Regretting having a big wedding

julieanne912 · July 2015

Anybody else regret having a big wedding, when it's too late to back out? I'm 59 days out and I'm starting to get pretty stressed out. I'm now wishing we had just eloped or done something really small with our families...

Oh and hi, haven't been here in awhile.

luckya23 · July 2015

YES!!!

Then again, I invited 170 of my parents' and IL's nearest and dearest, and only maybe 90 showed up.

What a huge waste of money!

Maggie0829 · July 2015

What is stressing you out?

lyndausvi · July 2015

I did not regret having a big wedding (we had 150). I also come from a huge extend family, so weddings were always big. It was normal for me.

As far as planning goes, mine wasn't stressful at all. My sister had 100 more people and I do not think her's was more stressful having more people either.

Planning was pretty easy for me. Even though I was OOT from the location, my family and most of my friends.

AddieCake · July 2015

Yes, what is stressing you out? My wedding wasn't big, but I didn't have much stress in the planning except when we had to change venues 6 months out.

julieanne912 · July 2015

Maggie0829 said:

What is stressing you out?

Well the main thing right now is my invitations. My MOH volunteered to make them herself as her gift to me (trust me, I did NOT ask her to do this as there's 110 of them). She wasn't able to finish them before she had to leave the state to go adopt a baby. She gave me what she had right before she left, and said she'd finish up the inserts and email them to me so I can take them to a printer to be printed, then I can cut them myself and assemble them with all the other parts she gave me. I talked to her on Sunday (she has her baby now yay!) and she said she'd send them to me on Monday or Tuesday. Still haven't gotten anything and I don't want to bother her... but I really need to finish the inserts, take them to the printer, and assemble them. At this point I think I'm going to have to attempt to do them myself from scratch. At first I was worried something was wrong w/ the baby but her husband posted a picture on FB last night so he's OK, so that's good at least.

And, just all the other little parts that need to come together now. We haven't done/bought anything for the ceremony, other than our rings, and I have lots of little things to buy/arrange for the reception. And... well, now's the time the money starts to be due, which means my bank account is getting drained.

I just wish I had the budget to hire somebody to help me :-P

luckya23 · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

Maggie0829 said:

What is stressing you out?

Well the main thing right now is my invitations. My MOH volunteered to make them herself as her gift to me (trust me, I did NOT ask her to do this as there's 110 of them). She wasn't able to finish them before she had to leave the state to go adopt a baby. She gave me what she had right before she left, and said she'd finish up the inserts and email them to me so I can take them to a printer to be printed, then I can cut them myself and assemble them with all the other parts she gave me. I talked to her on Sunday (she has her baby now yay!) and she said she'd send them to me on Monday or Tuesday. Still haven't gotten anything and I don't want to bother her... but I really need to finish the inserts, take them to the printer, and assemble them. At this point I think I'm going to have to attempt to do them myself from scratch. At first I was worried something was wrong w/ the baby but her husband posted a picture on FB last night so he's OK, so that's good at least.

And, just all the other little parts that need to come together now. We haven't done/bought anything for the ceremony, other than our rings, and I have lots of little things to buy/arrange for the reception. And... well, now's the time the money starts to be due, which means my bank account is getting drained.

I just wish I had the budget to hire somebody to help me :-P

My mantra the whole time was that nobody was publishing my wedding pics, and the little details didn't matter. If you're in a pinch (and besides assembling invites, just writing the addresses takes forever - don't do shimmer envelopes!!), Hobby Lobby came out with some nice new invites that I totally would have used.

julieanne912 · July 2015

luckya23 said:

julieanne912 said:

Maggie0829 said:

What is stressing you out?

Well the main thing right now is my invitations. My MOH volunteered to make them herself as her gift to me (trust me, I did NOT ask her to do this as there's 110 of them). She wasn't able to finish them before she had to leave the state to go adopt a baby. She gave me what she had right before she left, and said she'd finish up the inserts and email them to me so I can take them to a printer to be printed, then I can cut them myself and assemble them with all the other parts she gave me. I talked to her on Sunday (she has her baby now yay!) and she said she'd send them to me on Monday or Tuesday. Still haven't gotten anything and I don't want to bother her... but I really need to finish the inserts, take them to the printer, and assemble them. At this point I think I'm going to have to attempt to do them myself from scratch. At first I was worried something was wrong w/ the baby but her husband posted a picture on FB last night so he's OK, so that's good at least.

And, just all the other little parts that need to come together now. We haven't done/bought anything for the ceremony, other than our rings, and I have lots of little things to buy/arrange for the reception. And... well, now's the time the money starts to be due, which means my bank account is getting drained.

I just wish I had the budget to hire somebody to help me :-P

My mantra the whole time was that nobody was publishing my wedding pics, and the little details didn't matter. If you're in a pinch (and besides assembling invites, just writing the addresses takes forever - don't do shimmer envelopes!!), Hobby Lobby came out with some nice new invites that I totally would have used.

Yes thankfully I've had the envelopes for a few weeks so I'm over halfway done with the addressing! The actual invites are done too, all I literally need at this point is the inserts (which she has the Word doc for on her computer)... and even then I could do without the insert for hotel info etc as that's all on our website. Just need the RSVP postcard done.

madamerwin · July 2015

luckya23 said:

julieanne912 said:

Maggie0829 said:

What is stressing you out?

Well the main thing right now is my invitations. My MOH volunteered to make them herself as her gift to me (trust me, I did NOT ask her to do this as there's 110 of them). She wasn't able to finish them before she had to leave the state to go adopt a baby. She gave me what she had right before she left, and said she'd finish up the inserts and email them to me so I can take them to a printer to be printed, then I can cut them myself and assemble them with all the other parts she gave me. I talked to her on Sunday (she has her baby now yay!) and she said she'd send them to me on Monday or Tuesday. Still haven't gotten anything and I don't want to bother her... but I really need to finish the inserts, take them to the printer, and assemble them. At this point I think I'm going to have to attempt to do them myself from scratch. At first I was worried something was wrong w/ the baby but her husband posted a picture on FB last night so he's OK, so that's good at least.

And, just all the other little parts that need to come together now. We haven't done/bought anything for the ceremony, other than our rings, and I have lots of little things to buy/arrange for the reception. And... well, now's the time the money starts to be due, which means my bank account is getting drained.

I just wish I had the budget to hire somebody to help me :-P

My mantra the whole time was that nobody was publishing my wedding pics, and the little details didn't matter. If you're in a pinch (and besides assembling invites, just writing the addresses takes forever - don't do shimmer envelopes!!), Hobby Lobby came out with some nice new invites that I totally would have used.

THIS. Nobody is going to notice the tiny details (including you!) on the big day. But I feel you - I was super stressed about all the details in the last couple of months before our wedding, and we only had about 95 people. I think it's normal to feel a little overwhelmed - you're planning a HUGE event!

We made lists of everything we still needed to do, even the small things. We tried to get at least one thing done every day, even if it was something small and stupid. It felt good to cross things off the list. You'll get through it!

Maggie0829 · July 2015

scribe95 said:

You should be able to whip up a Word information insert in like 10 minutes. I would just do it and get those puppies in the mail!

I agree. The insert doesn't have to match the rest of the invite. As long as it is formatted well, printed on nice paper, and cut straight, it will look like it belongs.

NowIamMrsKlein · July 2015

I was doing so good and chill and relaxed and then today when the counter rolled over to 59 days I had a minor panic. Something about it being under 60 days! yikes.

We're down to the nitty gritty now, things that don't really take any time to do, but just need to get done that we keep putting off. Ex. A sign for one set of doors to tell people to enter in the second set. really, no big deal, but that's what I am worrying about. (because heaven forbid someone opens the wrong door.....)

FI and I sat down the other day and listed every little possible minute detail that we could think that needed to be done. Then we entered them into our phones under reminders and set dates for when each should be done. Seeing the little red notification on my phone annoys the crap out of me so I am more likely to get the days task done to clear the notification. And it is really helpful to see everything laid out, and checked off. Makes me feel less panicky and more in control.

loveislouder · July 2015

I'm going to be 100% honest and tell you that I definitely felt that way about 60 days out... and I doubt I was alone. It just hit me all at once - holy fuck, the wedding is in 2 months. Holy fuck, I have 50 bazillion things to do. Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuckkkkk.

It all works out in the end. Everything that needs to get done will, and if it doesn't, it wasn't that important to begin with.

Hugs.

pinkcow13 · July 2015

Like others said, you can type up a word insert. I got some nice card stock from a craft store, and typed up the inserts, took me all of 10 minutes.

Do not stress the little things. We got our wedding bands less than a week before the wedding (H got his on Amazon). And that was a pretty major thing for us to leave till last minute.

People will not notice the little details. Take things in stride. You have 2 months to go, that is plenty of time. At the end of the day you need to focus on the big picture. You're marrying your best friend. As long as you are properly hosting your guests, that is what matters.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

Anybody else regret having a big wedding, when it's too late to back out? I'm 59 days out and I'm starting to get pretty stressed out. I'm now wishing we had just eloped or done something really small with our families...

Oh and hi, haven't been here in awhile.

Magic? j/k

About your inserts....who cares if they don't match? It's just an insert. Ours didn't match perfectly. I found the closest cardstock I could (at Staples) and printed them on my home computer. The whole shebang took like 2 hours and we invited 220 people to our wedding (can't remember the exact number of invites, something like 150).

Go to some stationary store and pick out 3x5 or 4x6 cardstock in your invite color (or a contrasting color would be kind of cool). Write up your info in Word. Google how to to adjust your print settings to jive with the small size of the cardstock. Click print.

You could probably finish these up tonight.

paperpusher · July 2015

Right there with you sister. I wanted to get eloped in the first place, but knew MIL would have a meltdown if we did that. She was the cause of ALL my stress. Kept changing my decisions behind my back or making them right out before I said "no, we are doing this". H didn't realize all of the stuff that was happening until one day I said I was done and that he could take over from there. I actually look back on my wedding and use it as a tool to show others what to avoid. Except for the food, the food was the best part and we are still getting rave reviews on it.

Just breathe. Things will get done. You won't notice the little things when it comes time.

princessleia22 · July 2015

Like others said, nobody cares about the little details. You could spend a ton of time on details and you will likely be the only person that notices. I had all sorts of plans for things to do for my wedding. Honestly, the most complements I received were for the things I threw out my elaborate plans and decided to go with something simple.

As far as the invites, could she send you the word file she has and just let you finish them? If she has it far enough that you just need to add some text to the insert, that may be something you can do easily and it takes that load off of her. And that way you don't need to start from scratch and figure out the formatting or font she used to match the invites.

mrsdee15 · July 2015

I absolutely felt like that at 60 days out, and to me the invitations were the worst part of the entire process, so I totally get what you're saying. Like PPs said, just make the inserts yourself, then you can finish up and not think about it anymore.

I went through a "I can't wedding right now" phase from about 60 days to, oh, yesterday, and now I'm trying to catch up with the stuff I should have been doing before. It sucks. You've got plenty of time, just keep pushing onward. Don't worry about the little things, that'll all come together in time.

Off topic, but congratulations to your friend on her baby! That's wonderful.

julieanne912 · July 2015

Thanks everybody, I knew I could count on y'all to help me relax a bit

I have the cardstock already, and all the tools to cut the paper (she left them for me when I went to go water her plants), and she's got the templates on her computer all ready to go, it's a matter of her getting on her computer and emailing them to me, so that's why I hate the thought of having to start all over again when the work is done, I just don't have it. I'll try calling her again this evening after work. She did say that a home printer can't print on this cardstock, she tried before and the paper kept getting stuck, so that's why I'll need to go to a printer to have them do it.

Maybe I'll just up my alcohol consumption for the next 2 months...

redheadbride15 · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

Thanks everybody, I knew I could count on y'all to help me relax a bit

I have the cardstock already, and all the tools to cut the paper (she left them for me when I went to go water her plants), and she's got the templates on her computer all ready to go, it's a matter of her getting on her computer and emailing them to me, so that's why I hate the thought of having to start all over again when the work is done, I just don't have it. I'll try calling her again this evening after work. She did say that a home printer can't print on this cardstock, she tried before and the paper kept getting stuck, so that's why I'll need to go to a printer to have them do it.

Maybe I'll just up my alcohol consumption for the next 2 months...

This. It's amazing how much easier addressing invitations is with a nice glass of chilled white wine in your hand.

jenna8984 · July 2015

Well I actually DID freak out and cancel mine 63 days beforehand. We woke up and said this isn't what we really want and we're not even looking forward to it, so why spend all the money on it?

Our venue would refund our deposit until 60 days before so we got that back, our DJ didn't refund our deposit but it was only $100, and the rest like florist and photographer we still used. Instead we cut it to just immediate family and 3 friends each (total of 21) and had it at a restaurant. Just the deposit from the original venue covered the entire new one. It was absolutely perfect for us and I don't regret it for a second.

disclosure- I had to make the tough call to go against etiquette and "uninvite" all the people who received a save the date. I was embarrassed and felt like a jackass but everyone was understanding and encouraging. I wish we had just planned it that small from the beginning but obviously what's done is done.

p.s. you will be fine, you'll get it all done, and yay for your friend!

emmaaa · July 2015

You will be okay! Just breath.

Like the PPs have said, don't sweat the small stuff. No one will notice those tiny details you think you will miss. I had to tell myself the day before the wedding (which was two days after Christmas) that if it is done now and I don't have it now, then it's not important and it's not getting done.

novella1186 · July 2015

redheadbride15 said:

julieanne912 said:

Thanks everybody, I knew I could count on y'all to help me relax a bit

I have the cardstock already, and all the tools to cut the paper (she left them for me when I went to go water her plants), and she's got the templates on her computer all ready to go, it's a matter of her getting on her computer and emailing them to me, so that's why I hate the thought of having to start all over again when the work is done, I just don't have it. I'll try calling her again this evening after work. She did say that a home printer can't print on this cardstock, she tried before and the paper kept getting stuck, so that's why I'll need to go to a printer to have them do it.

Maybe I'll just up my alcohol consumption for the next 2 months...

This. It's amazing how much easier addressing invitations is with a nice glass of chilled white wine in your hand.

I greatly increased my vodka consumption leading up to my wedding. It makes writing a billion thank-you notes more fun too.

I'm with PP who said they panicked at the 60 day mark. There were definitely days where I wondered why I was even doing this at all. I kept thinking it all would have been so much better if H and I had just eloped, or had done something with maybe 20 people instead of 110.

But somehow everything got done, the wedding day was amazing, several details didn't pan out but I didn't even notice and neither did anyone else.

It will be ok!

julieanne912 · July 2015

I finished addressing the envelopes last night (only with beer instead of wine since we were having cheeseburgers for dinner!), and sat down and made a new template for the RSVP cards. My version isn't as cute as the one she made but oh well, at least the font matches the invite haha! Just need to do some test printing on cheap paper to make sure the size is OK then off to a printer!

Also made some more lists...somehow making lists helps.

redheadbride15 · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

I finished addressing the envelopes last night (only with beer instead of wine since we were having cheeseburgers for dinner!), and sat down and made a new template for the RSVP cards. My version isn't as cute as the one she made but oh well, at least the font matches the invite haha! Just need to do some test printing on cheap paper to make sure the size is OK then off to a printer!

Also made some more lists...somehow making lists helps.

I like lists. Be sure you put something on it that you've already done and then cross it off - it'll make you feel GREAT!

Good luck. I'll reiterate what everyone said already - don't sweat the small details because they really, really won't matter.

julieanne912 · July 2015

MOH just called, turns out she hasn't had phone or email service out where they are in the middle of nowhere Indiana. Baby is doing GREAT and they get to start the drive home today, so yay!

And, she's emailing me the templates once they are parked for the night tonight

luckya23 · July 2015

scribe95 said:

I live in Indiana. It's not backwoods or anything. No phone and Internet? Not buying it.

I stayed in a hotel on Monday night in the Boston suburbs that had neither!

julieanne912 · July 2015

scribe95 said:

I live in Indiana. It's not backwoods or anything. No phone and Internet? Not buying it.

I guess she was out near Goshen? She said they would drive through town in the middle of the day and there'd be groups of people drinking 40s on their porches, and there were also a lot of Amish people. Even if she had some phone service, she is a brand new mom so I don't exactly blame her for not checking her phone for a few days.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · July 2015

I'm getting married in October. We've invited 436 people. It started at 375 and kept growing and I am getting VERY anxious about the size of it.

julieanne912 · July 2015

hicoco said:

I'm getting married in October. We've invited 436 people. It started at 375 and kept growing and I am getting VERY anxious about the size of it.

Holy shit that's a lot of people. I hope you have a wedding planner to help you?

[Deleted User] · July 2015

hicoco said:

I'm getting married in October. We've invited 436 people. It started at 375 and kept growing and I am getting VERY anxious about the size of it.

I don't think I know that many people. I definitely know that I don't Like that many people. That's crazy! Good luck!

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

hicoco said:

I'm getting married in October. We've invited 436 people. It started at 375 and kept growing and I am getting VERY anxious about the size of it.

Holy shit that's a lot of people. I hope you have a wedding planner to help you?

@adk19, I know..by the time we get married we will have been engaged for 18 months and I've planned everything myself (with the help of my mom and my bff) so it wasn't really that bad, I am just worried about not getting to see everyone, talk to everyone, etc. We are doing a receiving line but I am hoping to not be stuck in it for 4 hours! My dad is one of 7, and I have 19 1st cousins and it just goes from there. My dad also had a lot of professional contacts he wanted to invite and FI and I have realized we just seem to have a lot of friends, which isn't a bad thing but obviously raises numbers.

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