Fair warning: this is a long-winded post.. I'm kind of freaking out. I've only got a matter of days to make this right, and I don't know how.
So, my fiance and I got engaged last August, and we've decided to put the wedding off until December of next year. We're just starting to get into planning this whole thing, and we figured a good place to start was looking at venues.
Some backstory: he and I are both college students, so my mother has told me time and time again not to worry about the expenses for the wedding. I took this to mean that if he and I were reasonable about incurred expenses, my parents would cover what needed to be covered.
But, my mom did tell me that she'd love for us to consider my aunt's property in Northern California -- it's hours from the nearest airport, and everyone (everyone) would have to stay in a hotel, rent a car, take several days off of work -- not to mention it's in California, which would make the whole thing just heinously expensive. But most importantly, a big consideration for me is having the people there that I actually want to celebrate with, and if we have it in California, at least half of our friends would not have the wherewithal to attend.
So, with this in mind, we started looking for venues in and around the Portland area. We live relatively close, and we love, love, LOVE Portland. We found a wonderful venue that's reasonably priced, and even my fiance got excited about it (which was surprising, because the whole planning process has been pretty daunting for him). They even were going to give us a discount if we put the deposit down within the first couple weeks after our tour!
Excitedly, I called my mom to ask if she'd be able to help us put the deposit down on the venue to lock in the lower rate, but when I did...
She told me that my aunt has been "on the wire" for us to have the wedding at her property, and has been thinking this whole time that we would be having the wedding there. I tried to explain my viewpoint on the whole thing, but she went on to say how she has brothers and sisters out there, how they'd love to see a family wedding at my aunt's property...... **sigh**.
So, basically, I'm getting the feeling that her "contribution" to my wedding is contingent upon my bending to how she wants this wedding to go. And I've been trying to be cost-efficient: find a reasonably-priced venue, save all the money I can by doing online invitations, have friends do videography and music for the event... but we can't do a wedding at all without their help.
How do I get my mom to understand that what my fiance and I want is our wedding celebration in Portland -- not a family reunion with a wedding ceremony in California? And how do I do it in such a way that she won't be salty about it for the rest of the planning process?