immediately or sticks it on their fridge and doesn't refer to it again. I honestly don't see where a physical invite serves any purpose or need that an electronic invite would not also serve. For me, the ability to check it on my phone the day of, instead of remembering to bring the physical invite, would be a boon. Hence, the picture.

    @adk19: Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely give that some thought.



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    But in all honesty, I tend to bring my physical invitations with me because they contain the logistical information I need to find the venues for the ceremony and reception and because I can show them to venue staff and security persons if I need to prove that I have a right to be at the ceremony or reception location.  If I don't have access to a phone or a computer when I need it, I can't access the invitation to get the logistical information or to show anyone.  And although I do carry my phone with me, I'm likely to turn it off during a wedding, especially if I've been requested to by an official announcement.  And my phone is notorious for needing recharging at sensitive moments.

    Also, I had a really bad personal experience once when I had a party, invited a number of people through Facebook and eVites, and very few people showed up.  I was out a lot of money.  Plus, it hurt to invite them only to find that they didn't give enough of a damn to attend, even when they'd responded yes.  But had I used paper invitations, I think my intended guests would have taken the time to at least tell me whether or not they could come, let alone actually come, because my using snail mail would have told them that I was investing more time, energy, and thought into inviting them then just clicking on their profile photos or email addresses.  Sometimes when you want things from people, you have to exert more effort to make it clear that you want them and forgo your own personal convenience and ease.

    Yes!  This is basically what I said above.  I'd respond Yes to a casual party, but then not worry about it if I decided to change my mind and do something else.  Paper means you're more serious, I think.  

    Also, I don't have a smart phone.  I don't want one.  I have a $12 a month plan that gives me unlimited calling and texts and zero data.  So, I'm one of those people who wouldn't be able to look up the info on my phone.  I just went to a wedding on Saturday.  We had the physical invitation in the car so we could look up the address if our GPS went crazy.
  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Jen4948 said:



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    Absolutely my pleasure! I really appreciate that people who don't have to choose to participate in helping others with all the wedding issues. I am also a criminal defense attorney, so it has to get pretty hostile before it even measures on my meter. I see people on here all the time that don't listen and it is really frustrating and pointless.
  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    @Jen4948: It won't let me edit, darnit.

    I also appreciate your perspective and experience with receiving and using electronic invites. I will definitely consider this is making my decision.

    @adk189: No smartphone??!! WHAT THE WHAT??! Just kidding. I did not even think about that in considering evites, so that is a very good point. I am almost 99% sure our guests all have smart phones, but no way am I 100% positive. I kind of don't buy the "paper = serious" thing, but have heard it often enough to know that other people do, so that has to be a part of the calculus. Thank you for providing that perspective!
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    About wedding announcements - there were traditionally two places they could appear:  1. in your local newspaper, 2.  a personal, formal announcement in your mailbox.  The wording of these personal announcements are very formal and standard.  It is an honor to receive one.

    Brides Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    announce their marriage
    Date
    City, State

    No other information should be included.

    Electronic announcements are informal and impersonal by their very nature.  (I don't own a smart phone, either.  Too cheap to pay the fees, and I don't need one.)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I get about 100 emails a day in my inbox, so an email that appears to be sent to multiple people (very generic subject for example) is going straight to the trash, I won't even open it. Odds are, my spam filter will catch it and the way our work emails work our spam box gets sent to us when we reach a certain number of emails in it. Depending on how hard I get hit with spam I might not even get a notification for a few days PLUS I rarely glance much before deleting them. 
    image
  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    justsie said:

    I get about 100 emails a day in my inbox, so an email that appears to be sent to multiple people (very generic subject for example) is going straight to the trash, I won't even open it. Odds are, my spam filter will catch it and the way our work emails work our spam box gets sent to us when we reach a certain number of emails in it. Depending on how hard I get hit with spam I might not even get a notification for a few days PLUS I rarely glance much before deleting them. 

    These are not sent to multiple people and would not be going to work emails. The subject line is up to the sender so it doesn't have to generic or all "Open this evite now for a big surprise!"

  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    RezIpsa said:

    justsie said:

    I get about 100 emails a day in my inbox, so an email that appears to be sent to multiple people (very generic subject for example) is going straight to the trash, I won't even open it. Odds are, my spam filter will catch it and the way our work emails work our spam box gets sent to us when we reach a certain number of emails in it. Depending on how hard I get hit with spam I might not even get a notification for a few days PLUS I rarely glance much before deleting them. 

    These are not sent to multiple people and would not be going to work emails. The subject line is up to the sender so it doesn't have to generic or all "Open this evite now for a big surprise!"

    I only have my work email, so if you were going to get it to me that is how you would have to send it. Also, in my circle an email invite just wouldn't happen. We rarely have a reason to email each other at all, so any email from a family member is mainly because their account got hacked. Just giving you a bigger perspective. 
    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    justsie said:

    RezIpsa said:

    justsie said:

    I get about 100 emails a day in my inbox, so an email that appears to be sent to multiple people (very generic subject for example) is going straight to the trash, I won't even open it. Odds are, my spam filter will catch it and the way our work emails work our spam box gets sent to us when we reach a certain number of emails in it. Depending on how hard I get hit with spam I might not even get a notification for a few days PLUS I rarely glance much before deleting them. 

    These are not sent to multiple people and would not be going to work emails. The subject line is up to the sender so it doesn't have to generic or all "Open this evite now for a big surprise!"

    I only have my work email, so if you were going to get it to me that is how you would have to send it. Also, in my circle an email invite just wouldn't happen. We rarely have a reason to email each other at all, so any email from a family member is mainly because their account got hacked. Just giving you a bigger perspective. 
    Not to mention that the email account you have for someone, especially if you haven't had recent contact with them, may be out of date and an evite sent to that email address might bounce.
  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Interesting points. Our guests definitely have and use personal email daily, and those are addresses we use frequently to contact them, but I can definitely see how with a larger guest list or infrequent contact those kinds of issues could crop up.

    It's really surprising to me how many people don't have smart phones, or personal email, or forward email to a new address. That is definitely not my experience with the folks I know, but it is very eye opening as to problems I had not considered. Thanks you guys!
  • RezIpsa said:

    Interesting points. Our guests definitely have and use personal email daily, and those are addresses we use frequently to contact them, but I can definitely see how with a larger guest list or infrequent contact those kinds of issues could crop up.

    It's really surprising to me how many people don't have smart phones, or personal email, or forward email to a new address. That is definitely not my experience with the folks I know, but it is very eye opening as to problems I had not considered. Thanks you guys!

    About a year ago, maybe two now, my cousin asked me on facebook why I didn't respond to his email.  I checked my inbox, my spam box, etc, then asked him what email address he sent it to.  He had my college address which I hadn't used since 2000, also my hotmail account I hadn't used since like 2005, and another hotmail account I used for maybe three months back in 1999.  So, even though I checked my unused hotmail account for a couple years after I went to gmail, I haven't checked it in 7-8 years now.  It cracked me up how he was like 10 years behind the times as far as my electronic communication goes.
  • Reasons I prefer paper, similar to comments above:

    • I was invited to the wedding of a girl who I hadn't known for that long, and so didn't know well enough to assume that then-FI was invited and had to contact her awkwardly, since it only came to my email address. Obviously you've mentioned that issue is solvable with something like Paperless Post.
    • I agree with others that if I can't respond immediately (which I pretty much never can with wedding invitations), there's a greater danger it gets lost in the shuffle. Non-responding is mostly a hassle for you, but it'll also make your guests feel guilty.

    I don't know if it matters if there are reasons other than "we prefer paper," if your goal is to make your guests comfortable and you take us as a cross-section of possible guests. You've mentioned 100% of your guests are comfortable/responsive with email, but so am I. Obviously it's not like most of us on the online forum aren't reasonably tech-savvy. However, you can't guarantee that all your guests have a system setup for addressing online event correspondence in a timely manner, or that you won't be obstructing their normal routine of bringing paper invites to an event for reference.

  • adk19 said:

    @Jen4948 I am absolutely not just looking for validation. The reason I like these boards is that people will say what they think, so no worries there. It's a really helpful way to gather info from a variety of experiences before making decisions.

    If it isn't a violation of etiquette, then it seems like it just falls in the range of personal preference.I mentioned speaking to our VIPs about the matter solely because of your question above (sorry, I can't figure out the quote thing in the middle of a comment):

    "Plus, have you actually spoken to everyone you plan to invite and gotten
    them to tell you that they don't have issues with electronic
    announcements?  Just thinking the bolded doesn't make it so.  And I
    think your guests are going to need physical invitations whether your
    mom or anyone else is "dying for them."

    So that's why I addressed it at all.

    I would love to hear why you think my guests need physical invites. To be clear, because tone is impossible to be sure of on the internet, I am not being snarky about that. If there is something I am missing, I would love to hear it. My experience has been everyone takes a picture of the invitation on their phone, and either pitches the invitation immediately or sticks it on their fridge and doesn't refer to it again. I honestly don't see where a physical invite serves any purpose or need that an electronic invite would not also serve. For me, the ability to check it on my phone the day of, instead of remembering to bring the physical invite, would be a boon. Hence, the picture.

    @adk19: Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely give that some thought.



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    But in all honesty, I tend to bring my physical invitations with me because they contain the logistical information I need to find the venues for the ceremony and reception and because I can show them to venue staff and security persons if I need to prove that I have a right to be at the ceremony or reception location.  If I don't have access to a phone or a computer when I need it, I can't access the invitation to get the logistical information or to show anyone.  And although I do carry my phone with me, I'm likely to turn it off during a wedding, especially if I've been requested to by an official announcement.  And my phone is notorious for needing recharging at sensitive moments.

    Also, I had a really bad personal experience once when I had a party, invited a number of people through Facebook and eVites, and very few people showed up.  I was out a lot of money.  Plus, it hurt to invite them only to find that they didn't give enough of a damn to attend, even when they'd responded yes.  But had I used paper invitations, I think my intended guests would have taken the time to at least tell me whether or not they could come, let alone actually come, because my using snail mail would have told them that I was investing more time, energy, and thought into inviting them then just clicking on their profile photos or email addresses.  Sometimes when you want things from people, you have to exert more effort to make it clear that you want them and forgo your own personal convenience and ease.



    Yes!  This is basically what I said above.  I'd respond Yes to a casual party, but then not worry about it if I decided to change my mind and do something else.
     Paper means you're more serious, I think.  

    Also, I don't have a smart phone.  I don't want one.  I have a $12 a month plan that gives me unlimited calling and texts and zero data.  So, I'm one of those people who wouldn't be able to look up the info on my phone.  I just went to a wedding on Saturday.  We had the physical invitation in the car so we could look up the address if our GPS went crazy.


    This is still rude. You said you would go, to not even contact the host to say you won't be attending is rude no matter the medium they used to invite you.
    image
    image

    image


  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015

    adk19 said:

    @Jen4948 I am absolutely not just looking for validation. The reason I like these boards is that people will say what they think, so no worries there. It's a really helpful way to gather info from a variety of experiences before making decisions.

    If it isn't a violation of etiquette, then it seems like it just falls in the range of personal preference.I mentioned speaking to our VIPs about the matter solely because of your question above (sorry, I can't figure out the quote thing in the middle of a comment):

    "Plus, have you actually spoken to everyone you plan to invite and gotten
    them to tell you that they don't have issues with electronic
    announcements?  Just thinking the bolded doesn't make it so.  And I
    think your guests are going to need physical invitations whether your
    mom or anyone else is "dying for them."

    So that's why I addressed it at all.

    I would love to hear why you think my guests need physical invites. To be clear, because tone is impossible to be sure of on the internet, I am not being snarky about that. If there is something I am missing, I would love to hear it. My experience has been everyone takes a picture of the invitation on their phone, and either pitches the invitation immediately or sticks it on their fridge and doesn't refer to it again. I honestly don't see where a physical invite serves any purpose or need that an electronic invite would not also serve. For me, the ability to check it on my phone the day of, instead of remembering to bring the physical invite, would be a boon. Hence, the picture.

    @adk19: Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely give that some thought.



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    But in all honesty, I tend to bring my physical invitations with me because they contain the logistical information I need to find the venues for the ceremony and reception and because I can show them to venue staff and security persons if I need to prove that I have a right to be at the ceremony or reception location.  If I don't have access to a phone or a computer when I need it, I can't access the invitation to get the logistical information or to show anyone.  And although I do carry my phone with me, I'm likely to turn it off during a wedding, especially if I've been requested to by an official announcement.  And my phone is notorious for needing recharging at sensitive moments.

    Also, I had a really bad personal experience once when I had a party, invited a number of people through Facebook and eVites, and very few people showed up.  I was out a lot of money.  Plus, it hurt to invite them only to find that they didn't give enough of a damn to attend, even when they'd responded yes.  But had I used paper invitations, I think my intended guests would have taken the time to at least tell me whether or not they could come, let alone actually come, because my using snail mail would have told them that I was investing more time, energy, and thought into inviting them then just clicking on their profile photos or email addresses.  Sometimes when you want things from people, you have to exert more effort to make it clear that you want them and forgo your own personal convenience and ease.



    Yes!  This is basically what I said above.  I'd respond Yes to a casual party, but then not worry about it if I decided to change my mind and do something else.
     Paper means you're more serious, I think.  

    Also, I don't have a smart phone.  I don't want one.  I have a $12 a month plan that gives me unlimited calling and texts and zero data.  So, I'm one of those people who wouldn't be able to look up the info on my phone.  I just went to a wedding on Saturday.  We had the physical invitation in the car so we could look up the address if our GPS went crazy.


    This is still rude. You said you would go, to not even contact the host to say you won't be attending is rude no matter the medium they used to invite you.

    BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX



    It is rude, but it's still reality. As a host, you have to anticipate that some of your guests aren't going to do the right thing, so you do what you can to mitigate the effect. 

    Rude or not, some people are more likely to no-show for an event that doesn't have the gravitas of formal invitations. 
  • adk19 said:

    @Jen4948 I am absolutely not just looking for validation. The reason I like these boards is that people will say what they think, so no worries there. It's a really helpful way to gather info from a variety of experiences before making decisions.

    If it isn't a violation of etiquette, then it seems like it just falls in the range of personal preference.I mentioned speaking to our VIPs about the matter solely because of your question above (sorry, I can't figure out the quote thing in the middle of a comment):

    "Plus, have you actually spoken to everyone you plan to invite and gotten
    them to tell you that they don't have issues with electronic
    announcements?  Just thinking the bolded doesn't make it so.  And I
    think your guests are going to need physical invitations whether your
    mom or anyone else is "dying for them."

    So that's why I addressed it at all.

    I would love to hear why you think my guests need physical invites. To be clear, because tone is impossible to be sure of on the internet, I am not being snarky about that. If there is something I am missing, I would love to hear it. My experience has been everyone takes a picture of the invitation on their phone, and either pitches the invitation immediately or sticks it on their fridge and doesn't refer to it again. I honestly don't see where a physical invite serves any purpose or need that an electronic invite would not also serve. For me, the ability to check it on my phone the day of, instead of remembering to bring the physical invite, would be a boon. Hence, the picture.

    @adk19: Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely give that some thought.



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    But in all honesty, I tend to bring my physical invitations with me because they contain the logistical information I need to find the venues for the ceremony and reception and because I can show them to venue staff and security persons if I need to prove that I have a right to be at the ceremony or reception location.  If I don't have access to a phone or a computer when I need it, I can't access the invitation to get the logistical information or to show anyone.  And although I do carry my phone with me, I'm likely to turn it off during a wedding, especially if I've been requested to by an official announcement.  And my phone is notorious for needing recharging at sensitive moments.

    Also, I had a really bad personal experience once when I had a party, invited a number of people through Facebook and eVites, and very few people showed up.  I was out a lot of money.  Plus, it hurt to invite them only to find that they didn't give enough of a damn to attend, even when they'd responded yes.  But had I used paper invitations, I think my intended guests would have taken the time to at least tell me whether or not they could come, let alone actually come, because my using snail mail would have told them that I was investing more time, energy, and thought into inviting them then just clicking on their profile photos or email addresses.  Sometimes when you want things from people, you have to exert more effort to make it clear that you want them and forgo your own personal convenience and ease.



    Yes!  This is basically what I said above.  I'd respond Yes to a casual party, but then not worry about it if I decided to change my mind and do something else.
     Paper means you're more serious, I think.  

    Also, I don't have a smart phone.  I don't want one.  I have a $12 a month plan that gives me unlimited calling and texts and zero data.  So, I'm one of those people who wouldn't be able to look up the info on my phone.  I just went to a wedding on Saturday.  We had the physical invitation in the car so we could look up the address if our GPS went crazy.
    This is still rude. You said you would go, to not even contact the host to say you won't be attending is rude no matter the medium they used to invite you.

    BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX



    It is rude, but it's still reality. As a host, you have to anticipate that some of your guests aren't going to do the right thing, so you do what you can to mitigate the effect. 

    Rude or not, some people are more likely to no-show for an event that doesn't have the gravitas of formal invitations. 


    --------------preemptive box------------------------------

    Oh, I don't deny it's rude.  It is.  But I could not remember that I quickly clicked a box that says Accept, or my eyes could be going after spending all day looking at a screen and I actually thought I had declined, or the likeliest for me is that I choose the 'Maybe' option and then never change it.  It just doesn't feel like it means as much when it's the same method of invitation that are used to invite me to Pampered Chef virtual facebook parties.
  • RezIpsaRezIpsa member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    adk19 said:

    adk19 said:

    @Jen4948 I am absolutely not just looking for validation. The reason I like these boards is that people will say what they think, so no worries there. It's a really helpful way to gather info from a variety of experiences before making decisions.

    If it isn't a violation of etiquette, then it seems like it just falls in the range of personal preference.I mentioned speaking to our VIPs about the matter solely because of your question above (sorry, I can't figure out the quote thing in the middle of a comment):

    "Plus, have you actually spoken to everyone you plan to invite and gotten
    them to tell you that they don't have issues with electronic
    announcements?  Just thinking the bolded doesn't make it so.  And I
    think your guests are going to need physical invitations whether your
    mom or anyone else is "dying for them."

    So that's why I addressed it at all.

    I would love to hear why you think my guests need physical invites. To be clear, because tone is impossible to be sure of on the internet, I am not being snarky about that. If there is something I am missing, I would love to hear it. My experience has been everyone takes a picture of the invitation on their phone, and either pitches the invitation immediately or sticks it on their fridge and doesn't refer to it again. I honestly don't see where a physical invite serves any purpose or need that an electronic invite would not also serve. For me, the ability to check it on my phone the day of, instead of remembering to bring the physical invite, would be a boon. Hence, the picture.

    @adk19: Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely give that some thought.



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    But in all honesty, I tend to bring my physical invitations with me because they contain the logistical information I need to find the venues for the ceremony and reception and because I can show them to venue staff and security persons if I need to prove that I have a right to be at the ceremony or reception location.  If I don't have access to a phone or a computer when I need it, I can't access the invitation to get the logistical information or to show anyone.  And although I do carry my phone with me, I'm likely to turn it off during a wedding, especially if I've been requested to by an official announcement.  And my phone is notorious for needing recharging at sensitive moments.

    Also, I had a really bad personal experience once when I had a party, invited a number of people through Facebook and eVites, and very few people showed up.  I was out a lot of money.  Plus, it hurt to invite them only to find that they didn't give enough of a damn to attend, even when they'd responded yes.  But had I used paper invitations, I think my intended guests would have taken the time to at least tell me whether or not they could come, let alone actually come, because my using snail mail would have told them that I was investing more time, energy, and thought into inviting them then just clicking on their profile photos or email addresses.  Sometimes when you want things from people, you have to exert more effort to make it clear that you want them and forgo your own personal convenience and ease.



    Yes!  This is basically what I said above.  I'd respond Yes to a casual party, but then not worry about it if I decided to change my mind and do something else.
     Paper means you're more serious, I think.  

    Also, I don't have a smart phone.  I don't want one.  I have a $12 a month plan that gives me unlimited calling and texts and zero data.  So, I'm one of those people who wouldn't be able to look up the info on my phone.  I just went to a wedding on Saturday.  We had the physical invitation in the car so we could look up the address if our GPS went crazy.
    This is still rude. You said you would go, to not even contact the host to say you won't be attending is rude no matter the medium they used to invite you.

    BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX



    It is rude, but it's still reality. As a host, you have to anticipate that some of your guests aren't going to do the right thing, so you do what you can to mitigate the effect. 

    Rude or not, some people are more likely to no-show for an event that doesn't have the gravitas of formal invitations. 


    --------------preemptive box------------------------------

    Oh, I don't deny it's rude.  It is.  But I could not remember that I quickly clicked a box that says Accept, or my eyes could be going after spending all day looking at a screen and I actually thought I had declined, or the likeliest for me is that I choose the 'Maybe' option and then never change it.  It just doesn't feel like it means as much when it's the same method of invitation that are used to invite me to Pampered Chef virtual facebook parties.

    ----------------------------------------------

    I regularly get invited to things like charity nights, store openings, baby showers, alumni get togethers, etc. through paper mail. I am so puzzled at the idea that the delivery method has anything to do with either the importance or formality of the event.

    For me, it's the nature of the event that indicates its importance. Friend's wedding? Important. Will make sure I RSVP and attend. Bounce house and charity BBQ at the local church (which I don't belong to)? Not important and I won't worry about responding. It wouldn't matter if I was invited to either event electronically, over the phone (I am aware this is unacceptable), or by mail.

    For me, the paper v. electronic invitation issue is like the receiving line v. Table visits issue. People may have strong feelings about it, one may be a better fit for your particular circumstances, but ultimately as long as whatever you choose gets the job done then it's fine. I hear all of you that disagree, and will give those perspectives consideration. A lot of the arguments just don't make much sense to me.

    Watch, when my partner and I finally get the point where we are discussing invites, he will have a huge preference for paper. I'll be like "Oh well! Good info but that's that!"
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    RezIpsa said:

    adk19 said:

    adk19 said:

    @Jen4948 I am absolutely not just looking for validation. The reason I like these boards is that people will say what they think, so no worries there. It's a really helpful way to gather info from a variety of experiences before making decisions.

    If it isn't a violation of etiquette, then it seems like it just falls in the range of personal preference.I mentioned speaking to our VIPs about the matter solely because of your question above (sorry, I can't figure out the quote thing in the middle of a comment):

    "Plus, have you actually spoken to everyone you plan to invite and gotten
    them to tell you that they don't have issues with electronic
    announcements?  Just thinking the bolded doesn't make it so.  And I
    think your guests are going to need physical invitations whether your
    mom or anyone else is "dying for them."

    So that's why I addressed it at all.

    I would love to hear why you think my guests need physical invites. To be clear, because tone is impossible to be sure of on the internet, I am not being snarky about that. If there is something I am missing, I would love to hear it. My experience has been everyone takes a picture of the invitation on their phone, and either pitches the invitation immediately or sticks it on their fridge and doesn't refer to it again. I honestly don't see where a physical invite serves any purpose or need that an electronic invite would not also serve. For me, the ability to check it on my phone the day of, instead of remembering to bring the physical invite, would be a boon. Hence, the picture.

    @adk19: Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely give that some thought.



    Thanks for responding without sarcasm, hostility, or defensiveness!  That's quite a rarity from new members of this community, and that's actually why I responded with the tone I did.

    But in all honesty, I tend to bring my physical invitations with me because they contain the logistical information I need to find the venues for the ceremony and reception and because I can show them to venue staff and security persons if I need to prove that I have a right to be at the ceremony or reception location.  If I don't have access to a phone or a computer when I need it, I can't access the invitation to get the logistical information or to show anyone.  And although I do carry my phone with me, I'm likely to turn it off during a wedding, especially if I've been requested to by an official announcement.  And my phone is notorious for needing recharging at sensitive moments.

    Also, I had a really bad personal experience once when I had a party, invited a number of people through Facebook and eVites, and very few people showed up.  I was out a lot of money.  Plus, it hurt to invite them only to find that they didn't give enough of a damn to attend, even when they'd responded yes.  But had I used paper invitations, I think my intended guests would have taken the time to at least tell me whether or not they could come, let alone actually come, because my using snail mail would have told them that I was investing more time, energy, and thought into inviting them then just clicking on their profile photos or email addresses.  Sometimes when you want things from people, you have to exert more effort to make it clear that you want them and forgo your own personal convenience and ease.



    Yes!  This is basically what I said above.  I'd respond Yes to a casual party, but then not worry about it if I decided to change my mind and do something else.
     Paper means you're more serious, I think.  

    Also, I don't have a smart phone.  I don't want one.  I have a $12 a month plan that gives me unlimited calling and texts and zero data.  So, I'm one of those people who wouldn't be able to look up the info on my phone.  I just went to a wedding on Saturday.  We had the physical invitation in the car so we could look up the address if our GPS went crazy.
    This is still rude. You said you would go, to not even contact the host to say you won't be attending is rude no matter the medium they used to invite you.

    BOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOXBOX



    It is rude, but it's still reality. As a host, you have to anticipate that some of your guests aren't going to do the right thing, so you do what you can to mitigate the effect. 

    Rude or not, some people are more likely to no-show for an event that doesn't have the gravitas of formal invitations. 
    --------------preemptive box------------------------------

    Oh, I don't deny it's rude.  It is.  But I could not remember that I quickly clicked a box that says Accept, or my eyes could be going after spending all day looking at a screen and I actually thought I had declined, or the likeliest for me is that I choose the 'Maybe' option and then never change it.  It just doesn't feel like it means as much when it's the same method of invitation that are used to invite me to Pampered Chef virtual facebook parties.

    ----------------------------------------------

    I regularly get invited to things like charity nights, store openings, baby showers, alumni get togethers, etc. through paper mail. I am so puzzled at the idea that the delivery method has anything to do with either the importance or formality of the event.

    For me, it's the nature of the event that indicates its importance. Friend's wedding? Important. Will make sure I RSVP and attend. Bounce house and charity BBQ at the local church (which I don't belong to)? Not important and I won't worry about responding. It wouldn't matter if I was invited to either event electronically, over the phone (I am aware this is unacceptable), or by mail.

    For me, the paper v. electronic invitation issue is like the receiving line v. Table visits issue. People may have strong feelings about it, one may be a better fit for your particular circumstances, but ultimately as long as whatever you choose gets the job done then it's fine. I hear all of you that disagree, and will give those perspectives consideration. A lot of the arguments just don't make much sense to me.

    Watch, when my partner and I finally get the point where we are discussing invites, he will have a huge preference for paper. I'll be like "Oh well! Good info but that's that!"

    But that's your personal perspective. Etiquette is generally determined by an aggregate perspective of the vast majority of people as opposed to what does or doesn't work for one person or what one person considers "important" or makes sense to that person or what is "done" in that one person's circle of acquaintances.

    And the reasons you listed in the OP are valid reasons, etiquette-related or otherwise, why electronic invitations aren't a good idea. There are many things that don't violate etiquette but are not advisable, and we tend not to advise them.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    One other thing: not everyone has dependable email service. Servers crash or are slow at transmitting emails. People experience power outages. So it can be risky to send wedding invitations that way.

    While snail mail can also be risky, I think it's less risky than email.
  • I know for me, I have a number of relatives who do not use email, or don't check it often at all.  So how would you handle the invitations for those types people if you decide to do invites?  I guess it's a "know your crowd" thing but I can't imagine using E-vites for something as important as your wedding.
    Married 9.12.15
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards