Fair warning, this is pretty much just a vent so that I can get this out now and not this weekend when it would unleash hell (mostly hyperbole...). Also, if you were reading the 'pissing you off' thread, some of this was in there.
This weekend I'm driving up to my venue to do my food and cake tasting. FMIL is also coming. This was all well and good up until about a week or so ago when FI called his mom. All he did was mention that I was out looking at dresses with my BMs and she (apparently, as I was obviously not part of the conversation) went off on him, still complaining that the sides were uneven (we're inviting in circles, and I have a bigger family than he does), said that she found out that his brother's senior prom falls on our wedding day, and that (and this is the part that has me seething) he, "needs to grow a pair and stand up to," me. I think she's she really just upset that he's actually standing up to her, but whatever. It's not like I'm brow beating FI into anything, we talk about everything and make decisions together, she just doesn't like them.
Anyway, I just wanted to blow off some steam here so that I can maintain civility this weekend.
Re: Gritting my teeth...
That's exactly what it means.
Mama needs to realize that she is no longer the #1 woman in his life.
I can't tell what it is she wants? You to change the date??
ETA: My wedding also gave me a completely different opinion of my MIL. I'm trying very hard to believe that she's stupid, though, and not as passive-aggressive as she seems.
She told my mother at my wedding that nobody can tell me anything! Well, nobody asked, bee-otch!
I think this is exactly what's going on. Pretty sure she thinks I'm just squishing FI's (her) hopes and dreams.
She would like for us to change the date, double our guest list so that SHE can have as many guests as I do, she'd like for us to cancel our venue contract and lose all the money we've put towards it so that we have enough space to double our guest list, and if we won't double the guest list, she wants us to let her know when people from my side decline so that she can b-list her people. She would also like to miss the wedding to stay home with FI's brother for his prom (that she won't tell him coincides with the wedding) and that if FI insists on her being at the wedding, he has 6 grandparents that would be willing to stay home with FBIL for prom.
Make sure that when you talk about the wedding, always say FI and I decided together or FI thinks we should do this. Subtly letting her know that you both have made decisions. I'm sorry that she is being a PITA to you both. Does she really expect you to postpone your wedding for a prom?
Is FMIL still hiding the fact that the prom and your wedding are the same day to FBIL?
Ugh. I'm so sorry.
In solidarity, I'm having one of these made for you:
I don't think she's told him yet. Idk when she plans to, but FI said if she hasn't told him by this weekend, he's going to call and talk to him about it.
OMG, YES! Thank you!!
You just have to make sure you and FI are always on the same page as far as his mother's demands, and just firmly and politely tell her no when you need to, either verbally or by your actions.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
This is exactly what's going on. My mom is one of six siblings, and all of them have 2 or 3 kids, and some of them have kids now. FI only has one uncle and one cousin. He didn't understand how I couldn't just invite one or two of my aunts/unlces/cousins, until he came down to my mom's house (which was also wrong to FMIL because we hadn't made the 10 hour drive to visit them yet) with me and we had a 'get to know you' get together, and he saw that we all actuall knew each other and were close. We've told FMIL that we're keeping it to close family, and she says that doesn't hold up since I'm inviting so many family members whereas FI is only allowed (her words) 12.
Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science? You're absolutely correct, it's just so frustrating.
It may take a while for Mom to realize her kids aren't kids any longer, especially if she still has a child in high school, but eventually she'll probably start to let them go.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
The bolded tells me that her FI relayed the conversation to her after the fact. She clearly wasn't listening in on another phone. (Do people do that?)
I think we need to start a new solidarity board on TK called "My crazy-ass MIL/FMIL". It's a special place for knotties to vent about the BSC/bitchy/controlling/weird/manipulative mothers of their nearest and dearest.
So in other words... he needs to grow a pair?
The conversation was hurtful to both OP and her FI. It makes absolute sense that he would repeat it to her, as a vent. If it was disparaging solely against the OP, then yeah, he should keep it to himself, but if this is just one more thing in a long list of crap her FMIL is saying, I can totally see why he would share it with her. I would expect my husband to do the same. We're a team. We share the good AND the crappy.