Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Gender Reveal "Surprise"

DH and I were invited to our friends "Evan and Britney"'s house on Sunday for a cookout. DH has been good friends with Evan for years, so Britney and I have been friendly ever since DH and I met, but we've never really been close. 

It turned out that this "cookout" was actually a Gender Reveal Party for the child they're expecting, complete with 4 layer ombre pink-inside cake. The whole thing just kinda disgusted me: first, there's the AW-ness of the gender reveal itself. Second, if you want to have a Gender Reveal, don't bait and switch people by inviting them to something else. Third, the couple already knew the gender! She baked the cake! Who exactly was this "reveal" for? So much eye rolling...


Bubblegum5586
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Re: NWR: Gender Reveal "Surprise"

  • Was the entire event a gender reveal?    Was it a completely decked out gender reveal party?

    Or was it a picnic with a gender reveal cake?   
    redoryx
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Was the entire event a gender reveal?    Was it a completely decked out gender reveal party?

    Or was it a picnic with a gender reveal cake?   
    This.  My overall reaction will depend on this answer.

    lc07
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2015
    FYI - sex is not the same as gender.  You will get some people complaining about the term gender reveal parties on here.  Just a heads up.

    Although I still consider it a gender reveal, because basically the parents are revealing THEY have decided to at least start out raising their child as a certain gender based on the sex.   When said child is old enough to speak for themselves and decide their parts do not match their gender, then they can change on their own.  That's just me though.


    Back to your OP.  I'm not a fan of these parties.    Not my thing.  It's just pretty AW to me. Bait and switch would be so eye-rolling to me.






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  • I'm with banana. If the entire event was all about revealing the sex of the baby with theme-y, Pinterest-y things everywhere, I would eye-roll a bit. But if the only thing was the cake, I don't see what the big deal is? 

    I'm not even a fan of these parties, but I don't think I'd get all worked up over a pink cake, or view the whole party as a "bait and switch". 
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    japrincess24
  • I kind of think the entire "gender (sex) reveal" thing is a ridiculous AW thing to do...but i REALLY think it's ridiculous when the parents already know the sex and are just putting on a show to announce it to everyone else.  These things can be kind of fun when you're a guest watching the parents find out the sex, but when the parents already know i don't really see the point.  I'd be just as happy with a text message telling me "it's a girl!" as i would be to attend a gender reveal party.

     

    that said, if this was actually a fun BBQ with a brief break for the "reveal" cake, it wouldn't be so terrible.  At least they fed you, i assume.  However if they told you you were attending a fun BBQ and then made the whole event about their gender reveal, that would be pretty AW, i'd agree.

    sarahuflMGP
  • delujm0 said:

    I kind of think the entire "gender (sex) reveal" thing is a ridiculous AW thing to do...but i REALLY think it's ridiculous when the parents already know the sex and are just putting on a show to announce it to everyone else.  These things can be kind of fun when you're a guest watching the parents find out the sex, but when the parents already know i don't really see the point.  I'd be just as happy with a text message telling me "it's a girl!" as i would be to attend a gender reveal party.

     

    that said, if this was actually a fun BBQ with a brief break for the "reveal" cake, it wouldn't be so terrible.  At least they fed you, i assume.  However if they told you you were attending a fun BBQ and then made the whole event about their gender reveal, that would be pretty AW, i'd agree.

    I think it's because some people think they're more important than they really are. Just like the SS who show up on here throwing fits because their WP aren't gushing and super excited and obsessed over their wedding. They really expect their wedding to be the biggest thing in EVERYONE'S life. 

    Well, it's not. Some people don't really care. I don't care much about the sex/gender of someone else's baby, other than to congratulate them. 
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    madamerwin
  • I think it's because some people think they're more important than they really are. Just like the SS who show up on here throwing fits because their WP aren't gushing and super excited and obsessed over their wedding. They really expect their wedding to be the biggest thing in EVERYONE'S life. 

    Well, it's not. Some people don't really care. I don't care much about the sex/gender of someone else's baby, other than to congratulate them. 


    ******Quote box fail********

     

    I am on the Bump boards right now and you have no idea how true this is.  Like really,the only important thing is that the kid is healthy.  The only people that migth REALLY care about the sex are maybe the parents and grandparents and siblings.  When we found out we were having a girl, we just texted our families.  I feel like that was more than enough pomp and circumstance. 

    MairePoppy
  • delujm0 said:
    I think it's because some people think they're more important than they really are. Just like the SS who show up on here throwing fits because their WP aren't gushing and super excited and obsessed over their wedding. They really expect their wedding to be the biggest thing in EVERYONE'S life. 

    Well, it's not. Some people don't really care. I don't care much about the sex/gender of someone else's baby, other than to congratulate them. 


    ******Quote box fail********

     

    I am on the Bump boards right now and you have no idea how true this is.  Like really,the only important thing is that the kid is healthy.  The only people that migth REALLY care about the sex are maybe the parents and grandparents and siblings.  When we found out we were having a girl, we just texted our families.  I feel like that was more than enough pomp and circumstance. 

    We had DD tell our parents when we were all together for my birthday when we knew the sex.   That was it.   No big to do.   No party.  No nothing.

    I think special snowflakes hold onto ways to keep themselves in the spotlight.   It's the "everyone gets a trophy" syndrome on drugs. 
    XrebeccaXAprilH81
  • Eh, it's cake. I'll eat the cake. I wouldn't really care.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't get gender reveal parties, but if you're gonna serve cake...
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    delujm0 said:

    I kind of think the entire "gender (sex) reveal" thing is a ridiculous AW thing to do...but i REALLY think it's ridiculous when the parents already know the sex and are just putting on a show to announce it to everyone else.  These things can be kind of fun when you're a guest watching the parents find out the sex, but when the parents already know i don't really see the point.  I'd be just as happy with a text message telling me "it's a girl!" as i would be to attend a gender reveal party.

     

    that said, if this was actually a fun BBQ with a brief break for the "reveal" cake, it wouldn't be so terrible.  At least they fed you, i assume.  However if they told you you were attending a fun BBQ and then made the whole event about their gender reveal, that would be pretty AW, i'd agree.

    Now I'm confused. I thought the whole point was for the couple to reveal the sex to their family/friends. (Admittedly, I don't know anyone in real life who has done one of these.) 

    How would the couple go about not knowing and finding out at the party? Does the couple have the U/S tech call the bakery to specify the cake color? Does someone else find out first and have to keep the secret? 
    lachattefatale
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    delujm0 said:

    I kind of think the entire "gender (sex) reveal" thing is a ridiculous AW thing to do...but i REALLY think it's ridiculous when the parents already know the sex and are just putting on a show to announce it to everyone else.  These things can be kind of fun when you're a guest watching the parents find out the sex, but when the parents already know i don't really see the point.  I'd be just as happy with a text message telling me "it's a girl!" as i would be to attend a gender reveal party.

     

    that said, if this was actually a fun BBQ with a brief break for the "reveal" cake, it wouldn't be so terrible.  At least they fed you, i assume.  However if they told you you were attending a fun BBQ and then made the whole event about their gender reveal, that would be pretty AW, i'd agree.

    Now I'm confused. I thought the whole point was for the couple to reveal the sex to their family/friends. (Admittedly, I don't know anyone in real life who has done one of these.) 

    How would the couple go about not knowing and finding out at the party? Does the couple have the U/S tech call the bakery to specify the cake color? Does someone else find out first and have to keep the secret? 
    Usually when the couple goes in for their ultrasound/sonogram (whatever it is called) the nurse or tech writes the sex down on a card and then the couple takes said card to baker where they make the cake.  Or they hand said card to a friend and then that friend alone knows what the sex is and they make arrangements with the baker/buys the specific color can of silly string/fills balloon up with appropriate colored confetti.

    So then at the gender reveal the couple cuts the cake, pops the balloon or sprays the silly string and is surprised by the color that appears.

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2015
    delujm0 said:

    I kind of think the entire "gender (sex) reveal" thing is a ridiculous AW thing to do...but i REALLY think it's ridiculous when the parents already know the sex and are just putting on a show to announce it to everyone else.  These things can be kind of fun when you're a guest watching the parents find out the sex, but when the parents already know i don't really see the point.  I'd be just as happy with a text message telling me "it's a girl!" as i would be to attend a gender reveal party.

     

    that said, if this was actually a fun BBQ with a brief break for the "reveal" cake, it wouldn't be so terrible.  At least they fed you, i assume.  However if they told you you were attending a fun BBQ and then made the whole event about their gender reveal, that would be pretty AW, i'd agree.

    Now I'm confused. I thought the whole point was for the couple to reveal the sex to their family/friends. (Admittedly, I don't know anyone in real life who has done one of these.) 

    How would the couple go about not knowing and finding out at the party? Does the couple have the U/S tech call the bakery to specify the cake color? Does someone else find out first and have to keep the secret? 


    Normally, the US tech will print out a picture and seal it in an envelope. Then the couple will take the envelope to the bakery. the baker opens the envelope and makes a pink or blue cake. This way everyone is surprised.

    But I still think Gender/ Sex reveals are AW-ish and completely unnesseary.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Not sure I see the point of doing the reveal with the cake if they already knew what it was. I get how it could be annoying if they said hey come to a BBQ then it was a party all about the baby they're expecting. However, if they brought a cake out to reveal the gender to everyone else during a BBQ I don't see the big deal in it.
    lc07
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Yeah, that's completely ridiculous. It's a baby, not an academy award. 
    But finding out via a cake is so much more exciting then the US tech telling you it is a boy or girl.
    I feel like the people who do this don't get it.   You're there in the room watching this wiggly creature move around.   And then the US tech (or Dr.) says, "That's a boy".   I swear one of the top 5 moments of my life was just watching DH's expression and thinking about it still makes me well up. 
    Yeah, I guess that is why I don't get these types of parties.  I mean, that moment you have with your SO or, if you are a single parent, close family member or friend has got to be an amazing thing.  Because, lets face it, others may care for a moment, but this is your child that you are finding out the sex of.  Why do you need the pomp and circumstance for it to be exciting?

  • It's a good thing we didn't do a gender reveal with either of our kids, because when DH found out DD was going to be a girl, all he said for the next ten minutes was "A girl...huh.  Huh...a girl."  Repeat.  (He said he wouldn't know what to do with a girl, but he managed to prove himself wrong pretty quickly.)

    I mean, I know some people are extroverts and love doing this stuff with a crowd, but it's NMS, and it can cross the line into AW-ing pretty easily, IMO.
  • lyndausvi said:
    FYI - sex is not the same as gender.  You will get some people complaining about the term gender reveal parties on here.  Just a heads up.

    Although I still consider it a gender reveal, because basically the parents are revealing THEY have decided to at least start out raising their child as a certain gender based on the sex.   When said child is old enough to speak for themselves and decide their parts do not match their gender, then they can change on their own.  That's just me though.

    So this was my thought process:

    "Well what should we call it instead? A 'Sex Reveal' party? If I got an invite to a 'Baby Sex Reveal' party I'd be very worried I was being invited to a screening of the video the parents filmed while they were making the baby.... Maybe we'll just stick with gender for a while...."
    [Deleted User]
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015
    As far as the OP goes, if it really was a cookout with a "by the way guys, have some pink cake because we're having a girl!" I wouldn't side-eye that very much. But, I'm very against actual "guess what genitalia the child will have" parties because I think it's AWish. 

    I'm an OMH and generally speak out against bridal showers because I don't see the point. You get married, you have a reception. That's the celebration. These baby-focused parties are the same way. You're having a baby. Hopefully you get a baby shower --I like baby showers as the only time to really celebrate the arrival of the baby. Now you need another freaking party to celebrate having a baby? 

    Life event = party. Life event =/= multiple parties. That's my opinion. 

    Edit: and can we staahhp with the pink = girl, blue = boy bullshit? Maybe I should have my own guess-the-genitalia party (GTGP if you will) just so I can make some cake green and orange and make people confused. 
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    At least with a BBQ, I'd just go with no gifts.  With a gender reveal party, I'd feel I'd have to bring some sort of (neutral) gift.  Are these things gift giving events??

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    JoanE2012 said:

    At least with a BBQ, I'd just go with no gifts.  With a gender reveal party, I'd feel I'd have to bring some sort of (neutral) gift.  Are these things gift giving events??


    No, but I tend to feel like have to bring gifts to parties with a title. Random BBQ = no gift. Gender reveal specific party = I feel like I have to bring something.

  • I sure hope they aren't gift giving events.  I have yet to be invited to one of these and I'm nearly certain I would turn down an invitation if given one.  I just can't envision myself caring that much about what sex organs a friend or family members baby will have.  I care about whether the mother and baby are healthy and whether my friends or family will have the support they need in the weeks after to adjust, but I just couldn't give a crap about the sex of the baby and I really don't feel like enabling such attention whoring.

    I remember seeing one of these on a reality show - for some reason I'm thinking Bridezillas or a similar show, but I can't place it right now.  And I remember pink balloons coming out of a box and the husband's mother basically bursting into tears and refusing to speak to the woman carrying her grandchild because it was a girl and not a boy.  And right then and there I pretty much decided that people are horrible - the sex reveal party was horrible and AWing as it was, and then the response was just horrible squared.  Ugh.


  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think these types of things are very AW.  Who really cares?  And why is doing whatever with balloons or confetti or a stuffed animal in a bag more exciting than just telling people.

    H and I do not plan to find out when we have kids specifically to avoid all the insanity over what we're having and then getting all blue or pink clothes.  In my family, it's actually pretty normal to not find out.  Neither of our parents did and most of my immediate relatives have chosen not to.

  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    I don't see the big deal with these parties at all. Makes no sense to me. I'd be embarassed if some how the sex/gender of the baby was incorrect at the time of said reveal party.

    My mother was told throughout her entire pregnancy with me that I would be a boy. If these kinds of parties existed 26+ years ago, I'm sure my mother would have been embarassed to find out when I was born that her child was in fact a girl and not a boy like she was made to believe.

    I also agree on the whole pink = girls and blue = boys bullshit. I had a guy at my work the other day flat out tell his son that dolls are only for girls. Stop with the outdated gender roles. I told BF that if our hypothetical son wants to dress up like a princess, he can and vice versa for our hypothetical daughter.

    I have four older brothers and they had no problem playing tea party with me and sharing their G.I. Joes. So yeah you can shove your gender role bullshit.
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    [Deleted User]
  • My sister and BIL knew the sex of their baby and teased us for about a week before the official "gender reveal party" with cupcakes.

    I smashed that sucker so fast because I wanted to be the third to know at least!

    I think she just wanted the whole family to find out together was the thought process.

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  • particuliersylpheparticuliersylphe My heart belongs to Baltimore. member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2015
    I like cake, cake is good. I wouldn't mind this so much. Its better than FSIL's ridiculous "photo shoot" and re-do to the reveal over and over again, because the "hand prints on her shirt weren't right the first time". I'll take cake over that mess any day. 
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