I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board.
I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone?
But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.
To the many, many comments about people looking for reasons to be offended: If you are reported multiple times for being offensive, maybe you're really being offensive. If you are here primarily for the drama...why? Why not just make a TK snark tumblr and hang out there? Newly engaged people do not make TK accounts to in order to entertain you.
To the OP, yes, I absolutely think the community in general would benefit from less bitchiness and more effort to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
I hang around here because I want to read and talk about weddings a lot right now without irritating my non-engaged friends. Every time I post, I do so knowing there will very likely be some backlash from the bullies, but I post anyway because there are also some helpful people around here.
@lachattefatale Yes, maybe if you are reported multiple times you are offensive. Or maybe it's butthurt people reporting things because they don't like not being validated. A couple years ago, you could see who reported you and for what, and BELIEVE ME, there were some bullshit reports. Since they reinstated the ability to report, I have no doubts (as the mods have already even stated) that there are plenty of bullshit reasons people are being reported. When people are reported and warned for bullshit reasons, that's a huge problem.
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
I agree with bits and pieces of what everyone is saying. I wasn't the biggest fan of Ashley or some others who would purposely turn your words around. Like huskypuppy said that thread I had said "little lady" turned into a fucking disaster of people shredding apart that one word for pages. That shit does get annoying to me and others. There was a thread on another board about a pregnant member's gender reveal party and out of 30 posts every one of them was happy and supportive of her impending baby and they were having fun guessing. It didn't get torn in another direction by "sex isn't gender" arguments like it would have on this board.
I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone?
But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.
****UGH UGH UGH****
You immediately got defensive when people pointed out that "little lady" and "little man" are totally loaded words. That's why your thread blew up on such a massive scale. Words have meanings and connotations that impact people in different ways. Had you been like "Oh, I didn't realize those words could be offensive to people," the response might have been different. But, as it happened, you instead decided that you'd rather fight about it.
I have no idea what other thread you're even talking about. Context and tone of that specific board counts for a lot.
</blockquote
Boxboxboxbox
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said. If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
I have to laugh at CC being described as Mean Girls.
I pop in and out of here, and by and large it has always seemed to me as the land of Everyone Gets Offended. I made an Oprah GIF especially for this board because some very innocent threads get way out of control. I'm thinking specifically of a thread last December meant to open a conversation about favorite Christmas songs.
I can understand why some people might come across as harsh with their WTF reactions to others when so many people seem to be trying to find reasons to be offended over here.
People who have been sexually assaulted finding fault in a song that seems to very clearly blur the lines of consent isn't "trying to find reasons to be offended."
Here's a good example of someone not going off the deep end when responding to something they don't agree with.
Estee and I do not agree on the interpretation of this song, and I stated as much in the thread in December, but we can have this discussion w/o getting personal and shitty.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
And I agree with the above that these "mean girls" and "bullies" people speak of are still here, so it's kind of silly for people to come out of their shyness and speak up about them now as if it's suddenly "safe" to do so. Maybe you think I'm one of the bullies. I don't know and I don't care. I intend to go on posting as I always have. If that gets me banned, so be it.
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
I'm just reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally curious who will be crowned the new Meanest of the Mean. It will happen, undoubtedly. Every time someone is banned over being a "bully" or "negative" someone else is kind of put in their place.
And that's part of the reason no matter how many rules and loopholes and new changes are made to try to make things more "polite" , things will never change. Someone will always be appointed as the meanest of the polite people. It's kind of like extending the hours at a store. You start closing at seven, then people complain so you stay open until eight, then nine, then you're closing at 11pm and everyone is run ragged and tired, but someone is banging on your door to tell you how unbelievable you are, why aren't you more accommodating?
I have to laugh at CC being described as Mean Girls.
I pop in and out of here, and by and large it has always seemed to me as the land of Everyone Gets Offended. I made an Oprah GIF especially for this board because some very innocent threads get way out of control. I'm thinking specifically of a thread last December meant to open a conversation about favorite Christmas songs.
I can understand why some people might come across as harsh with their WTF reactions to others when so many people seem to be trying to find reasons to be offended over here.
This is sort of what I was talking about... basically a rather mundane thread being turned into a 5 page disaster because someone worded something in a way that inadvertently offended somebody else, and that somebody else going completely crazy over it. It happens here in ChitChat VERY often, and is one of the reasons I don't even participate in certain threads. Some of it completely ruins some discussions instead of enhancing them.
Maybe I'm weird, but I try to approach interactions here just like I do "in real life". If I wouldn't say something to somebody's face in person, I'm certainly not going to say it here.
****BOXES****
"Ruins" discussions in your opinion, but you apparently don't realize that not everyone is you and not everyone wants the same things as you. If you don't want to participate in a thread that went in a direction you don't like, that's fantastic for you. Don't participate in it. But don't expect a medal for it, because it's not noteworthy.
********This is a box********************
I would like a medal for suffering through some conversations. Probably this one, by the end of the day.
A lot of things in this thread are bothering me.
There is a lot of premature rejoicing here on this thread. "Oh goody gumdrops! The meanies have gone away so it's now safe to speak, and encourage a more polite community! Hurrah! I was afraid to post before, but now the sun is shining. Maybe the kingdom will enact laws to create peace and happiness in our village."
Does everyone coming out of the Kindness Cottage realize that nobody left?
Just Ashley. Everyone else is still here. Nothing has changed.
Calm down, villagers.
**********
Fully aware nobody has left other than Ashley. Some people have said they've left, but I know how that goes, remains to be see if they stay gone. As I have continually been stating, the thread was started to ask our opinions about what went down. I think that's what we're all doing here, right?
Right, except this is a discussion forum, not a poll, so people are going to comment back and forth on people's stated opinions. . . hence the "discussion" in discussion forum.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I find the "new" (?) TOS a slippery, clear-as-mud slope as usual. I am wholly aware that I can't say, "Hey, you're a cuntwaffle." I KNOW that's an attack. Any idiot knows that. But who in the world would ever think that I couldn't say someone was "insane" for biting off more than they could probably chew on her wedding day? Whoda thunk that was oh-so-offensive?
Five warnings and then a ban? Cool. But again, I KNOW I'm getting warned or banned for straight up calling you a "stupid whore." But am I seriously in danger of racking up 5 warnings for calling you "insane" instead of "a silly goose" or " you're making a bad choice" ? Because it would appear I am indeed in danger of that. How the fuck is anyone supposed to know when they might be "attacking" under these conditions?
If someone calls me rude, harsh, or a bully, can I report them and they get a warning? Because.....ya know....I"m offended when you describe me in a way I don't like or call me a "name."
Yup. Although I fear if I start reporting everyone who calls me rude after well-intentioned responses, I might have to give up my social life.
Under the guidelines of the TOS, even if you answered "no" to any of those thought-provoking questions about the intent of your post, someone else can still be offended by it. But their being offended by (and potentially reporting) it don't make it actually offensive, and being told you're rude or a bully for trying to answer their question is totally uncalled for. It's absolutely absurd how frequently people are called rude or accused of bullying just because the poster didn't get the answer / validation they hoped for, not to mention a whole bunch of people throwing around some "mean girls" digs. How is that OK?
And it's absurd to get your panties in a bunch over a user signature phrase/image that isn't even directed at anyone in particular.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
This is wonderful news! I see the new changes are working already. It is so lovely that we are all willing to admit our mistakes now- I remember in the past when you complained about minorities (but who doesn't) living in your neighborhood and it was pointed out that it was offensive you did not apologize right away. The new TOS is already working! I knew you would all love them- it will be much easier now that we can get rid of silly gooses and keep all the non silly special gooses instead, I think the threads will be much better now that we can all just say agree to disagree and not challenge each other. Wouldn't it be better to just relax and know that everything you've ever thought is true, and your opinion is always the best? I for one love the new knot.
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said. If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
ETA: I would of course never complain but these boxes are a bit quirky aren't they?
To the many, many comments about people looking for reasons to be offended: If you are reported multiple times for being offensive, maybe you're really being offensive.
A lot of us are called bullies and worse and accused of attacking posters for simply not validating their shitty ideas.And we've never officially be warned, either. I guess because we aren't actually doing anything that warrants it.
Again, a lot posters read tone into posts that are simply not there. There are a lot of people on these boards- all of them, not just CC- that are overly sensitive at times and get defensive when told, "That idea sucks." And that's how a lot of people will phrase things on here. There's nothing wrong or mean about it.
So the next time someone rubs you the wrong way in a post, rather than getting immediately butthurt, try what a PP suggested and re-read what has been said with a neutral tone.
If you are here primarily for the drama...why? Why not just make a TK snark tumblr and hang out there? Newly engaged people do not make TK accounts to in order to entertain you. And yet often their posts and attitudes are entertaining. What's the problem with that? Some people find drama entertaining- it's the reason reality TV shows are such cash cows for the networks. But most people in this thread said that they are here primarily for the people they have met on the boards and/or to help other people with wedding planning because they enjoy talkig about weddings and they are trying to save people from making hosting mistakes that their guests will be pissed about. Drama is an added bonus.
To the OP, yes, I absolutely think the community in general would benefit from less bitchiness and more effort to give each other the benefit of the doubt. So you should start giving people the benefit of the doubt and not assume posts you don't like are bitchy, right?
I hang around here because I want to read and talk about weddings a lot right now without irritating my non-engaged friends. Every time I post, I do so knowing there will very likely be some backlash from the bullies, but I post anyway because there are also some helpful people around here. That's a pretty subjective term, and again, maybe you just need to give people the benefit of the doubt more and stop thinking blunt posts are always meant to be mean and personal?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
This is wonderful news! I see the new changes are working already. It is so lovely that we are all willing to admit our mistakes now- I remember in the past when you complained about minorities (but who doesn't) living in your neighborhood and it was pointed out that it was offensive you did not apologize right away. The new TOS is already working! I knew you would all love them- it will be much easier now that we can get rid of silly gooses and keep all the non silly special gooses instead, I think the threads will be much better now that we can all just say agree to disagree and not challenge each other. Wouldn't it be better to just relax and know that everything you've ever thought is true, and your opinion is always the best? I for one love the new knot.
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said. If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
ETA: I would of course never complain but these boxes are a bit quirky aren't they?
this is exactly the shit I'm talking about. I never once COMPLAINED about minorities living in my town. I stated a fact that they lived there. That was all. Apparently you're not allowed to say the word Puerto Rican without everyone being like "omg you're so racist". So yea obviously I'm going to defend myself when what I said was not fucking racist. Anyone is going to defend themselves when their words get thrown around and they are called something they are not. But you decide to hate for my the rest of my existence because of this one thread in which you twisted in your mind to make me racist.
And I know that no one else on this board has left or been banned. I'm not an idiot.
If you don't like the direction a thread has gone, either say something, or don't post in it. Hell, don't even read it. If you want to get back to the original topic, post about the original topic. It's really not that hard.
There are many threads, especially on CC, where I think "I have nothing to contribute to that discussion." Do I post in those threads? No. Do I get upset that the discussion exists, or has been taken a different direction? No. That would be crazy.
If you don't like the tone or content of a post, or even a poster, IGNORE IT.
This is wonderful news! I see the new changes are working already. It is so lovely that we are all willing to admit our mistakes now- I remember in the past when you complained about minorities (but who doesn't) living in your neighborhood and it was pointed out that it was offensive you did not apologize right away. The new TOS is already working! I knew you would all love them- it will be much easier now that we can get rid of silly gooses and keep all the non silly special gooses instead, I think the threads will be much better now that we can all just say agree to disagree and not challenge each other. Wouldn't it be better to just relax and know that everything you've ever thought is true, and your opinion is always the best? I for one love the new knot.
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said. If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
ETA: I would of course never complain but these boxes are a bit quirky aren't they?
this is exactly the shit I'm talking about. I never once COMPLAINED about minorities living in my town. I stated a fact that they lived there. That was all. Apparently you're not allowed to say the word Puerto Rican without everyone being like "omg you're so racist". So yea obviously I'm going to defend myself when what I said was not fucking racist. Anyone is going to defend themselves when their words get thrown around and they are called something they are not. But you decide to hate for my the rest of my existence because of this one thread in which you twisted in your mind to make me racist.
And I know that no one else on this board has left or been banned. I'm not an idiot.
Sweetheart I would never hate anyone! But it was a little racist. You need to learn these things in case your husband ever runs for office. Better to learn you are wrong on the knot than to learn at his press conference! I certainly didn't mean to derail this thread- I was just noticing that the people who seem to be thrilled SheWhoWillNotBeNamed is gone are some of the same people who have said some problematic things in the past. That's why I think this is such a good thing that we have the new TOS, so we don't have to have these arguments anymore!
This is wonderful news! I see the new changes are working already. It is so lovely that we are all willing to admit our mistakes now- I remember in the past when you complained about minorities (but who doesn't) living in your neighborhood and it was pointed out that it was offensive you did not apologize right away. The new TOS is already working! I knew you would all love them- it will be much easier now that we can get rid of silly gooses and keep all the non silly special gooses instead, I think the threads will be much better now that we can all just say agree to disagree and not challenge each other. Wouldn't it be better to just relax and know that everything you've ever thought is true, and your opinion is always the best? I for one love the new knot.
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said. If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
ETA: I would of course never complain but these boxes are a bit quirky aren't they?
this is exactly the shit I'm talking about. I never once COMPLAINED about minorities living in my town. I stated a fact that they lived there. That was all. Apparently you're not allowed to say the word Puerto Rican without everyone being like "omg you're so racist". So yea obviously I'm going to defend myself when what I said was not fucking racist. Anyone is going to defend themselves when their words get thrown around and they are called something they are not. But you decide to hate for my the rest of my existence because of this one thread in which you twisted in your mind to make me racist.
And I know that no one else on this board has left or been banned. I'm not an idiot.
Ok, but what was the context of the statements that you made regarding minorities? Because maybe you might not have been intending to come of as racist, but other people may have taken offense to the comments based on the context.
How did you respond? Did you say, "Oh I didn't mean it like that at all, sorry if it came across that way." and move on?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
If you don't like the direction a thread has gone, either say something, or don't post in it. Hell, don't even read it. If you want to get back to the original topic, post about the original topic. It's really not that hard.
There are many threads, especially on CC, where I think "I have nothing to contribute to that discussion." Do I post in those threads? No. Do I get upset that the discussion exists, or has been taken a different direction? No. That would be crazy.
If you don't like the tone or content of a post, or even a poster, IGNORE IT.
Goddamned logic again? I just can't with all the common sense.
To the many, many comments about people looking for reasons to be offended: If you are reported multiple times for being offensive, maybe you're really being offensive. If you are here primarily for the drama...why? Why not just make a TK snark tumblr and hang out there? Newly engaged people do not make TK accounts to in order to entertain you.
To the OP, yes, I absolutely think the community in general would benefit from less bitchiness and more effort to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
I hang around here because I want to read and talk about weddings a lot right now without irritating my non-engaged friends. Every time I post, I do so knowing there will very likely be some backlash from the bullies, but I post anyway because there are also some helpful people around here.
I have some terrible news for you.
No matter where you go on the internet, there will be drama. (Except maybe Club Penguin, which is designed for the 12 and under set.)
Drama is part of forums. It is inevitable. It's also highly entertaining.
So this attitude of, "if you're here to be entertained, why don't you go away and make a Tumblr?" Seriously? Great solution. That'll stop the drama. (It won't.)
Nobody suggested you leave, by the way. Do we get medals?
And there's "backlash" when you post things in front of hundreds of people? Gasp.
Or do you mean, a large variety of people respond, and not everybody responds in the way you like? That would be a little more realistic. Not nearly as dramatic, though.
As for "bullies.." I don't think you understand what that word means. You're using it for name calling people who don't agree with you. I don't believe that I've ever seen anyone bully you. (Of course, I honestly don't remember any particular thing you've posted, so there's that.) But I usually do notice extreme unfairness or unkindness when it happens. I often say so, in as reasonable a way as possible. The villagers haven't stoned me or banished me.
If you don't want to be involved in drama, don't participate in it. (Given the "go hang out somewhere else" and name calling, that seems unlikely.)
I've said it sooooooo many times every person on this board could say it along with me: You can't change anybody's behavior. You can only change how you respond to it.
If the drama of Internet forums bothers you, disengage. If you want to talk weddings, go to a different thread and talk weddings. But that isn't what you're doing now. You're knee-deep and frolicking in drama.
That's hogwash.
@Fran1985, is the term "hogwash" socially acceptable, or is it too crude, in that smelly barnyard way? I am trying to earn a medal.
To the many, many comments about people looking for reasons to be offended: If you are reported multiple times for being offensive, maybe you're really being offensive. If you are here primarily for the drama...why? Why not just make a TK snark tumblr and hang out there? Newly engaged people do not make TK accounts to in order to entertain you.
To the OP, yes, I absolutely think the community in general would benefit from less bitchiness and more effort to give each other the benefit of the doubt.
I hang around here because I want to read and talk about weddings a lot right now without irritating my non-engaged friends. Every time I post, I do so knowing there will very likely be some backlash from the bullies, but I post anyway because there are also some helpful people around here.
I have some terrible news for you.
No matter where you go on the internet, there will be drama. (Except maybe Club Penguin, which is designed for the 12 and under set.)
Drama is part of forums. It is inevitable. It's also highly entertaining.
So this attitude of, "if you're here to be entertained, why don't you go away and make a Tumblr?" Seriously? Great solution. That'll stop the drama. (It won't.)
Nobody suggested you leave, by the way. Do we get medals?
And there's "backlash" when you post things in front of hundreds of people? Gasp.
Or do you mean, a large variety of people respond, and not everybody responds in the way you like? That would be a little more realistic. Not nearly as dramatic, though.
As for "bullies.." I don't think you understand what that word means. You're using it for name calling people who don't agree with you. I don't believe that I've ever seen anyone bully you. (Of course, I honestly don't remember any particular thing you've posted, so there's that.) But I usually do notice extreme unfairness or unkindness when it happens. I often say so, in as reasonable a way as possible. The villagers haven't stoned me or banished me.
If you don't want to be involved in drama, don't participate in it. (Given the "go hang out somewhere else" and name calling, that seems unlikely.)
I've said it sooooooo many times every person on this board could say it along with me: You can't change anybody's behavior. You can only change how you respond to it.
If the drama of Internet forums bothers you, disengage. If you want to talk weddings, go to a different thread and talk weddings. But that isn't what you're doing now. You're knee-deep and frolicking in drama.
That's hogwash.
@Fran1985, is the term "hogwash" socially acceptable, or is it too crude, in that smelly barnyard way? I am trying to earn a medal.
ohannabelle Normally the term hogwash is not to be used! It brings up the image of a hog, which are frightfully dirty and smelly. However, I am just now realizing we can just change the meaning to mean a washed hog, one that is washed and sparkling clean like a new born piglet. Who wouldn't love a freshly cleaned piglet in a bonnet? Quite frankly I am getting giddy just thinking about it and now will have to go have a little rest before my 6 pm martini. Isn't this a lovely conversation? Pigs in bonnets!
This is wonderful news! I see the new changes are working already. It is so lovely that we are all willing to admit our mistakes now- I remember in the past when you complained about minorities (but who doesn't) living in your neighborhood and it was pointed out that it was offensive you did not apologize right away. The new TOS is already working! I knew you would all love them- it will be much easier now that we can get rid of silly gooses and keep all the non silly special gooses instead, I think the threads will be much better now that we can all just say agree to disagree and not challenge each other. Wouldn't it be better to just relax and know that everything you've ever thought is true, and your opinion is always the best? I for one love the new knot.
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said. If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
ETA: I would of course never complain but these boxes are a bit quirky aren't they?
this is exactly the shit I'm talking about. I never once COMPLAINED about minorities living in my town. I stated a fact that they lived there. That was all. Apparently you're not allowed to say the word Puerto Rican without everyone being like "omg you're so racist". So yea obviously I'm going to defend myself when what I said was not fucking racist. Anyone is going to defend themselves when their words get thrown around and they are called something they are not. But you decide to hate for my the rest of my existence because of this one thread in which you twisted in your mind to make me racist.
And I know that no one else on this board has left or been banned. I'm not an idiot.
I read that thread. It was about you thinking about moving, and you stated that your town has a bad rep because minorities live there, so other people hear where you live and say, "Ugh, ghetto," which you don't like. Plus the schools are bad.
You never should have mentioned the minorities giving your town a bad rep. THAT'S what comes across as racist. All you should have said was that your town has a bad rep and that the schools are bad, so you are thinking of leaving because you want to have kids.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I guess I should chime in on how I feel about all this, since I'm the one who started the thread...
1. I think that if it's a choice between the current level of snarkiness/bitchiness/meanness (whatever you want to call it) and becoming a community like WeddingWire, I'll take what we have. But I DO wish there was an in between... I just don't think there's much of a realistic way to accomplish that (through rules) without creating a slippery slope.
Anyway, I'll admit it, I'm glad Ashely is gone. That one change actually does make me more likely to stay involved in this community, because no one else was on her level. She's the only person on here I would actually consider mean, though she's certainly not the only person who I've had arguments with. She was just the only one who constantly found something bitchy to say about every single thread, the only person who went out of her way to try to continue to argue with me over DM, the only one who seemed to constantly dish out attitude (both well-founded and not) but completely unable to take any criticism of anything she said, even when she was clearly making an ass out of herself (I'm refering to the "Cupcake" thread that she repeatedly tried to derail by going off on people calling themselves fat because it "wasn't funny"... even after they made it clear they weren't trying to be funny...).
So yeah. I DO understand why people are acting like The Wicked Witch is dead because honestly, without her it does feel like a happier place to be. At least to me.
Re: Whaaaaaat is going on here?
I'm not saying people shouldn't bring these things up and just be stepford wives but it would be different if it were mentioned in a better way. I just saw a post on etiquette I believe where a newb said her cousin's boyfriend is "white trash and unemployed" and Ashley wrote "ew you are classest as fuck". I mean that is offputting to new members, she could have just said "hey don't judge, you don't know the reasons one might by unemployed ". Do people not agree that there's still a way to have confrontation in a less intimidating tone?
But regardless I have gotten great advice here on wedding and nonwedding topics from everyone so I plan to stick around.
I hang around here because I want to read and talk about weddings a lot right now without irritating my non-engaged friends. Every time I post, I do so knowing there will very likely be some backlash from the bullies, but I post anyway because there are also some helpful people around here.
You immediately got defensive when people pointed out that "little lady" and "little man" are totally loaded words. That's why your thread blew up on such a massive scale. Words have meanings and connotations that impact people in different ways. Had you been like "Oh, I didn't realize those words could be offensive to people," the response might have been different. But, as it happened, you instead decided that you'd rather fight about it.
Boxboxboxbox
Because I'm not going to apologize for something I didn't do or mean. I clearly didn't intend it in an "offensive" context so I don't agree with having to apologize or redact what I said.
If I had said "oh this invitation is so gay" or something like that which IS in the wrong then I'd absolutely apologize and not get defensive.
Estee and I do not agree on the interpretation of this song, and I stated as much in the thread in December, but we can have this discussion w/o getting personal and shitty.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Ruins" discussions in your opinion, but you apparently don't realize that not everyone is you and not everyone wants the same things as you. If you don't want to participate in a thread that went in a direction you don't like, that's fantastic for you. Don't participate in it. But don't expect a medal for it, because it's not noteworthy.
I would like a medal for suffering through some conversations. Probably this one, by the end of the day.
Right, except this is a discussion forum, not a poll, so people are going to comment back and forth on people's stated opinions. . . hence the "discussion" in discussion forum.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
this is exactly the shit I'm talking about. I never once COMPLAINED about minorities living in my town. I stated a fact that they lived there. That was all. Apparently you're not allowed to say the word Puerto Rican without everyone being like "omg you're so racist". So yea obviously I'm going to defend myself when what I said was not fucking racist. Anyone is going to defend themselves when their words get thrown around and they are called something they are not. But you decide to hate for my the rest of my existence because of this one thread in which you twisted in your mind to make me racist.
Sweetheart I would never hate anyone! But it was a little racist. You need to learn these things in case your husband ever runs for office. Better to learn you are wrong on the knot than to learn at his press conference! I certainly didn't mean to derail this thread- I was just noticing that the people who seem to be thrilled SheWhoWillNotBeNamed is gone are some of the same people who have said some problematic things in the past. That's why I think this is such a good thing that we have the new TOS, so we don't have to have these arguments anymore!
Ok, but what was the context of the statements that you made regarding minorities? Because maybe you might not have been intending to come of as racist, but other people may have taken offense to the comments based on the context.
How did you respond? Did you say, "Oh I didn't mean it like that at all, sorry if it came across that way." and move on?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
ohannabelle Normally the term hogwash is not to be used! It brings up the image of a hog, which are frightfully dirty and smelly. However, I am just now realizing we can just change the meaning to mean a washed hog, one that is washed and sparkling clean like a new born piglet. Who wouldn't love a freshly cleaned piglet in a bonnet? Quite frankly I am getting giddy just thinking about it and now will have to go have a little rest before my 6 pm martini. Isn't this a lovely conversation? Pigs in bonnets!
I read that thread. It was about you thinking about moving, and you stated that your town has a bad rep because minorities live there, so other people hear where you live and say, "Ugh, ghetto," which you don't like. Plus the schools are bad.
You never should have mentioned the minorities giving your town a bad rep. THAT'S what comes across as racist. All you should have said was that your town has a bad rep and that the schools are bad, so you are thinking of leaving because you want to have kids.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."