Wedding Etiquette Forum

My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

edited September 2018 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
The user and all related content has been deleted.
«13456

Re: My dad is unable to dance with me at our wedding how do I still include him?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I just practiced the dance style with my fiancé and his father and normally I’d be having a daughter/ father dance as well but my dad is 87 and on a walker and not steady or strong enough to dance with me so we can’t have a father daughter dance and I’m bummed. He can’t even walk me down the aisle but we took care of that already. I suggested to my future in laws as well as my groom to be that I could hug him right before I start the dance with my father in law and all three of them said that’s a good idea. I mentioned the same idea to my own mother and she didn’t like it. She yelled at me and said it would hurt my fathers feelings and that I’m not taking this very seriously. But I care about this so much! So how do I convince my mom to let me hug my dad before the official dances begin or how do I just include my dad in these first dances if he can’t dance?  Thank you for your help. 
    Well, I could see why this could be really hurtful to replace your dad, but this isn't up to your mother. You are never going to convince her to let you do anything, because you are a grown adult and you don't need her permission.

    Assuming you're really comfortable that this is not going to hurt your dad, you say "Mom, this is what we've decided to do. The topic is no longer open for discussion." Then when she brings it up again, change the subject. If she keeps going, you end the conversation. "Mom, I've told you this is not up for discussion. It's been nice chatting, but I'm going to hang up now." 
    charlotte989875
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My mom and I don’t talk by phone about this particular situation I live with her so I can’t hanf up on her sorry 
    So you walk out of the room. It's not that hard.

    Why are you required to have parent dances? 
    ShesSoColdei34ahoywedding
  • I agree with others; something about it feels off to have your Dad hug you then sit out while you dance with your FIL. Like just because he can’t do it, you’Re finding someone else who can. I’m not saying don’t dance with your FIL (I danced with mine later in the evening, it was not announced) just don’t substitute it for the father-daughter dance when your dad is right there. 

    Have you talked to your Dad about any of this? What does he say? You mention your Mom is upset, but what about him? I understand that he can’t dance with you, but would he want to give you a toast? How doesn’t he feel about you having your FIL stand in during the dance? 
    ahoywedding
  • Please don’t post that card as part of a reply
    The card is part of every post made by @shessocold - it doesn't relate to your post.  Many posters (me included) have a siggy that appears that the bottom of each post we make and distinguishes us quickly.  Also, the "reply" feature doesn't work on these boards so if you want to respond to some directly, you should hit the "quote" button or tag the user with the @ symbol before their username.

    ShesSoColdlevioosaInLoveInQueensei34
  • To the question you were asking, is there a reason that you haven't just asked your dad what he wants to do?

    missJeanLouiseei34ernursejahoywedding
  • I, too, agree that you shouldn't do a spotlight dance with your FIL with your Father present. I think a wheelchair dance would be great.

    However, I will disagree with PPs that parent dances aren't done frequently. I haven't been to a wedding where there was dancing and parent dances weren't done. Maybe it is a "crowd" thing, but if there is a B&G dance there are parent dances at weddings I have attended. The only exception was when the FOB was deceased, the bride didn't have a stand-in for her Dad. Her H danced with his mother while the Bride watched. The wedding we attended this weekend had spotlight dances. The bride's father is deceased. Her stepfather danced with her (he has been in her life for a long time).
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Ro041 said:
    Please don’t post that card as part of a reply
    The card is part of every post made by @shessocold - it doesn't relate to your post.  Many posters (me included) have a siggy that appears that the bottom of each post we make and distinguishes us quickly.  Also, the "reply" feature doesn't work on these boards so if you want to respond to some directly, you should hit the "quote" button or tag the user with the @ symbol before their username.
    OOOOH I was wondering what that post was referring to! LOL
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875Ro041ei34
  • @ShesSoCold - I assume it was your siggy she found offensive but it could have been @thisismynickname2 I guess.

  • I like the parent dances and it sounds like you do too so I don’t think you need to skip them. Here is what I would suggest you do to fully include your dad but not put the pressure of a dance on him. First you and H do your first dance, then when H and his mom are doing their dance you can sit and hold your dad’s hand at the edge of the dance floor. Then your mom can dance with your H and you can dance with your FIL.

    Given the number of dances this makes I would find short songs or shortened versions of songs for the parent dances. I know we found some songs that come in at 1min or under and they are perfect for this type of thing, if you have DJ they can help with this too.


    [Deleted User]ei34
  • edited September 2018
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Yes I did find the card offensive it said the S word 
    I apologize for offending you, but please know that this is in all of my posts and is not directed at you specifically. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • I would not dance with your FIL when you can't dance with your Dad. That is very hurtful. And I don't think I've ever seen in-law dances. I would find that odd. 
    MyNameIsNotei34
  • I'd say skip it...  That said, one option would be you both sitting together in chairs and "dancing" while seated...  The thing is - ask your Dad what he's comfortable with doing first because oddly enough there are people (My Father-in-law was one of them) who the part of the brain for dancing was still strong and steady long after walking was difficult and shaky (He had Parkinson's)...  One does not need to move twirling around the dance floor for the dance, and a lot really depends on what your Dad is comfortable doing.  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    ahoywedding
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • edited September 2018
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards