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Private Reception

[Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay so I am not sure if this is something we can do or not. I don't want to offend any of our guest. SO My fiance and I in order to save money have decided to forgo a reception all together and just have a wedding (45 guests) at a small chapel in our area. We were thinking about having the bridal party and parents come back to our apartment for cake after but that is it. Is it okay to have just those people come over after or would that be rude to our other guests?
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Re: Private Reception

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie1436034229 said:
    Okay so I am not sure if this is something we can do or not. I don't want to offend any of our guest. SO My fiance and I in order to save money have decided to forgo a reception all together and just have a wedding (45 guests) at a small chapel in our area. We were thinking about having the bridal party and parents come back to our apartment for cake after but that is it. Is it okay to have just those people come over after or would that be rude to our other guests?
    No, this idea is completely rude.  If you invite people to your ceremony then you must host something for ALL of them.  It can be as simple as some cake, snacks and some simple drinks such as water, soda and iced tea.

    But the most important part of all of this is that you must host EVERYONE that you invite to your ceremony.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Okay that is what I thought and told my fiance and best friend but they insisted I was wrong.
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  • SP29SP29 member
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    Yes, you need to host every guest that attends your ceremony for the reception.

    See if the chapel has a space where you could cut/serve your cake, or alternate dessert (I don't think your cake *needs* to be a wedding cake- you could have cupcakes instead, buy cake(s) from the grocery store, or pie, tarts, brownies.... as long as everyone is hosted equally) with a few beverages (water, tea, juice or lemonade/iced tea/soda).

    Or, host the above for everyone at your apartment.

    Or, cut down the guest list if you wish to host more.
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    Agree with PPs. There's definitely ways to work within whatever budget you have, and they've given you some great suggestions, but it's not ok to only host *some* guests after the ceremony. Everyone who attends the ceremony should be hosted equally afterward. 
    image
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Hosting only a portion of your guests after the ceremony is "tiered hosting" which is very rude.  Anyone who attends your ceremony must be hosted.  Your fiancé and best friend are wrong.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    AddieCake said:
    I want to help you, but there's no time. Don't you know someone used pink font over on CC, FFS?!
    What is happening?  What did I miss?
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited July 2015
    Knottie1436034229 said:
    Okay so I am not sure if this is something we can do or not. I don't want to offend any of our guest. SO My fiance and I in order to save money have decided to forgo a reception all together and just have a wedding (45 guests) at a small chapel in our area. We were thinking about having the bridal party and parents come back to our apartment for cake after but that is it. Is it okay to have just those people come over after or would that be rude to our other guests?
    No, this plan it not OK!  It is horribly rude!  Please don't do this!
    Does the chapel have a room that you can use to serve cake and punch immediately after your ceremony?  That would be ideal.  Get a sheet cake from Sam's Club or Costco, and serve it with mints, punch and coffee.  Paper plates will do.  You MUST serve your guests something!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie1436034229 said:
    Okay that is what I thought and told my fiance and best friend but they insisted I was wrong.
    The reception is when the bride and groom personally greet their guests and thank them for coming to their ceremony.  They must then offer those guests food (cake) and drink (coffee, tea and punch.)

    Here is a quote from Miss Manners' column (a.k.a. Judith Martin):

    Miss Manners is afraid that it is true that people once invited guests to a wedding ceremonyimage only, enclosing reception cards for the people with whom they wished to celebrate as well. She does not believe that the fact of this being an old-fashioned custom cancels out its rudeness.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    SP29 said:
    Yes, you need to host every guest that attends your ceremony for the reception.

    See if the chapel has a space where you could cut/serve your cake, or alternate dessert (I don't think your cake *needs* to be a wedding cake- you could have cupcakes instead, buy cake(s) from the grocery store, or pie, tarts, brownies.... as long as everyone is hosted equally) with a few beverages (water, tea, juice or lemonade/iced tea/soda).

    Or, host the above for everyone at your apartment.

    Or, cut down the guest list if you wish to host more.

    This is a great suggestion
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