Etiquette

Are December Weddings Rude?

kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
I know that in life, weddings and babies bring on all sorts of unwanted and unneeded advice and opinions.

My fiance is a teacher, and for those of you who aren't teachers or in a relationship with one, it is hard.  He works 10-13 hour days 9 months a year, our weekends are shared between games, grading, and dates.  If we want to vacation, we can only do it when he already has time off because he's basically not allowed days off.  And when your job gives you tons of freedom, it's a tough balancing act, one in which his job always win.  I'm still adjusting to this whole, I'm a bride thing, but the one thing I've always known is that I want a winter Michigan wedding.  But alas, I'm marrying a teacher so it can only be in December if he wants any time off.

However, I've recently had a couple people close to me tell me that while I should do what I want, that December weddings are rude due to financial stress that comes with Holiday Season.

I know technically, it's all about what I want, but truly what I want is throw a reception that our friends and family love.



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Re: Are December Weddings Rude?

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Sorry, I don't know how to update my profile either so this probably looks bogus haha.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Lol wut? Unless your wedding isn't like Christmas Eve or Day or maybe the day after, who cares? Have a December wedding. You don't need to justify that to anybody.

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    Jessie42613Fosmohjaprincess24
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    I don't think so. There are issues that come up, sure- like I probably wouldn't do it if you have a lot of OOT guests as flights can be expensive close to Christmas and driving can be dangerous. But if people can't budget out their holiday expenses, that's not really your issue. Plenty of people have winter weddings and they can be lovely. If anything, it's nice to go to a wedding that isn't your third one for the wedding season. 

    I feel you though. I am married to a teacher as well and while it's great he has so much time off in the summer, a winter break, and spring break, outside of that- forget it. He has a friend that got married in May for some silly reason and he had to give up so much income taking days off. How long of a winter break does your FI get? I'd probably try to space it as far from Christmas/New Year's as possible. But otherwise, you're good.
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    kimmiinthemittenvikinganna87
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Thanks!  I was thinking, we have an 18 month engagement, so there's plenty of time to plan and with a 200 person guest list we can't trim, this may help when the people who can't plan bow out:).

    He gets a weekish, depending on where Christmas falls.  In 2016 Christmas Eve is on a Saturday and our venue is only available on the 17th so our plan was to have it that day, he'd return for work Monday, Tuesday and maybe even Wednesday (depending on how much the School Board hates them that year haha) and then Honeymoon over the holiday.
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    vikinganna87
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    December weddings aren't rude, but it's very cold in Michigan at that time of year, with snow and sometimes blizzards.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    That's kind of the point:). haha

    Blizzards are fairly rare in December so I'm banking on that.  But in Michigan anything can happen.  We've had 50 degree days in December and July so you never know!
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    vikinganna87japrincess24
  • edited June 2015
    There is no formal etiquette stating the December weddings are rude; however, I do believe people will view them as inconvenient and inconsiderate.  I know my December is jam packed with holiday events, shopping, cooking and the whole bit.  I live away from my family, so I often travel to see them or they come and visit me.  I love attending weddings, but I would feel very stressed out having to attend one so close to the holidays.  It's just a very hectic time with Christmas and New Years.   Traveling is also very expensive during that time.  Like I said, I often visit my family.  I don't mind the expense when it comes to spending the holidays with them, but I think I would be a little annoyed if I had to pay a huge airfare to attend a wedding.   I might even have to decline because of expenses or because I have plans to visit family. 

    As a bride, I would feel very overwhelmed too.   You're planning a wedding, but you're also trying to get ready for the holiday.  How does your Fi feel about having get married  during this time?   It just seems rushed.  Why not wait until summer when he doesn't require extra days off and you can relax/enjoy the wedding process? 
    PrettyGirlLostMairePoppyhellohkbjbella80
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2015
    I do not think they are rude.  

    I do think for certain people they can be terribly inconvenient.   If the wedding is local then not as much.  OOT, then yeah, it would suck to have to add a wedding to an already typically expensive and socially full calendar. 

    Pick what works for you.  Realize that your numbers may or may not be lower due to the time of year.    

    ETA - for the record, I may attend an OOT wedding the first or second week of Dec.  After about Dec 18th it's impossible do to work.  Local weddings would be okay later in the month.  Although for DH they are completely out of the question because of work.

    If you have people in the service or retail industry then a December weekend can be difficult.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • It is not rude to have a wedding on the date and place that you want it and that works for you. However, as others have said, there is a chance that you will have a higher decline rate than you would at another time of year. If you're okay with that, fine. If you're not, you may want to consider another time of year (which in your situation would probably mean summer). It kind of comes down to what kind of wedding you want vs. how many people - and which people - you really want there.
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    PrettyGirlLostkimmiinthemitten
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    We only have about a dozen OOT guests who aren't in driving distance.  Regardless of season, we only expect about 4 of them to make it (3 are elderly grandparents).  So OOTers aren't a huge concern.

    Part of us thought it could be nice for our families.  Both of our families have at least one side that used to host large family parties and have gotten away from it.  Our wedding could offer an opportunity to reconnect in the season like we used to.  
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2015
    A December wedding is not rude, but you may have more declines due to finances and holiday plans/ vacations. As long as it's not December 24-26th. Your best course is to clear the date with your VIPs, and then continue to plan! 

    We got married January 4th- still high flying season. No issues with the local guests. A lot of our friends were OOT (as we had the wedding in our hometown, where we no longer live), and probably half of that group couldn't make it either due to finances or time off, but neither of those were related to Christmas itself. Would've been an issue in February too. 

    December *IS* a busy month, but I would prioritize a friends wedding over a work Christmas party or something else. The 17th isn't *that* close to Christmas. 

    My best friends mom got married on December 27th. It was a small wedding (planned), everyone came, and it was quite lovely. 

    kimmiinthemitten
  • My first wedding was on December 27th (years ago). It was a destination wedding that we planned a year in advance. We knew we wanted a small guest list and we let all of our guests know a year ahead of the date when/where so that they could start planning and/or saving if they planned on attending. Airfare couldn't be booked until 9 months out but because we booked as early as possible, we got a decent price--better than if we had waited last minute. I think we ultimately ended up with about 14 guests out of the original 30. We had a very low key Christmas that year but still enjoyed the season.
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    banana468
  • Looks like Michigan averages between 7-20 days of snow in the month of December. I would expect most of those to be in the latter part of the month. IMO I would not play those odds for a wedding.

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    PrettyGirlLostkimmiinthemittenMairePoppyjbella80
  • There's nothing rude about a December wedding. 

    However, as PP said, there are some downsides; flights will be more expensive for the few people you said you have coming in from far away; the weather could be awful (I'm from the area and you're right; it could be warm and sunny out, but there also could be 9-foot snow drifts, 0 visibility, and below 0 temperatures); and it could be inconvenient even for local guests. 

    If H and I had to travel OOT for a December wedding, we would have to decline because we never have vacation at the end of the year. We usually use it all up in the summer for whatever trips we plan. If we were in town and not snowed in, though, it wouldn't be a big deal to us. As long as we didn't have a family holiday planned for that date, because with my parents, grandma, his parents, and siblings, a lot of our December weekends are booked for family. 

    I think as long as you know the downsides and you're ok with it, go for it. 
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  • I agree with PP- it's not rude, but there are some trade-offs (cost, more declines).  My FI's cousin got married this last December in MN and a lot of people RSVP'ed no because they were afraid of how the weather would be.  The weather ended up being fine, but her decline rate was high for that reason.  People could've RSVP'ed yes and if a storm had hit, she would've had to pay for people who couldn't attend.

    My friend had a New Year's Eve wedding (she's a teacher) and they took their honeymoon over her spring break.  I'm a teacher and we're getting married in October and taking a honeymoon next June (or maybe spring break depending on the location we choose).  You could always have your wedding at a different time (early in Dec, or later in January) and honeymoon at the next break your SO has.
    kimmiinthemitten
  • Are they against etiquette? No.

    Are they super inconvenient and annoying for a lot of people? Yep.

    If people have to travel for your wedding expect grumbling and/or a high decline rate.

    Why can't y'all get married at mid-winter break or MLK wknd or whatever? All those would still be winter in Michigan and you'd avoid the busy holiday season.
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    MairePoppyhellohkbjbella80
  • I do not classify December weddings as rude at all. However, if you do pick this time of year be ready to deal with a few issues. As others have mentioned the decline rate will probably be higher. December is packed for us. Every Friday, Saturday, and even many Sundays are booked with gatherings that vary in size from huge blow-out corporate parties to small intimate dinners with a few friends. Now depending on how close I am to the person getting married and what event it would clash with I may or may not attend the wedding. It just depends.

    Additionally I agree with those that say cost is higher. When we were looking many venues, not all, but many had a little note next to all prices that the month of December is higher. Now this happened more with the places that could be used for more than just weddings like country clubs and big flashy venues. They do this because there are so many holiday parties being put on they know they will get booked. We did not notice this at the straight up wedding places as much. Just another thing to consider.

    Either way as long as your VIPs are free and willing plan for December!
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Nope, not rude. DH and I got married this past year on December 27. Some PPs have mentioned that it's an inconvenience to some people, which it is, and those people will decline. For us though, it worked out really well.

    -Re: Financial burden on people around the holidays: We had all of our showers (three total hosted by different people and different people invited to each) in September, October, and early November. Yes, at this point some people are already buying Christmas presents but a lot aren't. We definitely didn't want to wait until December for a shower for that reason. Also, most people sent us our gift or card before the wedding. We still ended up with a good amount at the wedding but the majority came early.

    -Our guest list was 275 people. We had 175+ in attendance. That helped a lot with cost.
     
    -Most of our guest list was local so the traveling wasn't an issue. 

    -It worked out that a lot of friends who had moved away or were still in college, were home for the holidays already.

    -We had no problem reserving the church but did have to deal with Christmas decorations, which weren't in my theme, but they were minimal and the reception was help elsewhere so it didn't really matter.

    -It was kind of hard to book a caterer because they had a lot of holiday parties so I started super early with that and still didn't book a caterer until 2 months before the wedding.

    -I live in NC and the weather in NC in the winter (especially December) can either be below freezing and snowing or sunny and 65. We had a sunny and 65 day and it was perfect. However, you have to plan for either chance of weather.

    -If you go on your Honeymoon directly after the wedding, everything will be about twice as expensive. We luckily used a timeshare and went to FL. We decided to drive to save money.


    kimmiinthemitten
  • I know that in life, weddings and babies bring on all sorts of unwanted and unneeded advice and opinions.

    My fiance is a teacher, and for those of you who aren't teachers or in a relationship with one, it is hard.  He works 10-13 hour days 9 months a year, our weekends are shared between games, grading, and dates.  If we want to vacation, we can only do it when he already has time off because he's basically not allowed days off.  And when your job gives you tons of freedom, it's a tough balancing act, one in which his job always win.  I'm still adjusting to this whole, I'm a bride thing, but the one thing I've always known is that I want a winter Michigan wedding.  But alas, I'm marrying a teacher so it can only be in December if he wants any time off.

    However, I've recently had a couple people close to me tell me that while I should do what I want, that December weddings are rude due to financial stress that comes with Holiday Season.

    I know technically, it's all about what I want, but truly what I want is throw a reception that our friends and family love.



    I went to two December weddings a week apart one year. It was no big deal. There were 200+ people at both weddings. I think it depends on your friends and family and whether your Wedding is accommodating to everyone. Christmas wasn't a big deal in our group so it didn't interfere with anyone's plans.
    kimmiinthemitten
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Thanks for everyone's feedback!

    @emmaaa, he's a teacher, all of our vacations are either twice as expensive or twice as hot hahaha.

    @southernbelle, he only gets the Monday off of work those weekends and his contract prohibits him from taking an additional day on previously scheduled long weekends.  And he coaches over Spring Break :/.  Ahh, the life.  Trust me, I'd prefer January or February!  But I also want it to be a weekend he can enjoy and not one he rushes through with a foot high pile of homework on the desk.


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    emmaaa
  • What about just having a summer wedding? 

    As a guest I'd roll my eyes wondering why you picked a time that's inconvenient for so many just so your DH wouldn't have homework.

    A summer wedding allows you to plan and finish things without his work schedule posing as an issue.

    Or you can do what tons of people do - take a delayed honeymoon.   There isn't a rule saying you need to leave for the HM within hours of being married.    
    KatWAGPrettyGirlLostredoryxjbella80
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    Thanks for everyone's feedback!

    @emmaaa, he's a teacher, all of our vacations are either twice as expensive or twice as hot hahaha.

    @southernbelle, he only gets the Monday off of work those weekends and his contract prohibits him from taking an additional day on previously scheduled long weekends.  And he coaches over Spring Break :/.  Ahh, the life.  Trust me, I'd prefer January or February!  But I also want it to be a weekend he can enjoy and not one he rushes through with a foot high pile of homework on the desk.


    Oh yeah, I get that. The field that DH and I work in is opposite of a teacher. We are busy all year (he works 60-80 hour weeks from March/April until November) except the winter time. That's literally the only time we can definitely get off.

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @emmaa, me too!! I'm in industrial sales so Christmas and Independence Day weeks are my typical vacation times because of all of the big car plants are shut down:).
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    emmaaa
  • Thanks for everyone's feedback!

    @emmaaa, he's a teacher, all of our vacations are either twice as expensive or twice as hot hahaha.

    @southernbelle, he only gets the Monday off of work those weekends and his contract prohibits him from taking an additional day on previously scheduled long weekends.  And he coaches over Spring Break :/.  Ahh, the life.  Trust me, I'd prefer January or February!  But I also want it to be a weekend he can enjoy and not one he rushes through with a foot high pile of homework on the desk.


    Then I would have the winter wedding you want on one of those weekends (Jan or Feb) and delay the honeymoon until the summer. Lots if people delay their HMs.
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostjbella80
  • Looks like Michigan averages between 7-20 days of snow in the month of December. I would expect most of those to be in the latter part of the month. IMO I would not play those odds for a wedding.

    I assume wanting a winter wedding = wanting a snowy wedding, although the risk of storms would be a big stress factor for me. If anything though, I'd worry that a December wouldn't be wintry enough. Where I live in Canada, December has a bit of snow, then a bit of melt, then a bit of snow, so mostly just dead grey / brown leaves & grass everywhere.

    I like @southernbelle0915's suggestion of pushing the wedding to January or mid-winter. The storm risk is still there, but at least the scenery will be pretty and white. You only need one day for the wedding itself, then go on honeymoon when your partner's school has spring break or summer vacation. I'm sure it's nice to take a trip immediately after the wedding, but I'd think travelling over Christmas would be such a hassle and it'd be odd to be away from family over the holidays.


    But to answer your question, of course it is not against etiquette to have a wedding in any given month. Lots of people throw parties for lots of reasons in December.

    kimmiinthemitten
  • We are having a December wedding, so I would hope it's not rude! We talked to our families and close friends before we set the date and they were all on board with it. Our main reasoning is that it is the only month that works for all our VIP's to be there.

    FI's best man is deployed until November, my brother and FI's sister live far away and only get to visit 2 weeks in Dec. and 2 weeks in July. Personally, I would rather die than have a summer wedding...

    As long as you check with the people you really care about having there, I think it will be fine!
    kimmiinthemittenSP29
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I don't think it is rude necessarily but I'm not really a fan. If it was a local wedding I wouldn't care too much, although the time around Christmas is always busy so a wedding isn't ideal but I wouldn't call it rude. If I had to fly to the wedding then you would have to be a very close person to me since travel costs are likely higher and I don't want to be gone too long due to other holiday commitments.


    DH step bro got married the Saturday before Christmas a few years ago.  I think Christmas was on a Tues or Wed that year and he felt obligated to then stay in town with his dad and step-mom since it was so close to the holiday even though he didn't really want to.

    My other concern would be Michigan in December.  Snow and travel issues would be a big concern unless everyone lives in a small radius from the event.

    kimmiinthemitten
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