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People Feel So Entitled

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Re: People Feel So Entitled

  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015

    Btw, its easy to say its not hard when you still have over 11 months left.

    ***Removed for TOS Violation***


    If you are this upset over planning a wedding I can't imagine how you handle real problems. Buck up buttercup.
    Hey now, she's only 20, her real problems are miles ahead of her...

    Gee sorry I'm not as old as you are :( maybe that's why your so bitter? Lol it's so funny that you can't help but keep your nose in my posts
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}
    sunflowersandcurls
  • IceQueenSupreme94IceQueenSupreme94 Riverside, CA member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015

    Btw, its easy to say its not hard when you still have over 11 months left.

    ***Removed for TOS Violation***


    If you are this upset over planning a wedding I can't imagine how you handle real problems. Buck up buttercup.
    Hey now, she's only 20, her real problems are miles ahead of her...

    Gee sorry I'm not as old as you are. Maybe that's why you're so bitter?:( wow you even went to check my age? That's just sad...and weird.
     Wedding Countdown Ticker}
    sunflowersandcurls
  • I am not inviting two of my sisters. My one sister and I call them "Crazy" and "Mean". Crazy totally lived up to her name at the one sister's wedding and Mean is just that- mean. I don't need ANY of that at my wedding and surprisingly, my mom agreed (based on the performance at the other wedding). I have received a couple of facebook questions about our date etc from my niece (Crazy Jr.) and have just avoided them. "SQUIRREL!"
    FI has some cousins that are not invited due to some stuff they did when his mother died and we are getting lots of questions from them about it. It does look like his other relatives are not discussing our wedding with them though (yay!) so being vague has worked so far. We will be using the small wedding excuse for sure...
    It's a wedding, not the Jerry Springer Show, people!!
  • How would y'all handle a situation in which you vocally (as in, no physical invite, just a "You're invited!" over Facebook some months back) invited a friend, but you are no longer friends? Are you still required to invite them? If not, how would you recall that invitation?

    FI and I are having a wedding at a winery, and can fit our guest list in just half of the building (leaves more room for dancing and walking about, plus there will be kids and I'm setting up board games and coloring pages). Some months back, I invited a friend over Facebook with her father, but have not spoken to either since then. Am I still required to send her an invite?

    So far I haven't gotten messages from people expecting invites; in fact, one of my aunts denied my invitation twice due to family drama (which sucks because she's ultra sweet). The most I've gotten is my grandmother telling me that [the aunt who denied my invite]'s children should be invited because they're family. Due to the family drama thing and having not seen them in years, they are not invited.
    I think you need to invite this person. I'm not sure why you invited her verbally and haven't spoken to her since, but I would be offended if someone told me I was invited and then didn't invite me.
    Long story short, she was an on-again/off-again friend from high school, and we haven't spoken since just due to losing contact and not talking on Facebook (I unfriended her and she hasn't contacted me, so I'm unsure of her thinking at the moment). I was thinking of uninviting her due to previous experiences with her at gatherings, but you're right, I'd be offended, too. I don't have her address anymore so I'll send her a message and see how it goes from there.
  • I was lucky and got off with very little issues. When was first planning shortly after officially engaged, I went to a friend's place. I didn't have the heart to say she wasn't in the wedding party {which is because we really don't hang out as often as we use to} But her mum was there and she asked. I attempted to bean dip but failed.
    her mum: oh who's in your wedding party?
    me: not sure yet. Oh FRIEND, can you pass the veggies?
    her mum: well FRIEND, *other girl's names* should be
    me: Uhm ... yeh makes sense. We'll see. M isn't having many and we want balance. Oh these potatoes are good!

    It was hard cuz another friend was there and she was in my wedding party, as I had already asked her.

    They were invited, and it never got brought up again lucky but omg awkward .... 
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I was lucky and got off with very little issues. When was first planning shortly after officially engaged, I went to a friend's place. I didn't have the heart to say she wasn't in the wedding party {which is because we really don't hang out as often as we use to} But her mum was there and she asked. I attempted to bean dip but failed.
    her mum: oh who's in your wedding party?
    me: not sure yet. Oh FRIEND, can you pass the veggies?
    her mum: well FRIEND, *other girl's names* should be
    me: Uhm ... yeh makes sense. We'll see. M isn't having many and we want balance. Oh these potatoes are good!

    It was hard cuz another friend was there and she was in my wedding party, as I had already asked her.

    They were invited, and it never got brought up again lucky but omg awkward .... 
    It's totally fine if you didn't want to ask this friend, but if the reason is for even sides, that's sad.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • I had a "friend" from college, someone I hadn't since since before we graduated and only had one class with junior year, message me about her dietary needs. She needed a gluten free dinner and a chocolate free dessert and since she's allergic to hops as well, if the bar is restricted she wanted an alternative to beer.

    I politely told her that it was going to be a small family and close friend's only set up and within an hour there was a horrible facebook post about me, my FI (whom she'd never met), and how if any of our mutual friends was invited they should join her for an "Anti-wedding party" the day of. She then promptly unfriended me on facebook. 

    Thankfully no one else has caused much fuss!
  • I'm not close with my dad's side of the family, never have been.  The friends I choose to surround myself with are much more important to me than my aunts/uncles/cousins have ever been.  Also, my portion of the guest list could have been MUCH larger than H's - he's got a smaller family and fewer friends than I.  So we decided to do things empirically.  If either one of us hadn't hung out with you (by choice, not because we happened to see you at a wedding or funeral) in the past year, and it wasn't for truly logistical reasons (my very best friend lives in Colorado; I'm in NJ, and if he lived near me, we'd be hanging out at least weekly, but distance precludes it), you weren't invited.

    We gave each set of parents some invitation spots too, but my parents chose to invite their friends rather than these branches of the family also.

    So a bit before my wedding, one cousin on dad's side of the family posts publicly on my FB wall that she her family didn't get invitations and where were they.  I messaged her privately (mind you, we're so not close that I don't even have a phone number or address for her, her brothers, or her mother, the widow of my uncle, dad's youngest brother) on FB to say I'm sorry, but we're having a smaller wedding and unfortunately coudln't invite everyone.

    She went NUTS.  Totally BSC on my public FB wall (didn't respond to my PM) about how family is most important (really?  you don't know anything about me I don't post publicly on FB!) and she couldn't believe I would do this to them, and her dead father would have thought better of me and my father (really?  invoking the ghost of your father in your argument?), etc etc.  Her brothers joined in too.

    It got to the point that even my friends who weren't invited to the wedding were commenting under her post that it looked like I chose my guest list wisely.  Ha!

    Know what I said when that cousin's younger brother got engaged?  "Congrats!  All the best!"
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    kimmiinthemitten
  • katenan89 said:

    I politely told her that it was going to be a small family and close friend's only set up and within an hour there was a horrible facebook post about me, my FI (whom she'd never met), and how if any of our mutual friends was invited they should join her for an "Anti-wedding party" the day of. She then promptly unfriended me on facebook. 

    And she wonders why she wasn't invited.
  • I was lucky and got off with very little issues. When was first planning shortly after officially engaged, I went to a friend's place. I didn't have the heart to say she wasn't in the wedding party {which is because we really don't hang out as often as we use to} But her mum was there and she asked. I attempted to bean dip but failed.
    her mum: oh who's in your wedding party?
    me: not sure yet. Oh FRIEND, can you pass the veggies?
    her mum: well FRIEND, *other girl's names* should be
    me: Uhm ... yeh makes sense. We'll see. M isn't having many and we want balance. Oh these potatoes are good!

    It was hard cuz another friend was there and she was in my wedding party, as I had already asked her.

    They were invited, and it never got brought up again lucky but omg awkward .... 
    It's totally fine if you didn't want to ask this friend, but if the reason is for even sides, that's sad.
    Yes and no. I understand people's reasoning for uneven sides, but that part is more personal choice for myself. Other side of it, how would I tell her "we're not as good of friends as you seem to think we are" ?
  • I was lucky and got off with very little issues. When was first planning shortly after officially engaged, I went to a friend's place. I didn't have the heart to say she wasn't in the wedding party {which is because we really don't hang out as often as we use to} But her mum was there and she asked. I attempted to bean dip but failed.
    her mum: oh who's in your wedding party?
    me: not sure yet. Oh FRIEND, can you pass the veggies?
    her mum: well FRIEND, *other girl's names* should be
    me: Uhm ... yeh makes sense. We'll see. M isn't having many and we want balance. Oh these potatoes are good!

    It was hard cuz another friend was there and she was in my wedding party, as I had already asked her.

    They were invited, and it never got brought up again lucky but omg awkward .... 
    It's totally fine if you didn't want to ask this friend, but if the reason is for even sides, that's sad.
    Yes and no. I understand people's reasoning for uneven sides, but that part is more personal choice for myself. Other side of it, how would I tell her "we're not as good of friends as you seem to think we are" ?
    By not having her as a bridesmaid.  My best friends are E, A, and Al.  If I were to ask E and A to be my bridesmen and not ask Al, Al would probably figure out that we're not as close as he thought, even though he probably already knows.  It would solidify it.
  • Hey, I know this is an old thread but I do want to rant a little bit. I understand that my mom is paying for 1/3 of the wedding (my fiance has already paid for the 1st deposit of our reception venue and the $200 for our church ceremony), and I am looking for a job too (I just graduated college) so I can help pay for the expenses. I just don't understand why I have to invite my cousins on her side of the family that I am not even close to anymore. I mean, I have to invite her sister (my aunt) especially because she will be a "principal sponsor" (in Filipino culture, they are your new set of godparents after you get married) and I like her. I just have to invite my cousin, her daughter who is 38 and still living at home and treats my aunt like crap. She has some serious issues, and I shouldn't judge because I'm not perfect either, but damn she crazy. Her brother (my other cousin), I have to invite too even though my mom says he and his wife will probably not come because they have 2 small children. Then I have to invite my relatives in Chicago, I don't mind my mom's brother and his wife (my uncle and aunt) but I'm not even close to any of my cousins on her side! They are all in their 30's and I'm 26! Last time I saw one of them was when they came for my dad's funeral 3 years ago. My mom thinks not all of them will come but I still have to invite them anyway because of obligation. Plus, my relatives in Chicago are really conservative Christians, and they do post a lot of self-righteous stuff on Facebook, and the church fiance and I will be married in is an Episcopal church, which is gay-friendly, acknowledges evolution and has women priests. I am sure they would not like that. But if I don't invite them, they will give me hell for a long time. It sucks because we want to make space for other people but we have to put them in the "B" list and hope my crazy relatives don't come. And it sucks when my mom says "I'm paying for a chunk of the wedding, so I have a say" which is true I guess...but she has also a very controlling personality. Idk, we have 16 months left so I shouldn't be too stressed out about it.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hey, I know this is an old thread but I do want to rant a little bit. I understand that my mom is paying for 1/3 of the wedding (my fiance has already paid for the 1st deposit of our reception venue and the $200 for our church ceremony), and I am looking for a job too (I just graduated college) so I can help pay for the expenses. I just don't understand why I have to invite my cousins on her side of the family that I am not even close to anymore. I mean, I have to invite her sister (my aunt) especially because she will be a "principal sponsor" (in Filipino culture, they are your new set of godparents after you get married) and I like her. I just have to invite my cousin, her daughter who is 38 and still living at home and treats my aunt like crap. She has some serious issues, and I shouldn't judge because I'm not perfect either, but damn she crazy. Her brother (my other cousin), I have to invite too even though my mom says he and his wife will probably not come because they have 2 small children. Then I have to invite my relatives in Chicago, I don't mind my mom's brother and his wife (my uncle and aunt) but I'm not even close to any of my cousins on her side! They are all in their 30's and I'm 26! Last time I saw one of them was when they came for my dad's funeral 3 years ago. My mom thinks not all of them will come but I still have to invite them anyway because of obligation. Plus, my relatives in Chicago are really conservative Christians, and they do post a lot of self-righteous stuff on Facebook, and the church fiance and I will be married in is an Episcopal church, which is gay-friendly, acknowledges evolution and has women priests. I am sure they would not like that. But if I don't invite them, they will give me hell for a long time. It sucks because we want to make space for other people but we have to put them in the "B" list and hope my crazy relatives don't come. And it sucks when my mom says "I'm paying for a chunk of the wedding, so I have a say" which is true I guess...but she has also a very controlling personality. Idk, we have 16 months left so I shouldn't be too stressed out about it.
    You are correct about one thing.  A "B list" for any reason sucks.  There is no justification for it.  If a guest is not on the original list, there is no other list to consider.
    HeffalumpInLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • Hey, I know this is an old thread but I do want to rant a little bit. I understand that my mom is paying for 1/3 of the wedding (my fiance has already paid for the 1st deposit of our reception venue and the $200 for our church ceremony), and I am looking for a job too (I just graduated college) so I can help pay for the expenses. I just don't understand why I have to invite my cousins on her side of the family that I am not even close to anymore. I mean, I have to invite her sister (my aunt) especially because she will be a "principal sponsor" (in Filipino culture, they are your new set of godparents after you get married) and I like her. I just have to invite my cousin, her daughter who is 38 and still living at home and treats my aunt like crap. She has some serious issues, and I shouldn't judge because I'm not perfect either, but damn she crazy. Her brother (my other cousin), I have to invite too even though my mom says he and his wife will probably not come because they have 2 small children. Then I have to invite my relatives in Chicago, I don't mind my mom's brother and his wife (my uncle and aunt) but I'm not even close to any of my cousins on her side! They are all in their 30's and I'm 26! Last time I saw one of them was when they came for my dad's funeral 3 years ago. My mom thinks not all of them will come but I still have to invite them anyway because of obligation. Plus, my relatives in Chicago are really conservative Christians, and they do post a lot of self-righteous stuff on Facebook, and the church fiance and I will be married in is an Episcopal church, which is gay-friendly, acknowledges evolution and has women priests. I am sure they would not like that. But if I don't invite them, they will give me hell for a long time. It sucks because we want to make space for other people but we have to put them in the "B" list and hope my crazy relatives don't come. And it sucks when my mom says "I'm paying for a chunk of the wedding, so I have a say" which is true I guess...but she has also a very controlling personality. Idk, we have 16 months left so I shouldn't be too stressed out about it.
    If you want complete control of your wedding, you can always decline your mother's offer to help pay. In that case, you would get to choose everyone on your guest list.
    InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • I actually don't mind her friends that she wants to invite, I like them a lot (they've been so good to me every time they visit us and vice versa, and they are not crazy), and I am inviting my late dad's friends too (I can't invite 1 family among their crowd and not the rest), I'm just not keen on my relatives on her side. She is helping me out because I'm still job hunting (I had a job but it didn't work out between me and them, so it was not meant to be) and thank goodness my fiance has been helping too! 
  • edited November 2015
    Two things @mrspadilla2017-

    1) Definitely do not under any circumstances B-list anyone- either find a way to afford inviting them the first time around (since you're still over a year out there should be tons of places in the budget you can cut to make money for more guests), or don't invite them.

    2) Just decline your mom's money if you don't want to invite her people- I agree it's kind of weird when parents feel like they want to invite people you aren't actually close with to your wedding, but in the grand scheme of things it isn't that big a deal. I'd much rather be in your shoes than the position I was put in when my FMIL was really demanding about us inviting for certain people but wasn't contributing at all financially!
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