not buying off the registry

dalm0m · July 2015

DH & I were recently invited to a Jack & Jill shower. Yesterday I went to the stores to buy a gift. On both registries the coupled had registered for about 20 items, including cheap things like measuring spoons. Regardless, everything was "fulfilled" (already purchased for them.

They have lived together for a while but it was kind of catch as catch can arrangement.

I know they both love to cook so I went off the reservation & bought them some Corningware. . .just plain white, a few pieces with lids.

I hate gift cards. I didn't want to give $$.

Am I awful for getting creative?

banana468 · July 2015

You're not awful but I'd include a gift receipt. I like to cook and the next piece of Corningware I get is going on Ebay. I just have tooooooooooo much.

julieanne912 · July 2015

Agreed w/ banana468, I know I already have what I need in the Corningware department, so I didn't register for it.

My guess is this couple had a skimpy registry because they want people to give them cash (I mean they ARE having a Jack and Jill after all). So as long as they can return your gift if they want, you're fine.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

dalm0m said:

DH & I were recently invited to a Jack & Jill shower. Yesterday I went to the stores to buy a gift. On both registries the coupled had registered for about 20 items, including cheap things like measuring spoons. Regardless, everything was "fulfilled" (already purchased for them.

They have lived together for a while but it was kind of catch as catch can arrangement.

I know they both love to cook so I went off the reservation & bought them some Corningware. . .just plain white, a few pieces with lids.

I hate gift cards. I didn't want to give $$.

Am I awful for getting creative?

Not at all awful. I probably would have gone with board games or something else for hosting. But if you know they like cooking, a cooking item is probably a good bet. If I knew that about my friends, I'd have gotten a molchajete or something else obscure.

[Deleted User] · July 2015

julieanne912 said:

Agreed w/ banana468, I know I already have what I need in the Corningware department, so I didn't register for it.

My guess is this couple had a skimpy registry because they want people to give them cash (I mean they ARE having a Jack and Jill after all). So as long as they can return your gift if they want, you're fine.

Sometimes a "Jack and Jill" is another name for a coed shower. Sometimes it's a fundraiser for a wedding. I understood this situation as the former.

julieanne912 · July 2015

adk19 said:

julieanne912 said:

Agreed w/ banana468, I know I already have what I need in the Corningware department, so I didn't register for it.

My guess is this couple had a skimpy registry because they want people to give them cash (I mean they ARE having a Jack and Jill after all). So as long as they can return your gift if they want, you're fine.

Sometimes a "Jack and Jill" is another name for a coed shower. Sometimes it's a fundraiser for a wedding. I understood this situation as the former.

I sure hope so because otherwise, ugh.

lyndausvi · July 2015

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)

measuring cups

measuring spoons

cookie sheet

spatulas

spoon

Chocolate chips

flour

sugar

brown sugar

vanilla

recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels

milk glasses

container to keep the cookies iin

pot holders

rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

ei34 · July 2015

"Awful" isn't a word to use when giving someone a gift! If going off registry, definitely include a gift receipt, since often times when a couple has a small registry, they don't need material items / would prefer a cash gift.

Jen4948 · July 2015

No, you're definitely not awful for wanting to give a gift! But as the PPs above me suggest, include a gift receipt just in case.

aurianna · July 2015

eileenrob said:

"Awful" isn't a word to use when giving someone a gift! If going off registry, definitely include a gift receipt, since often times when a couple has a small registry, they don't need material items / would prefer a cash gift.

Everyone is saying this... but it's a shower. A shower is for physical gifts. If they want money they shouldn't be having a shower.

So I'm not saying don't give them the gift receipt... but man... The petty part of me is annoyed about needing to.

Assuming I couldn't think of a great off-registery item by myself, the first thing I would do in this situation is contact someone in the couple, mention the registries are empty, and ask them if they are registered anywhere else. They might let you know about another registry or go back and add more to the existing. If not, I'd ask them what kind of things they'd like.
Then they might give ideas of the type of things they might like which would give you more ideas when shopping.

And if they say "oh we don't need anything else; we're saving for our honeymoon," then I'd be annoyed but ask "oh, where do you want to go?" and then I'd buy then a tour guide book or a water-proof camera or whatever other honeymoon themed thing would work.

If they say "Oh, we don't need anything else, we're saving for a house," then I'd get them... I dunno. A welcome mat? A bird house? A Lowe's gift card? I don't know. I'd be annoyed at that point.

If they say "we want money," I'd buy them a big metal chicken.

STARMOON44 · July 2015

aurianna said:

eileenrob said:

"Awful" isn't a word to use when giving someone a gift! If going off registry, definitely include a gift receipt, since often times when a couple has a small registry, they don't need material items / would prefer a cash gift.

Everyone is saying this... but it's a shower. A shower is for physical gifts. If they want money they shouldn't be having a shower.

So I'm not saying don't give them the gift receipt... but man... The petty part of me is annoyed about needing to.

Assuming I couldn't think of a great off-registery item by myself, the first thing I would do in this situation is contact someone in the couple, mention the registries are empty, and ask them if they are registered anywhere else. They might let you know about another registry or go back and add more to the existing. If not, I'd ask them what kind of things they'd like.
Then they might give ideas of the type of things they might like which would give you more ideas when shopping.

And if they say "oh we don't need anything else; we're saving for our honeymoon," then I'd be annoyed but ask "oh, where do you want to go?" and then I'd buy then a tour guide book or a water-proof camera or whatever other honeymoon themed thing would work.

If they say "Oh, we don't need anything else, we're saving for a house," then I'd get them... I dunno. A welcome mat? A bird house? A Lowe's gift card? I don't know. I'd be annoyed at that point.

If they say "we want money," I'd buy them a big metal chicken.

See, I'd find all that asking rude. You're forcing them to abandon a polite course (small registry) for an explicitly rude one (pushing until they declare they want cash). I'd skip all of that and just buy them a gift I think they will like, and include a gift receipt not because I'm assuming they'll cash it in, but just in case they don't need what I gave.

aurianna · July 2015

STARMOON44 said:

See, I'd find all that asking rude. You're forcing them to abandon a polite course (small registry) for an explicitly rude one (pushing until they declare they want cash). I'd skip all of that and just buy them a gift I think they will like, and include a gift receipt not because I'm assuming they'll cash it in, but just in case they don't need what I gave.

But if we're talking about shower gifts then they can't just want cash. If that's the goal, they are being very rude in having a shower and inviting more people than the registry can support and then not being open to other boxed gifts.

I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not just money grubbing and that they just didn't realize how generous their guests were going to be. Asking someone what they might like as a present is never rude is it?

STARMOON44 · July 2015

aurianna said:

STARMOON44 said:

aurianna said:
See, I'd find all that asking rude. You're forcing them to abandon a polite course (small registry) for an explicitly rude one (pushing until they declare they want cash). I'd skip all of that and just buy them a gift I think they will like, and include a gift receipt not because I'm assuming they'll cash it in, but just in case they don't need what I gave.

But if we're talking about shower gifts then they can't just want cash. If that's the goal, they are being very rude in having a shower and inviting more people than the registry can support and then not being open to other boxed gifts.

I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not just money grubbing and that they just didn't realize how generous their guests were going to be. Asking someone what they might like as a present is never rude is it?

Saying "ohh is there anything is particular you'd like?" is fine by me. But not follow up probing questions. They need to gratefully accept boxed gifts but I don't think they have to tell you what exactly they want. Just like how it's not rude to have a shower with no registry and just be thankful for whatever people give (annoying as all hell but not rude).

aurianna · July 2015

Asking someone where they want to go on their honeymoon is a probing question?

STARMOON44 · July 2015

aurianna said:
Asking someone where they want to go on their honeymoon is a probing question?

Yeah, in the context of them first saying they don't need anything, then that they're saving for a honeymoon, in a conversation that you're getting increasingly annoyed at. I find that inappropriate and I'd be put off by it as the one being asked the questions. It's not much of a gift to me if I have to play 20 questions with you first.

aurianna · July 2015

STARMOON44 said:

Asking someone where they want to go on their honeymoon is a probing question?
Yeah, in the context of them first saying they don't need anything, then that they're saving for a honeymoon, in a conversation that you're getting increasingly annoyed at. I find that inappropriate and I'd be put off by it as the one being asked the questions. It's not much of a gift to me if I have to play 20 questions with you first.

Person 1: I noticed your registry is empty. Is there any other type of thing you'd like at your shower?
Person 2: Oh no not really. We're saving for our honeymoon. (ignore the fact that that's sort of an inappropriate answer when we're talking about a shower)
Person 1: Oh how fun! Where are you hoping to go?

Sorry... doesn't strike me as rude. If you're close enough to this person to be invited to a shower, I think you should be allowed to ask them that and not have to go off and ask a third party. (ETA: Especially if Person 1 might have a great idea how to actually give them something on/for their honeymoon, like offer to pay for their hotel or something)

But as this is a totally hypothetical situation (and the only one I suggested a followup question to), it's really silly to keep debating.

SP29 · July 2015

@dalm0m It is always OK to buy off the registry, even if they had a large one. A registry is a suggestion about things the B&G know they will need/use and to give the giver an idea for patterns and colours, etc the B&G have in their home.

I would include the gift receipt with it, but I don't think Corningware is a bad gift. Corningware is great, as long as you don't already have too much of it

.

We had a decent sized registry at one store. We had 2 couples buy us gifts not on the registry. We loved both gifts- they are great!

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

So they're having a shower but they have 20 cheap items on their registry? This sounds like a cash grab.

I would return the corningware and give them a gift basket like @lyndausvi suggested. Edible stuff that doesnt give them the reward of returning your gift for cash.

It always rubs me the wrong way when people try to have a cash shower without really saying they're having a cash shower. I guarantee they're going into this with the intention of returning gifts for the cash they really want. IMO, it's a rude waste of everyone's time.

sassercake12 · July 2015

lyndausvi said:

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)
measuring cups
measuring spoons
cookie sheet
spatulas
spoon
Chocolate chips
flour
sugar
brown sugar
vanilla
recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels
milk glasses
container to keep the cookies iin
pot holders
rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

Someone did this at my shower, except with her molasses cookie recipe, and I loved it! Those cookies are the bomb, and I'm so excited to make them now.

I also like "experience" gifts, if you know the couple well enough to know what they like to do together. Maybe get them something related to a hobby, like concert tickets to a band they love or tickets to a sports game, something like that.

lyndausvi · July 2015

sassercake12 said:

lyndausvi said:

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)
measuring cups
measuring spoons
cookie sheet
spatulas
spoon
Chocolate chips
flour
sugar
brown sugar
vanilla
recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels
milk glasses
container to keep the cookies iin
pot holders
rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

Someone did this at my shower, except with her molasses cookie recipe, and I loved it! Those cookies are the bomb, and I'm so excited to make them now.

I also like "experience" gifts, if you know the couple well enough to know what they like to do together. Maybe get them something related to a hobby, like concert tickets to a band they love or tickets to a sports game, something like that.

That is so cool. It's always been a hit when I've given that as a gift.

There is so much to do. Apple pie, cherry pie. Molasses cookies. Muffins.

I do not think one can have too many things like mixing, spatulas, spoons or measuring cups, etc. Cooking one holiday meal will prove that stuff comes in handy.

banana468 · July 2015

lyndausvi said:

sassercake12 said:

lyndausvi said:

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)
measuring cups
measuring spoons
cookie sheet
spatulas
spoon
Chocolate chips
flour
sugar
brown sugar
vanilla
recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels
milk glasses
container to keep the cookies iin
pot holders
rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

Someone did this at my shower, except with her molasses cookie recipe, and I loved it! Those cookies are the bomb, and I'm so excited to make them now.

I also like "experience" gifts, if you know the couple well enough to know what they like to do together. Maybe get them something related to a hobby, like concert tickets to a band they love or tickets to a sports game, something like that.

That is so cool. It's always been a hit when I've given that as a gift.

There is so much to do. Apple pie, cherry pie. Molasses cookies. Muffins.

I do not think one can have too many things like mixing, spatulas, spoons or measuring cups, etc. Cooking one holiday meal will prove that stuff comes in handy.

But you can have too many cutting boards. We have over 30. We used one as a TV stand!

lyndausvi · July 2015

banana468 said:

lyndausvi said:

sassercake12 said:

lyndausvi said:

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)
measuring cups
measuring spoons
cookie sheet
spatulas
spoon
Chocolate chips
flour
sugar
brown sugar
vanilla
recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels
milk glasses
container to keep the cookies iin
pot holders
rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

Someone did this at my shower, except with her molasses cookie recipe, and I loved it! Those cookies are the bomb, and I'm so excited to make them now.

I also like "experience" gifts, if you know the couple well enough to know what they like to do together. Maybe get them something related to a hobby, like concert tickets to a band they love or tickets to a sports game, something like that.

That is so cool. It's always been a hit when I've given that as a gift.

There is so much to do. Apple pie, cherry pie. Molasses cookies. Muffins.

I do not think one can have too many things like mixing, spatulas, spoons or measuring cups, etc. Cooking one holiday meal will prove that stuff comes in handy.

But you can have too many cutting boards. We have over 30. We used one as a TV stand!

LOL - we have about 7. Use most of them at point or another.

sassercake12 · July 2015

banana468 said:

lyndausvi said:

sassercake12 said:

lyndausvi said:

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)
measuring cups
measuring spoons
cookie sheet
spatulas
spoon
Chocolate chips
flour
sugar
brown sugar
vanilla
recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels
milk glasses
container to keep the cookies iin
pot holders
rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

Someone did this at my shower, except with her molasses cookie recipe, and I loved it! Those cookies are the bomb, and I'm so excited to make them now.

I also like "experience" gifts, if you know the couple well enough to know what they like to do together. Maybe get them something related to a hobby, like concert tickets to a band they love or tickets to a sports game, something like that.

That is so cool. It's always been a hit when I've given that as a gift.

There is so much to do. Apple pie, cherry pie. Molasses cookies. Muffins.

I do not think one can have too many things like mixing, spatulas, spoons or measuring cups, etc. Cooking one holiday meal will prove that stuff comes in handy.

But you can have too many cutting boards. We have over 30. We used one as a TV stand!

I want to hear the story behind this!

fyrchk · July 2015

I know for my friend's shower everyone was annoyed because her mother went in and purchased everything she had registered for leaving the rest of us with nothing. When it came time for the shower she got a lot of things that were doubles. I think some people were like, "you can never have too many towels!" I got her a gift card to the place where she was registered and a basket that I made for a "movie night." Popcorn, root beer, boxes of candy, and a movie.

I know from speaking to her after (we are good friends and she wanted to vent) she was PISSED at her mother for putting her friends in that situation. But, I think mom was just super-stoked to buy gifts.

I always include the gift receipt because there are people (like my own mother) who don't take stuff off the registry when they buy it.

lovesclimbing · July 2015

sassercake12 said:

lyndausvi said:

One creative thing I use to give was a Chocolate Chip cookie basket.

I put in :

Mixing bowl(s)
measuring cups
measuring spoons
cookie sheet
spatulas
spoon
Chocolate chips
flour
sugar
brown sugar
vanilla
recipe on making the cookies on a nice card

Sometimes I add

tea towels
milk glasses
container to keep the cookies iin
pot holders
rack to cool the cookies

It's always been a hit.

I feel that having 2 sets of cookies sets and measuring spoons is actually helpful. Not really a need, but sure comes in handy when a recipes calls things needed the same measurements.

Someone did this at my shower, except with her molasses cookie recipe, and I loved it! Those cookies are the bomb, and I'm so excited to make them now.

I also like "experience" gifts, if you know the couple well enough to know what they like to do together. Maybe get them something related to a hobby, like concert tickets to a band they love or tickets to a sports game, something like that.

One of our favorite gifts was something almost exactly like this. They sent us a box with everything for sundaes except the ice cream - set of cute sundae dishes, ice cream scoop, bottle of sprinkles, bottle of cherries, caramel and chocolate syrup, nuts. It was awesome! And of course we still use the dishes and scoop.

ohannabelle · July 2015

My feeling is that a registry is more of a suggestion list than a shopping list.

I'm old school- if I'm close enough of a friend to be invited to a wedding and a shower, I should be a close enough friend to choose a gift that I think they'd like.

No gift is "awful." Even the weirdest gift in the world is a gift, which is anything that says "I was thinking of you and made an effort."

I wouldn't assume that that the registry was deliberately small as a cash grab. Not everyone is greedy. Some people put only what they actually need on, and really don't care that much about the particulars, and don't care that deeply about registering, or give it a lot of thought.

Other people think of the registry as an indicator of what sort of colors and styles they're partial to, and trust their friends to choose a gift. Some people really genuinely don't give a rat's ass about which gifts, and are happy with whatever.

If anybody is pissy or ungrateful because I gave them something that wasn't on their demand list, I'm not the person who should feel bad. Anyone who complains about a gift is an asshole.

JBee85 · July 2015

I had one box of wine glasses (4) listed on the registry. Someone had bought it, but others didn't see.. I ended up with 6 boxes of wine glasses from various place, and no place to really store them. Two of them came from Costco... And since I was not a Costco member, I couldn't really return it or buy something else from the store!

Please try your best to follow the registry because if a couple gets the same thing from another guest, it becomes difficult to return it for something else they might need.

ohannabelle · July 2015

JBee85 said:

I had one box of wine glasses (4) listed on the registry. Someone had bought it, but others didn't see.. I ended up with 6 boxes of wine glasses from various place, and no place to really store them. Two of them came from Costco... And since I was not a Costco member, I couldn't really return it or buy something else from the store!

Please try your best to follow the registry because if a couple gets the same thing from another guest, it becomes difficult to return it for something else they might need.

(Gasp!) What kind of God would allow this?

Seriously? No. This is not a problem. This is like a huge non problem. Wine glasses are always a thoughtful gift, because they break easily, and need to be replaced.

If my daughter said any of the above, I would judge her, read her beads, and remind her that the only kind and gracious response is to be grateful that someone gave her a gift. Whining because a gift isn't exactly what you asked for is unacceptable behavior for a five year old. In an adult, it's just kind of sad.

Isn't it great that you have friends that took the time to give you a gift? Any gift? Yep. End of story.

JoanE2012 · July 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

So they're having a shower but they have 20 cheap items on their registry? This sounds like a cash grab. I would return the corningware and give them a gift basket like @lyndausvi suggested. Edible stuff that doesnt give them the reward of returning your gift for cash. It always rubs me the wrong way when people try to have a cash shower without really saying they're having a cash shower. I guarantee they're going into this with the intention of returning gifts for the cash they really want. IMO, it's a rude waste of everyone's time.

This. If you're having a shower, have enough items on the registry. The whole point of a shower if to give physical gifts, not cash.

If I was in the OPs shoes, I'd stick with the corningware (or whatever else that was "nice") but I wouldn't give a gift receipt. Too bad so sad - not my problem you didn't take the time to put enough items on your registry.

huskypuppy14 · July 2015

A gift receipt is never required. Yes, if I have one I'll give it, but I buy a lot if gifts on Amazon, where it can be hard to return if you were not the purchaser.

A pizza stone is a good gift.

JBee85 · July 2015

ohannabelle said:

JBee85 said:

I had one box of wine glasses (4) listed on the registry. Someone had bought it, but others didn't see.. I ended up with 6 boxes of wine glasses from various place, and no place to really store them. Two of them came from Costco... And since I was not a Costco member, I couldn't really return it or buy something else from the store!

Please try your best to follow the registry because if a couple gets the same thing from another guest, it becomes difficult to return it for something else they might need.

(Gasp!) What kind of God would allow this?

Seriously? No. This is not a problem. This is like a huge non problem. Wine glasses are always a thoughtful gift, because they break easily, and need to be replaced.

If my daughter said any of the above, I would judge her, read her beads, and remind her that the only kind and gracious response is to be grateful that someone gave her a gift. <b>Whining because a gift isn't exactly what you asked for is unacceptable behavior for a five year old. </b> In an adult, it's just kind of sad.

Isn't it great that you have friends that took the time to give you a gift? Any gift? Yep. End of story.

Honestly I am not surprised by this response. That wasn't what I said. At all. I did get what I asked, but I was not prepared for over six guests to get me the same thing, especially if it is something that

A. I have limited storage for (true, glass break and I can replace them)

B. Can't return for store credit to get something that was on the registry.

Something else to think about: what do you do when you find one of your gifts broken? I had two wedding gifts that were shipped broken to me and I was able to replace them with the company because they were within my registry. If they weren't and I didn't have a gift registry... It kinda sucks

not buying off the registry

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