Child Free Wedding?

banana468 · June 2015

olmeadows said:

Additionally - to add to my post - we are just telling guests that the venue doesn't allow people under 8 years old... and it has helped to take some of the blame off of us..

Do you expect most of your guests to believe that?? As a guest, I'd much rather you not invite my kids than come up with lies. Otherwise I'd say something like, "My bank told me I'm not allowed to write checks for wedding gifts."

MyNameIsNot · June 2015

olmeadows said:

I've realized that people on these boards are incredibly RUDE themselves and have no discretion as to what is respectful to post to someone- believe it or not - you CAN disagree without being disrespectful. One of my posts got cyberbullied to the point of tears... on my end.. and now I can't even believe that there is no moderation on a popular magazine's community boards.. Let's see them try and tell you that in person. Let's be honest.. they were probably the bullies in the playground as kids anyways and this is their way of reliving their glory.
If they want to post some gifs/insults back... let them - gladly - it is amusing to see people who feel powerful on forums- nonetheless bridal forums - have fun bridezillas!!

Anyways... you asked a respectful question to a community of brides and I will provide whatever support I can. We had some difficulty with this as well. We didn't want babies... and this is coming from someone who loves babies!! - but the wedding is about the bride and groom celebrating coming together in life and some parents don't know where to draw the line when their child is running around/crying at the ceremony/reception. We drew a line where age was concerned.

The youngest person at my wedding is my groomsman and he will be 8 years old... he is my nephew and the flower girl is my cousin's little girl. My FMIL helped me to realize where to draw the line - these kids in my life are my immediate family- my sister's (MOH) little boy (my nephew) and my only little girl cousin (my close cousin's little girl)... they are very close and special to me and the reason why they are in my wedding.. distant third cousin kids... we don't even know them...
To be kind to those who ask however (those who ask are my fiance's second cousins) we just tell them simply that the hall is not big enough to invite everyone (OR we tell them that the venue doesn't allow children under a certain age) and that has been sufficient reason for our guests. Most of them understand that its tough to invite everyone to a big wedding..

I learned that if you tell people that its the venue's rule... it is easier for them to understand and helps avoid any awkwardness... I went to a seminar here that was held by Jane Dayus-Hinch (from wedding SOS- the tv show) and she advised us in this way. It has been extremely helpful so far and has helped detract from any conflicts with our guests.

WTF?

PrettyGirlLost · June 2015

lyndausvi said:

I do not know what a PG-13 wedding means.

Strong language and sexual content?

PrettyGirlLost · June 2015

olmeadows said:

I've realized that people on these boards are incredibly RUDE themselves and have no discretion as to what is respectful to post to someone- believe it or not - you CAN disagree without being disrespectful. Pretty sure so far, in this thread, people were doing just that. I don't recall anyone being disrespectful, especially not to the OP< so I'm not sure what you're ranting about. One of my posts got cyberbullied to the point of tears... on my end.. and now I can't even believe that there is no moderation on a popular magazine's community boards.. There are plenty of mods on this board. @Liatris is one of them. Let's see them try and tell you that in person. Um, how to discuss things on this forum is no different than how I discuss things with my freinds and family in reality. I'm very direct and have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I don't validate bad ideas, rudeness towards wedding guests, or stupidity. Let's be honest.. they were probably the bullies in the playground as kids anyways and this is their way of reliving their glory. No, actually I was bullied and sexually harassed until I started directly confronting people and calling them out on their bullshit. Which is why I'm like that in my communications today. It has been my experience that the "mean girls" are typically SS's that lose their minds when people don't validate them or kiss their ass.
If they want to post some gifs/insults back... let them - gladly - it is amusing to see people who feel powerful on forums- nonetheless bridal forums - have fun bridezillas!!

Anyways... you asked a respectful question to a community of brides and I will provide whatever support I can. We had some difficulty with this as well. We didn't want babies... and this is coming from someone who loves babies!! - but the wedding is about the bride and groom celebrating coming together in life and some parents don't know where to draw the line when their child is running around/crying at the ceremony/reception. We drew a line where age was concerned.

The youngest person at my wedding is my groomsman and he will be 8 years old... he is my nephew and the flower girl is my cousin's little girl. My FMIL helped me to realize where to draw the line - these kids in my life are my immediate family- my sister's (MOH) little boy (my nephew) and my only little girl cousin (my close cousin's little girl)... they are very close and special to me and the reason why they are in my wedding.. distant third cousin kids... we don't even know them...
To be kind to those who ask however (those who ask are my fiance's second cousins) we just tell them simply that the hall is not big enough to invite everyone (OR we tell them that the venue doesn't allow children under a certain age) and that has been sufficient reason for our guests. Most of them understand that its tough to invite everyone to a big wedding..

I learned that if you tell people that its the venue's rule... it is easier for them to understand and helps avoid any awkwardness... I went to a seminar here that was held by Jane Dayus-Hinch (from wedding SOS- the tv show) and she advised us in this way. It has been extremely helpful so far and has helped detract from any conflicts with our guests.

redoryx · June 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

I do not know what a PG-13 wedding means.

Strong language and sexual content?

A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.

lyndausvi · June 2015

redoryx said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

I do not know what a PG-13 wedding means.

Strong language and sexual content?

A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.

Now does alcohol around make it PG-13?

We have alcohol at all family events. Even kids b-parties. However, we do not curse and I do not recall any nudity. So does that mean our weddings are PG or PG-13?

southernbelle0915 · June 2015

lyndausvi said:

redoryx said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

I do not know what a PG-13 wedding means.

Strong language and sexual content?

A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.

Now does alcohol around make it PG-13?

We have alcohol at all family events. Even kids b-parties. However, we do not curse and I do not recall any nudity. So does that mean our weddings are PG or PG-13?

I would say G, actually. Dumbo was rated G and he got fucking wasted. If he can get hammered and wake up in a tree and still have his movie rated G, I think your wedding can be rated G, too.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

olmeadows said:

I've realized that people on these boards are incredibly RUDE themselves and have no discretion as to what is respectful to post to someone- believe it or not - you CAN disagree without being disrespectful. One of my posts got cyberbullied to the point of tears... on my end.. and now I can't even believe that there is no moderation on a popular magazine's community boards.. Let's see them try and tell you that in person. Let's be honest.. they were probably the bullies in the playground as kids anyways and this is their way of reliving their glory.

-Boxes-

The definition of bullying in someone seeking another individual out, in more than one circumstance, to intimidate or threaten. Are these posters on this message board seeking you out at home? Finding your personal information? Emailing your personal email? Probably not. They are arguing and debating an issue. Yes, they might be a bit mean, sarcastic, blunt or even a bit rude; however, they're not bullying. They aren't seeking you outside of this conversation, right?

You're having conflict with others. As an adult, you are free to leave this conflict and uncomfortable situation anytime you wish. You can stop posting, delete your account or whatever you see fit to remove yourself from the situation.

You can't cry bullying when you continue to participate in the conversation. If you befriend someone in the real world, and didn't like the way they treated you, would you continue to be friends with them? No, you're probably remove yourself from that person. There are mean people in the real world and mean people online too. You can't expect everyone to be nice.

I'm trying to be as helpful as possible. If you feel uncomfortable, then leave the boards. Is proving your point worth arguing with strangers and trying to demand their respect? If you're crying over a bunch of stuff people wrote on a message board, then obviously this isn't a healthy place for you to ask questions.

lyndausvi · June 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

lyndausvi said:

redoryx said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

I do not know what a PG-13 wedding means.

Strong language and sexual content?

A Dothraki wedding without at least three deaths is considered a dull affair.

Now does alcohol around make it PG-13?

We have alcohol at all family events. Even kids b-parties. However, we do not curse and I do not recall any nudity. So does that mean our weddings are PG or PG-13?

I would say G, actually. Dumbo was rated G and he got fucking wasted. If he can get hammered and wake up in a tree and still have his movie rated G, I think your wedding can be rated G, too.

Damn. And all those people dancing and drinking (some getting drunk) still had a good time?

Knottie1431006189 · June 2015

BrinkyDink16 said:

We're having a PG-13 wedding. We thought that cut off went well with our horror movie theme because with everyone coming in costume plus our decorations there could be some terrifying sights for little kids. Plus, what kid wants to go to a wedding over going trick or treating?

The only children invited are four of our teenage cousins. We just made sure to very clearly label on the invitations who was invited from a particular family. For example, one family who has two teenage children and two under thirteen says "Father, Mother, Son & Son LastName." We also put on our reply cards a Number Attending ___ of 4 (or whatever the number may be) so that no one can sneak in extra guests. I remember my cousin getting stressed because she was receiving RSVPs for more people than she had intended to invite so we wanted to avoid that.

Hmm, it's really rude to split up a family with kids both over/under 13. I bet the younger children would enjoy your costume party more than high school kids anyways. Maybe you should switch that around and only invite children under 13.

SP29 · June 2015

Wanted to add, that while I loved watching Wedding SOS, Jayne forwent a few etiquette rules on the show in order to please the bride. She is an event planner- she works in the wedding industry, and industry driven by making money off of pleasing brides. Never have I seen her claim to uphold etiquette.

However, I also wasn't at this talk so I don't know what exactly was said. Perhaps her words have been mistaken. For example, it is considered rude to tell adults how to dress. However, if your venue requires jacket and tie for men, then it is acceptable to include this information on an insert or wedding website, "As per venue requirements, men are required to wear a jacket and tie". This is an example of where it is OK to put this on the venue, because it's the venues rules not the B&Gs. But lying to take responsibility off yourself for the choices YOU have made is not cool.

midwestLove · June 2015

Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

MobKaz · June 2015

midwestLove said:

Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

This is suggested often. It is a nice gesture. The reality, however, is that very few parents are ever comfortable leaving their children with a complete stranger. Even if the babysitting service is on site, it is difficult to force children to remain in one area if they know their parents are just down a hall. It is best to leave babysitting options to the parents themselves.

MyNameIsNot · June 2015

midwestLove said:

Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

Just no. If people want to enjoy the night without their kids, they won't bring them. Making the decision for them is not doing them a favor.

If you don't want kids there, you don't want kids there. Don't pretend that you're doing it for anyone other than yourself.

kaos16 · June 2015

juappd5 said:

Additionally - to add to my post - we are just telling guests that the venue doesn't allow people under 8 years old... and it has helped to take some of the blame off of us..

Great idea until your guests so to another event at the same venue where their kids are invited! Isn't it much less stressful just to tell the truth. . . . "dear guests, we have decided that children under the age of 8 aren't welcome at our wedding for no good reason, please don't be mad." Own your crazy arbitrary rule!!!

YogaSandy · June 2015

midwestLove said:
Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

I very much enjoy my child's company, and don't want a night off TYVM.

Heffalump · June 2015

midwestLove said:

Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

I posted this in another thread weeks ago, but this makes absolutely zero sense. I have two young kids, so I know whereof I speak. I love them to pieces, and yet DH and I still like to get out of the house without them from time to time. Do you know what we do then?

a) Call a sitter and go enjoy dinner, drinks, an R-rated movie, whatever.

b) Sit around and twiddle our thumbs waiting for a friend or relative to get married and not invite our kids to the reception.

Take a wild guess.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

Heffalump said:

midwestLove said:

Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

I posted this in another thread weeks ago, but this makes absolutely zero sense. I have two young kids, so I know whereof I speak. I love them to pieces, and yet DH and I still like to get out of the house without them from time to time. Do you know what we do then?

a) Call a sitter and go enjoy dinner, drinks, an R-rated movie, whatever.

b) Sit around and twiddle our thumbs waiting for a friend or relative to get married and not invite our kids to the reception.

Take a wild guess.

And if the parents don't want to take their kids to the wedding then they just RSVP for 2 instead of 3 or 4 (depending on the number of kids they have). Just because you put someones name on the invitation doesn't mean that it is an all or nothing thing. It is possible for the guest to RSVP for only 2 people, even if their 3 kids were invited as well.

banana468 · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

Heffalump said:

midwestLove said:

Completely agree that you and FI should do what will make the night the best for you. If that means no kids, or if the location really doesn't accommodate kids—you might be doing your friends/family a favor by not inviting the kids.

Most of the friends I know/I have would love to have the night off away from their kids. It's more of a question in taking that expense into consideration of what other expenses you're asking guests to incur to be able to be at the wedding and reception.

It could be very nice (and generous) to supply childcare for your wedding party's kids potentially.

Just my two cents. Best of luck!

I posted this in another thread weeks ago, but this makes absolutely zero sense. I have two young kids, so I know whereof I speak. I love them to pieces, and yet DH and I still like to get out of the house without them from time to time. Do you know what we do then?

a) Call a sitter and go enjoy dinner, drinks, an R-rated movie, whatever.

b) Sit around and twiddle our thumbs waiting for a friend or relative to get married and not invite our kids to the reception.

Take a wild guess.

And if the parents don't want to take their kids to the wedding then they just RSVP for 2 instead of 3 or 4 (depending on the number of kids they have). Just because you put someones name on the invitation doesn't mean that it is an all or nothing thing. It is possible for the guest to RSVP for only 2 people, even if their 3 kids were invited as well.

This. We've opted not to bring DD to many an evening wedding. We find that it's much easier on everyone for her to go somewhere else.

onefootinthebayou · June 2015

juappd5 said:
Additionally - to add to my post - we are just telling guests that the venue doesn't allow people under 8 years old... and it has helped to take some of the blame off of us..

Honest question - do you often employ lying to "take the blame off" of you or make things easier on yourself? I knew some ppl like that in middle school. I weeded them out as people I didn't want to become friends with b/c lying is pretty despicable in general.

I see you around here hurling a lot of insults at us, calling us bullies, rude, etc because you don't like the advice we have to give even though most if not all of it is correct & meant to help couples make decisions that would ensure the comfort of their guests and help them meet their budgets, whole hosting a reception that is consistent with universally accepted etiquette - yet your first piece of advice is to lie to your guests. Just think about that for a second.

Viktoria16 · June 2015

Hey there!

My fiance has two kids (5 and 3), so avoiding kids at our wedding is impossible, but we wanted to make sure the kids would have fun while not *ahem* stepping on anyone's toes.

So.... we're going to have a Kids Room! (We're nicknaming it the Fox Den since our wedding has a woodland theme).

Our reception will be at a historic golf course. In the basement, there are pool tables and a big screen TV. We're going to hire a couple babysitters, hook up the Xbox for games and movies, bring Legos and coloring tools, and let all the kids have at it! That way, the adults can have fun upstairs, but the kiddos won't be far away.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

It's your wedding. Your choice. If you don't want rug rats (I didn't) offer to help provide a babysitter for anyone who wants to bring children.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

Knottie33883752 said:

It's your wedding. Your choice. If you don't want rug rats (I didn't) offer to help provide a babysitter for anyone who wants to bring children.

As has probably already been stated several times (I didn't go back to re-read three pages of replies), many people don't want to leave their children with strangers. And you can't force children who can see their parents across the room or in a different room to stay in a room with a stranger. Probably not worth it to hire a babysitter if nobody uses it.

BrinkyDink16 · June 2015

SP29 said:

BrinkyDink16 said:

We're having a PG-13 wedding. We thought that cut off went well with our horror movie theme because with everyone coming in costume plus our decorations there could be some terrifying sights for little kids. Plus, what kid wants to go to a wedding over going trick or treating?

The only children invited are four of our teenage cousins. We just made sure to very clearly label on the invitations who was invited from a particular family. For example, one family who has two teenage children and two under thirteen says "Father, Mother, Son & Son LastName." We also put on our reply cards a Number Attending ___ of 4 (or whatever the number may be) so that no one can sneak in extra guests. I remember my cousin getting stressed because she was receiving RSVPs for more people than she had intended to invite so we wanted to avoid that.

Oh geez. Ok, creating rules is usually what gets people into hot water. 13 is such a random age. Because of this you are breaking up a family. Sure, kids probably would prefer to trick or treat than attend your wedding, but if their parents are at your wedding, who is going to take them? But since you seem to be having a Halloween theme, maybe they would have lots of fun at your wedding. Maybe those teenage kids would rather go to a party with their friends instead of go to your wedding. See why generic cut offs are silly? And a costume is going to scare a 12 year old? Probably not. Let parents decide what is appropriate and not appropriate for their children.

You next say you invited two teenage cousins but not their younger siblings. You have broken etiquette here because you have broken a family in half. Now those parents need to find childcare for half their kids. Be prepared for the hot water that may follow.

It's perfectly fine to not have children at a wedding. But don't choose a random cut off, because it usually causes more problems than it helps. Invite who you want to be there and don't invite those you don't.... invitations are not subpoenas, let the guests decide if they will attend or not and let parents decide what is or is not appropriate for their children.

It's not a Halloween theme persay. It's a horror movie theme. Think Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Psycho, Friday the 13th, Saw, etc. So it's definetely not an appropriate place for children especially when you add in the adult humor / language utilized in sound clips for both the ceremony and reception. If it was pumpkins, bats, ghosts and other cute Halloween stuff I wouldn't have invited a lot of kids but it would be more okay for them.

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