Hey Knotties,
I'm having a bit of a family difficulty. FI and I picked our bridal parties, including one flower girl and one ring bearer -- one from his family and one from mine. We did this because we didn't want a lot of kids running around and we wanted to be fair and respectful to both sides of the family.
Well one little cousin on FI's side (I say little, the kid is 10) heard she wasn't going to be a flower girl. We chose another cousin, who is younger and who I get along with a lot better. In addition, younger cousin has never been a flower girl while older cousin has. It was never meant to be a snub. We picked one from each side, remember. To be fair and to keep the kids numbers down.
Well the 10 year old (and, I imagine, her mother) heard about it and must have flipped out because they had another family member email us asking us to make 10 year old a Junior Bridesmaid or something because she was SO UPSET she wasn't in the wedding.
WTF!?!
It gets worse. We start delving into what the actual fuck is going on, and start hearing things like this:
"FI's sister was a junior bridesmaid in 10-year-old's-mom's wedding so it's only fair."
"The more kids the better. Kids are so cute I love kids!"
"It's easier if you just go along with it."
Eventually we stood our ground and said no. They came back again -- can she just hand out programs or something? I said I'll put the programs in a basket and the kid can hand them out if she wants. I doubt she'll actually want to but whatever.
Done, right?
Few months go by. 10 year old and her cousin suddenly have the same flower girl dresses (I let the flower girl and the bridesmaids all pick their own with the request they wear navy). During a family gathering, both girls were parading up and down the lawn throwing dandelions, with the 10 year old shouting how she's practicing to be a flower girl. Her mom posts pictures on Facebook of the whole thing -- Look at the cute flower girls!! So it came up again with FI and his parents (please note parents raised this, FI and I did not). Everyone keeps telling me on the day of none of it will matter just enjoy yourself.
Here's the thing. 99.9% of the stupid stuff won't matter on the day of. I know that. But I hate, hate, HATE special snowflakes. It drives me insane. So when the 10 year old's mother tries to push her down the aisle or shove her into wedding party photos (it was even recommended that I take two sets of wedding party photos, ones with this girl in them and ones without this girl in them) I am going to call them on it. I just know I will. And I just know that's how they're going to behave -- at least, if current and past behavior is any indication.
She's not a flower girl (and after all this bullshit I can safely say there's a reason she's not a flower girl now). She will not be in the wedding party photos, I don't care how she's dressed. She is family, and will be in all the family photos. I don't understand why that's not enough. I also don't understand why it's okay to buy a future slot for yourself or your spawn in someone else's wedding by having junior bridesmaids (whatever the fuck that is) so you can cash that in later. I just ... I just can't.
The question I keep coming back to is: If this is not a big deal like everyone keeps telling me, why do I keep being put in this position? And how do I try to handle this going forward?
Thanks all.
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